by Layla Hagen
When he wasn’t trying to cheer me up (whole-body massage being his favorite technique), he was offering to get me another job. But that made me feel useless for some reason. That wasn’t how I wanted to build my career. A few of my colleagues had come into the firm because a higher-up had twisted my boss’s arm, and they were always treated like second-class citizens. Even when they were competent, and even after years of proving themselves, others still whispered behind their back. I didn’t want that following my entire career.
“You sure you don’t want to come with me?” Hunter asked. He was going to Boston for three days, and had insisted I go with him and relax, since I didn’t have any plans, but I didn’t want to. All I was doing was relaxing. I wanted to be productive.
“No, I’m good. Besides, you’ll be busy all day.”
“Yes, but I’d be yours in the evening.”
“I’m grouchy all the time, Hunter. I’d just bring you down too.”
“You’re sure? Grouchy or not, I’d love to have you there.”
“I’m sure.”
He pressed his lips together but didn’t say anything. Damn. Lately I was saying no to everything my man was suggesting. I’d pull myself together by the time he came back.
It was only the day he returned that I remembered why he’d gone to Boston at all: to negotiate a huge deal for his company. It was an important meeting, and I’d just completely forgotten. No wonder he’d wanted me to go with him, help him relax in the evenings.
I was a terrible wife. How could I have forgotten? He’d mentioned it only about a million times over the last two weeks, and even in the Bahamas. But I’d been too lost in my head to put two and two together.
I waited by the door, willing to do whatever it took to make it up to him. My man came in looking exhausted. But damn, even tired he worked that suit like no one else.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, rising on my tiptoes and giving him one hell of a smooch. He smiled against my lips.
“What’s this for?” he murmured.
“Umm... part of my wicked plan to make up for forgetting about how huge a deal Boston was.”
He skimmed his hands down to my waist, pressing me against him. “I like that plan.”
“Why didn’t you remind me?”
“I didn’t want to push you. You have a lot on your plate as it is.”
“Yes, but still. How did it go?”
“It was productive. We didn’t strike a deal, though. They’re tough negotiators, but so am I.”
“And don’t I know it.” I took his hand, drawing him deeper inside the house.
“Where are we going?”
“Somewhere I can put my wicked plan into action.”
“The bedroom?”
“Close. The Jacuzzi.”
He took me by the waist, walking in tandem. We probably looked ridiculous, trying to walk at the same pace while he was a head higher than me, but I loved the way he held me, as if he wanted as much contact as possible.
“What did you do?”
“I’ve been looking up jobs online and applied to some.”
“That’s my Josie, kicking ass. But why won’t you let me help?”
“I’m just... I’m not sure.”
“Before... all this, the engagement and the marriage, you used to tell me exactly what went through your mind. Now I get the feeling you’re filtering things. Why?”
My man was throwing all sorts of difficult questions at me, and I honestly had no answer. He did have a point, though.
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t like that there’s a part of you I can’t reach anymore. I don’t want you to hold back with me.”
I pouted. “I’m sorry. I’ll try to be more open.”
He kissed the side of my neck, feathering his lips up to my ear. “Good. Because I want my wife back in her sunny disposition. You’ve been down long enough.”
Ouch. He was right, but still... ouch.
I wanted to be a better wife; at the moment, I just wasn’t sure how to go about it.
I didn’t sleep well that night, just tossed and turned for hours, thinking about us, about why I was now holding my cards to my chest.
As a friend, I’d talked his ear off about everything (including details he hadn’t wanted to know, I was sure of it). As his wife, it was as if I was afraid he might love me less if I laid out all my fears and insecurities.
When we woke up in the morning, we discovered the pipes in the kitchen had broken. As if we didn’t already have enough on our plate.
“This is a mess,” he said, just as he was about to leave for work.
“I agree. I’ll call a plumbing company right away, but we might have to move into a hotel while they’re working.”
“Let’s do that.”
“I’ll pack us things for a few days. I can manage everything before we have to go to the function tonight.”
“You’re amazing. By the way, I’m meeting a lawyer friend today. I can ask him if he has an opening at his firm.”
“It’s fine. I’m going to send more applications today.”
“I can ask a headhunter friend to arrange—”
“Hunter, it’s okay. Really.”
“I just want to help.” He sounded resigned. Damn. I was doing it again... pushing him away. I fiddled with my thumbs, biting the inside of my cheek. I wasn’t used to being at odds with him. I’d been irritated for weeks, and I just couldn’t seem to be able to get out of that state of mind.
“Have a great day,” I said, in an attempt to smooth things over, but he just shook his head.
After he left, I went through my usual routine. I also called a professional firm to deal with the pipes. They arrived within the hour and assessed the damage, informing me that repair work would most likely last four days. The hotel next to the venue where the event tonight took place was fully booked, so I made reservations at a hotel near Hunter’s office, packed our bags and moved us there all before lunch.
In the afternoon, I started preparing for the function. I wasn’t as excited as usual. I was a social butterfly, always had been, but I dreaded having to consciously keep the conversations from circling to my job... or lack thereof. Since I’d been five, I’d known I wanted to be a lawyer. I’d worked so hard for my career that without it, I felt as if part of my personality had been ripped away.
Hunter arrived at the hotel shortly before we were supposed to leave and came into the room as I put the finishing touches on my hair.
“You look gorgeous,” he said.
He stood behind me, glancing in the mirror. My husband was beautiful no matter what he wore, but Hunter in a tuxedo definitely took the cake. I was happy to see him smiling again after the way we’d parted this morning.
“I like getting ready for these functions. Even though it takes me so long. Good thing I have some time on my hands now.”
I’d spent two hours dressing up, applying makeup and doing my hair, but now I wanted to leave the hotel even less than a few minutes ago. Biting my lip, I looked at him while he was putting on his tie. When he glanced at his phone, informing me that our driver had arrived, I finally gathered my courage.
“Hunter... would you be terribly upset if I don’t come?”
He turned toward me, his eyes brimming with worry. “Are you sick?”
“No, it’s just that... I don’t feel like making small talk or answering any job-related questions.”
“Babe, friends of mine from law firms will be there. I can introduce you—”
“I don’t want that,” I snapped, then buried my face in my hands. “I’m sorry I’m snapping at you. But I already told you this. It’s not how I want to get a job.”
“Josie, I don’t want to push, but I don’t know what to do. You need to help me out here.”
His voice was tight, betraying impatience. I looked up, swallowing.
“What do you mean?”
“Every time I come up with solutions, you just shut
me down. I want to be there for you, but you just won’t let me. I feel like I’m standing outside a glass room, trying to fight my way in. I have to go. If you don’t feel like coming with me tonight, I’ll just go alone.”
“Hunter... wait. We should talk.”
He stared. “Now, you want to talk?”
It was clear that he needed it. I had no idea this had been so hard on him. I’d been too lost in my head to pay attention.
“I have to go. The car is here.” He just shook his head again, walking with quick steps toward the door. I’d forgotten the car was waiting.
“Hunter... do you want to talk when you get back? Should I stay up?”
“I don’t know, Josie. Do what’s best for you.”
I swallowed hard. Hunter walked out of the room, and then I was all alone with my thoughts.
What had he meant, Do what’s best for you?
Okay. I needed to get out of the hotel right away and clear my mind. I’d drive myself crazy if I just waited until he returned. These functions usually lasted until well after midnight. But where to go? I didn’t want to be by myself, honestly. I debated calling my sister, but she was miles away and couldn’t just jump on a plane and come here. I wished she could.
I called Tess instead. She had a cold, so she was sitting out this event.
“Hey... um, are you up for receiving a visit?”
“Holy shit. Don’t like your voice.”
I barked out a laugh. “Neither do I.”
“What happened?”
“I’m not even sure.”
“Right. That calls for some major girl time. Don’t worry, I’ve got everything you need.”
“I’ll uber to your place right away,” I said.
“I’ll have everything ready.”
I loved Tess so much. So much.
I arrived at her apartment half an hour later and walked straight into her open arms. Her nose was a little red from her cold.
“Come on. I’ll take care of you, and you can tell me what happened. If you want to. Ugh, that’s a glare. So, not going to talk about anything tonight. Just one tiny question.”
I laughed. “Tess....”
“Just one. I promise.”
“Go ahead.”
“You can answer with yes or no, and I won’t pry any further. Will just motivate the rest of the family into action. Does anyone need their ass kicked? Yes or no?”
“Yes. I think I need my ass kicked.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Hunter
I’d never wanted to leave a function as badly I wanted to bail on this one. I was going through the motions, counting down the minutes until it was acceptable to make up an excuse and leave.
My head wasn’t in the game, but luckily, I’d done all the work when I’d invited the guests. Now all I had to do was smile and emcee.
After securing the mic back in its place, I stepped down from the stage, mingling with the crowd.
“Caldwell, where’s that pretty wife of yours?” an elderly man asked. Greg was in his late sixties and a little in love with Josie. Weren’t they all?
“Wasn’t feeling well.”
“So what are you doing here, young man? Wouldn’t leave that pretty lady alone if I were you.”
“I won’t be here long.”
“I hope to see her at the next one.”
I swallowed hard, trying to mask my unease with a smile. So help me God, I hoped so too. I didn’t want to be here without her—whispering in my ear incessantly, making me laugh, blushing when I responded with a sinful promise. Fuck, why had I even come here at all?
Sure, gathering funds was important, because that money wasn’t going to raise itself on its own. But fixing things with Josie was more important. Truthfully, I’d needed the time out because my temper was about to flare out of control. I was determined never to let that happen, no matter how frustrated I was. My temper and no-bullshit attitude were for the business, not my wife. Even if we were fighting, even if I felt as if she was drifting away and I didn’t know how to keep her with me. I needed to go back to Josie. Right away.
Celia was the head organizer, since none of my cousins could make it tonight. I found her next to the bidding box and pulled her to one side.
“Celia, I need to leave early tonight.”
“Hunter... at least stay until everyone puts in their bids.”
“They won’t even notice I’m here. I’m trusting you to hold the fort.”
She pressed her lips together but didn’t argue. “Anything I can do to help with whatever emergency you have going on?”
“No, I’m the only one who can fix this.”
Of course, getting out was damn difficult.
Half a dozen donors stopped to chitchat, asking about a million things I didn’t care about. The longer I lingered, the more desperate I grew. I shouldn’t have come, no matter how needed I was here. Marriage was about working on things together, and I needed to let Josie know how much I believed that.
Once I finally managed to climb into a cab, I urged the driver to move as fast as possible.
I had that sinking feeling that I’d messed up more than I’d realized, and that I’d already waited too long to head to the hotel.
I expected to find her in the room, but she wasn’t there. I froze in the doorway when I saw the bed was empty. Maybe she was at the hotel spa?
I called the reception to ask where that was.
“Mr. Caldwell, the spa facility is closed at this hour.”
“Okay. Okay.” I ran a hand through my hair, and before I lost my nerve added, “Have you seen my wife tonight?”
“She left a few hours ago.”
“Right. Thank you.”
My heart was beating so wildly that I could barely hear my voice around the pounding pulsing in my eardrums. Where had she gone? I called Josie the next second, but heard her ringtone coming from the bathroom. Her phone was there next to the sink. I breathed out in relief. If she’d forgotten her phone, it meant she’d just gone out, not that she’d left.
I stayed up late, waiting for her, but eventually fell asleep. When I woke up, the bed was untouched.
Damn, she hadn’t returned? I leaned against the TV console, closing my eyes, trying to gather my thoughts, to focus, to not jump to conclusions. The sound of my phone ringing snapped me out of my thoughts.
It was Tess.
“Tess, hi.”
“Morning. So, Josie’s here. She came last night and we both fell asleep in front of the TV. She’s still sleeping. Thought I’d tell you before you panic.”
“I was just starting to. I’m coming to your place right away.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Hunter
When the Uber pulled up in front of Tess’s building, I practically jumped out of the car and skidded up the stairs. She lived on the first floor.
Holding my breath, I knocked at the door. Josie opened it. She was wearing shorts and a tank top. Her hair was braided on one side.
“Morning,” I said.
“Sorry. I came here last night and just fell asleep.”
“Tess told me. Here is your phone.”
“Thanks.”
“I’m sorry about last night, Josie.”
“I’m sorry too.”
“Let’s go to the hotel, and we can talk about everything.”
“I was thinking... Tess needs help packing some boxes for their online orders. I could stay here for a few days and help her out.”
I looked at her, stunned. “What?”
“We’re staying at the hotel, and it’s just that... I’m afraid we’ll be snappy with each other in close quarters. I’m trying to gather my thoughts.”
“What thoughts, exactly?”
“You were right in the things you said... I did freeze you out. I don’t even know why I did that, or how to stop it. I’m sorry.” She cast her gaze to the floor. My gut clenched. “I’m afraid I’m going to lose you, not just as my husband, but as
my best friend too. You think we were better off being just friends?”
What?
I had no idea how I could ever be in the same room with her and not want to kiss the living daylights out of her. Sure, the past few weeks had been a little rough, but nothing we couldn’t work out.
“Why can’t we be both? That’s what we’ve been doing until now. Just friendship? No fucking way. I love you, Josie.”
I couldn’t do it. It would be impossible to stop loving this woman the way I did. It was far more than friendship.
She pressed her forehead against the door. “Hunter....”
“What? You just thought I’d step back and say yes, ma’am?”
The corners of her mouth tilted up. “Not really your style, but a girl can hope. If you’re worried about the immigration officer, I’ll still play my part. We can still go to events together, and—”
“I don’t give a fuck about the immigration officer right now. Listen to me, Josie. I love you. And I know you love me too.”
I clasped the doorframe, terrified that she might not.
“I do, of course I love you, Hunter. I just... I think you should give some thought to what I said. And Tess really does need help, or she and Skye will never finish everything. You know how they are, thinking they can do ten things at the same time, and then they overwork themselves.”
The way she cared for everyone around her just made me fall more for her. Instead of leaving, I stepped closer, pulling her to me.
“I’ll go,” I whispered. “Just let me hold you for a bit.”
Fuck, how she melted in my arms. I inhaled her sweet scent, and for one full minute let myself believe that my wife was going home with me.
My heart was about to beat out of my chest. I wanted to push, but this wasn’t the moment. I loved her too much. I refused to stop fighting, and I wouldn’t.
***
I walked out of the building but didn’t leave. Every instinct told me to knock on the door again. I couldn’t shake the feeling that if I left, this divide between us would grow, but I was afraid that if I pushed, I’d make things worse.
I’d been there for her through highs and lows for so many years, and now I couldn’t, and it was killing me. I wanted to make her happy, but for the first time, I was completely at a loss as to how to do that. I sat on a bench for a long time, and would’ve probably stayed longer, but Mick called.
