by Mary Smith
Their conversation had been light. They discussed what to eat and Jenessa used Grub Hub to have Mexican waiting for them by the time they arrived. The rest of the talk had been about hockey. She could hear his excitement about the Bears being back on top again.
Once they were in the house, Shade took off his jacket and tie and rolled up his sleeves. Not long after, the doorbell rang as Jenessa poured two glasses of water for them. Shade answered the door and brought the food over to the breakfast bar. He set everything out for them as she took a seat.
“Thanks for coming to the game,” he said.
“Thank you for the invitation.” She handed him a fork.
As they ate, Jenessa told him about the offer from Nova and Janan.
“What does it all entail?” he asked taking another mouthful of food.
“Truthfully, I have no idea. Then again, it’s not like I have offers banging down the door.” She tried to make it a joke, only to make her sound more pathetic.
“Don’t take the job if you don’t want to. You’ll find the one you want.”
Shade was always the one to be supportive of her and her career. He never forced her into a job or taking on more cases.
“It could be interesting to work for Nova and Janan. Especially working with charities. Did you know they started them?”
He nodded. “We sign a lot of merchandise for them to be auctioned off.” He closed his almost empty container and wiped his mouth with a napkin.
Jenessa stared at him for a few seconds before he looked over at her.
“Do you want me to leave?” he asked.
Certainly, he would think that because of the way she’d been treating him.
“No. Why don’t we go into the other room?”
“Okay.”
They went into the living room and sat on the couch. Jenessa tried to think of where to begin. So many emotions ran through her. Not to mention, all the revelations.
“What’s wrong, Jen?” He finally broke the silence.
“Something came to me tonight and I need to discuss it with you. Most of all, I need to apologize to you,” she started. Turning her body, she tucked her legs behind her.
“What do you mean?” He watched her carefully.
“Greer and I were talking tonight, and I realized just how big of a bitch I’ve been to you. I know you’ll never say it to me but let me get all of this out.”
Shade nodded in silence, waiting for her to continue.
“I can’t even begin to say how sorry I am for the pain I have caused us in the past three years. I can’t explain how broken I was and still am. I just wanted our baby.” She closed her eyes, trying to keep her composure.
“Jen, I, more than anyone, understand your pain. I’m just as broken. The pain is still heavy in my heart. I want nothing more than to have our son here. I’d give up everything for him to be toddling around us.”
Opening her eyes she knew by his expression, he meant it.
“Shade, I’m your mother,” She blurted out.
“What?” He scrunched his face in confusion.
Waving her hands, she tried to invisibly erase the already said statement.
“I’m mean. I’m causing you pain like your mother. I have pushed you so far out of my life and closed myself off. I don’t know if I can fix it. Or if you even want to be in my life?”
“Jen, you’re not my mother. Nor will you ever be like her. What we’re going through is a horrific tragedy. We can get through it together.”
His words touched her. However, she couldn’t allow him to continue to be in this misery.
“Shade as much as I want our future to grow together, I don’t know how to fix all of this.” Now she waved her hands around them.
Instead of replying he stood up and paced around the room. Jenessa never remembered him pacing. This was completely out of character. She remained quiet until he stopped.
“Jen, I don’t know how to fix this either. However, I know we’re not good apart. First, you’re not my mother. Yes, you caused me a lot of heartache, but you had a reason. She just up and left me one day. I was only eight years old. Second, we will have a future together as long as we both want it and fight for it. It won’t happen overnight, but it’ll happen. I know it.” He had a calm tone as he spoke.
“You left for a reason though. The pain became too much,” she said.
“I left because I thought it would make you happy again,” he clarified.
She jumped up from the couch and over to him. “You need to be happy. You deserve it.”
Shaking his head, he deeply sighed. “Why are you acting like this?”
“Like what?”
“You’re pushing me away. Again. Only this time, you’re doing it to my face.” His calm tone wavered with the anger growing on his face.
“I can’t make you happy because—”
“Enough!” he roared, causing her to take several steps back.
In the ten years they’ve been together, he never ever raised his voice. He may have been frustrated with her but never yelled at her.
“Fucking enough, Jenessa. I have loved you since the second I laid eyes on you, I knew I would marry you after our first date. You are my heart, my air, my soul. Yes, you have broken my heart. You have stomped on it. You have pushed me out of your life. But I’ll be damned if I let you do it anymore without hearing me out.”
She remained frozen as he continued in his loud tone.
“I would do anything for you. You want me to leave? I will. You want me to stay? I will because I want to be here with you. Our future will be happy. I know it. You just have to believe it too. Stop pushing me away, Jenessa. Give us a chance.”
Still standing in place, she stared at him. He had always expressed himself in the complete opposite manner. He told her to give them a chance. Every part of her was scared but wouldn’t pass on this moment.
Taking three strides, she reached up, grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down to her lips. It took Shade a couple of seconds to relax. He gripped her hips and pulled her closer to him. Opening her mouth, she welcomed his tongue into her mouth. They moaned in unison. It had been three years since they last touched each other in such an intimate way.
She didn’t know how she got to the couch on her back, but she could not care less. Shade’s body covered hers, and she felt safe. Running her fingers through his hair only made their kissing intensify. Finally, they both were forced to come up for air. They stared at each other for several seconds, breathing heavily.
“Never doubt how much I love you, or how much I want our marriage to work.” His voice cracked as tears filled his eyes.
“I don’t want to hurt you again.” Fear began to creep up in her.
“As long as you talk to me and let me help you, you’ll never hurt me.”
Jenessa couldn’t stop the sobs that seemed to come from nowhere. Shade maneuvered to put them on their sides and let her cry into his chest. Soon the crying slowed and eventually stopped, allowing her to fall asleep in his arms.
Chapter Fifteen
Shade
Blinking several times, it took Shade a second to figure out what was real and what had been a dream. He remembered carrying Jenessa up the stairs after she fell asleep in his arms on the couch.
“You’re awake.”
Turning his head, Jenessa was laying on her side facing him.
“What time do you have to be at practice?” she asked.
“It’s optional.”
“You’re not one to play hooky.” She smirked.
“Typically, no. I’m willing to make an exception today.” He mirrored her expression.
“I have errands to run today. Want to come along?”
He noticed how hopeful she sounded. He could miss one optional practice. “How about we go for a run first?”
“Perfect.” She rolled off the bed and went to the bathroom.
Shade sat up as reality set in. There were no clothes of
his to change into since he’d been living at Jarvis’s condo. Should he move back in? Did she want him to? He decided not to rush it and let it all work out on its own.
She stuck her head out of the bathroom. “Give me five minutes, then we’ll run to the condo.”
“Okay.” He wondered if she’d recently become a mind reader.
He went downstairs and found his phone. He texted Hamilton letting him know he wouldn’t be at practice. When he went to the kitchen, he poured himself a glass of orange juice. Last night replayed in his head. A roller coaster of emotions put him through a lot. He never yelled. Especially at Jenessa. Albeit, something snapped, and he lost it. He hated how she compared herself to his mother. Nothing could be further from the truth. Yes, they’d been through a lot, but it was nothing like what he experienced with his mother. Jenessa would never be cruel like her. They’d lost their son. His mother was a junkie who couldn’t handle any responsibility but to get high.
“Are you okay?”
Her beautiful voice broke into his thoughts. Lifting his head, his stunning wife stood in front of him.
“Yes, I’m good.”
“I’m ready when you are,” she announced.
He moved toward her, giving her a small kiss. Picking up his tie and coat, they walked out to his truck. When they arrived at the condo, Jenessa said she’d wait in the truck while he went up and changed. Thankfully, no one was around, so he didn’t have to avoid any questions.
Once he changed and made it back to the truck, he drove them to the park. Their conversation hadn’t been anything in-depth. She never mentioned the divorce papers or him moving back in. Therefore, he didn’t say anything.
Jenessa jumped out of the truck first after he parked it. They stretched together before starting a light jog to warm up. Then they picked up speed. He always thought she was a great runner. He loved when they would go on runs together. Even though they never said much during the time, they would still have fun.
“I’ll race you to the tree,” she said. “Loser has to buy lunch.”
Before he could say deal, she yelled, “Go.” He let her have a couple of strides on him, but his legs were much longer. Just as she was about to reach the tree, he grabbed her waist, causing her to squeal. He placed her behind him and passed the tree. Holding his arms up in victory, he bounced from foot to foot.
“You cheated,” she called him out.
“I call it adapting to completing the task. Counselor,” he joked.
She pushed on his chest as she passed him moving toward the truck.
“I’m thinking surf and turf for lunch,” he continued to tease.
“Whatever.” She playfully rolled her eyes, hopping into the truck.
“What’s next?” he questioned.
“I need to run to the store and the mall. If you want to come, I’d enjoy it.” She smiled.
“I need to shower and change.” He commented.
“Just drop me off at home and come back when you’re ready.
He pretended he wasn’t hurt by her words. He preferred going home with her, but he had no clothes or soap to take a shower because he didn’t live there anymore.
“Great.”
After dropping Jenessa off, he rushed back to the condo and hurried to get ready. He wanted to get back to her as quickly as possible. He was almost afraid she’d change her mind.
When he made it back to the house, he didn’t just walk in. He rang the bell. It took several seconds for Jenessa to answer, but when he saw her fresh face, all anxiety about her changing the plans went away.
Her smile said it all.
“Give me ten more minutes.” She rushed back up the stairs.
Shade took a seat at the breakfast bar and checked his texts and emails. When she came back down she was casually dressed in skinny jeans and a dark hoodie. Her hair was piled on top of her head in a bird’s nest.
“Want to grab food first?” she suggested.
“Yes.” He stood.
“I’ll drive.” She picked up her purse and keys as they made their way to her car.
On the way to the diner, Jenessa asked about the upcoming holiday events. He knew she’d been around enough to realize it would be becoming hectic soon. When they arrived at the diner, he was surprised to see it practically empty. Then again, it was a weekend morning. When they sat down, they both knew what they wanted and ordered it once the waitress came to their table. After she left, Jenessa began discussing the weather.
“I figured it would be snowing by now,” she commented.
“Yeah, I thought so as well,” he added.
“Maybe we take a trip to Alaska or Canada. Doesn’t skiing sound fun?”
Shade stared at her for a second. A bit taken aback about her talking of vacationing together, he simply nodded. He took her ideas as a positive sign for their future together.
“Would you like to go to the winter party with me?” He didn’t give himself much time to think it over.
Jenessa smiled. “I’d love to.”
He tried not to jump up and down. This would be their first event together since before Clay’s death. She had tried to attend after he’d beg her, but it never happened.
Their conversation moved to hockey. Over the years, Jenessa had grown to enjoy the game and was able to easily converse with him. When the food came, they ate in silence, enjoying the meal. However, he noticed Jenessa kept looking over his shoulder with a confused expression.
“What’s wrong?”
She leaned toward him and lowered her tone. “I’m used to people recognizing you and being star-struck.”
This made him roll his eyes. A habit he picked up from Jenessa and Mikayla.
“But this girl two tables back is throwing daggers at us.”
When he looked over his shoulder, his stomach dropped at the face staring back at him.
“Oh, fuck,” he groaned, putting an elbow on the table and rubbing his forehead.
“Who is she?” Jenessa inquired.
“A fucking pain in my ass,” he told her.
“Well, get ready because she’s coming over,” she warned.
Just then Cat appeared at their table, her hand on her hip, glaring at him.
“Thanks for getting me fired,” she snapped.
“I told you to leave me alone.” He sat back, crossing his arms.
Instead of answering him, she turned her attention to Jenessa. “You the wife?” She sneered.
“Yes,” Jenessa answered in a calm tone.
“Well, he’s a lousy lay.”
Shade’s world began to spin out of control. He couldn’t believe what she said. “I never—”
Jenessa’s hand came up to stop him from talking. “If you slept with my husband, what does his tattoo say?”
“What?” Cat turned up her nose.
“It’s a simple question,” Jenessa countered, still not raising her voice.
“That’s a trick question. He doesn’t have any,” Cat said proudly.
Jenessa smirked. “Yes, he does. He has my name and our son’s name over his heart. And if you did sleep with him, you wouldn’t be calling him lousy.”
Shade had always been proud to wear their names but rarely ever showed a bare chest.
“So you’re lying. Now get away from our table. If you contact my husband again, I will get a protective order for him. Then you’ll have to stay away or go to jail.”
Cat’s face paled. They stared at each other for a few more seconds before Cat turned and rushed out of the diner.
“Care to explain?” Jenessa picked up her fork.
He’d planned on telling her all about Cat. However, his focus had been on them and nothing else. Shade started from the beginning and their first encounter. He left nothing out. He told Jenessa about how uncomfortable she made him feel, going to Kian, having the conversation with Edgar there and finally Cabel telling him she’d been let go.
“Wow,” Jenessa said when he finished. “Do you want t
o do something legally?”
He shook his head. “As much as I should, I just want her to go away. My focus is on us now. I was going to tell you about her.”
“Shade, if there’s one thing I know more than anything, it’s the fact you tell me everything and truthfully.”
He relaxed after she finished. It meant a lot to him she still trusted him.
“We have to get to the mall and get some shopping done.” She smiled, changing the subject.
Shade paid the bill, even though Jenessa tried, and together, hand in hand, they walked to her vehicle and drove to the mall.
Shade never considered himself a shopper. In fact, he barely shopped at all. The reason he came along today had been just for her. He carried the bags, commented on everything she tried on and gave his opinion on the Christmas gifts she purchased for Mikayla. After the mall, they hit the grocery store. Again, he pushed the cart, bagged it all up and carried it to the car.
When they made it back to the house, Shade felt exhausted. Mainly because of his emotions. He had so much he wanted to ask and say but didn’t dare ruin the moment they were in. He put the groceries away and she put away everything else. This made it feel like old times. Something he craved again.
Putting away the last item, he went into the den and stretched out. He just needed to lay down for a second. After a few minutes, Jenessa strolled in, leaning over the sectional she grinned at him.
“You can play hockey all day and night, but a few hours shopping, and you’re wiped.”
Checking his watch, he stated, “We shopped for almost six hours.”
“Ppphhh.” She motored her lips and waved her hand. “Amateur.”
This made them both laugh.
“Come lay with me for a minute.” He hadn’t meant for the words to come out. Merely think them. However, they were out there now.
“Okay.” She came around the sectional.
Shade maneuvered onto his side as she mirrored him. Resting one hand on her cheek, she placed the other on his chest. Shade had tucked one arm behind his head and left the other at his side. Normally, he would put it on her hip, but again he didn’t want to rush anything or ruin this day.
