Why didn’t he just tell me! Hormones forgotten; I get very angry. How could he hurt me so much, we should have been a team and worked through it, but instead he hurt me beyond words “You should have told me!” I yell, emotion coating my words “We could of figured it out together, but you just threw us away!” I’m losing control, I need to calm down before I say something I regret. Taking a calming breath, I look over and see him with his head in his hands “I understand why you did it” I say, trying to stay calm “But if I had to choose between losing you and losing dance, I would of chose dance every time. I love dancing, but I loved you more” I tell him as tears well in my eyes. We lost 2 years because of Tiff, because he didn’t tell me. My heart was broken and I had no say in the matter at all “I should have told you, I shouldn’t have let it go on this long. I hated it when you left, I felt like I’d lost a part of myself” he strangles out. I finally got the answers I needed, now what do I do, I still love this man, but the trust has gone. I need some time to think on my own, but one remaining question is still burning a hole in my head “Did you sleep with her?” I’ve wanted to ask this since we broke up, I know he has, I can feel it, but I need him to tell me “Beck’s, you have to understand, I thought you were gone forever. I lost all hope, I didn’t care about anything anymore” he says stumbling over and grabbing my hands out from my lap, he picks them up and hold them to his face “I love you so much. When you left I was in a dark place, I was drinking a lot to cope with the pain. It was one night when I couldn’t see straight, she led me to a bedroom, I wasn’t thinking” he says, not knowing how much his words hurt.
My mum used alcohol to excuse her actions and I let her, but I never thought Reid would do the same, he knows my mum is a drinker, he knows how I feel about it “So you did, you gave it to her” I choke out, id promised my innocence to him years ago, even when we fell apart I didn’t give it to anyone else, I didn’t know how, he was my life.
I thought we were forever.
“You broke my heart, you ripped it out in front of everyone. I ran away from my home for two years because of you!“ Subconsciously, I know it wasn’t totally his fault, but I can’t see beyond me hurting and him moving on with her. It feels like he’s cheated our trust, I never moved on, I never let another man touch me, even when he told me to move on and forget about him. Now, I find he’s been rolling around with the one person who split us up, it burns me to even contemplate it “I have to go, I can’t be around you right now” I strangle out as I make a dash for the door “Beck’s I’m so sorry, if I even thought you would come back I wouldn’t have ever contemplated it. I thought I’d lost you forever, if I could go back, I would change everything. I felt sick the next day, I gave her something id promised to someone else a long time ago” he says chasing after me “I love you Beck’s, please just stay so we can talk about it” he pleads with me as he follows me down the drive “I need to be alone right now” I tell him as I unlock my car, I need space away from him, all this time I held on to us, I thought there was always a way back, but now I’m not so sure.
Chapter Seven
Pulling up at my mums house I hoped to god she wasn’t here, I needed to grab some last bits I’d forgotten and I needed be somewhere away from anything to do with Reid right now. Not seeing her car, I walk round to the back of the house. Moving the plant pot by the back door, I grab the spare key, I’d left it here years ago after mum took my keys and locked me out when I was 15, I was out in the cold for 5 hours before she finally let me back in. Unlocking the back door, I check the house is quiet. Satisfied it is, I move to go up to my room, I need to get this done fast. Seeing it empty is weird and a little unreal. Lifting the mattress, I grab my leather-bound diary that I had forgotten. My whole life was in this book, I hadn’t picked it up in years, but all the good times with Reid had been poured out onto the pages. I knew I couldn’t leave it here and risk my mum getting hold of it, even if having it makes my heart ache. Seeing an earring under the bed I bend down the grab it, hearing the front door slam I freeze, I should have parked my car down the street in case this happened, now I can’t sneak out, stupid stupid Becca!
I creep onto the landing and listen out for noise, when I hear my mum laughing, I realise she isn’t alone. This isn’t good, any guys she’s ever brought back here have always been creep’s, I always made sure to lock my door and keep myself hidden after the first time she brought a man home. I was 12 and the guy was leering at me and talking to my mum about buying me for the night, I was old enough to understand that it wasn’t right, I ran up to my bedroom and locked the door before hiding under my bed until I heard him leave. Sex noises coming from downstairs right now means she’s entertaining and was either too drunk to notice my car, or didn’t care. Not wanting to be in this house a second longer I decide to risk it, I creep down the stairs as quietly as I can muster, sounds of slapping flesh can be heard from the front room making me want to vomit. Ducking down as much as I can, I creep past the living room door and go to the front door to find she’s locked it. Damn it, I’ll have to try and creep to the back door. The kitchen is open plan into the front room, so I’m going to have to be as quiet as I can until I get to the it. I should have just stayed upstairs until they passed out, I’m taking a big risk being down here.
Hoping they are distracted I make my way slowly to the kitchen, I’m almost at the back door when I feel a hand grab hold of my ponytail “Ah, so you’re back are you, silly whore” she spits throwing me on the ground, pain explodes from my head when it bounces off the kitchen floor “Thought you could leave me high and dry did ya! How am I supposed to pay the bills without your wages huh? Stupid cunt!” she says as she grabs hold of me and backhands me across the face. White hot pain flashes across my cheek and I feel blood trickle from my lip “Mum stop, please, let me go!” I scream, it’s no use though as she throws me back on the ground and kicks me in the ribs, “Fuck you, your just like your dad, toxic and evil. I should have aborted you when I had the chance!” she screams at me, I try to hold my lip to stem the bleeding, Damn that stings. “Well, well well, you didn’t tell me your daughter was so beautiful” a man says as he comes in the kitchen, He smiles over at me with a toothy grin. This isn’t good, he’s topless with his jeans hanging and belt still undone, panic takes over me as he steps closer to me. I try to make a dash for the door but he gets hold of me by the neck making me shriek in fear “And where do you think you are going huh?” he says as he sniffs my cheek making me recoil “Oh no, we are going to have some fun first” he says as he brings his other hand round to grope my breast “Mum, please, stop him!” I say through tears, this is not happening, this is not happening “You’re a juicy one aren’t ya! Mmmm very nice” he says as he flicks my nipple through my strap top. My mum stands there watching while grabbing a bottle of vodka from the cupboard and just when I think she might help me, she just walks off to the front room “Mum! Help me please!” I shout, but she ignores me and carries on as if her friend isn’t sexually assaulting me right now. I need to get out of this somehow, I can’t let this happen. I manage to stamp on the guys foot expecting him to let me go, but he just cries out “Arg! You stupid bitch” he says as he punches me in the face, my eyes roll around in my head, I feel like I’m going to pass out. I’m still being held up by my throat until he throws me on the ground and comes down on top of me. Feeling his weight pressing on me makes me start hyperventilating. I feel something hard pressed up against my leg, the realisation makes me want to vomit “NO! get off!” I scream, I start smacking his hand and thrashing my legs but it’s no use, he backhands me across the face with such force my teeth rattle “Fight me, go on, makes me hard” he says as he tries to get his hands in my pants, all I can do is fight back. Why did I come back here, all for my stupid diary, all because I couldn’t let go of something that reminded me of Reid, now my innocence is going to be taken away without my permission, and I’m powerless to stop it. I squeeze my thighs shut to try and stop him from reaching
me “HELP ME! SOMEONE PLEAS…” I start to scream when a big beefy hand covers my mouth, swallowing my pleas “Now Now, no screaming little one, I’ll make you feel good don’t worry” he says as he takes his hand out of trying to get in my underwear to pull down the top of my dress, with my breasts exposed he bites down hard on my nipple. I sob as I still try to fight my way out of this slapping his head and back, trying anything I can to get him to let me go enough to escape. He removes his hand from my mouth to grab hold of both of my hand and pins them above my head stopping my onslaught. Using his other hand, he forces my legs apart to grab my underwear, with a terrifying pull he rips them away from me, leaving me bare and shoves my underwear in my mouth to stop me screaming.
Oh god, I’m not going to get out of this.
I try and scream out around the gag in my mouth, but it’s just coming out muffled. He squeezes my wrists painfully tight as he uses his other hand to reach my sex, without me slapping him away he finds it easily. My fight dies when he forces two fingers inside my body brutally, a sharp pain hits me from the intrusion, I try to plead with him to stop around the underwear in my mouth “You’re nice and tight aren’t you, I love the untouched ones. Worth more for breaking” he says as he pistons he’s fat fingers inside me. My hair is soaked with my tears as I lay there trying to think of anything other than what is happening to me, I try to let my body go numb as he pulls his trousers down his legs and gets his ugly fat cock out and lubes it up with his own spit. I try to think of Reid, of us, having picnics at the nature reserve, us dressing up as batman and robin for Halloween, us loving each other. Feeling a prodding sensation at my entrance I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to brace myself for the pain. He laughs when he sees my expression “Don’t worry baby, I’m going to enjoy myself” he says before pushing into to me with such force it makes me scream with pain, I lay there on the floor powerless, sobbing and hyperventilating as he violates my body, taking my innocence for himself. In this moment, all I can think is I want to die. All my life I’ve I’ve coped with so much, but this is something I don’t think I can come back from.
Reid is never going to want me now, the thought makes me sob harder, I’m surprised I have any tears left to shed. With a roar he stops moving and empties himself into my unprotected body, getting up he looks down at me while fastening his belt “Love a virgin, I hope I see you again soon little one” he says as he strokes my cheek, I don’t even have the awareness to move away from him now, I feel like my mind has snapped. He moves to the kitchen table and throws down a wad of cash before leaving out the back door. I lay on the floor putting myself into the smallest ball possible wishing my heart would stop beating.
I lay there for what seems like hours until I finally push myself onto shaky legs, feeling soreness between my legs makes me wince as sobs wrack my body. My head spins when try to remain upright, I have to use the kitchen counter to keep myself up. I look over to see mum passed out on the sofa, how could she do this to her own child. The wad of cash on the side makes what just happened all too real. I run out the back door as fast as I can but my legs don’t cooperate like they should, my head thumps as I make my way to the only place I could probably get to in this state. I finally make it to the door managing a weak knock, my legs give out from under me and I crumble against the door, finally letting the blackness take me.
Chapter Eight
Reid
She left. I finally told her my biggest secret, the one thing that’s been making my life hell and took her from me, and she left. Sitting on the sofa I put my hands on top of my head to try and make sense of what just happened. I know why she’s angry, I would be too if I found out what she has, but she has to know I still love her. I only went along with it so I could protect her. Why didn’t I just tell her back then!
I should have just told her.
She’s right, we would have worked it out, but being the idiot I am, I didn’t think there was any other option. When Tiff showed me the video at the Halloween party, I thought I was going to be sick. No one had ever seen Beck’s like that, we were each other’s first everything. Squeezing my eyes shut I feel like I’m going to throw up all over again when I think of that night I gave myself to Tiff, I gave away something I’d promised to Beck’s years before.
She’s never going to forgive me, and I don’t blame her. I’ve seriously broken our trust by hurting her so badly. God, the way I’ve been acting towards her since she’s been home, you don’t do that to someone you love. At least when she was away I didn’t have to watch her move on, but having her back, dancing with Brady that night. I wanted to hurt her, for making me feel like this… for making me feel anything. I’d been so numb the day I left that stuff on her doorstep, I had to shut my feelings off otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it. I hadn’t let myself feel at all while she was away, I turned to partying and drinking to try and numb the thoughts that were constantly on my mind.
But the moment I saw her at the party, the feelings I’ve been trying to suppress for the last two years came right to the surface, almost choking me. She looked even more fucking beautiful than in my dreams, her sexy curves called me to as she swayed her hips. She doesn’t even know how amazing she is. I couldn’t stop the jealously that hit me when I noticed Brady with his hands on her. I knew he would never go there, but I was desperate to be able to hold her again, and I knew she wouldn’t let me. Everything went to shit when Tiff landed her bony ass on my lap, she kissed the hell out of me and I knew Beck’s was watching, I could feel her eyes on me. I should have pushed her off my lap, but fear of her ruining Beck’s life made me kiss her back.
My life is a complete mess, Brady and mum tried to get me to fess up why I threw the love of my life away, but they wouldn’t understand. I couldn’t let Tiff do that to her, she had enough going on at home with her shitty mother. I couldn’t fix that at the time. But I could fix this.
I shouldn’t have let her leave, I should have made her stay and told her all the ways I’m sorry and wished I could take it all back. We could have sat down and worked out how to move forward. I refuse to believe that we are over forever. The fact she still loves me means there is a way back for us. There will always be a way back.
Beck’s said she would have let Tiff post the video if she had to choose between me and her reputation, It hurt to think if I had just told her, we wouldn’t have lost these last few years.
Getting up to pace, I try and think of how I can get rid of the video and get Beck’s back. When it was filmed we were 18, so I can’t use that we were minors.
Think Reid.
Think.
Just as I’m about to rip my hair out I hear slight knock at the door. She came back! Thank fuck. Rushing to the door to see her, I take a quick breath before opening it. I’m a bundle of nervous energy when it comes to this girl, no one else affects me this way. Throwing open the door, my smile fades as I see the crumpled figure in the doorway. What the fuck! I crouch down I recognise the pretty yellow dress the crumpled body is wearing “BECK’S!” I choke as I stroke her arm to get her attention. She’s not speaking, why isn’t she speaking? Gently turning her head to me, I’m struck back when I see how beaten it is, who the fuck done this! “Beck’s baby. Please wake up. Who did this to you” I choke out stoking her face. I need to get her out the cold and call someone. As carefully as I can I put my arm under her legs and the other around her back, she lets out a little pained whimper when I lift her “Shhhh. I got you baby. I’m going to get you help” Laying her gently on the sofa, I move to get a blanket to warm her up. Pulling it over her, my legs almost give out when her dress falls down to show the blood on her thighs.
No.
This didn’t happen. I won’t believe this happened.
Trying to gain control of my fury I yank my phone from my pocket to call an ambulance, she needs a hospital asap. “999, What’s your emergency” the droll voice says down the line “My….. my girlfriend has been attacked. I need an ambulance he
re asap” When I find out who done this to her, no one will be able to stop me when I rip out his throat “Is your girlfriend conscious?”
“No. She hasn’t woken up since I found her on my doorstep. Her face is beaten black and blue and there is…..Blood on her legs” Don’t think about it…. Don’t think about it “I’m sending an ambulance and police your way sir” Hurry…. I think to myself as I watch her. I don’t like that she hasn’t woken up, they need to hurry up before I drive her there myself, and I’m in no fit state to be behind a wheel right now. I can’t stop looking at her face, and it’s making me beyond livid. Why didn’t I just go after her, none of this would have happened. If I had just made her stay, none of this would have happened.
It’s all my fault.
When the paramedics arrive, I try my best to keep my cool and explain what happed. The damn police try and take my statement while I’m losing my goddamn mind, luckily one of the officer’s sees how close I am to loosing it and agrees to do it later. Idiots.
Seeing the paramedics hooking her up to machines is making me want to cry, she looks so tiny and vulnerable. Once they have done their checks they try to put her on the bed to take to the ambulance. Hearing her cry out in her sleep when they lift her makes me want to punch the paramedic in the balls “You can ride in the ambulance with her. We are taking her to Colchester general for treatment. Nothing seems to be broken, but she has suffered multiple blows to the head by the looks of things, so they will want to get her checked out, especially since she hasn’t woken up for some time now.” One of them tells me as they wheel her out. What she tells me doesn’t sound good, but it’s not so much the physical injuries I’m worried about, the doctors can help those. It’s the mental scars that terrifies me, they are much harder to heal.
Break my heart (Estate Series 1) Page 6
