“Only five feet!” Okay, I admit I wasn’t manly, and my voice rose by a couple of octaves as my heart pounded in my chest like a freight train.
Bo chuckled. “Yeah, a baby. The last one was nearly nine foot long.”
I hoped like hell my shaking wasn’t obvious to everyone.
When I felt a hand on my elbow I jumped.
“How’s your hand?”
“Good, it feels much better today.” I said absently as I carded my free hand through my hair which more than likely made my hair stick out all over the place. I hadn’t stopped in the bathroom to pull it up into the bun or pony tail I usually wore while cooking.
I nervously eyed the laundry door when I heard a crash from within. The noise was my cue to leave and I began edging my way closer to the kitchen when Ren spoke again.
“Why don’t you make sure the urn’s topped up and start on breakfast. We’ll have some very hungry people wanting to eat before long.” He steered me through the door and into the kitchen where I could breathe easier. I was still shaking and he gave me a quick hug before patting my hand and headed back out to the others. I though it sweet how he gave me a way to gracefully leave the yard. I was still smiling when I realised the man had hugged me; his arms had actually been fully around me.
Now what the hell was I meant to make of that?
I distracted myself by making mounds of scrambled eggs, bacon, fried tomato, and homemade hash browns. The toaster had been working overtime as I buttered yet more pieces of toast. By the time I’d finished the wildlife rangers had captured the elusive croc (which I’d secretly dubbed scary-arsed-man-eater in my head) which was now securely taped and caged in the back of their vehicle. I only had seconds to pour my first mug of coffee when the others started trickling in. The station hands all greeted me as they dished up their food, and took their seats at the table.
I was still thinking about young scary-arse when a plate filled with a bit of everything was placed before me. I looked up and smiled as Ren, Bo, and Sally sat beside me.
“I heard you had a bit of excitement this morning,” Sally said before biting into a piece of toast.
Putting on a fierce grin I retorted, “Not me. Brian, Ren, Bo, and what’s-her-name did all the hard work. All I did was stare menacingly at an already closed door. I’m just a cook; I leave all the brave stuff to the real cowboys like you guys.”
“I’m not a cowboy,” Sally laughed as she bumped shoulders with me. “I work in the office and coordinate everyone on the radio.”
“Okay, so it was your voice I kept hearing in the car the day Bo picked me up?”
“Yep, that was me all right; the wanker wasn’t meant to take you through Nightmare Gully. Especially after he knew Hank had gotten bogged in there only two days before. The idiot should have known better.” She elbowed Bo in the ribs when he started laughing.
Bo leant around his girlfriend and winked. “I was only trying to see if our gay boy was man enough to tough it out here with the rest of us.”
“Well?” I asked, arching an eyebrow. This is one of my many talents. I can arch one eyebrow with the best of them, and have it mean too many different things. Bo choked on the coffee he had just taken a huge mouthful of, and I grinned. “Payback’s a bitch best served cold.” I added casually as I waited for him to get through his coughing fit enough to answer.
“As I said last night, I think one of the single guys should marry you then we’ll get to keep you forever,” he said, even as he still gasped for his breath. “You belong here with us.”
Lizzie tossed a corner off her toast at Bo from across the table and said. “He’s not a puppy you moron. He gets paid a good wage to keep him here. He doesn’t need to marry one of you lot.”
“I still say marrying the dude would be more permanent,” Bo countered.
I pretended I couldn’t see or hear the argument going on about the right for me to stay here. Bo was on the losing side, because no man, straight or gay, would marry another man because he wanted to keep him for his mad cooking skills. I’m not boasting, I’ve been told often enough I have mad cooking skills, and lately, I believed them.
As the argument got more heated I could feel the gazes of the others all locking onto me and I wished the floor would open up and swallow me whole. This would have to be one of the most idiotic conversations I’d ever had to witness and believe me I’ve had to sit through a few weird ones of late. I knew it was time to break this up before someone said something they were soon going to regret and Bo got his arse fired.
“Bo, it wouldn’t matter anyway, marriage isn’t legal between two people of the same sex in Australia — everyone knows that. They haven’t even legalised same sex civil unions over here yet.”
Bo glared at him. “Marriage is only a bit of paper you’re going to end up shoving in the back of a wardrobe somewhere. All we need is you, a groom, and the rest of us. We’ll have ourselves one hell of a party.”
The room fell silent in an instant you could’ve heard a pin drop. All I could do was sit there and stare open mouthed at my friend. The look on Bo’s face was so sincere, and was obvious to all he actually believed what he was saying.
§ § §
Later I was sitting outside the bunkhouse taking a break when Ren rounded the corner and smiled at me. His sunglasses gave him an added extra bit of ruggedness.
“Hey, here you are.” He smiled as he stopped before me.
I tilted my head enough to be able to look into his face. “You found me all right. What can I do for you?”
“I have to take a chopper up and wondered if you wanted to come for a ride. Give you a bird’s eye view of the station. At least, the part I need to go to.”
“I would love to.” I stood and followed him out to the where the helicopters were kept.
The good thing was that day I didn’t have to supply lunches for the hands as they had all taken something with them. I had plenty of time to go sightseeing with Ren without feeling guilty.
“Great, come on; let’s get going. Daylights a’ wasting.”
As much fun as I’d thought I was going to have, I needed to be truthful and say by the time we were on our way home I had severely overestimated the enjoyment part of the trip. Being in a helicopter was nothing like sitting in a plane. I’d never before realised how afraid of heights I was until we were up in the air and I was surrounded by glass which let me see everything. I gripped the seat tight enough I thought I was going to tear great chunks off the damn thing. I really couldn’t comprehend half of what I saw as we flew over the trees and paddocks because I had my eye’s closed in fear of my life.
“Are you okay, Jeremiah?” Ren’s voice was filled with concern.
Okay? Was I? “I’m not sure I like heights.” I tried for casual but I’m sure my white knuckled response gave me away.
Ren chuckled. “Don’t worry; we have only ever had two accidents involving choppers here on this station.”
I forced myself to look at his profile. “Was everyone okay?”
Ren shook his head. “In the first accident we lost Dusty, and then a few years later his son Kimberly went the same way.”
“Why? I mean how?”
“How did it happen?” Ren asked.
I nodded and he continued. “With Dusty there was a problem with the rotor and with Kim we’re not really sure what caused the accident. I wasn’t here when Kim passed. And we kinda never really talked about it again. You can rest assured every chopper in our service gets a thorough overhaul every three months.”
His reassurance did nothing to calm me and I was so grateful when the home yard came into view I almost cried in happiness.
I sat patiently in my seat as the chopper landed and the blades slowed to a stop. My hands shook badly and Ren came around and helped me out of the chopper. Once again I found myself hauled against his body as my legs buckled and refused to hold my weight. I vowed then and there I was never ever hopping into one of those things again. My hea
d rested against Ren’s shoulder as I waited for the feeling to pass. I stilled in his arms as I felt his face press into the top of my head. What the hell was happening?
A sound off to our left had Ren letting go and taking a huge step away from me. There, leaning against the fence, were two of the hands and they were eyeing us curiously. Ren shoved his hands into the pockets of his jean jacket as he said a hasty good-bye and left me standing there as he walked away.
What the fuck?
Chapter Four
Stone the crows
Translation: Oh, for fuck’s sake
Two weeks had passed since Ren had left me by the helicopter and Bo had dropped his bombshell of an idea in the dining room.
I wasn’t positive, but I got the sense what Bo said had affected most of the people present. How did I know this? Because most of the men, whether they were single or in relationships, began avoiding me like I had the plague. None of them even made eye contact with me if they had to talk to me. This hurt like a bitch, but I didn’t let it show.
But yes, it still hurt.
The women who worked on the station didn’t act differently at all. They still chatted like nothing had even been said. At least I had five friends I could talk to. I did what any red-blooded male would do. I threw myself into my work and ignored everything around me. Everyone was getting excited about the Aussie Day barbie which was coming up in ten days, and what they were all planning on doing when they got there. Me, on the other hand, I was trying to think of how to get out of going. I didn’t want to be surrounded by a bunch of people I didn’t know and be put on display for everyone to gawk at. A night like that didn’t sound like fun at all. And being the new man in town I knew I would be gawked at.
I also knew Lizzie wanted to introduce me around. She was hoping I’d make friends or at least a special friend and want to stay. I didn’t have the heart to tell her after the last two weeks I was seriously rethinking my decision to move to Western Australia. I was never really a social butterfly, but being ignored by eighteen of the twenty five people I cooked for was not a crash hot feeling. Even though I wanted to crawl home and lick my wounds amidst all the “I told you so’s” my friend and family would rain down on me, I was determined to grin and bear it until things got back to normal.
Though my mind reeled what if this was normal? What if this was how I was going to be treated for the rest of my stay here?
What if it never got any better than this?
I was in the middle of making bread when I heard movement behind me. Turning, I looked over my shoulder and locked gazes with the greyest eyes I’ve ever seen on a person, yet somehow they looked vaguely familiar. I’m an eye person, so I have a tendency to notice these things. I had no clue who he was, but hell, did he make my mind work overtime trying to figure out why he looked familiar.
I realise by this stage I might be coming off as a bit of a weirdo, but believe me it’s far from the truth of who I am.
Usually I’m the shy and quiet type. David was the outgoing one in our duo; he was the crazy one and I was the saner one who kept us grounded.
“Can I help you?” I asked as I set the dough into the oven to cook.
“I’m actually looking for my dad, Ren Fielding,” he said as he took a step closer.
Eyeing the guy as much as I could without actually coming off as a creepy perverted kind of weirdo I’d have to put the young man’s age in his early twenties. He seemed to be studying me in the exact same fashion as I was him. I had the sudden wish that the room was crowded and we weren’t the only two people in there. Again, I wasn’t attracted to him in any way, shape, or form but I found him fascinating nonetheless. Standing before me was a part of Ren.
“Would you like a coffee…tea?” I tried to break the silence which had fallen between us during our mutual stare off. “I’m not sure where Ren is right now, but if you want to wait around I’m sure he’ll be here in the next hour when dinner is served.” I was babbling and I knew it. Why I was babbling I didn’t know; it was just a fact of life in this exact moment in time. I held out a hand. “Hi, my name’s Jeremiah. I’m the cook, which you can tell by the way I’m standing here in the kitchen cooking.” I said in a rush and it brought a smile to his lips.
His hands were large and soft as we shook. “I’m Jamie. Dad invited us down for the Hazeldowns barbie. We thought we’d come early and surprise him.”
“Us?”
“Yeah, me, my wife, and our daughter. Dad hasn’t met Annie yet.” He walked to the door and stuck his head outside before focusing back on him. “Lizzie has waylaid Darla with the baby. I’m sure they’ll get here eventually.”
“That’ll be nice for Ren. I didn’t even know he had a son. Mind you, I’ve only been here for about two weeks. I’ve hardly gotten to know anyone yet.” Again I was babbling as I proceeded to pull cups from the cupboard and set them on the sideboard.
“Did you want tea or coffee?”
“We’ll both have coffee — white with a dash of salt.” He grinned.
“A man after my own heart. Not often I find someone who takes their coffee the same way I do.” I said as I grabbed the salt container.
His chuckle was a replica of his father’s and I felt kinda ill at ease for the way I had teased Ren the night I had burnt my hand.
And for winding up in his arms twice since then. The young man sitting before him was positive proof of which way Ren’s sexual orientation ran. My thoughts refocused as he spoke.
“Lizzie put us onto it after she had tried it when she went east and visited you a couple of years ago. We all laughed at her at first, but once we tried it we were converted.” He said as he took his cup. “Mind you, I haven’t been game to try the one with chocolate and chilli in it yet.”
“You don’t know what you’re missing,” I teased.
When Lizzie and Darla entered the kitchen, Jamie introduced his family to me and I got the feeling his wife was also looking at me as if trying to work something out. Maybe she was curious about the gay cook working on a cattle station. Who would know? I let her look her fill as I tried to keep myself busy since I didn’t feel right staring back. It was bad enough I stared at Jamie when he first walked through the doorway. Whatever they were looking for I sure hope they found it.
Lizzie had an infant cradled gently in her arms as she smiled at me. The baby was crying as she walked around the counter and held out the little girl. “This little cutie is called Annie Elizabeth. Work your magic, Mr Haines.” Not knowing what else to do I took the baby as Lizzie said to Jamie and Darla. “Frog is a wonder with kids. His family loves it when Uncle Jeremiah comes to visit.”
Why is it when you are around children of any age your whole demeanour changes? The little girl in my arms was simply stunning. She had dark hair which matched her mother’s. But the eyes looked like they were going to take after Jamie and Ren. “I bet you’re going to be a heartbreaker when you grow up, aren’t you sweetie?” I cooed softly to her as she stared up at me. She was probably thinking “Who the hell is this weirdo, and why is he holding me?”
Lizzie, Darla, and Jamie chatted away like old friends. It looked like I was in child minding mode for the time being. Not that I minded; I missed being around my own nephews and nieces and the children of my friends, I was always the designated uncle at their get togethers.
I was reluctant to give the baby back to her parents as I checked on the dinner I was cooking, curried lamb casserole and fresh baked bread rolls. The smell was divine; I had cooked enough to feed an army. Okay, maybe a small army of thirty. I honestly didn’t think there was going to be much left after the dinner was over and done with. There never was. The men ignored me but they still ate the food I cooked. At least they weren’t boycotting everything about me. If they did I would’ve been out of a job and heading back to Queensland.
I went about setting up the dining room to have everything ready for six thirty. By the time the rest of the hands started arriving I’d once
again found my arms filled with the tiny girl. I wanted her parents to get something to eat without the interruption of their daughter. Lost in my own thoughts of all the “what might have been” if I had settled down and had a family of my own. I wasn’t stupid; I knew I didn’t have to be straight to have a baby. I only regretted how at thirty-one my days of having a family might be over. David had never wanted children, and while we were together I thought the same way.
But now, sitting here in the quiet kitchen I was starting to think differently about it all.
As engrossed as I was in my thoughts I hadn’t realised I wasn’t alone until Ren spoke softly from the doorway. “You look good with a child in your arms, Jeremiah.”
He scared me and I thought I was going to drop Annie as I jumped. “You scared the crap outta me.” I whispered not to wake the baby I was holding.
“Sorry.” He whispered as he walked over and crouched down in front of us. I couldn’t help but notice how one of his knees slid between my calves and even with two lots of denim between us I still felt like I’d been shocked. Tingles ran all over my skin and I couldn’t stop the shiver which I knew had to be visible to Ren, but if he noticed at all he didn’t let on and I, for one, was grateful. With everyone avoiding me I was trying not to do anything to create more of a distance between us.
“Do you want to take her?” I asked.
“Yeah, Darla asked me to come and get her so you can have dinner. She said you haven’t eaten yet.”
“I’m okay,” I answered as we transferred Annie from my arms to her grandfather’s. “She has been an absolute angel.”
“She must like you,” Ren chuckled softly. “Darla was telling us how Annie’s never quiet; this is a first.”
Getting up, I moved around the kitchen and reheated in the microwave the bowl of casserole I had set aside for myself earlier.
I was hungry but not starving. I was disappointed when I turned around and saw Ren and little Annie had gone and I was alone once more. At least by eating by myself I didn’t have to endure being ignored by the others at the dining room table.
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