by Jasmine Rose
"LIAM CHRISTOPHER BLACK! PUT ME DOWN, NOW." But my pleas did nothing. I closed my eyes, and got comfortable.
Might as well get something out of it, right?
When I felt a cold breeze on my face, I opened my eyes. Liam gently set me on the ground, widely grinning. I took in our surroundings.
We were standing on the snow covered grass, outside the school. Crisp, white, shining covering that transformed the landscape, making it a magical land full of wonder and undiscovered mysteries. The snow did not glide, but rather it created random patterns within the air. As it settled, it dissolved slowly into the snow already placed there by the last sprinkling. Everything looked breathtakingly beautiful, including the angel standing in front of me.
I felt confusion flood over me, though.
"Liam, why are we here?"
He smiled even more, a hidden secret appearing more mysterious than ever. He held one finger up, signaling for me to wait. He turned, his back to me as he did something on his phone.
I focused on the weather, and shivered. I was freezing. Goosebumps were present all over my arms. My teeth were chattering.
Liam finally turned to face me, then music was blasting from his phone. He took out a handkerchief from his pocket, laid it on the snow and put his phone on it.
I immediately recognized the song.
"Settle down with me, cover me up, cuddle me in..."
"Liam! Will you please tell me what's going on? I'm dying over here," I said. I felt warmer. He placed his hand on my waist and my hand on his shoulder.
"You owe me a dance," moved his mouth, as he shrugged. My breath caught in my throat. I gulped what was left of my saliva, as my mouth went completely dry. I took deep breaths to steady my heart which, as usual, was beating inhumanely.
This time, I didn't concentrate on dancing, my attention was fully directed towards the guy holding me.
And all of a sudden, nothing in the world mattered. The way he was looking at me was making me melt. As if my insides were being mashed. I finally understood the riddles. I figured everything out. From the sweaty palms, to my heart racing when I see him. From admiring his blue eyes, to having dreams about him.
I felt this way about Liam because I loved him.
"I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet. And with this feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now," sang Edward Christopher Sheeran, who shared his middle name with Liam's.
I don't know what came over me at that moment, was it the way his eyes were reading my soul or the way he was absent-mindedly smiling at me, making his eyes sparkle.
"Liam, can I tell you something?"
He nodded, curiosity shining on his face now. I let go of him, so we weren't dancing anymore. The song had been over for more than five minutes now.
I plopped myself on the grass, he mirrored my actions. I pulled on the grass, slightly easing my nervousness.
"Promise me that no matter what happens, we stay friends after I say what I need to confess, deal?" I said, butterflies exploding in my stomach. His eyebrows furrowed now, with worry. I looked at him in the eyes. It was almost like he glowed.
"Liam, I lo-" I was cut off by a ringtone.
Maybe that was a sign, I shouldn't say anything.
"You need me, but I don't need you, you need me, nah I don't need you,"
Liam jumped and grabbed his phone. When he saw the caller's I.D, his face flushed and he gave me the phone, his hand shaking with worry and concern. He reminded me of a little scared child. I immediately pressed the green answer button. That's how it worked, when someone was calling him, he had to give the phone to the nearest person beside him. I put it on speaker.
"Hello?"
"Hello, I'm guessing this is a friend of Liam's," greeted a manly voice, slightly trembling.
Liam was observing my every move, "Yes, what's wrong?"
"This is Doctor Morrison, it's about his grandmother."
Liam tensed.
"Yes? What's wrong with her?" I asked, worried myself. There was a long pause.
"Well, her heartbeat's slowing and she's barely breathing-" trailed off Dr. Morrison. Liam clenched his fists.
"Spit it out, Doc," I exclaimed, troubled. There was a long, tired sigh on the phone.
"He has to come as soon as possible. His grandmother only has about an hour or two left before-" My breath hitched in my throat, just as Liam gasped.
"Just tell him that he has to come...it's time to say goodbye," finished the doctor, before muttering something about having work to do and hanging up.
I had to run to catch up with a very worried and angry Liam sprinting towards his car.
"Take me with you," I demanded, huffing, now standing in front of his black automobile. He ignored me and I took that as a yes. I buckled my seat belt on, just as Liam started the engine. He drove.
What terrified me wasn't the fact that he was fuming, it was that behind that cover, I saw a little boy, afraid of losing everyone he loved.
16
Thanatophobia
“I’m only human, I bleed and I fall down.”
~Christina Perri~
Liam Christopher Black
I felt like I could explode at any moment. My mind was filled was a million questions, but only one was standing out: Why me? I couldn't lose her. I just couldn't.
Grandma was and will always be the only person in the entire world who understands me better than anyone. She simply couldn’t leave me. I wouldn’t allow it.
I couldn't stand the thought of arriving at home and not seeing her smiling face asking me how my day went. If she left me, I would be alone. I was not counting Lena of course.
But she was Lena. Ever so unique and so freaking beautiful.
Back to your dying grandmother, Liam.
I had to control myself from completely destroying the gas pedal. I had to get to the hospital as soon as possible. I took deep breaths to calm myself down when the lights turned red. I avoided looking at the brunette observing me from her seat.
After what seemed like a lifetime, I pulled up to the entrance. Taking the keys, I closed the car door and forgot there was a girl with me. Now, all I cared about was being with Grandma.
"Son! Son! No running in the halls!" called a nurse whose name I vaguely remembered: Cindy. I paid no attention to her.
Without looking back, I ran and ran through what seemed like a million halls, a never-ending maze. I knew the way to her room by heart. After all, I came here every day after school. The intensive care ward.
My most hated place.
I halted to stop in front her door. I couldn't get in. I couldn't see her die before my eyes. But I had to.
She was the most important person in my life. My hand shaking, I turned the knob. Instantly, I regretted doing so.
"Grandma! Where are you? Please don't-" came out a voice that resembled mine.
She wasn't there. The bed was empty. And I wanted a hole to dig itself up in the ground and swallow me.
My knees gave out and I fell to the floor. Soon enough, every part of me was shaking. Tears came out of my eyes, without stopping. I was too late.
It's my fault. I should've-no, I could've- I don't know, damn it!
Out of nowhere, a hand rested on my shoulder. I turned to see Dr. Morrison looking at me with concern and pity in his eyes.
"Where is she?" I whispered, barely audible. Doc sadly shook his head, his face looking exhausted.
Voila. There goes the last crumble of hope inside me.
"Son, she's not... We just transferred her to another room, she requested that. She's in her old room. Mrs. Black said she wanted to see you," he softly explained. I shot up, my legs carrying me to room 561.
For the second time today, I hesitated. No, I wouldn’t waste time.
Every second, every moment had to be spent with her. She couldn’t leave without saying goodbye.
I turned the doorknob, hoping she'd be there. Through my tears, I managed a small, fake smile so she'd
see that I was alright.
There she was, lying on the bed, a million wires connected to every part of her body. Trembling like a leaf, as white as a sheet, her cracked lips managed a small smile when she saw me. She looked a hundred years old, every wrinkle on her face visible. Somehow, I didn't see the old, wrinkled lady everyone saw. Darla Black was the most beautiful woman in the world. Her face glowed.
In a flash, I was sitting by her side. Holding her hand as gently as I can, I cried. Her eyebrows furrowed when she saw my tears fall on her hand. She let go, then wiped my cheek with her hand just like every time I cried in the past. That soft, motherly face that would comfort me. I couldn't. How could I live without her?
"L-Liam, my little boy," she whispered, her voice cracking. I stayed silent. I didn't care if in the movies, people in a similar situation would hush the dying down because speaking was bad for them. I wanted to remember her voice.
"It's me," I muttered. She patted my hand, before holding it again. I felt like the little 10 year old boy she'd take care of. The same boy who'd lost his mother, his father and Serena, his sister.
Her ever so blue, gleaming eyes were smiling at me. "Don't cry, Liam. Everything's going to be alright." She was reading me. I'd inherited my eyes from her. I felt my eyes betray me and they fell mercilessly.
"H-how can you be so sure? You're going to leave me! You're everything I have left," I exclaimed, crying harder. A small, sad smile appeared on her face and I wondered if angels really existed.
"Knock, knock!" she murmured, cheekily winking at me. I let out a chuckle. She was famous for those.
Grandma was one of those special people who immediately enter your heart, without you having time to process what was happening.
"Who's there?" I'd decided to play along.
"I am!" She hoarsely laughed, I joined along. It was difficult to imagine or think that no one would be there anymore to tell those horribly lame, yet strangely funny jokes.
"I'm fine, I'm fine," I didn't know if she was talking to me or to herself. After deep breaths, she looked almost better.
"How's Lena?" she asked, as if we were sitting on the couch, chatting about our day. Oh, I wish. Strangely, a blush rose to my cheeks. I lowered my gaze to our hands.
Grandma stared at me with a secret smile. "Fine. You saw her yesterday anyway, Grandma. Say… want to know a secret?"
She nodded. I had a feeling she knew what I was about to say.
"I think I might, possibly be in love with her," I confessed. Her smile widened, and her grip tightened.
"Why do you say that?" she questioned, just trying to tease me. This was hard.
"I-I don't exactly know. I think... Honestly, I have absolutely no idea. Well, I do love the way her eyes sparkle when she's happy, the way her hair bounces over her shoulder when she's 'happy dancing,’" I found myself smiling.
"She has this way of making the simplest of things special, you know? I adore the way her nose twitches when she's sleeping. Her laugh is contagious, it's music to my ears. Seeing her smile makes my day, it's like she stole my heart. In some way, you know? I love it when she sings, even though it's horrible. And when I show her a new song, she pretends to know it so she won't look dumb. I love it when she blushes, especially when I'm the reason. If I continue talking, I think I would never stop, because - I would write a book about her.
“You see, she's like a star. No, she's like a million stars. They are all connected to form the biggest constellation in the sky. "
I found myself fully grinning.
"You're sappy." My grandmother genuinely smiled at me. "Does she know?" Grandma asked, her face suddenly serious. I put my head down, ashamed. That seemed enough.
"Liam Christopher Black, promise me you'll tell her, okay? She deserves to know. She also deserves to hear your beautiful voice." That brought the tears back.
"I promise," I managed to blurt out hoarsely.
Her frail hand lifted my chin up.
"You know what?" she quoted me from earlier.
"What?"
"I think she might, possibly be in love with you too," she whispered, winking at me. I smiled.
"How do you know?"
"Oh, I'm sure. She looks at you the same way I looked at George." Her eyes watered, making my eyes verse their emotions out. George Black was my grandfather. He'd died when I was five.
"I love you, Grandma."
"I love you more, Liam."
We stayed like that, in silence for a couple of minutes. Suddenly, she squeezed my hand. I looked at her. Her skin looked paler, if that was possible. In some way, she looked calm.
"Liam?"
"Yeah?"
"Promise me I'll get buried beside George, I want us to be close. We were never apart, but I want to be beside him, please. I love you, Liam," she pleaded. Fear spread through me.
"I promise."
Darla Black smiled for the last time and closed her eyes.
Her face was frozen, yet peaceful. She looked happy. She looked younger than I've ever seen her. The wrinkles were just a few, here and there. Her gray hair was spread around her head, on the pillow. Her features were impossibly soft. Her long eyelashes were glued to her bottom lid.
But what was most fascinating was that her lips were pulled up in an innocent, delicate smile. I shook my head. Angels would always be angels. Darla Martha Black would always stay in my heart, forever and always.
That's when the beeps went off. Before the nurses could come, I gently placed my lips on her forehead.
"Sleep tight, my angel," I said, before kissing her forehead again. I placed her hand on her chest, before turning and opening the door.
I snuck a last peek at her. I smiled, even though my face was wet with fresh tears.
"I love you, Grandma, I always will. I promise to do everything you said," I whispered, closing the door. I sighed, making the tears fall harder.
"Do you promise to tell me that you can speak, Mr. Black?" exclaimed a very emotional Lena Rose Winter, her hand on her hips, looking the opposite of frightening with tears streaming down her face. Her lips were pulled up in a smile.
I gasped. "I'm really sorry—" I started, before being cut off. Like lightning, she was an inch close to me in less than a second. She held my face with her hands. Tears streamed down her face, a melancholic smile on her beautiful face.
She chuckled a little. "I forgive you, because your angelic grandmother was right." I was confused.
"Yeah, she was right. Because one, your voice is the most amazing and beautiful thing I've ever heard in my life—" stopped Lena, intently gazing at me. I waited, because I was pretty sure there was a number two. I held my breath.
"And?"
I felt my heartbeat quicken and all breath knocked out of my body when she said:
"Because I might, possibly be in love with you, too."
She paused for a second, and I can feel time stopping. Everything was still. We were the only people in the world.
"You're not just a star, you're my whole damn sky, you idiot."
It was at that moment that she kissed me. And all I could wonder was how sadness and hope could possibly form love.
17
Wherever You Are
“I will try to fix you.”
~Coldplay~
Lena Rose Winter
Loss was something I was used to my entire life. In fact, it all started when my hamster Gibby died when I was about three years old. Although, every time I lost someone dear to me, it was like salt being added to a fresh wound. Your whole body feels numb and fresh memories crush their heavy weight on a newly broken heart.
Watching someone lose a loved one is entirely different though. You can see the person crumbling like a dry pastry before your eyes. You can do nothing but stare at them. You itch to comfort them, to convince them that everything was going to be alright. It was easier said than done. You are aware that they are suffering and you want to take all that sadness away from them.
I currently stood a few feet away from a casket that contained my best friend’s deceased grandmother.
I clutched Liam’s hand with every piece of power I had. His hand seemed lifeless, yet I never let go.
Mom and Tori were behind me, their heads bowed down in respect. Tori’s eyes never left the snow. Liam’s neighbor stood by his side, her cheeks wet with tears. A few other people I couldn’t recognize stared at the casket with a couple of betraying tears falling.
