by Anne Pleydon
“You guys always say that, but I see the gang tats all over you.”
“That’s just for my family on the rez.”
“People don’t mess with you on the outs.”
“People know who I am.”
“Doesn’t Burrard know who you are?” Kenny asks.
Cody doesn’t answer.
“How are we going to keep you safe tonight?”
“I’m just gonna sleep. I want to go back to my unit tomorrow.”
“What’s your plan, really, for when you get out?”
“I don’t know. I’ll get my settlement. Get a house.”
“They give you a house.”
“Yeah.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah, but it’s a shit house. They have to build me a new one. I want a nice one.”
“You hang with people off the rez, too?”
“Yeah, I know people off the rez.” His voice is low and quiet.
“You know some people, don’t you?”
“I know people. You wouldn’t believe what I’ve seen.”
“Is there anyone you admire? A man you would like to be like?”
“My cousin,” Cody says.
“Noah? How’s that?”
“He like raised me. I grew up at his house. Just since I was a kid, I thought, I want to be like him.”
“In what way?”
“Why? You liked him.”
“Definitely. I loved working with him. But, how did you want to be like him?”
“He had a nice car, and started his own business. All these people were working for him. This was like when he was 16-17 years old.”
“How did he get the money?”
“You know, doing his thing.”
“You think you’ll do the same thing he does when you get out?” Kenny asks.
“It’s all about the paper.”
“You can make a lot of money, and quick, doing that.”
“Get a bunch of money and then a nice house and I’ll be set. It’s all about the paper.”
“Is it?”
“No, it’s all for my family.”
Kenny searches Cody’s face. She thinks, Shit, he does look like Noah. He talks like Noah.
“Why don’t you run girls. It’s less risky, isn’t it?” Kenny asks.
“Shit, I’m not doing that. I know guys who are doing that. That’s fucked up.”
“But, the money.”
“Yeah, it’s good. And, you don’t go to jail. But, fuck that.”
“You stay in touch with Noah much these days?” she asks, and immediately hates herself for asking. Is she asking out of curiosity or because this line of questioning will help Cody?
“Sure.”
“I wouldn’t want him to ever come back to place like this,” she says.
“He told me all about this place. It’s a joke.”
There is silence between them.
Cody says, “He told me about you.”
“Oh, really.”
“He said you were alright.”
“I can’t imagine what you kids say about the staff here.”
“He never talked about staff. Just you. He said you were crazy.”
“Oh, how lovely.”
“Nah, but in a good way.”
Kenny says, “You really want to be like him, don’t you?”
“I don’t know. Not really. But I have to help my family.”
“I bet you could really help someone out of a jam.”
“Not for free,” Cody laughs.
“Like hide a body, kind of stuff.”
“What the fuck are we talking about now?” Cody asks, laughing. His voice booms off the cell walls.
“You just seem like the type of guy who who no one realizes how much shit you know and how many people you know. You can make things happen. And fast.”
“I know a lot of people. I could get a car, weapons, just like that.”
“Explosives.”
“Explosives. Dynamite to get me the hell out of here. I just need a phone. Can I borrow your phone?”
“Sure.” She smiles.
There is a silence again between them. Kenny feels it is a natural point in the conversation to stop.
“Don’t hurt yourself or kill yourself between now and when I see you tomorrow,” she says.
Cody says, “Alright.”
“I’m keeping you on watch.”
“Yep.”
Kenny rises and smiles at Lucas who nods that he heard about the watch. He locks the cell door. Lucas fetches her belongings and walks her out of the unit.
Kenny returns through the Unit hallway and out on to the Rotunda. Two staff are at School Control. One is doing a crossword and the other is on the computer. She lingers for a second and absorbs the sight and sounds of the Rotunda at night. Nothing seems real. Finally, she moves abruptly toward the lobby and through Front Control into the parking lot. It’s time.
Chapter 32
KENNY’S DRIVE BACK to her house is a slow one. Her hands grip the wheel. The conditions on the road seem icy. When stopped at a red light, she realizes how tight her back and legs are. She opens her mouth and takes a deep breath. She puts her foot on the gas again. She exhales to the count of four and then waits four seconds before inhaling to the count of four. Then, she holds her breath for four. And she repeats. Her heart pounds in her ears.
The rural road is dark but she sees the oscillating red lights less than a mile from her home. No siren. Her eyes are wide and unrelenting. She doesn’t blink as she approaches her property. There is an ambulance in the driveway. She parks on the street in front of her house. There is a paramedic standing by the driver’s seat on the phone. Amalia stands next to a female paramedic. There is a male paramedic in the passenger side of the ambulance. Kenny sees the front door is open. The light from the kitchen creates a silhouette of a woman whom she recognizes as the other home support worker, Mary.
Amalia approaches her car and Kenny opens her door. It takes a second for her to boost herself out and step on to the lawn. Her feet crunch on the snow and hardened leaves. Amalia reaches toward Kenny and clasps Kenny’s upper arms. “I’m so sorry, Ms. Kenny.”
Kenny looks at the house. She dreads what Amalia is about to say to her.
Amalia says, “He’s gone. He was sleeping. Mary is here. She helped me. We called the ambulance. Ms. Kenny?” Amalia gives her employer a tiny shake.
Kenny meets Amalia’s gaze. “When?”
“Half an hour ago. I phoned you again. You didn’t get my message? I couldn’t reach you.”
“There was an emergency,” Kenny says, looking at the house again. Her voice is quiet.
Amalia opens her mouth in disbelief but says nothing. Kenny turns toward the house. Her tone is flat and far away. “I don’t want anyone in the house for now. We’ll make arrangements tomorrow. Can you tell them?”
“Yes,” Amalia says, and returns to the paramedic’s side. Kenny reaches Mary on the front steps. Mary murmurs condolences and Kenny nods. Kenny opens the front screen door and then turns around to survey the front of her house. Mary stares at her from the steps and Amalia and the paramedic look to her as though to ask if she needs something. The red lights from the ambulance bounce off the white house, across the lawn, and on the upturned faces of the women. Kenny marvels at how it looks like it is all on fire.
Chapter 33
LAURA FEELS A STRANGE vibe when she passes through the Man Trap. Kenny always told her the facility is like an organism. It is a living breathing thing and it is trying to tell Laura something. The fluorescent lights seem particularly harsh, and can she hear a buzzing noise in there? Her experience of the past six months is not like her last practicum at the out-patient community mental health centre in that fairly affluent suburb outside the city. They had ‘lunches’ there and team meetings and passed around birthday cards in manilla envelopes to be signed secretly. E
very day that Laura has to go to Merivale she has butterflies in her stomach. She feels eyes watching her walk the long corridors and hallways. She feels exposed in the Rotunda, on the Yard, and in the Man Trap. The cameras are everywhere. Eyes from the staff and the youth sweep across her body when she approaches and when she walks away. Instinctively, she braces to hear a comment or sound indicating derision but there is never anything.
Kenny had been right about waiting to be noticed before speaking to a staff. Laura wonders how much of her day is spent patiently waiting by Front and School Control like a puppy with a leash in its mouth. She always feels one step behind. Someone is always telling her that she is not standing in the right place. Since the email about the Ministry change she feels tension around the staff. Has she been held in the Man Trap for a little longer than usual these days?
Laura enters the Mental Health Unit and says hello to Mara and Karen who are huddled by Mara’s desk. They pointedly stop their conversation when they see her. For a moment it looks as though Mara wants to say something but then second guesses it. Laura pauses but then continues on her way. She plunks down her bag and jacket in the office she has been using since Stacey returned.
Laura hates how the clients seem so far away. How many doors, and eyes, and requests stand between her and finally sitting across from her treatment clients? It is always a task just to figure out where the client is at the designated time and then figure out who to phone in order to see if it’s a good time and who will escort. And then, will the boy want to come? They can refuse. And if they do, then she is left with an empty hole in her day. With one less direct client hour to count up and write about and process in her weekly intervention course at school. And then there are the boys. They are polite. She is surprised by that. But their eyes do not light up the way they do when they speak with Dr. Halpin. She feels they are humouring her. Playing the game. Killing time. She misses working with the community out-patient mental health clients at her last placement. She misses working in the classrooms with the little kids who struggle with ADHD and autism.
Laura is grateful to have Stacey around in the Mental Health Unit these days. Stacey smiles at her and shows her pictures of her baby. Sometimes she even wants to go for lunch and they will go and never speak about work. They chat about television and movies and babies and pets. It just feels so much easier with Stacey than it is with Dr. Halpin.
Laura flicks on the computer and checks her school email. She calculates how many weeks she has left of this practicum. She pushes the thought from her mind that coming here has been a mistake. She never sees Dr. Mull. He has had nothing to do with her since her first day. Laura bites her lip and thinks about her supervisor. Kenny had initially supervised her with a nervous energy in those early weeks. Laura thinks about Kenny’s manic soliloquies and suggestions and tangential responses. But, then slowly Kenny spoke less often to her. Laura had to go to Kenny’s office to check in now, when before Kenny jumped on her the minute she walked in the door. Books were no longer left on her desk to read. Kenny’s comments on her progress notes and reports were perfunctory, sometimes even about grammar, but no longer about processing the implicit content of the session. Kenny had snapped at her a couple times. Laura didn’t like that and didn’t know what to do about it.
The worst day was a week ago when Laura came to Merivale and saw Dr. Halpin had driven her car into the tall, coniferous tree alongside the parking lot. It only resulted in a minor dent in her supervisor’s fender, but Laura is most disturbed that Kenny had left the car there with the bumper pressed against the tree’s trunk for the entire day. Laura had asked Mara about it, and Mara had said, “Oh, she’s fine. The car’s fine. There was ice in the parking lot.” But, Laura didn’t think it was icy that day. She asked Mara if her supervisor was alright, Was she hurt? Mara had twisted her mouth in a strange way, and said, She actually didn’t seem to care. She seemed pissed off about something. You know she’s going through a lot, right? Laura decided then and there to not ask her supervisor about it. Maybe it wasn’t an accident, after all?
Laura heads to Kenny’s office. She stands in the door way for a second before knocking. She is wary of seeing Kenny’s shoulders tense when she knocks on the door. It is as though these days Kenny is consciously struggling to control the expression on her face as she slowly turns to see Laura and says, “Yes?” Laura knows that Kenny’s husband died and this makes her feel uncomfortable. She wanted to say something right away, and then the days went by, and now it feels too late.
This morning, Laura peers into her supervisor’s office and sees Kenny siting on the edge of her chair with her arms hanging straight down. Her head is cocked to the right. Her unfocused gaze is directed toward her desk. Laura feels frightened for a second. Kenny is motionless. Her breathing is imperceptible. Her face is tight and pale. Laura considers walking away but knocks softly on the door jam. Kenny does not respond. Her eyes do not even flicker. Laura steps away and returns to her office. Maybe she should try to wrap up the reports she is working on. Perhaps she should request ending the practicum early. She has easily accrued the mandatory hours as Kenny has worked her to the bone. Laura decides to devote the morning to writing and waiting for Kenny to check in with her. Surely, Kenny would pop her head in the next time she walks by?
Laura leaves her door open and listens as Dr. Mull enters the unit and greets Mara and Karen. Laura listens to them speak hoping to hear something about Kenny, and as always is fearful that she will hear something about herself.
Dr. Mull says, “Well, it looks like we have a new Superintendent.”
“It’s decided?” Mara asks. “I didn’t even know they interviewed.”
Karen says, “Did we get an email?”
“No, Lana told me herself,” Dr. Mull replies.
“When is Ron leaving?” Karen says.
“The end of the month,” he says.
Then, there are hushed voices but Dr. Mull seems to have difficulty maintaining the volume of a whisper. He says, “My god, are you sure?”
Laura hears Karen say, “Yes, I’m really worried about her.”
There are more hushed voices that sound like speculation and uncertainty. Silence. Then Dr. Mull walks by Laura’s office and looks in. Laura starts and blushes as her body is positioned toward the door and not her computer. Is it obvious that she had been eavesdropping? Dr. Mull walks into her office and closes the door. Laura straightens her back.
“How are you doing this morning?” Dr. Mull asks, a mug of coffee in his hand. He just stands there.
“Good,” Laura says.
“Good.” Dr. Mull pauses. “How have you been enjoying your practicum? Has this been a good experience for you?”
Laura is surprised and embarrassed that her eyes are filling with tears. Dr. Mull nods. “Yes, it was probably not good timing to take you on. But we are not going to leave you out to dry. We’re going to assign you to another psychologist from the Ministry who is going to be coming in here soon to just help oversee things for awhile during the transition. They do this same work in the community, court work, so don’t worry about a thing.”
“What about Dr. Halpin? I’ve really liked working with her.”
“Oh, nothing is happening. I’m just expecting that she will be pulling back a bit right now. I don’t want you to worry. We are going to take care of you and help you finish out your practicum. Alright? Is there anything you need right now?”
Laura shakes her head.
Dr. Mull turns as though to leave and then inhales. “Laura, if you wouldn’t mind doing us a favour.” He steps closer to her.
Laura looks at him, wide-eyed, and braces for criticism.
“Our new Superintendent, Ms. Clearwater, is very interested in the work you’ve been doing here. We are so pleased. Thank you. And we want to best support, Dr. Halpin. It would be very helpful to us if you documented for us your experience here.”
Laura sits up straighter at
the mention of the new Superintendent. “Document?”
Dr. Mull waves at her computer keyboard. “Just put in an email your experiences with Dr. Halpin. Any worries or concerns you’ve had.”
“Oh, I don’t want anyone to get in trouble.” Laura feels her face getting hot. She also doesn’t want to displease Dr. Mull or the new Superintendent.
“You won’t. It’s just that you would be helping us so very much if you could tell us if you see any signs of strain there. Or if her supervision of late has been …?” Dr. Mull’s voice trails off.
Laura can feel Dr. Mull’s eyes staring expectantly at her. She says, “You mean, how much supervision?”
“No, just how you think she’s been feeling. Anything out of the ordinary. How she’s been treating you. If you can get that to us by end of day, that would be helpful.”
Laura nods.
“Okay, then.” Dr. Mull opens her door again and props it as though it was open this whole time. He takes a sip from his mug and then returns to his office. Laura hears his muffled voice on the phone. She hears Kenny’s name mentioned and more direct and authoritarian tones. Then, there is silence before Dr. Mull’s voice is heard at the end of the hall speaking to Kenny. Laura hates that can’t make out what the psychiatrist is saying to her supervisor.
Laura hears the Mental Health Unit door close and she steps out to confirm that Mara and Karen have left. She returns to her office but this time stands just next to her door so she can hear what Dr. Mull is saying down the hall. Laura cannot believe how loud her heart is beating.
Dr. Mull says, “…time to take care of yourself right now. Someone is probably worried about you… do you have children? …No? … Yes, but Lana and I have discussed … best that you take some time … your decision … we are concerned.”
Laura strains to hear more clearly but there is enough silence now that she fears Dr. Mull is on his way back to his office. She takes three giant strides and throws herself back in her chair and clicks vigorously on the mouse to turn off the screensaver.
