Everything was beginning to make sense. She’d looked more than half starved and destitute when she’d arrived, and suggested she wore the only decent piece of clothing she’d owned. Of course she didn’t say it in so many words. “There’s a worker’s hut a couple of paddocks over. I like to keep my private life private. I certainly don’t want them ogling my beautiful wife.” He winked at her then reached out and touched her hand from across the table.
A shiver went through him. How many times now had he admonished himself for his stupidity in agreeing to a loveless marriage? A marriage of convenience? Just standing near to Mary was enough to set his hormones on edge. If she hadn’t taken to sleeping in the spare room from that second night, he would have ravaged her by now.
She was beautiful, sweet, naïve, and she was his wife. He abruptly pulled his hand away. What sort of fool was he? Every time he touched her only made him want her more. To torture himself was beyond foolish. Besides, Mary had no feelings for him. He was merely a meal ticket and a means to provide somewhere safe to stay. The minute their twelve month contract was up, he had no doubt she would put her hand out for the compensation, and would be on her way.
The thought of never seeing her again ripped at his heart.
“…for them?” His head shot up. What was she saying? He really didn’t want to confess he’d been lost in his own thoughts, thinking about things he didn’t want to admit.
“I, sorry. I missed half of that. Too busy day dreaming.”
She stared at him. It wasn’t like him, and she knew it. They might not be intimate, but she knew him intimately in most other ways. The times he came and went, what he wore, what he ate, and so much more.
They had a very good marriage, except for the fact… He glanced up. Why did his thoughts keep going back there? Perhaps because every blessed night he knew she was sleeping in the other room half undressed, and he couldn’t touch her?
No, that wasn’t it, and he knew it. He was… he shook his head trying to shake the thought away but it wouldn’t leave him. He was more than a little fond of Mary. He was – he swallowed. He was falling in love with her.
“Should I make food for them?” She sighed, probably at his lack of concentration. Or had she seen through him? Read his thoughts? She’d probably run like the devil if she had. Mary was not interested in a real marriage with him. Truth be told, she never would be.
She’d told him bits and pieces of her former life. Well, not so much told as he’d read between the lines. He knew she had to cart water from a well into the house. He also knew she bathed outside in the cold, with absolutely no privacy. Her clothes were so dreadful she refused to bring even one item to her new home. Not to mention her state of health. It made him nauseous thinking about how pale and thin Mary was when she’d arrived. He’d rejoiced in watching her put on weight and grow stronger every day.
It had never been said, but it was clear to Noah she had been destitute. Left where she was, she might even have died. He couldn’t bear the thought of never having met her.
No wonder she was happy now. If she left him, which she undoubtedly would, at least he could be thankful he’d given her a safe home and a better life.
He swallowed. Hard. His heart was aching beyond comprehension.
“Food for the men? You can if you want to, but it’s not required. They have a bunk house where they can cook for themselves.” He needed to concentrate on the conversation.
He waved a hand in the air. “Tomorrow perhaps. If you want to that is.” Noah stood, keeping his eyes trained on his sweet wife. “I’m running late. I need to go.”
Mary also stood and began to clear the dishes. “I won’t be home for lunch today, or any other day this week.” He stepped toward her and she straightened. Hesitating, Noah finally held her by the shoulders, and leaned in. She glanced up into his sapphire blue eyes, then stared at his lips. She licked hers.
Was she willing to kiss him? On the lips? The last time he did that, it was only for a moment, and only for Seth’s benefit. It had taken him by surprise, and his entire body had filled with warmth.
He stared into her face, and his heart pounded. A zing went through him.
Mary gazed at him with anticipation.
He wanted this so badly his heart hurt. Instead he dropped his hands and kissed her forehead. Just like he’d done every other morning.
Noah turned his back on her and strode toward the door before he could change his mind.
Chapter Five
The moment Noah walked out the door, Mary let go of the breath she’d been holding and gazed after him. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she swiped them away.
Did he hate her so much that he couldn’t so much as bring himself to kiss her? At least it proved she’d been right about his previous kiss – it had been totally for his brother’s benefit.
Back home, Pa had never shown her any affection. Not any. At least there she knew where she stood. With Noah he was hot and cold. One moment he’d touch her hand, then abruptly pull it away, he’d start to kiss her then stop. She couldn’t fathom whether he had feelings for her and was trying to deny them, or whether he absolutely no feelings for her, and was trying to force them on himself.
Either way, her heart was breaking. It had been her choice to retreat to the spare bedroom, but not once did Noah ask her to move back. He shown no sign of wishing she would. Had he asked, she’d have gone in a heartbeat, but after years of living it, Mary knew when she wasn’t wanted.
Instead of dwelling on what could have been, or might have been, she decided to instead focus on the present. She pulled herself together and cleaned away the breakfast dishes, wiped down the table, then checked the pantry for supplies. It wouldn’t be long and they’d have to go into town for more.
Recalling Noah’s words about the calving, did that mean she would have to go alone? Urgh. She hated driving a wagon, or even a buggy. She’d had a little practice, but supplies were getting low, and soon enough, there would be no choice.
Instead of dwelling on the future, she concentrated on organizing supper. She’d killed a chicken yesterday, so could make a nice chicken roast for tonight. That way, there would be leftovers for his lunch tomorrow. She glanced outside. The sun was shining, and it looked inviting. She would take in some fresh air before beginning her day of cooking and cleaning.
Wiping away the last of her errant tears, Mary stepped outside. The warmth hit her, just as it did when Noah touched her, even for the briefest of moments. Shaking the thought away, she walked down the few steps and into the garden. At some point there had been a vegetable patch here. It wasn’t tiny either, and could accommodate all their produce requirements if it were allowed to grow again. She wondered why Noah had let it go so badly.
She stared at the barren ground. Without thinking she dropped to the ground and began to run her fingers through what she was certain would once have been rows of vegetables. There was nothing there now, not even any so much as a dead root. She made up her mind there and then to buy some plants at the mercantile. Seeds would be cheaper, but plants would grow to full size far quicker.
Mary made a mental note to buy a nice assortment when she was there next. Excitement shivered through her. After the last time Pa had ripped out her carrots for the pigs, she hadn’t bothered again. It was futile. She planted them in, he pulled them out.
She would get carrots, potatoes, beans, and perhaps parsnips. Maybe even corn. She was certain Noah wouldn’t mind.
The wind picked up and a shiver went through her. Mary headed back inside, her mind full of possibilities.
~*~
Noah went straight to the washroom when he arrived home. The stench wasn’t as bad as the pigs, but it wasn’t good either. He stripped off his clothes, then walked through the house in nothing but his drawers.
Was he going to do this every day after calving? It was unsettling, and it took all her effort for Mary to look away.
He stood in the middle of the kitchen a
nd breathed in their supper. “Smells good,” he said, then went on his merry way as though nothing was amiss.
But it was amiss. Her husband stood near naked in the middle of the kitchen – his torso bare, and his muscles rippling. He was a fine specimen of man, and she could not touch him. Couldn’t even hug him. She thought back to those first days when she arrived. He’d held her in his arms, and she’d felt safe, protected, but especially wanted.
She no longer felt wanted – except for her housekeeping skills. It broke her heart into tiny pieces.
Mary heard water running in the bathroom and busied herself with setting the table. If she knew what time Noah would be home each evening, she could have a bath ready for him.
At least he bothered with a bath. Pa rarely did, which made his stench even harder to bear.
“Oh Lordy,” she said under her breath, and ran into the washroom. There sitting on the bench was a pile of freshly folded towels. There wasn’t a single towel left in the bathroom for her husband to use.
She tapped on the door. “I’m sorry, Noah,” she called as her heart raced. “I have the towels out here.”
She was sure she could hear him laughing. “Come in.”
Her hand wrapped tightly around the handle, Mary gingerly opened the door. There in the bathtub sat her husband, his chest lathered in soap. She quickly covered her eyes with her hand.
He chuckled. “How are you going to get to the cupboard like that,” he asked, his mirth plain to hear. “Bring one over here will you?”
Her hand dropped from her face and she glared at him. “That wouldn’t be proper,” she said, then turned, ready to flee.
“Mary,” he said gently. “I’m your husband. Of course it’s proper.” She glanced up to see a grin on his face, but it soon disappeared when she glared at him. What he was thinking, she would never know.
“It’s not a proper marriage,” she said firmly. “Which means it’s not in line with propriety.” Before he could say another word, she threw the towel across the room, then turned to leave.
“Good grief, Mary!” She’d never heard Noah angry before and spun around at the unfamiliar sound. “This is becoming ridiculous,” he said softly, reverting back to his normal demeanor.
At the sight of the wet towel floating in the bath water, Mary suddenly stopped. Had the towel connected with her husband? Had it harmed him? His expression was one of annoyance, but he didn’t seem to be injured.
“Please pass me a dry towel and bring it over here.” He sounded more exasperated than anything, but Mary felt wary. Pa would have clipped her up the side of the head, but she didn’t think Noah would do that to her. Would he? She braced herself and took a tentative step forward. “Now please, Mary.” He reached under the water and removed the plug. Mary stood mesmerized watching the water swirl down the drain. Anything to stop looking at her husband in all his glory.
He cleared his voice and she suddenly leapt forward, handing over the towel and turning once again to leave. Her caught her by the wrist. “I think it’s time we talked, don’t you?”
“What about?” Her voice was small, and barely audible. Noah stared at her, then stood in all his nakedness, and it made her uncomfortable. She wanted to leave but he still had hold of her wrist. “I need to see to our supper.”
“It can burn for all I care,” he said quietly. “We need to talk about… our situation.” He finally took the towel and wrapped it around his waist, releasing her in the process.
Her heart pounded. Noah was letting her go. Sending her away.
She wasn’t ready to leave yet, if she ever would be, and she didn’t have the funds to set herself up somewhere else. Surely he didn’t intend to pay the stipend she was due at the end of their year together? They’d only been married less than six months.
Her mind was suddenly in overdrive. She had no skills – how could she get a job? Oh. Unless she found somewhere that needed a cook. Or a housemaid. She had plenty of experience with both.
Halliwell was a small town, but they had a saloon. Perhaps she could get a job there? She shook her head – that wasn’t what she wanted, she wanted to be here with Noah. Her pretend husband.
She shoved her fist in her mouth to stop herself from calling out, then fled from the room, leaving Noah to call after her.
Mary finished making the gravy with the juices from the chicken, and placed it in the jug on the table. “It smells delicious,” Noah said as he leaned over to carve the roasted chicken. Mary dished out the roasted vegetables while he did so, and placed them on a plate in the center of the table.
The freshly baked bread was accompanied by a small tub of butter.
“You certainly know your way around the kitchen,” he said lightly. It was as though their encounter in the bathroom never occurred. Mary passed him two dinner plates, and he began to dish up. “You know we need to talk,” he said, handing her a plate of food.
Mary nodded but he was certain she hoped he would forget when it came time. He reached across the table and grasped her hand, then bowed his head. “Lord, we thank you for this food and for each other. Amen.”
Mary stared at him long after he’d finished speaking. “It’s cooked to perfection,” he said, squirming under her scrutiny, then took another mouthful. “I’ve never eaten such a delicious meal,” he said, then wanted to take it back. His wife had made so many wonderful meals since she’d arrived, and his comment might upset her.
She suddenly stood. “I have a pie in the oven,” she said, snatching up the kitchen cloth. She lifted it out, placing it on the wooden board, then returned to the table.
“It feels like you’re avoiding the conversation.” He was certain she was.
“I have to go into town in the next day or so,” she said, ignoring his words and completely changing the subject. “We’re low on supplies.”
“I haven’t got time at the moment. We’re still calving.” She knew that, so why even suggest it?
She lifted her napkin and wiped at her soft lips. “I can go alone. I don’t like driving a wagon though.”
“Take the buggy. I’ll hook up the horse before I leave in the morning.”
She stared at him momentarily. “I can do it. I’ve done it before.”
He opened his mouth to remind her once more of their impending conversation, but decided against it. Meal times should be relaxing not stressful, and he didn’t want to spoil their dinner. Mary had worked hard to make this meal. He had no right to ruin it.
“I thought I’d plant a vegetable garden,” she said out of the blue. “It looks like you’ve had one before.”
He took the last mouthful of his food before answering. “I did, years ago. It wasn’t worth the effort when I lived alone. I had far too much, and even giving my brothers a share, there was a glut. I finally let the plants die off.”
Noah could see the annoyance on her face. Why did she care so much about a vegetable patch that had perished so long ago? It didn’t make sense, but it was plain to see – his neglect of that piece of dirt upset her.
He reached across the table and covered her hand. “Why does that bother you so much?” He kept his voice quiet, gentle. His loud voice had upset her earlier.
Her eyes wide with astonishment at his question, she licked her lips before answering. His eyes followed her every move. “I had a magnificent vegetable patch back home. Pa ripped it out for the pigs.” The last sentence was near-snarled. “We almost starved for those wretched creatures, and for what? Pa barely made a living out of them.”
She suddenly snatched her hand away, then jumped up from the table. Mary turned her back to him and stood rigid for long moments. He was about to go to her when she turned to face him, and Mary’s entire demeanor suddenly changed to one of defeat. “Those pigs were far more important than I ever was.” She took a long shuddering breath and her eyes portrayed her sadness. “You saved me from that life.”
She turned away again, this time her body shook, but it was the silence t
hat was his undoing. He moved quietly toward her, not wanting to startle his wife, and slid his arms around her. “Mary,” he said gently. “You’re important to me. Very important.”
She spun around in his arms, and he cradled her against his chest, her tears hot against his shirt. He leaned in and kissed her forehead, and she shivered. Noah’s heart was breaking in two. What she had endured was unthinkable and he was determined she wouldn’t go through any of that again.
It felt good with her so close to him, as though it was meant to be. They were meant to be. But there was still distance between them. They both knew it. He studied her as she snuggled into him and he ran his fingers through her hair, pulling it loose as he did so.
She glanced up at him, wiping at her errant tears. “I’m sorry,” she suddenly said, then pulled away. “The pie is ready. Sit down.” It wasn’t a request, it was a demand. He watched as she composed herself, then continued as though nothing had happened. As though he hadn’t held her just moments ago, as if his world hadn’t titled.
He knew nothing would be the same for him again.
Chapter Six
Noah stood in front of his wife and cupped her face. He stared down into her eyes and his gaze lingered. How he longed to stay home, to sit down with her and talk. Finally he might get to know her. Then, and only then would they have a real marriage.
But it wasn’t to be. Several cows were still calving, and had disappeared into the abyss. Noah and his men would spend the day trying to find those wayward cows and bringing them to safety.
“I really must go,” he said with regret.
Regret for the words that hadn’t passed between them last night, and for the sort of life Mary had lived before coming to Broken Arrow Ranch. She had hurried to bed soon after supper last night, and he was certain she felt embarrassed.
There was no need. The sins of the father were not the failings of the daughter. Mary was a victim, and certainly not responsible for anything that had occurred while under her father’s roof. He felt himself stiffen at the injustice of it all. Dear, sweet Mary – she had not asked for that treatment, and had not deserved it. To live in poverty for most of her life was an abomination. Surely someone must have known her situation?
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