by Mary Smith
Taking a deep breath, he found the courage to say, “Trade me.”
Chapter Two
Jenessa
Even though the office began to make strides into a paperless world, Jenessa’s desk still held several piles of papers, making her feel unsatisfied and stressed at the same time. Work. Her office. This building. All of it took her away from the reality that she called her life.
Her life.
Her life?
Many times since the death of her son, she questioned if it had any true meaning. Or if she should continue it at all. Thoughts of ending it floated in and out of her mind more than once in the past three years, but she never followed through with it.
“Mrs. Wooten.”
Jenessa blinked several times trying to focus unsure if she really heard her name or if her mind was playing tricks again.
“Mrs. Wooten?”
“Yes,” she finally said, seeing the red light flashing on the phone system.
“The clients are in conference room number one.”
“Thank you, Tiffany,” she said to her assistant and picked up her iPad.
She took a couple of breaths before she walked out of her office.
Jenessa wanted to be a lawyer ever since she watched Law and Order as a child. Her mother thought it was ridiculous. Then again, her mother still lived in the 1950s. She thought women should be at home, barefoot and pregnant, baking pies and cooking dinner as the men went off and conquered the world.
Jenessa never bought that story. Her desires were to change the world for good and by her hand. She never even pictured getting married or having children until she met Shade. Their chance meeting changed her entire world, future, everything. And at the same time she loved it. Shade was her partner, best friend, companion until…
Shaking away her emotions she strolled confidently into the conference room ready to take steps to change the world.
When the meeting ended, Jenessa had a fake smile on her face, something she’d done since returning to work after…
“Mrs. Wooten?”
Turning she saw Tiffany rushing to her. Which meant one thing. “Is my sister in my office?”
Tiffany nodded with a worried expression.
“I’ll take care of her.” She sighed, making her way back down the hall.
Opening the door to her office, her eyes landed on Mikayla who had her feet on the desk.
“What up, Nes?” Mikayla smiled as she greeted her sister.
“What do you want?” Jenessa didn’t want to play any games with her. She needed to get to the point and then leave.
“Lunch,” she answered, removing her feet from the desk. “Let’s go.”
Jenessa rolled her eyes. A trait she and Mikayla had in common, which might be the only one. They really didn’t look like sisters at all.
“I don’t have time.” She set her iPad down on the desk and pointed to the door. “You can go.”
“Nope.” She stood, moving in front of her. “You and I are going to lunch. Together. Right now.”
Crossing her arms, she glared at Mikayla. “And if I said no?”
Smirking, she began to walk backward toward the door, not breaking eye contact and sat on the floor directly in the path of the door.
“Then I’m planting my ass right here until you say yes.” Raising one eyebrow, she sent a silent challenge.
Jenessa growled and threw her hands up into the air. She knew she would remain there. Mikayla never backed down. “You’re the most childish adult on this planet.”
“Great.” Mikayla cheered and stood up. “I want Mexican.”
Knowing the sooner she got this over with, the sooner Mikayla would leave, and she could get back to work. Grabbing her purse, she barely acknowledged Mikayla as she stormed out of the office and toward the elevator.
The silent treatment continued until the waiter took their drink order. She felt Mikayla’s glare, but she ignored it by staring at the menu.
“You can cut the royal bitch act,” Mikayla commanded. “I know you’re just a regular bitch.”
Her words made Jenessa drop the menu. “Just tell me what you want so I can leave.”
“Fine.” She sat back, crossed her arms, and narrowed her glare. “No more bullshit. I don’t fucking care if you never talk to me, but I will not stand idly by and let you cut Shade down like he’s a dead tree and you’re a chainsaw.”
She figured this was the reason for the visit. Mikayla and Shade were closer than actual blood siblings. They’d been that way since their first meeting.
“He’s a good man,” she continued. “He has put up with all your shit without one ounce of a complaint. If it had been any other man, he would have left your ass years ago. But Shade has been right there for you.”
She couldn’t argue with her because she was right. Although, she’d never admit it.
“If you don’t want to be with him or whatever the fuck is going on with you, then you need to let him go. I told you before, you keep this up, and you’ll be alone. Forever.”
Mikayla’s firm tone made Jenessa freeze in her place. Just as it had when she said it all those weeks ago.
“I don’t think you seem to under—”
“Stop.” Mikayla held up her hand. “You’re right. I don’t understand your pain, but Shade does. All these years you two should have been leaning on each other. But you decided to hurt the man whom you love and who loves you.”
Tears were trying to creep up, but she knew how to shut them away faster than a vault door.
“Let him go, Jenessa. Because last night, you killed that man with your words deeper than any knife could. Any wife who truly loved her husband would have never ever said it.”
Without giving her a chance to defend her actions, or even try to explain, Mikayla got up from the booth, leaving Jenessa alone.
When Jenessa finally made it home after nine o’clock, Shade was sitting at the breakfast bar with several Thai takeout boxes in front of him.
“Hey,” he greeted her.
“Hey,” she replied as she dropped everything on the kitchen island and opened the fridge, grabbing a bottle of wine and pouring a large glass.
“There’s plenty of food for you too.” He pointed with his chopsticks.
Jenessa didn’t respond. She took several gulps of the red wine until the glass was emptied. Without saying anything else she walked upstairs to the master bath and went to run water in the tub but stopped when she noticed Shade standing in the doorway.
“No more stalling, Jen. We need to talk. Now.”
“Talk.” She shrugged, taking a seat at the edge of the tub. Even though he was a tough hockey player, she knew Shade never enjoyed confrontation. He avoided it at all costs.
“I want you to talk to me,” he stated.
Again, she shrugged. “I have nothing to say.”
Studying his face, she noticed his cheeks growing red and a vein in his neck popped out. All signs telling her he was mad. More than mad. Absolutely infuriated.
“Fine.” He turned and left her alone.
Her plans for a hot bath to relax were shot to hell. Instead, she went into the bedroom and laid down. Staring at the ceiling, Mikayla’s words floated through her mind. Her younger sister was always brighter than she let on. Or Jenessa gave her credit for lately. There were times Mikayla’s spontaneous—sometimes reckless—behavior was completely opposite of Jenessa, and it helped balance each other out. Jenessa has always been studious, the planner, the one who never did anything without thinking about from every single angle.
Then Shade came into her life.
The moment they introduced themselves to each other, her world was turned upside down. And she loved every single second of it. Until her world slipped off its axis. No one could understand what she was going through. No one felt the pain that consumed her. Every day she sank further and further into a black hole. She felt her baby kick. She heard his heartbeat. She was his mother. The only one meant
to protect him.
And he died because of her.
A hot tear escaped her eye, and she quickly wiped it away. She couldn’t cry anymore. It took her a long time to realize that these erratic emotions wouldn’t bring back her baby.
Her stomach grumbled, and she remembered there was food downstairs waiting for her. Even though she didn’t care about food, she knew a long night of work was ahead of her. When she walked into the kitchen, she saw that Shade had left out everything for her on the bar. She moved it all to the kitchen table. Jenessa could never master the chopsticks like Shade. She stabbed the food still in the takeout container with a fork, opened her laptop, and started working on her motion.
Deep into the research, she buried herself further in the case law, pushing away the reality settling around her. Glancing at the time on her laptop, she couldn’t believe the clock read one in the morning.
Hearing the TV still going in the den, she made her way down the hall. Stretched out on the sectional, Shade was fast asleep. Watching him silently for several seconds, she thought about Mikayla’s words again. She didn’t say anything Jenessa hadn’t thought over a hundred times in the past three years. Shade was too good for her. She knew it. He was the type of man woman only read about in books. Jaw-dropping good looks, perfectly built body, rough and tough appearance, but a true romantic and gentleman. Pulling the blanket from the back of the sectional, she covered him up and turned off the TV.
After Jenessa changed and laid down in the bed, she did the same thing she had done every night for the past few years. Hoped she’d wake up and it was a dream.
“Mrs. Wooten?”
Jenessa looked up from her laptop screen. “Yes, Tiffany.”
“Um…is there anything else you need? It’s almost seven, and my babysitter is close to leaving if I don’t get home soon.” Tiffany’s tiny voice seemed almost scared of her.
“Seven?” She twisted her wrist to see the time. She couldn’t believe it. Where had the day gone? “Yes, of course. See you tomorrow.”
“It’s Friday,” Tiffany reminded her.
“Sure. Right.” She had completely forgotten what day of the week it was. “Until Monday then.”
With a small smile, she rushed out of the office.
Leaning back, she pinched the bridge of her nose. She’d been here for twelve hours and didn’t even notice it. Dropping her hand, she took a deep breath and figured she’ll finish everything at home.
Jenessa barely remembered driving home and determined she needed more sleep. Pulling into the driveway, she turned off her car and leaned back in the seat. People shouldn’t dread going home. It should be welcoming and safe. But she hated coming here. A darkness hung over the house. A thousand times she wanted to run away and say fuck it to everything yet somehow she stayed. She stayed because of Shade.
Getting out of the car and gathering her items, Jenessa made her way into the house. Walking in, she placed everything on the kitchen island. Sounds from the den told her he was home and playing video games. A part—a large part—of her told her to go and talk to him, but she ignored that part and pulled out her laptop and work.
As she began to work, trying to ignore the sound of the loud video game in the background, she didn’t want to think about the weekend. This meant two whole days trying to avoid Shade. She knew he would start suggesting things to do. It was something he recently started doing again. Pinching the bridge of her nose, again, she quickly tried to think of diversion plans. None of the excuses she thought would work. Shade was smart and would see through her in a heartbeat. He had the ability to read her like an open book.
Finally, she couldn’t take the sounds anymore. Slapping her hands down she stood and stormed off to the den. Shade sat in the middle of the sectional, staring straight ahead, not even noticing her.
“Shade!” She stomped her foot, finally gaining his attention.
He jumped slightly. “Hey.” He paused the game. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“You wouldn’t be able to hear a hurricane,” she snapped at him.
“I didn’t know you were here,” he repeated, setting down the controller. “What time is it?”
“Time for you to grow up and stop playing silly games,” Jenessa growled, crossing her arms and glaring at him.
Shade scrubbed his face hard with his hands and then looked up at her. “Jen, I’m not in the mood to fight tonight, okay? I’ve had a long—”
“Don’t even say you had a long day.” She cut him off. “I’m the one who works. You just play hockey.” She couldn’t explain why she said such a thing, but the words just kept coming out, each hurting him more than the last.
“Jenessa, stop.” He stood up. His hard stare caused her to take a step back. Shade would never hurt her, and she knew it, but she couldn’t stop hurting him.
“No, I will not. What have you done? Worked out? Eat? Hang out with Jarvis, Dag, and Edgar? Wow, sounds like a productive day.” She spun on her heel to go back down the hall.
Shade followed her. “Stop acting like I don’t do anything around here.”
“Oh, do you?” She called over her shoulder, not looking at him.
“What do you want from me, Jenessa? What?” He raised his voice causing her to stop and face him. She didn’t answer him. “I’m trying everything to get us back to normal.”
“You don’t think I’m normal?”
He tossed his hands in the air. “Stop twisting my words, Counselor. You know what I mean.”
She did but avoided saying it. Instead, she turned on the defensive. “You know what, Shade, if you’re not happy with our normal life, then just fucking leave.”
Even though they have had so many issues the past few years, neither have left nor even said the words.
Until now.
Their eyes remained locked on each other. Jenessa’s heart raced, tears burned behind her eyes. She couldn’t take the words back. They hung in the air between them. The only sound she heard was the ringing in her ears.
“You win, Jenessa. You win,” Shade spoke first, nodding and dropping his eyes to the floor. “I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried everything, but I can’t do this anymore. I love you with every single part of my being, but I can’t do this anymore. So…you win.”
She stood frozen in the hallway as Shade moved around her. Her feet wouldn’t move. She listened as he went upstairs. She couldn’t hear what was happening, but she knew. Deep down, she knew he was packing a bag. Still standing in the same spot, his heavy feet came back down the stairs, his keys jingled, and the front door slammed shut.
Shade was gone.
Chapter Three
Shade
Waking up after a very restless night’s sleep, Shade couldn’t believe it’d been just over twelve hours since he left the house. Nothing felt right.
After stepping out of the house, he sat in his truck for fifteen minutes—or longer—hoping Jenessa would come out and get him. Tell him she didn’t want him to leave, and they’d work it out.
But that never happened.
Then he drove around, unsure of where to go or what to do. He never felt this lost. As time continued to pass, he ended up at a hotel. He couldn’t drive all night, and he didn’t want to bother any of his teammates by asking them to let him crash on their couch. When he checked in the young lady behind the counter clearly knew who he was and gave him a smile when she handed him the key card. Honestly, he didn’t care if anyone noticed him right now. Once he made it into the hotel room, he just laid on the bed.
When the sun had risen the next day he sat up, looking around. What should he do next? Obviously, he couldn’t live in a hotel room. What about all his stuff at the house? Should he get it today? Should he wait? Had she called?
Questions raced and spun faster and faster in his mind to the point they gave him a headache. Rubbing his temple, he struggled to get out of the bed and head toward the shower. He thought the hot water would clear his mind. In truth,
it didn’t help at all.
After finishing his shower, he didn’t bother to look in the mirror. He knew his five o’clock shadow was poking through his skin. Instead, he just slid into a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. Taking a seat at the small table in the room, he sighed. Shade hadn’t felt this despair since he was a child, bouncing from foster home to foster home. He hated this feeling more than anything.
Knock. Knock.
Shade didn’t even have to look through the peephole. He just opened the door, and there stood Mikayla, with Jarvis by her side, staring back at him.
“What are you doing here?”
He texted her when he arrived at the hotel to let her know where he was and if Jenessa wanted to contact him. Which he knew she wouldn’t.
“I’m here to talk.” She strolled in and Jarvis was on her heels.
“Mikayla, I love you, but today’s not the day.” He shut the door and followed her further into the room.
Turning, she gave him a small sad smile. “I know, but you’re not going to stay in a hotel, Shade. You can’t.”
“You can come stay with me,” Jarvis suggested.
Immediately, he shook his head. “No. You have Joy there and Mikayla stays over a lot. I won’t intrude on you.”
“Joy is with Jackson most of the time, and you’ve already lived with Mikayla, so you know all her issues,” Jarvis joked, causing her to roll her eyes.
Shade sat down and shook his head. “I’m not sure what to do,” he mumbled, half to himself and half to them.
Mikayla bent down in front of him. “You’re going to pack your shit, get in your truck, and go to Jarvis’s place. We’ll grab breakfast on the way back and meet you there.”
He knew he could argue with her, but he’d never win. Mikayla, like Jenessa, would always win an argument.
“All right.” He gave in.
Jarvis and Mikayla left, and Shade repacked the few items he had taken out of his bag. He checked out, got into his truck, and drove downtown to Jarvis’s condo. He’d been on the approved list for many years, so he just nodded to the doorman and went up the elevator. He knew the code to get in and shut off the alarm. Shade had kept an eye on the condo when Jarvis traveled for whatever modeling job he had at the time. Going straight to the third bedroom, he dropped his bag on the bed and sat down.
