“Along with sexual training, they trained us to be assassins, how to kill in a thousand different ways. To slip in and out of homes, crowds, over rooftops, vehicles, whatever it took. If we blew it during training, the beatings were horrendous. We used every kind of weapon. Learned about explosives, how to use them, how to build bombs and take them apart.”
“I would think they would have become a little afraid of you.”
Her statement gave him some hope. He wasn’t coloring in the details because he couldn’t look at them. He had to make her see just how desperate they were without opening those doors too wide and letting the monsters free.
“So many children died in front of us. We all were freezing. There were rats, bugs, little food, no medicine. It reeked. The longer we survived, the more they devised brutal, cruel tortures to use against us. The more children died and the worse our captors got, Czar decided we had to fight back, and he had us work on various skills or talents we had. He wanted each of us to contribute so that we all could get out of there alive.”
“You said he was a child.”
Ice nodded. “He was maybe ten or twelve, I don’t know. He and Reaper had begun devising a plan even before we arrived. Reaper was around five at that time, I think. He and Savage were extremely popular, the way Storm, Alena and I were. I don’t know if when we came, it took some of the pressure off them, but I doubt it. They were much more savagely beaten than us.”
He fell silent, lifting her hand to his mouth, his teeth on the pads of her fingers, scraping back and forth gently.
“Savage and Reaper appear to be very scary men.”
He nodded. There was no denying that fact. “They are for a reason. They had to be so the rest of us could get out of there alive. All of us had to be.”
He was watching her out of the corner of his eye, and he caught the moment when knowledge was beginning to blossom. She went very still, and she briefly closed her eyes. Her expression was cautious.
“The instructors liked to force us to do different things in these sexual training sessions. One of the things I was supposed to do was get a girl excited sexually and show her off to others so they could get off. A group of pedophiles liked that kind of thing. I was getting older then, meaning twelve or thirteen, and the girls were thankfully a little older, not the usual six or seven, but still, it was abhorrent to me when I knew that all these men would be watching her and getting off. It sickened me. Still, if that’s all they’d done, I could have taken it better.”
He shook his head, looked down at her fingers and then brought them up to press them over his forehead. He just sat there, breathing hard. He couldn’t look at her. He had never acknowledged his shame to anyone but Storm, who’d often been forced to participate.
“Ice, it’s all right,” she whispered softly, compassion in her voice.
He shook his head again, refusing to look at her. “It’s not. I refused at first. They beat me. They beat Storm, but I wasn’t going to do that to any of the girls. Then they took Alena from us. We fought them, but they were grown men and they stomped the hell out of us. She came back so broken. She was so little, and they used her like that . . .”
He looked at her. He had to. Right in the eyes. “I would have done anything to save her, including selling everyone else down the river. I traded my soul for my sister. I felt like I had no choice. I agreed to do what they said. The worst was in the beginning it sickened me, but then, after a while, it began to arouse me. I liked seeing whatever girl I was given excited, knowing what we were doing could arouse others. That she could do that with her sexuality. I don’t know, it all got mixed up in my brain. We were turned into killers—and sexual beings. Not much else. That went on for too many years, Soleil, and it fucked me up permanently.”
“Because you still like other men to see you with a woman.”
Her voice was neutral. He couldn’t tell if she condemned him or not, and there was a lot to condemn him for. He’d learned to arouse the girls to a fever pitch, wanting it to be easier on them when they had to be with the men waiting. He hated himself for that. He despised himself for ever becoming aroused when it was taking place. He really hated himself that he was forever fucked up beyond saving. He swung back to look into the flickering flames.
“Yes.” She might as well know the truth. “I need other men to see my woman when she’s sexy as hell. I want them to want her. To know she’s only mine and goes home with me. Not all the time, but I need it some of the time. I need to know we’re in risky places and she’ll still get on her knees and let me do her.”
“So, it’s about what she’s willing to do for you as well.”
He thought that over. It was. He needed to know she would risk everything for him, do anything, the way he’d done for his family. In a weird convoluted way, he felt less alone. He nodded his head.
“You do realize that you had no real choice, Ice. Alena was your sister. Your choice was to allow monsters to hurt her over and over until they killed her or do what they said. If you didn’t do it, they would have forced someone else to do it. More, they would have hurt those other girls anyway. They were monsters. There was no good choice. You wanted Alena to survive.”
“She survived. Lana survived. No other girls. Not one of them.” His voice shook, and he cleared his throat. He hurt all over, as if he’d been the one to fight with someone, not Savage.
“Alena did survive, Ice. You did that.”
“We did it. All of us together.” He did look at her then. Once again, holding her gaze. “We began to kill them systematically. One by one. We crawled through vents. We went into sewers. We laid in wait and we took them out, the worst ones first. Reaper and Savage did most of the killing, but all of us had to. All of us did our part to contribute information and help select each target. But we killed them one by one.”
She didn’t make a sound, nor did she look as shocked or as surprised as he’d thought she would. He went on determinedly because he was getting it all out at once. Everything. He didn’t want her to leave him, but if she was going to, he had to find out now, because she didn’t know it, but there was a definite threat to her from the president of their club.
“Sorbacov suspected it was the children killing the instructors. We thought he’d wipe us out, but instead he put in cameras everywhere. We learned to bypass those cameras. He took Reaper and nearly killed him, torturing him to see if he would give up those doing the killing. You have to remember, it was one dead instructor here, one there. Planning took time. Making certain not to leave any trace evidence took time. Sorbacov really didn’t know if he had a vindictive serial killer in the school or if it was us.”
“He tortured Reaper?”
“For days,” Ice confirmed. “When he didn’t break, he brought in Savage. It was far worse for Savage. And they did that shit right in front of Reaper. I knew I could be next because I had Storm and Alena. I tried to think what I would do if they took Alena. I might have killed myself. I wouldn’t have given up the others, but I couldn’t stand the thought of what they’d do to her. Preacher was in the same boat. He’s Lana’s older brother. He was as concerned as I was. I think all of us were. We didn’t expect Sorbacov to let it go without killing Reaper and Savage, but he did. None of us thought they’d live, but they have wills of iron.”
Silence filled the room. He could hear her breathing softly. She hadn’t pulled her hand from his, and he rubbed her palm back and forth on his thigh. She let him. She had told him she liked having time to think things through, but he wanted her to say something immediately. If she was going to pass judgment, he was going to fill in details. He didn’t want to relive them, but he would. To try to hold on to her, he would. His heart beat too hard. He could barely force air through his lungs. He brought her hand up to his chest and rubbed in an effort to try to get his body working again.
“I’m so sorry you went through all
of that, Ice. That all of you went through it. It certainly explains why you’re all so strong. I don’t think anyone could have survived such an ordeal if they weren’t strong.”
“We’re all fucked the hell up,” he said, his heart accelerating more.
“Honey, don’t you realize every single person in the world is screwed up in some way? You fought back in the only way open to you. I would have hopefully found the strength to do the same. The fact that you’re alive is a tribute to you. To who you are.”
Her voice. Soft. Intimate. Telling him more than the words she uttered. She wasn’t going to leave him. She was going to stay and be there with him.
“I can see why all three of you were so skilled and fast at what you did. I would still be making up my mind on what to do.”
“Czar is trying to get us to live within society as best we can. The problem is, none of us know or understand half the rules. Blythe tries, but the rules don’t make sense to us. We spent a good part of our lives naked. When we had sex, it was safer to do so with one another around. We protected one another. It’s difficult to change the conditioning. All of us were trained in some sexual way, or the trauma has given some of us disturbing traits society says are kinky or wrong. It makes it difficult to ever feel as if we can assimilate into a civilian population.”
He wasn’t going to say what those things the others had were because he was only giving her himself. He wanted her to accept him regardless of his past, or that he was also conditioned to thinking first to kill if threatened, not to talk or call the cops. They would never get used to dealing with the police. They were a closed society, and they protected one another vigorously.
He wanted her to understand, he had tried, at first, to fight that conditioning when it came to sex, but it was too ingrained, and it had been the only way to get his cock to cooperate with him when he tried to force himself to feel something. Maybe because it was natural to have an erection around her, he might not need it every time. So far, he hadn’t.
“The cops might come asking questions, Soleil. You’re not just my wife. You’re part of this club. We don’t talk to law enforcement. If Czar wants them to know something, he’ll tell them. We try not to lie if we can help it, but we don’t ever give one another up. You have to understand, that’s a sacred rule. It’s part of our code. We never give one another up, no matter the cost. That’s what got us out. We did it by sticking together. If one was going down, we all were.”
She nodded. “I understand. I’ve never had a family, Ice. I never had anyone standing for me. I’ve never been a part of anything. Or anyone. I see the value of your club and the loyalty to one another. Why you’re such a strong family. It’s something I’ve always longed for. All of you have had one another for years. I’m just seeing the care you give one another. Blythe, Anya and Breezy were wonderful to me. Being treated like family is something I treasure, and I don’t take it for granted. Believe me, I want to be part of that. But mostly, I want to be with you, and I want to be someone you can be proud of.”
He could breathe again. The air moved through his lungs, in and out. His heart slowed to a normal pace. He tightened his hand around hers. “Savage and Absinthe stood for you today, Soleil, and if you knew Savage the way I do, you’d know that’s huge. He stays apart from everyone else. He’s quiet, rarely speaks. But he’s always there for the rest of us.”
“Why is he always a little apart, Ice? I’ve noticed the way he is.”
Ice shrugged. “The things we endured in that place shaped us. There’s no getting away from it, no matter how hard we try.” He looked at her. “You quiet the demons for me. When I told you I didn’t have natural erections before you, I didn’t. One look at you in that little sundress, standing across the street, with your tits and that ass, I thought I was going to embarrass myself right there on the street.” He couldn’t keep the awe out of his voice. “I know I can’t keep my hands off you, and that has to get old for you, but seriously, baby, it feels like the first time every time we’re together. Sometimes it’s so fuckin’ good I think my head is going to explode.”
Her laughter surprised him. “Well, don’t let that happen. I like sex with you. Actually, I love it, but an exploded head might put a damper on our sex life.” Her fingers twisted so she could hold on to his hand. “Baby, let’s go downstairs. I want to show you something.”
“Got a couple more things to discuss, and they’re important.”
He had his phone in his hand and was texting Czar, sending him a thumbs-up. If their phones were ever checked, there was nothing to connect them to the crime that had been committed miles from where they lived. He sent out a call to Absinthe and Code. He needed them to come as soon as possible.
Ice wanted whatever papers were needed filed on Soleil’s behalf. The moment they did, no doubt Winston’s lawyer would insist on a well checkup and they would try to get a hearing in front of whichever judge owed them favors or was part of the con artist ring. They had to have someone on their payroll.
“We can talk downstairs,” she insisted and stood up.
He kept possession of her hand, even when she tried to pull away from him. Soleil only tried once, and then she sent him a quick grin, shaking her head. The stairs were wide enough for the two of them to walk down the sweeping staircase to the first floor together. She went through the dining room to the kitchen, and right on past the refrigerator to the door there. She opened it and stepped back. The pantry was fairly empty, just rice and potatoes as well as flour jumping out at him.
Soleil closed the door and went to the fridge. Inside, fresh vegetables were overflowing, along with a couple of cuts of meat, different types of berries and melons as well as other food items, all fresh. She closed that door and pointed to the counter where more fruit was in a bowl.
Leaning one hip against the center aisle, she looked at him. “What does that tell you, Ice?”
He knew his face had to look as blank as he felt.
“You aren’t paying attention. You think I have one foot out the door, that I’m not fully committed to you or to your family. I told you I didn’t cook. Where do you think the groceries came from, and how do you think I got them?”
He frowned. This was obviously a trick question, one women conjured up just to make men crazy. “Sorry, babe. Not following.”
“I’ve been taking cooking lessons from Alena. What did you think I was doing with her when you were doing whatever mysterious thing you do that I’m not supposed to know about?”
Like tracking down the pedophile ring in San Francisco. Or the ring of con artists. No, he wasn’t about to talk to her about that or what they planned to do to them all.
“I don’t know, princess. Talking? Women like talking together.”
She rolled her eyes. “And the meals that have been improving? Did you think they were just getting that way with luck?”
Definitely a trick question. “I didn’t really think about it.”
“I spent several hours at least three times a week on cooking lessons, honey. For you. For us. For our life together. I want to make a home for you. I’ve been doing that. Today scared me, but not for the reasons you think. I’m a processor. I needed time to run through everything that happened. When I do, I’m used to pacing. It helps. I’m really used to being alone when I do. You have to remember, you’re the only person in my life I’ve ever spent this much time with. The point I’m making is, I have no intentions of leaving you. You have to learn to trust in that, just as much as I have to learn to trust in you.”
The relief was tremendous. He rubbed his chest again, right over his heart. “I’m going to piss you off, baby. More than once or twice.”
“I’m well aware.”
She sounded so droll he couldn’t help but laugh. Love swamped him. He put his arms around her and pulled her tight against him, nuzzling her neck. “We’re going on a run. Have I ex
plained what that is?”
She shook her head. “You haven’t exactly explained, but I’ve seen bikes riding together.”
“This one will be particularly large. Several clubs will be riding. It’s a charity drive the Diamondbacks put on every year. We’ll be riding behind them. You have to wear the jacket I give you with our colors. You never go anywhere without us. You stick close to me at all times. We’ll have fun, so don’t look alarmed, but you have to follow the rules I lay down.”
She nodded. “Of course, Ice.”
“You have to remember, our entire club will defend you. We’re very good at what we do. If we have to defend you against a Diamondback, that will bring their entire club down on us. That’s the way it works, even if their member is at fault. We’ll be running for the rest of our lives if that happens.”
“I understand.”
He caught her hand and led her away from the kitchen back toward the great room. He liked the furniture there. They sank onto the comfortable couch. She leaned into him and put her head on his shoulder.
“What else did we have to talk about?” She reached out to thread her fingers through his.
He liked that. Liked that after everything he’d told her, she was matter-of-fact. It wasn’t like he didn’t know how compassionate a woman she was. He did. Everything he’d told her was the truth, but he’d chosen his words as carefully as possible. He’d told her the least amount that he could, even while looking for the best way to lay it out for her to elicit that deep empathy he was counting on to keep her with him.
“We need to establish Absinthe as your lawyer immediately. These people are playing for keeps. They found you, and they’re going to make every move possible in order to keep you off-balance. The best way to get at you is to have a doctor or someone imply that mentally you’ve had a breakdown and you need care. They’ll do that by saying you’re under my influence and you would never marry a man like me.”
Vendetta Road Page 31
