“OOO, get you!” he laughed as another man entered through the front door and asked in a camp voice what was going on, then he jumped and started accusing the other man of things that Remarkableman did not understand.
Fifteen minutes passed and Gen came back in from her shower, dressed in two towels, the first around her hair and the second around her midriff, only just covering the bottom of her pert breasts. She jumped with shock as she noticed her flatmate Matthew tied up on a kitchen chair with phone charger cable, his boyfriend tied with his back facing Matthew on the second chair and the bozo superhero proudly standing at their side with a look of pride smirking over his fat face, “What the fuck are you doing?” she screeched.
“I am sorry to inform you Gen that your husband, well, it’s kind of hard to explain, prepare to be shocked, but he was, he really was, kissing this other man,” Remarkableman explained, “I have apprehended them both however when I called the police to inform them of this disgusting behaviour they seemed somewhat complacent, I do not think the authorities understood just what crimes these men are guilty off and the homosexual nature of their activities.”
Gen sighed and rubbed her forehead in disbelief, “you dumb-ass fucking penis-brain, that is not my husband, that is my flatmate and yes, he is gay and that is his boyfriend. Whatever laws about two grown men being in love was like in 1939 today it’s perfectly acceptable….”
Remarkableman stood stunned and at a loss for words, “you mean?” he held his left fingers in a circle and prodded his right middle finger through the hole, “them? Two men? They?”
“Yes!” she cried.
“And, that is legal, are you sure?”
“Yes bozo, it’s legal, it’s acceptable and it’s very common in 2014, now for Christ’s sake untie them!”
Remarkableman thought some more then shot a filthy look at the two men whimpering on the chairs, he come over all shaky, asked if she would untie them for him, tried to apologise but wafted vomit out of the windowsill instead. “Don’t worry about it lover,” squawked Matthew, “you can tie me up anytime!”
Bringing his head back in from the window Remarkableman looked positively confused and flustered, he sparked up a cigarette and breathed the smoke deep into his lungs. Gen came striding over and tugged the tobacco stick from his mouth, “and no smoking in my apartment either!” she demanded.
“Why ever not?” he asked in an agitated manner.
6.
In no time after her housemates had made their excuses and gone off out for the evening with their tails between their legs, she plonked a dish of meat, potato and vegetable onto his lap. Remarkableman looked amazed, “Gen,” he said, “at first I thought you had no domestic training at all but how on earth did you find time to prepare this wonderful meal?”
“No one cooks anymore,” she pointed out, “especially not superheroes. This is a ready-meal, made up in a factory and then microwaved.”
The hero slouched on her sofa, watching with awe at the special effects of a rerun of the 1980s Superman film, “does that television set cooking devise work on atomic power, I mean is this meal not radioactive?”
“No bozo, it is completely safe,” she pointed out, “it has been created to be both tasty and have healthy and nutritional value too.”
“What does that mean?”
“You don’t have healthy foods in 1939?”
“We have food, if it is healthy, if it is not, how do you know? You seem to care too much for what is good for you and what is not, I mean, there is nothing wrong with a good cigarette is there, providing a woman doesn’t smoke it obviously,” he pointed, precariously tasting a forkful of his food.
“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” sighed Gen, “here, stop watching that old movie…”
“But have you seen it, how do they make Superman fly so realistically? I cannot believe that all these superheroes are now big movie stars as opposed to comic book heroes…..”
“….look away and try this,” she requested while handing him a tablet, “I have downloaded a list of cultural differences between today and 1939. I suggest you read it through and digest it. Meanwhile I have some research to do, if I can find out just who is behind the attempted assassination on the President I may just get to keep my job after you messed it all up.”
Remarkableman sparked up “The Nazis!”
“Ermm, I doubt it,” replied Gen, now getting used to this kind of outburst.
He asked her “Why not?”
“Just read this,” she now demanded trying not to raise the tone too high.
“Wow, this is just like a newspaper on a television screen.” Remarkableman sat quietly and read. Occasionally, after a paragraph or so he got up and wandered over to things, like the fridge for example and wowed himself, “a cold larder in a box!” The washing machine: “a laundrette in your very own house!” The dishwasher: “what does a woman have left to do these days?!”
However after an hour of silence he stood up, “Do not fear I am now fully up to date with modern times and informed of all the social changes and so we can expect no more mishaps.”
“Good,” she said, “I am off to bed; you can sleep on the sofa.”
Understandably alarmed then was her two flatmates when they came in after a hefty night out in the clubs to find that Remarkableman had located a rather large storage tub, upturned it, filled it with hot water boiled from the oven’s rings and was now naked inside it in the middle of the living area, scrubbing his back with a toilet brush. “Hello!” he welcomed them both as they staggered through the door with glowing smiles on their faces, “the water is still hot if you want to go next!”
7.
Remarkableman stubs out his cigarette, “are you serious, these things can really kill you?” he mutters in confusion.
“They kill hundreds of people each year through lung cancer and heart disease,” she pointed out, lying on the sofa scanning the computer.
He paces the room, “is that all people do all day, just click on that computer thing? Maybe if they took some exercise….”
“Yep! You are not wrong,” she proudly admitted, “Although it’s amazing what you can find on the net if you dig enough. Look at this fanboy site,” she said, moving the screen to face him, she twizzled around so she could see it too and read the article out loud, “The Lost Generation of Superheroes. It is little known fact that towards the end of the 1930s real costumed superheroes roamed the streets of American cities and were much the inspiration for the original comic book counterparts like Superman. The archenemy of one particularly lost hero, Remarkableman was known as the Violet Avenger who, after the Remarkableman’s sudden disappearance was bought to justice by another new, unknown superhero. Little is known of this, except this recently discovered photograph of the villain being apprehended by the police. Since this time the CIA cover-up of the real superheroes began and people believe that the whole invention was purely for fictional comic books……”
Remarkableman scanned the article, he felt quite chuffed to have been mentioned so far in the future but as he looked deeper into the photo he noticed a man in the background, “hey, that looks just like your President!” he perked up.
Gen was alarmed, “It is!” she cried, “but how would he end up in a photo from 1939? That is impossible? Mind you, you being here is impossible, but you are.”
Remarkableman shrugged, “well, I am remarkable but not impossible,” he added to which Gen had no reply worthy of opening her mouth for.
He continued unperturbed by her lack of response, “read the rest of the article….”
“Huh?” she flicked through the text on the screen, “oh yeah right. Well it says something about the mystery of who exactly this superhero was, certain that you had left the world of superheroes…..”
“I couldn’t help that!” he remarked.
“Well, no, but they didn’t know that at that time did they?” she sighed.
“So as soon as I leave some ot
her superhero is muscling in on my turf, the bloody cheek of it. I bet it’s Sausageman, he was always out to get a piece of the action!” he bellowed smashing his fist onto the wall and causing the plaster to crumble.
“Do you mind, that’s my wall!” she reminded him, secretly pondering the superpowers of someone called Sausageman, he could be far more worthy partnering up with than this bozo.
“Sorry,” he held his head low in embarrassment, clearly not used to being told off by a woman his junior.
Gen went on reading, trying to ignore the fact that she now had a new glassless window in her apartment, “It goes on to say that a cartoonist called Russell Stamm witnessed the superhero capture the Violet Avenger and although he said the hero was far too quick to see properly in the smog he was sure it was not Remarkableman. Mr Stamm said no more about the incident and until questioned many years later as to why he did not get a proper look at the crime-fighter he suggested the superhero was invisible…….is Sausageman invisible?”
“Of course not, the guy eats a truckload of sausages every day, you can see him coming from 20 miles away,” suggested Remarkableman rubbing his oversized chin.
Just then the silent contemplation was abruptly disturbed by the smash of the door, it caved in and a smoke bomb rolled into the apartment, filling the room with smoke. Through the thick haze the figures of six armed men professionally rolled into the room and took up offensive positions. However their targets were superheroes and so unfortunately they had both escaped out of the newly formed window and were far away before the commander of the armed response unit could even say the newly revised lengthy 12 page dossier of the Miranda rights taking into account all new restrictions for health and safety procedures.
8.
She suddenly awakes to see him crouching over her, rubbing her stomach gently. A purple aura like a temperate mist surrounds his caressing hand as it envelopes the wound. She stares down in amazement and wonder then moves her eyes to meet his. She had never taken the time before to notice what beautiful eyes he had.
Remarkableman looked deep into her eyes and then he averted his gaze flush to his hand. He spoke softly to her, “you took quite a hit there, are you okay?”
“I feel fine,” she stammered, shocked by his tender touch and temperate nature, is she seeing a new side to this mysterious superhero, she considered that he wasn’t the dribbling buffoon she once assumed him to be. “How did you do that?”
“On my planet our hands can secrete healing powers,” he claimed, “don’t ask me to explain how.”
Gen made it to a sitting position and smiled at him, thankful for his nursing. “Thank you,” she murmured and took a look around her. They were in some kind of cave, it was dark at the back but to her left she could see natural light beaming through a circular opening and she could hear the crashing of the waves on the rocks. “Where are we?”
“Far away, they won’t find us here. You are lucky, when we burst out of your apartment they opened fired on us, gave us everything they had. My cloak is protective against bullets but as I pulled you in a shell caught you in the ribcage. I have removed the item, secured the wound and it sterilised the burst tissue, you will be alright.”
Gen was stunned, this man really was a superhero, she thought, more so than she would ever be, she was just a drone, a genetic solider but here, well, here was the real deal. While she considered this Remarkableman had moved to the edge of the cave and, standing over the rocks at the crashing waves he stared down into the deep waters. Then his eyes turned a bright scarlet and two laser beams shot out of them into the water. He levitated just over the surface and like a seagull he swooped into the water. Gen gasped and then giggled as he came back to surface with two large grey fish in each hand, “now to get the fire going, you must be hungry,” he uttered, his voice smooth as silk.
It was not long before Gen could stand and practised walking around the cave while Remarkableman crouched stoking the fire and gutting the fish with his laser eyes. She moved her hand to her waistband where she withdrew her cell phone. Flicking her fingers across the panel she sighed, “No 3G network here, how are we……”
Remarkableman laughed at her, “you are addicted to that inter-web thing; you all are. Can you not function without it?” he asked her sarcastically.
“Without it we cannot get access to any information about the gang that attempted to assassinate the President. If we could work this out and capture the ringleader before it’s too late we may get a pardon,” she suggested, her mood changing slightly back to aggravation that he seemed to still always mock modern discoveries and inventions.
“What would you do if you lived in 1939, you wouldn’t have it then would you, you would need skill, intuition and knowledge to defeat the enemy,” he slyly pointed out.
She wandered over to him and copied his pose, “if I lived in 1939 I would not be a superhero would I, you lot are a chauvinistic sexist bunch of hypocrites.”
“You would not be permitted to be a superhero of any kind. The world is a wrongful place in 1939, full of sexist and racist ideas that I cannot deny. I would rather live here in 2014 but I was just saying without your technology you are weak. I did not mean to offend you……” his comment ended in almost a weep.
Gen stood up and paced the cave, “damn you are right about that, but hey, life was so much simple back then, you had no health and safety regulations, people did not sue anyone for merely touching them; people were not so paranoid. No,” she decided, “you guys had it better before, I would rather live in 1939!”
Remarkableman stood up, “that is a bold and rash thing to say Gen; you would be nothing there though. Think about it, you would be reduced to a typist or a housewife.”
“I could break that mould; I could make people see women need equal rights!”
Remarkableman laughed, “I like you Gen, you have spirit and although the change must have come at some point I am sure it took many woman and many generations to have altered people’s thoughts and converted the social ethos. Still, someone would have to get the ball rolling I suppose…..”
“Exactly!” she smiled at him, “you know you are not such a bad person after all, I take back all the banana jokes,” as she said this she smoothed herself to his side and before long they were closer than ever before, virtually cuddling. “Thinking about it logically, if that photo showed the President in 1939 he must have travelled in time and the only way he could have done that, of which we know about is by your archenemy the Violet Avenger. Perhaps, if he came to 2014 as well it would be him that is the ringleader of the assassination plot.”
“Wow!” joked Remarkableman, “and you worked all that out without the need for Facebook?”
She nudged him in the ribs and giggled, “You are so cheeky!”
They had a little play fight on the rocks as the scent of the fish drew them to hunger. Remarkableman seemed less remarkable, he seemed quite shy and reserved and she found herself making the first move. She leaned over and kissed him. He was shocked and he pulled back, only now fully realising the nature of her actions. She was flirting…with him!
“What is wrong,” she purred, “do you not like me?”
He began to prod the fish, checking if it was cooked through. She noted that he avoided the question so she asked him again. “Of course I do,” was his reply, “just, well, it’s hard to explain.”
Gen took her time to break him down, something was seriously troubling him but he would not give until the point she had him in a corner and he was quivering with fear to what Gen was becoming suspicious of, so she took a wild guess, “are you…..are you gay?”
“Not at the moment, I’m sad!”
“No, I mean, a homosexual?”
There was a long silence and he nodded, “It is disgusting, it is terrible I know. The times I have thought about ending it all. Or marrying a woman in hope my disgraceful and unholy cravings would go away….” He whimpered.
“But RM, you are not in 1939
now, you can go about and announce it to the world, shout it from the highest mountain and no one will think anything less of you……” she pointed out.
“2014, it really is a nicer place….”
“Well,” she admitted, “that is debatable. Still, hey, I think my flatmate Matthew likes you….”
Remarkableman did the one thing he never thought he could do, he was able to admit to another person that he had feelings for another man; he could joke about it and he could, and did, blush like the colour of a strawberry.
Gen noticed him hiding his embarrassment and walked over the entrance of the cave, throwing a pebble or two into the waters below, she wanted to change the subject to make him feel more at ease, “you never answered my question, where are we?”
It worked a treat; Remarkableman changed his mood “this cavern is the base of an ancient spaceship sent here by my people for research, my father implanted a mechanism of communication that should I find as a young man I would have some information as to who I was and where I came from. Come with me and I will show you….” He stood up and gestured her hand. She took it safe in the knowledge that this was a plutonic relationship and together they wandered deeper inside the cave.
A natural alcove was lit bright white like a vivid dream, stalactites of ice frozen to the ceiling; it was beautiful thought Gen as they wandered gracefully over to them. He plucked one from random and inserted it into a small hole in a flat level rock at waist height. The stalactite slipped into it with ease, as if it was made for this very purpose. The ground rumbled slightly, gently a mist began to appear before them. Gen was amazed, it was a magical and tranquil moment as her superhero stood proud at the helm of this ancient craft. The mist began to take shape, Gen could make out a head and shoulders and slowly the mist descended the shape to mould into legs and arms. A whole body of mist stood mysterious before them and it began to take form. As the seconds past the vapour formed a solid male human-like body and the features of a face materialised. Gen was in awe, this surely was of another world, lost in centuries of time as she witnessed the body move, and it smiled. Remarkableman bowed to the apparition and it spoke in a deep bellowed voice, “El-Kay, you have returned….”
Tales of Worrow Volume II Page 7
