by Cora Carmack
“What about you, Bliss?” Lindsay asked. “We all know you’re wetting yourself just thinking about this.”
I might have blushed, if my cheeks weren’t already flushed from the alcohol.
“I think it went well. I just . . . I really get Phaedra, you know?”
Kelsey burst out laughing, and I kicked her under the table.
Cade smiled at me, “What? Are you lusting after some family member I’ve never met?’
I pushed at his shoulder, and he laughed, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me close.
“I’m kidding, babe.”
“I just . . . I get what it’s like to want something, but to try and force yourself to really believe that you don’t. It doesn’t even have to be about love. It’s about wanting something you can’t have or something you don’t think you deserve. Hell, we want the parts that our friends get, even though they’re our friends and we should be happy for them. We sit in the audience and think about how we would have done a role. We want what we can’t have. It’s human nature.”
I might have gotten a little carried away. The table was quiet when I finished.
Until Rusty said, “You are clearly not drunk enough!” So, we did more drinking, and our food arrived, looking greasy and glorious.
“You guys do realize there is one major topic we haven’t talked about.” Victoria raised an eyebrow, and continued. “Professor I’m sex incarnate and could probably get you pregnant just by looking at you.”
Most of the guys around the table (minus Rusty) groaned, while most of the girls (minus me) plus Rusty said various differentiations of “Hell yes!”
Victoria fanned herself. “Seriously, that first day when he spoke, I think his accent alone nearly gave me an orgasm.”
I stayed quiet, and Kelsey did, too, shooting me a questioning glance.
I could excuse myself and go to the bathroom. Would that seem bizarre? It’s not like I hadn’t had a lot to drink.
“Kelsey, why aren’t you backing me up here?” Victoria asked. “Can I just call dibs for as soon as we graduate?”
I tried to keep my face passive.
Kelsey smiled, “Oh, yeah, he’s cute. But he’s a little too prim and proper for me. I like a guy who is a bit more dangerous.” She winked at Jeremy, and I’m sure his jaw would have detached if it dropped any lower.
“What? His motorcycle isn’t dangerous enough for you?” Cade asked.
“He has a motorcycle? I didn’t know that!” She shot me an accusing look like I was betraying her by not relaying this piece of information.
“What happened with him and Dom?” Lindsay asked me. “Dom is still bitching about how he manhandled him during your audition.”
Cade’s hand slipped from the back of the booth to around my shoulders, and he gave me a quick squeeze.
“Dom’s just a jackass. Mr. Taylor just pulled him off of me, that’s all.”
Rusty smiled and pointed at Cade and me, “You two are so cute. ‘ Oh Mr. Taylor this and Mr. Taylor that.’ I think you’re the only ones still treating him like a teacher instead of a piece of meat.”
I rolled my eyes. I never called him Mr. Taylor to his face, but it just felt weird to talk about him with other people and call him Garrick. I felt like they’d be able to read all my secrets on my face, and they’d know exactly how un-teacher-like I considered him.
Maybe I did need that bathroom break after all. I nudged Cade, and he slipped out of the booth, and let me go. Every step away from that booth, my anxiety eased. I’d stay gone for a few minutes, then I’d come back and they’d be on a completely different conversation, and everything would be fine.
I was walking by the bar when I heard my name.
“Bliss!”
I turned, but didn’t see anyone.
“Bliss!”
The voice was closer, and this time when I looked behind the bar, I saw him—Bartender Boy.
I smiled, and tried to appear happy to see him. But honestly . . . I couldn’t even remember his name. There were far too many other things that had taken my focus that night. As always when I thought of Garrick, my stomach flipped and I had to concentrate on not getting lost in the memories.
When we were across the bar from each other, Bartender Boy said, “Hey . . . I hope it’s not creepy that I remember your name.”
It was. A little.
“I promise not to be creeped out, if you’ll forgive me for not remembering yours.”
His lips pulled down in a frown briefly before he smiled and said, “Brandon.”
“Right, Brandon. Of course. I’m sorry. It’s been a long week.”
“Well, let me make it a little bit better.” He pulled out a glass and poured me a shot of tequila. “On the house.”
I felt awkward taking the shot alone, but I couldn’t very well decline it. So, I thanked him, shrugged, and downed it in one gulp.
I laughed, not because anything was funny, but just because it seemed like the thing to do.
“Listen,” Brandon started. “I don’t mean to come on too strong, but do you want to go out sometime?”
Did I want to go out with him? More importantly, did I want to sleep with him? Despite all the craziness with Garrick, I was still a virgin. And I still wished I wasn’t. Here was another opportunity to fix that . . . one that didn’t involve breaking school rules and risking expulsion. I looked at him. Kelsey had been right; he was cute. And he was definitely interested.
I tried to imagine what sleeping with him might be like. I tried to imagine the shedding of our clothes, his hands against my skin, his lips against mine. I tried, but every image I conjured was of Garrick doing those things, not Brandon.
Damn, why couldn’t I just snap my fingers and not be a virgin anymore? Why did sex have to be involved? And why was it that all I could think about was Garrick, but I’d even backed out of sex with him?
Why did my brain absolutely refuse to make sense?
Brandon answered his question for himself, “I’m guessing that’s probably a no. It usually is if it takes that long to answer.”
I smiled a tight, close-lipped smile. “Sorry. You seem really nice, but I’m just not that interested . . . right now.” Damn, I always did that. I sucked at confrontation, so I always added phrases like “right now.”
Brandon nodded, “It’s cool. Don’t worry about it. I, uh, better get back to work though.”
He didn’t wait for my answer before he strode down the length of the bar to help a customer at the far end. Sighing, I made my way to the bathroom, where I splashed some water on my face.
It didn’t help the chaos in my brain, but I could feel the alcohol tingling in my stomach, and that at least made me feel okay with the chaos.
I returned to the table, where another two shots were waiting for me, courtesy of Cade, and thankfully the conversation was on to some other gossip that didn’t involve Garrick. By the time we’d had the next round, my skin felt like a warm blanket and my throat ached from laughing at things that may or may not have actually been funny. We were all gone enough that our conversation had devolved into fragments, inside jokes, and laughter.
“I am so drunk,” Rusty started, “That I just want to sit in my car and play my accordion until I’m sober.”
My laughter was embarrassingly loud. “You have an accordion?”
“Hell, yes, I do. Wanna listen to me play?”
“Of course!”
I left my wallet with Cade, so he could pay for mine. I gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek as a reward.
“Oh! Me too! Me too!” Kelsey cried. She gave her wallet to Cade, too, with a head pat instead of the kiss, and Rusty wrapped an arm around each of us.
“Take notes, boys! The ladies always love a man who can play an instrument!”
Lindsay snorted, “Your instrument doesn’t even like girls, Rusty!”
“Doesn’t mean they don’t like it!”
I’m sure the volume in the bar lowered by half whe
n we were gone, but I couldn’t tell the difference. It was still loud in my head. After a few minutes, the rest of the group joined us outside on the hood of Rusty’s car, where he was playing his accordion and singing a song he said was French (but I’m pretty sure was just gibberish).
It didn’t really matter to us. After a few minutes, we knew the gibberish enough to sing along. We serenaded the bar’s patrons as they meandered to their cars at 2 AM. We sang in English and gibberish. We sang Britney Spears and Madonna and Phantom of the Opera. Cade did some ridiculous rap where he rhymed maybe with scabies. And we continued serenading until they were all gone, and the owner came out to tell us to get lost.
We were all still too drunk to drive, except for maybe Jeremy, but none of our cars were big enough to fit us all.
So on a whim I said, “Let’s go to my place. It’s about half a mile away, but I’m pretty sure I’ve got vodka in my freezer.”
So with a battle cry of “Vodka!” we were off.
I came to regret that night later, but then, I just hadn’t wanted it to end.
CHAPTER TWELVE
SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE bar and my apartment, I lost my shoes. They were low heels, but they were killing my feet all the same. So, I simply bent over and pushed them off.
“Whoa, babe, what are you doing?”
I fell into Cade, giggling. I thought I was drunk before, but now that a little time had passed . . . It had really hit me. I was possibly farther gone than I’d ever been. “Shoes are stupid. Why do people wear them?”
He laughed, “So they don’t step on a nail and get tetanus, that’s why.”
“Wear. Where. Wear. W’s are wwweeird.”
He laughed, so I laughed, even though I had no idea what was funny.
“You’re adorable. Come here. I’ll give you a piggyback ride home to save your feet.”
“Yay!”
He squatted, and I leapt onto his back. With my high heels in his hands, we teetered down the road. When we walked into my parking lot, I was singing a made up song that went something like,“Cade is my hero! Zero to hero!”
“What do you mean zero? I was never a zero!”
“Cade is my best friend! One day we’re gonna be on West End! His car smells like cheese! I just wanna give him a squeeze!”
Rusty called, “Give him a squeeze in private!”
“And Rusty is a douche! And the wind in my hair smells like whoosh!”
Cade laughed, “Don’t you mean sounds?”
“What sounds?”
“Nevermind,” He chuckled.
I saw my apartment come into view.
“Aw, crap. I forgot my purse.”
“I’ve got it, babe.”
“You do? You’re the best!”
I gave him a loud, smacking kiss. I’d been aiming for his cheek, but I think it landed somewhere on his neck.
About that time, I heard Jeremy shout, “Hey! Mr. T! What’s up?”
“There’s a wrestler here?” I asked.
“Nah, it’s Mr. Taylor.”
I squeaked, let go of Cade’s shoulder, and leaned back to look for him. In doing so, I threw off Cade’s balance, and the both of us toppled to the ground, him on top of me.
I groaned.
“Shiiiit. Cade weighs a lot. Way more than I thought!” I moaned/sang.
I felt adrift, my world rocking like I was out at sea.
Cade said, “Hey Mr. Taylor.”
“Hello Cade. You all right?”
“Sure thing.” He pushed himself up onto his knees, and then stood. When he tried to pick me up too, I got a good look at Garrick staring down at me. His hair was all sexy and his grin so gorgeous.
It wasn’t fair that he looked so good.
I groaned and covered my eyes.
“Why does the world hate me?”
They both laughed, but it wasn’t funny. SERIOUSLY. Why does the world hate me?
“Come on, babe.” Cade tried to pull me up, but my body felt dead.
“I don’t think I can stand,” I told him. “I feel like a wet noodle.”
“Do you now?” Cade’s amused face looked away from me, and my eyes drifted shut. “Do you mind, Mr. Taylor?
The next thing I knew I was in the air and I was flying. I leaned to my left, and there was the side of Garrick’s face. It was such a pretty side of a face. My arm was around his shoulder, and together, he and Cade were carrying me. Garrick took hold of me completely while Cade crouched and dug through my purse for my keys.
I laid my head against Garrick’s chest.
“You smell so good. Why do you always smell so good?”
Cade laughed, “Oookay. And that’s our cue to let the professor go.”
I let go of Garrick, and Cade’s arm wrapped around my middle.
“Sorry, Mr. Taylor.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“Listen, she’d be horrified if she knew you saw her like this. I swear she’s not normally like this. She’s just been really stressed lately for some reason.”
“It’s fine, Cade. I promise. Goodnight, Bliss.”
I perked up and snatched the sleeve of his shirt. “No, stay.”
Rusty popped up then, his accordion still in hand. “Yeah, Garrick, stay. Bliss Baby has vodka.”
Garrick smirked at me. “I think Bliss Baby has had enough. And thank you for the offer, but there are still some lines I shouldn’t cross.” His eyes met mine, and I knew he wasn’t just talking about the party. That sobered me up a little, not much, but enough to know that I was making a fool of myself.
“You guys be careful. Have fun.”
Then he walked away, and Cade helped me inside and on to my couch.
The guys went about raiding my fridge, and Kelsey sat by me on the couch, and laid across my lap.
“So, your lover was looking pretty great tonight.”
“Kelsey! Shut up!”
“What? No one heard me.”
I looked around. She was right. The guys were stealing chips out of my pantry. Lindsay and Victoria were pouring vodka into glasses of orange juice. When I was sure no one was paying attention, I looked back at Kelsey.
“He always looks good. I don’t know how much longer I can handle this. One day I’m going to spontaneously sexually combust and jump him in the middle of class.”
She laughed, “As interesting as that would be. . . . you know it’s a terrible idea. Besides . . . you’ve already had him. Apparently he was good enough to make you want him again, but it’s not like he’s a mystery you’re dying to puzzle out. You just need a distraction.”
I nodded half-heartedly, even though I was pretty sure nothing could distract me from wanting Garrick. And what Kelsey didn’t know was that he was still a mystery to me. And God, did I want to play Nancy Drew.
Kelsey’s eyes gleamed, and she pushed herself up and off of my lap.
“Do you know what game I’ve never played?” She asked the entire room. “Spin the bottle!”
Victoria looked skeptical. “You’ve never played Spin the Bottle? Seriously?’
Kelsey shrugged, then turned to peer at me over her shoulder, and winked. “What can I say?” She continued. “I was a late bloomer. By the time these ladies came in,” she gestured to her ginormous boobs, “People had stopped needing a game as an excuse to make out.”
Cade raised an eyebrow at her. “And we need an excuse now?”
She hopped off the couch, and settled Indian style on the ground, grabbing a half-full water bottle off the coffee table. “Of course not. But it’s the game that’s exciting.”
She grabbed my arm and tugged. I landed on the floor in a heap, laughing hysterically.
“See?” Kelsey said. “Bliss is already having fun. Vic, bring the vodka! We’ll make this a little more interesting. This is adult Spin the Bottle. Which means none of that peck on the lips stuff. I wanna see tongue.”
“I swear, Kelsey, you’re more of a perv than most guys I know. “ Lindsay said.
“Thank you! Now, I’m not unreasonable. You can choose to do a peck instead. . . . but you have to do a shot as penalty.”
Most of the boys looked relieved. Rusty looked disappointed.
“There are far more girls here than guys,” Lindsay pointed out.
Victoria grinned, “Perhaps we should go find Garrick and make him join us.”
I blanched, “No! Absolutely not.”
“God, Bliss, you’re such a prude.”
Kelsey sent me a knowing smile. And I definitely needed that distraction. I reached forward and set the bottle spinning.
It landed on Rusty, and I didn’t even give him a chance to opt out of the kiss. I leaned across the circle, grabbed his collar and pulled him toward me. I was drunk enough that the kiss was a little sloppy, but we were all drunk, so what did it matter? I kissed him for several seconds longer before pushing him back down and sliding back to my seat.
Rusty whistled, “Damn girl. If I weren’t 110% gay, I would ask you out right now.”
I threw my head back and laughed. It felt good to let go.
Rusty went next, and poor Jeremy was the next victim. He grabbed the bottle of vodka and said, “No offense, Rusty, but you’re just not my type.” He smiled, took a big gulp, and then planted a lightning fast peck on Rusty’s lips.
We oooh’ed like middle schoolers.
A knock sounded on the door, and Kelsey hopped up and skipped down the hall. She returned with ten more people from our department.
“You don’t mind, do you?” She asked me. It was just like Kelsey to invite first and get permission later. I shook my head anyway, way past caring.
“Excellent, take your seats ladies and gentlemen. It’s time for some debauchery.”
And there was really no other term for it. In a matter of minutes, I’d seen so many friends making out with friends, regardless of whether they liked each other or drove each other crazy or thought of each other as siblings. For one night we put everything aside and let a bottle of Aquafina determine our lives.
The next time the bottle landed on me, the spinner was a girl. The guys all booed us when we both chose the penalty shot. But they cheered at our peck anyway. Laughing, I spun the bottle again and it landed on Cade.
