by A. M. Arthur
“Oooh, yum,” Wes said. “Chocolate cookies. I’m definitely popping down to steal a few.”
“Feel free, they’re for the entire Clean Slate family. Including you, Levi.”
Levi smiled. It warmed him to be considered part of this big, eclectic family. “I appreciate it, thank you. I missed them all last year but I promise to try some this week. I’ve had your food and know they’ll be excellent. Hopefully, you’ve taught Robin a few things.”
Robin mimicked throwing something at his head from the other side of the long table. One of Levi’s favorite things about the cabin was the long, wooden dining table that stood in front of a huge picture window, giving them all a perfect view of the outdoors. The beauty of the land was on full display and always helped Levi feel a little bit freer.
Far away from that hospital room before rehab.
Around one thirty, Levi’s phone rang with George’s assigned ringtone and he grinned. Excused himself from the table, Robin smirking at him the entire time, and went outside to the front porch. He was warm inside despite the chilly air, and he happily answered the call. “Levi Peletier’s answering service. How may I direct your call?”
The joke was worth it for the joyful laughter from George. “Cute. Hi.”
“Hey, yourself. How are you?”
“Great, actually.” He still sounded perfectly upbeat, and that gave Levi hope for a positive conversation with Orry. “I would have called you sooner but I wanted to get caught up on some work, and then Orry and I went out for lunch.”
“I’m glad you got some work—” Wait. “You went out for lunch? As in a restaurant?”
“Sort of. We did pickup from a local place and then ate in the car in the parking lot.”
“How was that?”
“A little nerve-wracking. I can’t remember the last time I walked into a restaurant, even for the five minutes it took to grab our order. But I was around a lot of strangers, both inside and in the parking lot, and I think I was okay. It helped that I was with Orry. He keeps me grounded. Kind of like you do.”
Levi could easily picture his shy smile and leaned against the porch railing. “Good for you. So can I assume your conversation with Orry went well?”
“Super well. Honestly, he was more annoyed that you’re eleven years older than me than he was about me coming out. That surprised me a little but also not really. He’s protective, and you have so much more life experience.”
Of that, Levi was keenly aware, and he worried what George would think of him when he found out how much experience Levi had. “What about Orry’s Thanksgiving lie?”
“He’s dating a girl named Zoey, and he was afraid to tell me because he didn’t want to pressure me to get out of the apartment and try to find a life of my own. I was able to do that all by myself, and he was proud of me. I even suggested the four of us go out on a double date sometime.”
Levi smiled across the yard, beyond proud of George and everything he’d accomplished this week. “I’d like that. I want to get to know Orry better, and I’m sure you’ll enjoy meeting the woman who caught his eye.”
“Yeah. Orry deserves someone special. He’s been my rock, but I want him to have a life almost more than I want one myself. Orry went through bad stuff of his own, and I want him to be happy.”
“I remember you mentioning that about Orry. And I love that you want your brother to be happy, but it’s okay to focus on your own happiness first. Take the slow steps you need to proceed comfortably. If you push yourself too hard, too fast, you could backslide and undo all your progress.”
“More advice from rehab?”
George’s voice was light and curious, which kept Levi from taking any offense. “Yes. I fell very, very hard at one point in my life, George. You let fear send you into hiding, but I let grief send me into a very different place. I’d like to tell you about it one day.”
“I can tell from your voice how painful it was, and I appreciate your honesty and trust. When you’re ready to tell me, I’ll listen. I care about you, Levi.”
“I care about you, too. And I am thrilled that your conversation with Orry went well, and that he’s accepting you. All parts of you.”
George chuckled. “Well, I think he’s still a tiny bit hesitant about me dating you, but it’s all about the age difference and experience difference. But I assured him you aren’t taking advantage of me. I have been completely consenting in everything we’ve done together. And I hope we can do more soon.”
“Yeah? Like what?”
If someone could blush over the phone, Levi was pretty sure George had mastered it. “You know. Other stuff. In bed.”
“Hmm. Next time we’re alone together, you’ll have to elaborate. And we’ll talk about next steps.”
“Cool, okay.” George sounded relieved, as if he thought Levi wanted to talk about hyperprivate stuff over the phone. Levi had never been a fan of phone sex or anything similar, especially not these last few years.
“Since I have you on the phone,” Levi hedged, “Christmas is Friday, and I know you probably always spend the day with Orry, but I was wondering if you wanted to see me for a little while? Mack and Wes have a new tradition of hosting dinner on Christmas Day, because Reyes and Miles go camping on Christmas Eve, and I didn’t know if you’d want to come.” Okay, he’d kind of rambled that but Levi was a little nervous about this. And considering the dangerous trick riding he did, it took a lot to make him genuinely nervous.
George was quiet a moment. “You don’t have family you need to be with on Christmas Day?”
“I’ll be here with Robin, and I consider a lot of these guys here to be family now. My blood family is wintering with the rodeo in Santa Fe. I won’t see them but I’ll definitely talk to my dad. I’m assuming you don’t speak with your parents anymore?”
“No. Just our grandparents. I think I’d like to go visit them on Christmas morning. It’s been ages since I’ve seen them in person.” Levi could almost picture George standing straighter. “Yes, I’d like to have Christmas Day dinner with you. Orry usually works part of the day, anyway, so maybe now he’ll spend it with his girlfriend.”
“And you’ll spend it with your boyfriend.”
George made a noise of delight that wasn’t quite laughter. “God, a few weeks ago I never thought I’d hear or say those words. Or do anything for Christmas except sit around in the apartment with a frozen turkey dinner.”
Levi wanted to reach through his phone and hug George. “I’m beyond thrilled to offer you new experiences, this week and beyond. You give me more than you realize, George. Part of me died when Xander died, and I lost a part of myself for a while after. Then Grant happened, and I wasn’t sure how I’d trust again. But you make it easy to trust you, and that has nothing to do with how sheltered you’ve been these last few years. It’s all about you and your great big heart.”
“I’d kiss you for that if we were in the same room.”
“And I would absolutely let you. I adore your kisses, George. Never doubt that you’re desirable simply for being the man you are.” Especially if this delicate thing between us doesn’t last.
But Levi didn’t want to think like that this soon into their developing relationship. Maybe a few weeks into the future but not now. Not yet.
“What are you up to today?” George asked. “Playing with the cats?”
Levi chuckled. “I did for a bit this morning. Then Robin came by and kidnapped me to lunch at Mack’s house.”
“Shit, did my call interrupt your lunch? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”
“It’s okay. We were done eating and just talking around the table with drinks. You didn’t interrupt anything, and I was happy to hear from you, I promise. I worried about you speakin’ to Orry, and I can tell now I was wrong to worry. You and he have a very special bond.”
“If I can get pers
onal for a second, did Xander know you were bisexual?”
Levi considered the question briefly. “I don’t remember us ever talkin’ about it explicitly. He was very much openly gay since our early teens, but I was less open about the people I chose to be with. I just let the person speak to me. But I also never really dated anyone that seriously. With our traveling lifestyle, it was impossible to establish a real relationship with anyone who wasn’t part of the company, which is why Robin and Xander worked so well and for a long time.”
“Thank you for answering my question.”
“Of course. There are certain parts of my past I’m not ready to talk about but my time with Lucky’s isn’t one of them. I loved that life.” And sometimes I miss that life, but I also enjoy having roots for a change.
“I can hear that in your voice,” George said. “How much you loved the rodeo. I can’t imagine how much it hurt to lose your brother and then leave that life. And to have it happen on Christmas. What a horrible day to lose your brother.”
Old grief squeezed Levi’s heart, and his mind flashed to the expression of utter devastation on Robin’s face as he held a limp Xander in his arms. “It was an accident, and it made the holidays hard for a while. But it was better last year because I was here with Robin, and Robin finally spoke to Dad again. They’d been at odds since Xander died, and I think the reconciliation helped all three of us heal more. No, I’m positive it did.”
“I’m glad.” George cleared his throat hard. “Well, I won’t keep you any longer from your friends. I’m sure we’ll talk again before then, but what time Christmas Day? And, um, I did get my license but I haven’t driven on my own in ages.”
“I don’t mind picking you up. I’ll double-check the exact time of dinner and text you. And if you want to spend the night, that’s okay, too.” It was a bold comment for Levi but he didn’t regret it. Two hours of driving to bring his boyfriend to Christmas dinner was no hardship but he truly hoped George would want to spend more time with him and the cats.
“I’ll, um. Let you know?”
The way he phrased it as a question was intensely adorable. “Of course, and no pressure at all. It’s just an idea, if you’re game. And even if all we do is share my bed, that’s fine. I want everything between us to always be consensual.”
George made a soft noise. “Because of how Grant betrayed you?”
“That’s part of it.” And I am not going into the rest of it today. “But I’ve always been a fan of enthusiastic consent. Only what you agree to. Heck, I’ll sleep on the couch if you want to stay over and sleep in the bed, just so we have more time to spend together.”
“That’s actually kind of romantic. You sleeping on the couch. I liked how we slept the last night at the ranch, all close together. But I, uh, like I said I’ll let you know what I want.”
Levi fought back a tiny nugget of disappointment. “Of course. No pressure ever. This is our relationship, and we’ll go at the pace that’s right for us.”
“I didn’t say that because I’m scared of spending the night with you, Levi. We spent six nights together in a small room, and I always felt safe. But that was also in a house full of other people. You live in a clearing with no one else in sight.”
“I hear you and understand.” He didn’t completely but this was George’s truth, and he’d listen and absorb. “I promise you’re safe alone with me but I do hear you.”
“I know you do. Even though we aren’t talking in person, I can see the reassurances in your eyes. I’m excited to see you on Christmas Day.”
Levi fought a tiny nugget of disappointment that they wouldn’t see each other again until the end of the week but that was part of dating someone long distance. And even if they didn’t see each other in person, they may still “see” each other with their phone apps during the week. He hoped so. He missed George’s smile and wide blue eyes.
“I’m excited, too,” Levi said. “And call or text me anytime. I don’t have any big plans leading up to Christmas Day other than tasting Shawn’s cookies.”
George laughed. “Why does that sound like a euphemism?”
“It’s literal.” He explained the cookie tradition.
“That’s really cool. A fun way to spend the holidays with your partner. Just like Miles and Reyes going camping. Did Lucky’s have any kind of traditions?”
“A few. On Christmas, we did up a big dinner for everyone who was wintering with us. Some people had other family to get to, but a lot of folks are like the ranch hands here. This is their home and their found family.”
“I’m glad places like that exist to take in strays like you and Slater. He opened up a bit about his past to me and Orry, and I don’t know what you know so that’s all I’ll say. But Clean Slate was a soft spot for him to land until he met Derrick and learned to craft.”
“I don’t know either man at all, but I’m glad they found each other. Everyone who wants one deserves someone special.”
George let out a long, low breath. “Yeah. Anyway, I won’t keep you from your friends any longer. I’ve got work to get back to. Getting ahead means more time off leading up to Christmas and beyond.”
“Enjoy your porn.”
He laughed. “Talk to you later.”
“Bye.” Levi reluctantly put his phone in his back pocket, a bit adrift after hearing George’s voice again. But they’d be together again on Christmas, and that was a gift. “Thank you for putting George in my life,” he said to the bright winter sky. “Just when I needed him.”
He went back inside to join the others, excited for what the rest of the week would bring.
Chapter Nineteen
George was freaking out a little bit on the ride to meet up with Levi, which was kind of ridiculous for two reasons.
One, he’d just had a fantastic Christmas morning with Orry and their grandparents. George had hugged them for the first time in years. They’d shared small presents, talked about all kinds of things, and Orry even showed off photos of Zoey. George kept Levi under wraps for now, unsure how his grandparents would feel about him being gay. That was a reveal for another time, not their first holiday as a quartet in years.
Two, Orry was driving him to the same rest stop for an afternoon dinner with near-strangers without the buffer of his twin. But he’d have Levi there, and that was everything. Still. Strange freak-out happening, and he did his best to hide it from Orry. He didn’t want Orry to change his mind about having dinner with Zoey’s family out of guilt over George’s anxiety. He could do this.
I need to do this.
A few days ago, George had done some online research, and he’d found a worksheet of coping skills for anxiety. The progressive muscle relaxation was a favorite but it would have been a bit too obvious with Orry right there. Challenging his thoughts and fears seemed to be working, as his stress levels went down a fraction.
“You still feel okay about this?” Orry asked as they neared the truck stop. “Staying over?”
“Yes.” His voice wobbled a bit. Mentally, he was great with this but something else—emotional, maybe?—was nervous. He’d napped with Levi in his bed but never slept over with a guy somewhere this remote. He believed Levi with his whole heart about respecting what George would and wouldn’t want. No, this nervousness was rooted in his past with Adrian and the way he’d disrespected George’s boundaries.
“And I’m looking forward to spending time with Levi’s friends,” he continued. “Really spending time, not standing off to the side like at Thanksgiving. I’ve been to the cabin, so it’s not a completely strange place, and I saw a lot of the other guests at the ranch last week. I promise, if I start to get overwhelmed, I will call you.”
But I don’t think I will because Levi will be with me.
In only a few weeks, Levi had become his dearest friend, other than Orry. They’d texted frequently during the week, sp
oken on the phone every day, and even Skyped a few times. They talked about important things, goofy things, and everything in between. Levi loved telling him stories about Lucky’s, and he spun vivid pictures of the men, women, and horses he’d worked with. So many good memories of his entire life, up until Xander died.
George told him a few humorous stories about awkward moments in scenes he’d captioned. He was limited on those, though, because many of the studios had him sign a confidentiality form, especially for scenes that hadn’t released from the company yet. It wasn’t always easy figuring out how to describe the way some people grunted or groaned.
Orry pulled into the parking lot and found Levi’s truck already waiting close to where they’d swapped the first time. “Thanks again for agreeing to meet halfway,” George said as he leaned between the two front seats to grab a gym bag he’d borrowed from Orry.
I need to buy one of my own for future overnights.
The thought made him smile.
“No problem,” Orry replied. “Zoey’s family’s house is on my way back, anyway. It’s fine. Have fun, I mean it. Merry Christmas, bro.”
George hugged Orry, then climbed out. Levi impressed the hell out of him by having gotten out of his cab, walked to the passenger side door, and he was waiting with the door open. So gentlemanly and adorable that George had to greet him with a kiss. “Hi.”
“Hi back.” Levi’s bright smile settled a bit more of George’s strange freak-out. “Take your bag?”
“Okay.” He handed it over and climbed into the truck. Levi shut his door.
Instead of putting his light bag in the truck bed, Levi carried it to his side and put it on the seat between them. Thank God. George would have spent the whole drive wondering if it would fly out the back on the interstate—especially since it had Levi’s present in it. Orry drove away first, and after a quick look around, Levi leaned over and planted a long, sensual hello kiss on George. The kind that might have led to more if they’d been somewhere with privacy.
