by Marie , J
She nodded, giving me one last look and started up another conversation. I was thankful for these people, but I knew there would be questions after everyone had gone back to their own homes on the property.
Sure enough, later on, we were all seated on the couch in the living room when Beau brought it up. “Cassidy Mae, I know you don’t want to talk about whatever happened, but at this point, we need to know. I need to know, so I can keep you safe. I can’t protect you if I don’t know what I’m protecting you from, understand?”
“Okay,” I said almost silently. My eyes found the floor again as I shuddered out the next couple of words. “How much do you know?”
“Not much, just that someone hurt you real bad in several ways.”
Did I trust Beau Montgomery with more of my truths? The ugly, dirty part of my life that I didn’t want anyone to know? I had to at least give bits and pieces. At this point, he was involved now too after offering me this job. So, I felt it was my duty to at least share the basics.
“Well,” I started, not giving him a chance to answer. “As you know I went and did a stupid thing marryin’ Andrew. The signs were all there from the start, but I fell into the blinding lie that comes with love. Things were good while we dated. Then we got married and things were fine. Two years into our marriage, he got into a fight at the bar. He changed and I… I can’t… won’t tell ya everything, just that he wasn’t a good man. When I saw a chance to run, I took it. I can’t even…” I took another shuddering breath.
I lifted my eyes to Beau’s face as I told my tale. I could see the anger writhing below the surface. I paused and waited for him to speak.
“Cassidy, does he know where your parents live?”
I nodded my head. “Yes, but he… he won’t be coming after me. He’s dead.”
“I hate to ask this, but I gotta know, Cass. You killed that bastard? You can tell us. Whatever you say is gonna stay right here in this room.”
Moisture filled my eyes and a tear crept down my cheek. My mouth felt like I’d swallowed a bunch of cotton balls. My words didn’t come to me, so I shook my head instead. I didn’t kill him, but I sure as hell wish I had the night he thought beating me was the answer.
He rubbed my back. “Hey, hey now. None of that, Cass. We’re just trying to make sure you stay safe. Don’t go feelin’ all embarrassed and ashamed around us. We’ve been friends for a long while now. We’ll protect you. I’ll protect you. I promise. I can tell you though, I’d feel a lot more comfortable in my boots if you’d move in here so we can keep watch over ya.”
“Wait,” I said slowly. “You want me to leave Mama and Papa’s and move in here?” I can’t say I was blindsided by his words. Reagan had told me the same thing not even a day earlier.
“I’m givin’ you the option Cassidy Mae, but I really think it’s in your best interest.”
“Ok, so I’d move into the bunkhouse with the other workers who live on property?” I asked quietly.
“Um, no Cass. You’d move in here with me and Reagan.”
Live with him? He wanted me to share a space with him. Yes, Reagan would be there too. She lived there, of course, but still. I’d known the Montgomery’s since I was a kid really. I knew if they promised to protect me, they would.
Would I be under Beau’s thumb though? Would he hover and be overprotective? I didn’t think so, but my trust in men was definitely lacking these days. I wanted the freedom to be my own person. I wanted the freedom to start over. Yes, Beau had been a lifelong crush, but I couldn’t see him being overly bearing. As much as I didn’t want Beau to have to take care of me, I didn’t see another choice.
The truth was I’d need someone to look out for me and my parents didn’t need that kind of stress in their lives. I appreciated, at least, that I’d been given the option. They hadn’t demanded that I move in. They worded it like a suggestion which made me feel more at ease.
Beau looked me over like he was waiting for an answer.
“I can’t…”
He gave me a strong look indicating that it wasn’t the answer he was waiting for.
“Cassidy Mae…”
“No, I… I mean… You can’t pay me to work and let me live here for free. I’ll pay for my board by working here as your groom. No ifs, ands, or buts, Beau. It isn’t fair otherwise.”
He thought about it for a minute and then nodded. He had to understand that this was a decision I was making for myself. One of the first I’d made for myself in a good long while and even though it didn’t seem like a big deal, it was to me.
“Alright, well that’s settled.”
I nodded my head. The tightness in my throat was overwhelming. The emotions were threatening to pull me under over the clear concern my friends had. It’d been years since I’d been home and they were ready to go to hell and back for me.
I needed to tell Mama and Papa that I’d be moving in with Reagan and Beau and today seemed like the right time. I wasn’t sure how they’d feel about it, but it was something that had to be done, especially after that weird text message. We didn’t know where it’d come from, but it had to be someone linked to Andrew.
When I got home that night, they were sitting on the front porch drinking tea, listening to the crickets chirping, and watching the lightnin’ bugs twinkle in the dark.
“Listen, Mama, Papa, I need to talk to you ‘bout something.” Their eyes highlighted concern. They’d always be worried about me knowing what I’d been through.
Papa spoke up first, “Yes, dear?” His low voice sent a pang of guilt for leaving so soon. For even considering that he couldn’t protect me as well as Beau could at the farm. I felt bad, but I needed to do this for me.
I hesitated, not sure exactly how to say it but I decided to just go for it. “I’m going to be staying with Beau and Reagan for a while.”
“What? Why’re ya doing that?”
I sighed and twiddled my thumbs. Trying not to make eye contact, words escaped my lips, “I can’t let myself be a burden to you and Mama right now.”
Papa’s hand slammed down on that old rocking chair arm and I jumped. “Dammit Cassidy Mae, you listen to me, young lady! You ARE NOT and WILL NEVER be a burden. To me or your mama. So, you can just get that thought out of your mind right this instant.”
I could barely hear my thoughts, sobs assaulted me. Mama reached over and grabbed hold of Papa’s thigh, giving him the eye.
“Sweetie, we want you to be happy and healthy. If that’s with Beau and Reagan then we understand. You have to do things for you right now. If coming home is about moving on and starting over then you need to do it in your own way. Even if we’d rather have you right here under our roof.”
Mama’s choked sob broke my heart. She cared so much and I could see my decision to leave was hurting her. I think she understood though.
“Darlin’ we can take care of you here. You don’t need to feel like we can’t.”
“I know y’all can, Papa. But I need to do this for myself. I think moving in with Reagan and Beau will be good for me. I’ll work for my place to live. I don’t want to depend on you and Mama for everything.”
Papa always knew when he’d been beat. His heavy sigh confirmed it.
“You best call your mama every night. I know you’re just up the road, but it’ll make us feel better. No exceptions.”
Tears fell down my cheeks in streams and I nodded, “Yes, Papa.”
All of the stuff I’d brought home with me fit in the back of Reagan’s truck. It didn’t seem like much, but it was mine. Stuff I’d purchased and hidden from Andrew. I smiled at myself, proud that I’d kept something from him.
“Is this everything?” Reagan gave me a ‘seriously’ look.
“Yep, this is it for me.”
“Alrighty then, we’ll have this moved into the spare room in two point five seconds when we get back to the house. Let’s go home.”
Home. Willow Springs was definitely starting to feel like it. More than living
with Andrew had in the past year.
Rea wasn’t kidding about getting me moved in quickly either. As soon as we got back Jameson and Remington fixed me up with my own room really quick. I unpacked my boxes at record speed and headed out to the barn to see how I could help.
On my way to the barn, a whiz of black flurry catches my eye. Beau Montgomery in all his male glory working with Zeus. Bare-chested and abs on full display as dust flew around him in the round pen he looked like every western romance hero come to life. I’ve never in my life seen such a gorgeous man or horse. The way Zeus glides almost like he’s floating on air, feet barely touching the ground as he runs is unbelievable. I’ve seen Beau work with him a couple of times now and each time it seems he gets a little more relaxed.
Beau got out in front of him and suddenly Zeus slammed on the brakes, and turned to face him. He was looking Beau straight on, licking his lips. When Beau turned to walk away, amazingly Zeus followed him. As Beau pivoted to Zeus, I noticed that the horse didn’t flinch when Beau went to touch him.
Improvement. For a moment I was jealous of Zeus. To be able to have someone you care about touch you without flinching made me crave the same thing.
I walked over to the round pen to watch. Watching Beau work with horses was mesmerizing. It was incredible what he could do with them. His demeanor was always calm and gentle, but firm.
I knew better than to just sneak up on them so I started kicking the dust on the ground so they heard me coming. Slowly, Beau looked over and took in my appearance. A wide grin crossed his lips.
“Well hey there, Cassidy Mae. You get all moved in?”
“Yep, got everything in.”
“How’s Zeus today?”
“We’re getting there. Just takes some time.”
I watched him clip a long lead line to the rope halter as Zeus stood quietly. He picked up a set of horse leg boots and started to move one towards Zeus. Zeus started to back away, looking nervous. I started to worry and I must have expressed it because a small chuckle emanates from Beau’s looks. “It’s not hurting him, Cass.”
I was curious. “What’re you doing with him?”
“I’m desensitizing him to these boots. I don’t want to work him without these much longer because they protect his legs so he doesn’t accidentally kick himself and do damage.” As I watched, slowly, Zeus came around and finally stopped to just stand. At this point, Beau took the boot and started rubbing it up against his body and down his leg.
“Now, I’m rubbing him with it, so he gets used to the feel of it. He’s never seen one before, so when I put it on him, he’s probably gonna look a little funny and not sure what to do with himself over it.” He leaned down and surprisingly; Zeus let him put it on. Once he got done with the left leg, he started all over again with the right side. My confusion picked up.
Interesting. “Why do the other side? Doesn’t it work for both?”
“I find that doing it with both sides just reinforces that what I’m asking of him isn’t anything to be afraid of.” What he says seems to be true. Zeus doesn’t seem to let it bother him as much as it did with the first side. The other thing I noticed is that he gave him praise each time he calmed and relaxed.
Watching Beau work with Zeus is probably the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. His gentle reassurances and kindness, yet firm hand tell me he’s good at what he does. I stand for a while and watch quietly as he desensitizes Zeus with the tools he will use to train him.
As soon as I walked back into the barn, I was greeted by the Cheshire cat. Reagan in all her smiling glory.
“He’s good with them, ya know.”
“I can tell,” I said smiling.
“You know he’s glad you’re home.”
“I’m glad I am too. I haven’t felt this happy in a while. Thank you all for letting me stay here. It feels safe. I know it’s not my home, but it’s starting to feel like it.”
“I’m glad you’re here too. It’s nice having my best friend back. I’ve really missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
“So, clearly you’re avoiding talking about my brother…” She said smiling.
“What is there to say, Rea? I just left a really bad relationship. I’m not looking for anything more than a friend right now. My husband is undoubtedly dead, so I’m not technically married anymore, but still… it doesn’t mean I want to jump into something.“ I shrugged and she gave me a look.
“I know, I had a major crush on him in high school and now he’s… he’s gorgeous, but I just can’t think about that right now. I need to just be me. Or remember what it’s like to be me. Ya know?”
“Wait, why didn’t you tell me you had a crush on my brother? How did I not know this? And I don’t really get what you’re saying, but I’ll stand behind your decision.”
She paused before she spoke again. “Do you ever miss him?”
“First off, I was on-again, off-again with Tucker, so you probably wouldn’t have known about my Beau crush. Secondly, him?”
“Yeah, do you miss Andrew?” She said quietly.
I scoffed, “Miss him?”
I didn’t miss him. I missed the college version of him when we were in love, and before the accident made him mean and crazy. The man that would bring me flowers and take me on dates. The guy that would get me chocolate and a heating pad on my period days and take care of me when I was sick. Before he lost his mind. Before I lost mine.
She was still waiting for a response when I looked up. “I mean; in a way, I do miss a version of him. What I didn’t realize was that I missed me more. I changed myself so much over that last year we were married. I didn’t wear high heels because he didn’t want me to be taller than him. I wore tons of wear makeup and always had my hair properly fixed. No rodeo dirt speckled face or ponytail for this woman. I listened to his favorite music and ended up throwing mine in the back of the closet. I lost so much of myself that I don’t even remember who I used to be before him. I was a girl who wanted to be an upper east side kept wife. Who looked good, who was educated, and could fool people about her pedigree. I wanted to create the kind of loving family that was on Hallmark cards. Not the family that was barefoot around the back porch drinking out of solo cups and swatting flies. Yet before I acted on that idea of a perfect family image I used to live to the beat of my own drum. I had been free. When I stopped and thought about it, I had been happy all my life in Moonshine Springs. Why did I think there was better? Did I think the unknown was always better than what I had? The notions of a stupid, shallow teenage girl nearly destroyed my damn life. They nearly got me killed. Now, I’m constantly looking over my shoulder wondering when someone’s going to show up asking questions that I can’t answer.”
A tear slipped down my cheek. Admitting it out loud was so much worse than thinking about it. Openly expressing how I felt was gut-wrenching, but it was also the truth. I changed the moment his lips pressed against mine for the first time. I just hadn’t realized how drastically.
“Oh, sweet girl. It’ll get better.” She pulled me in close and I cried on her shoulder while she rubbed my back, soothing me.
After a while, she prodded again.
“Now, back to my brother…”
I laughed as I straightened back up and shook my head. “Reagan Harper…”
“I kid, I kid.” Her hands up in a take-no-offense manner. “But didn’t you say…. Oh, what was it that you said again?” She said tapping her chin. “Oh, that’s right… he’s… um gorgeous? With a little smirk and giggle too if I remember correctly.”
“I have eyes, Rea. Your brother is still sexy, more so than he was in high school. But nothing is going to happen.”
“We’ll see about that Cassidy Mae… we’ll see about that.”
And that is exactly what I was afraid of. It was obvious that Beau Montgomery and I had some unfinished business of the love kind, but until I figured everything out in my current situation, I wasn’t willing to be in a relationshi
p with him. Whether he was willingly trying to be or not.
“Well, I’m going to go grab Koko. She decided to roll in the mud this morning and needs a bath.”
She laughed at me once more before walking away. “Okay, Cassidy Mae. You do that.”
And I did just that.
I brought Koko into the wash stall and looked over her mud-coated, lightly dappled grey hair. I tied her in cross ties and proceeded to get the hose turned on and started spraying her lightly from the legs up so as not to spook her. The water turned brown as it fled her speckled hair.
I stood there and watched as Cassidy Mae slowly washed the mud from Koko. She’d gone slow, running the hose up her legs before just hitting her directly with the water. My girl just had a way with horses. My girl. Good Lord, she wasn’t mine. Not yet, but she would be. I’d told myself to give her time and I would.
I knew watching her without announcing my presence was probably a bad idea but I couldn’t help it. I liked just watching her. She had an air of femininity and comfort. Like she’d been doing this for years. And she had. She’d been messing around with horses for as far back as I can remember. Every summer I’d watch her ride those barrels for fun at the county fair. She didn’t always win but the way her face lit up when she was sitting atop a horse racing around those barrels, dust kicking up as she went, was the prettiest damn thing I’d ever seen.
“You missed a spot there, Cassidy Mae.” She jumped when I spoke and I felt a tinge of guilt light me up. I hated that she was still jumpy around me after being home now for weeks. As soon as those emerald green eyes found mine though, her lips quirked into a smile.
“Oh yeah? Do tell. What spot did I miss exactly?” As I got closer to tease her better, all of a sudden, I was soaked. My Levi’s clung to my thighs and the shirt I’d put on after working Zeus clung to my pecs and abs. Her eyes followed the path of water down my chest to my pants and a smile lit her face.
“You didn’t…” I chuckled.
She shrugged her shoulders at me and laughed, “It slipped, what can I say?”
