by Marie , J
“I always forget how beautiful it is here.”
“You’re the perfect touch to its beauty, darlin’.” She shook her head and looked away.
“I don’t know why you keep saying things like that, Beau…”
“Cause it’s true. I’m only ever speakin’ the truth, Cass.” Obviously embarrassed by my comment, she tried to get us talking about something else.
“So… tell me about Apache. I can’t remember him being around back then.”
“Apache came to me a couple years ago. Skin and bones. Scared to death of humans. He’d been abused much like Zeus had, only worse.”
“How long did it take you to work with him?”
“Well, he still has some bad days. Animals, like humans, are unpredictable and there’s no telling what he’s seen before that may pop up and scare the tarnation out of him that we aren’t aware of.”
“Yeah… I get that.”
“You enjoying being back?” A smile creased the corners of her mouth.
“It’s nice being home. I can’t tell you how much I missed it. I guess I just didn’t figure that out until I actually got here and started doing all the things I used to do. I don’t think Reagan would’ve let me just sit and do nothing.”
“She’s a bully, you can say it. I love my sister to pieces but sometimes she comes off a tad harsh.”
“I think I needed it. I was too in my own head when I first got here.”
“I could see that.”
“You know, I’m really grateful to you for letting me stay at the house. I’m sorry I dragged you into my mess of a life.”
“Cassidy Mae, wild horses couldn’t keep me away…”
A laugh slipped from between her lips. “You sure about that Beau Montgomery?”
“Well…”
“Hey now!” She was so cute when she acted offended. I just couldn’t help but razz her some days.
I put my hands up in mock defense. “Kidding. I’m glad you’re back. I don’t know all the circumstances or what happened while you were gone, but I’m hoping eventually you’ll trust me enough to let me in.”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Beau. It’s just… I can’t…”
“Hey, it’s fine darlin’. We’ll work at your pace. You’re here and while you’re with me, you’re safe. I won’t let anything happen to you. I hope you believe me when I say it.”
“I do.”
It didn’t take us much longer to reach the warm springs. I dismounted from Apache and tied him to a limb hanging from a nearby tree and Cassidy Mae followed my lead with Oakley. I should be nervous leaving a mare alone with a stallion, but last I checked Oakley wasn’t in heat so we should be in the all-clear.
We followed the path my family had created through the woods over the years back through to the spring. The spring sat smack dab in the middle of a wooded area. Trees surrounded it and light peeked down from above through the tree line, highlighting her face as she spoke.
“I’d forgotten about this…”
I agreed. “I haven’t been here in years… I always forget how pretty it is.”
“You mean to tell me you’ve never brought a lady out here and convinced her to shake down into her skivvies and go dipping in the springs with you?”
“Heck yes’ darlin’. Only girl I ever brought out here was you, just now…”
We sat down on the ledge of the springs and dangled our feet in the water. As much as I wanted to get in and do just what she suggested, she wasn’t ready to strip down in front of me yet.
“Hey Beau?”
“Yeah?”
“How come you’re single?” I looked up at her slack-jawed, spit coated my windpipe and I started hacking up a lung. Cassidy tried to pat my back and then rub it.
“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have… It’s none of my business. Just… just forget I asked, okay?”
“Cassidy Mae, you can ask me whatever you want. I’m an open book. Just wasn’t expectin’ you to ask me that. To answer your question… I guess I was just waitin’ for her to come home to me. The right woman. The other part of my soul…”
“Wait, you know who she is already? Beau Montgomery, you got your eye on a special lady in town?”
“No…” I let out a sigh. I thought we’d been over this already. I thought she’d gotten all the little hints I’d thrown her way. Clearly, I wasn’t working hard enough to get her attention.
“Well…”
I frowned over at her. “You know, Cass. You have to. And if you don’t, I’ve been failing miserably at making her feel like she’s the most special person in my life right now.”
I saw the lightbulb go off in her brain, “Beau…” Turning away from me, she started to get up when my hand fell on her arm. For the first time since she came to the farm, she barely flinched and then those emerald green eyes gazed up at me under dark black lashes.
“Listen, Cass. This is a hell of a time to tell you all this stuff. But as far as I can tell we got a long way to go and you need to know. I’m not letting you go again. I want you to be my girl, Cassidy Mae.” I exhale with a heavy whoosh. “I’ve been waiting years, biding my time. Hoping that one day fate would see fit to let me fix my wrongs by not tellin’ ya how I felt way back then. Well, I don’t know if it was fate that brought you back to me, but I’m mighty thankful for a do-over.”
She sighed as I waited for her rejection. “I know this isn’t what you want to hear Beau, but right now I’m trying to find me. I got so lost being with Andrew that I can’t even remember what I used to do when I was alone. I let myself get wrapped up in someone else and right now I just need simple. And I’m still technically married until all that gets worked out… My husband is dead and I don’t know what’s going on with that. If something happened between us Beau, and something happened to you because of what I’d seen, I wouldn’t ever forgive myself.”
“Tell me you don’t feel something between us, Cassidy Mae? Tell me that you don’t see it too.”
“If I said I didn’t feel it, I’d be lying and I respect you too much to lie to you. But there’s a lot of things that aren’t in my control right now. Hell, maybe the only thing you’re feeling right now is protective and misguided by the fact that I’m your sister’s childhood best friend.”
“You got everything out ya wanna say?” Her claim was absurd. I feel one hundred percent nothing familial towards her. Of that I was positive. As I watched her bite her lower lip and nod, I continued.
“Cass, I’m a grown man. I can take care of myself and you. The only thing holding me back from being with you is you. If you want to be with me. Then be with me. But I understand that going through what ya been through takes time. Hell, you’re brave for being bold enough to ask for a way out. I get it if you ain’t ready yet. I’ve been waiting years, a little while longer won’t kill me. Just give me a killer case of blue balls.”
“Beau Montgomery!” She screeched, covering her face as her tiny frame shook with giggles.
“What? It’s true. You’re the prettiest thing in the whole world darlin’. Can’t imagine a man not having a hard-on for you. And just so we’re clear, if that wasn’t, I don’t feel once ounce of familial feelings towards you. This is all straight-up lust and love, sweetheart. I sure as hell ain’t going anywhere unless you’re with me.”
Her mouth started to open and then closed again. It was as if she wanted to say something, but couldn’t decide on the right words. Not wanting any part of her discomfort, I figured a change of topic would be welcome.
“On that note… let’s get back to the horses. I gotta get back and finish up some other stuff before I call it a day.”
Spending the afternoon with Beau had been exactly what I needed. Feeling at peace with my decision to come home. Feeling safe staying here at the stables. I believed Beau when he said he’d protect me. He also scared the crap out of me when he made his little confessional about me being the one. It was endearing. The look on his face said he’d bee
n telling the truth. This man had been nothing but honest and patient with me since I came home.
Truth is, I was starting to fall hard for him. And this time it wasn’t a high school crush. This time, things were different. He was a real loving family man. I wasn’t used to his breed.
Beau was a self-sufficient, content stable owner with no cares in the world except for the ones I’d brought to his very home. My life was the stone that never quite made it to the diamond phase. I wanted so badly to grab for that diamond. I knew Beau would give me what I needed.
But right now, I just didn’t see it as an option. There were too many what-ifs to think about. I hadn’t heard from anyone since the night I’d seen Andrew tortured and beaten. No police. No family. Just silence. A part of me was still waiting for him to come for me. An irrational fear that maybe he wasn’t truly dead like I’d just imagined the whole night.
I needed to refocus my nervous energy and groom down some of the horses before I went inside for the evening. As soon as Oakley was brushed down and tucked away in her stall with treats, I made my way over to Elle’s stall. I wondered what her story was like I did with most of the horses here. The majority were Quarter Horses, which was common in a western riding barn, but then you had a Morgan, an Andalusian, and a Fresian. It made me wonder if Elle had once been a rescue too. Seemed like most of the horses had been.
Apache had his own story too. One of pain and mistreatment, but look how far he’d come since then. He was in a good place. I could tell by how calm and willing he was for Beau.
As I tried to halter Elle, she nuzzled my pockets looking for the skittles I always had stashed for her. Out of every treat I gave her, skittles were her favorite. “Alright sweet girl. Gimme a sec. I’ll get you one.”
I swear she knew what I said because she instantly calmed, allowing me to slip the top part of the halter over her ears. “That’s my girl,” I said as I rubbed the white fur of the star on her forehead. I brought her out of her stall and tied her in cross ties to brush her down.
Something about the silence while I brushed her stilled me. It calmed my soul in a way nothing else could manage. It was cathartic. Listening to her steady horse breathing.
I could stand here all day long and brush horses. Elle stood quietly, cocking her hind leg like she was relaxed. When I reached up to the spot between her shoulders her head shifted to the side and her lips started wiggling.
“Oh, is that a good spot, girl?” I laughed at the faces of enjoyment she was making as I scratched her favorite itchy spot, the one I’d found the first day I’d groomed her. Horses seemed like such simple creatures. A scratch to make them happy. A carrot to munch on. Some sugar cubes just because, and they were your best friend. I wish life was that easy. Maybe for Elle, her life hadn’t always been this carefree and easy. Maybe Elle’s life had been hard before she’d come here, like me she was running from abuse or running from a past of unkind hands and people. I understood that fully.
This place felt safe to me. If I was honest with myself, it felt like home. For the first time in years, I was smiling. I was legitimately happy. I had people I could count on that truly cared about me. I was learning to accept it. Accept help. It was hard for me at first wanting to do everything on my own. I’d been tied to this image of a perfect housewife who never does anything wrong for so many years that I’d forgotten what it was like to just be me. That carefree barn bum that spent hours hanging out on the farm with Reagan. Riding bareback through the fields and running barrels at the county fair. Little things that made me wonder why I ever left in the first place.
Looking back, I thought I needed to get out of this Podunk town. Cities are where your life is supposed to happen. With populations in the millions your happily ever after was almost a guarantee. Before I left I’d never experienced anything more than seeing women settling down and raising a family on a farm. At the time, I’d laughed at the idea. I thought I was better than these people. I would become better by moving forward and away. I wanted a fancy college degree, not because I had a dream career, but because it sounded good, and the rich husband who showered me with love and gifts. To feel special. To get everything I always wanted, not just what I needed. I wanted the white picket fence with two point five kids. I thought Andrew would give me all of it. Look where that silly dream got me? An abusive husband, a loveless marriage, and no children.
I’d learned I was wrong.
So wrong.
What I wouldn’t give to be settled down on a farm much like this one with Beau. How different would my life be now? I doubt I’d be hiding out in this town running from something that I was sure would catch up with me.
Little by little Beau Montgomery was making me believe that I deserved to be here. I deserved to feel loved and wanted. He made me feel a hell of a lot more than my husband had in the last year, that’s for sure.
I finished up with Elle and grabbed Jet from the next stall over. Where Elle was a short 14.5 hands high, Jet was a monster at almost 16 hands tall. I had to grab a step ladder to reach the middle of his back. Though he was tall, he was sweeter than pie. His muzzle hair whispered against the back of my neck as I reached down to brush the front of his chest. I could feel his warm breath on my skin and I relished it. Being this close to a horse was something akin to being close enough to heaven to touch it. Messengers sent to earth for the mere purpose of soothing our souls and the good Lord himself letting us know we aren’t alone in the world. I’d always been drawn to them for that reason.
I provided the appropriate amount of scratches and cooing for Jet to feel like he’d gotten enough of my love for the day before returning him to his stall.
I wanted to spend some time sitting with Zeus.
As soon as I sat down in front of his stall, something weird happened. He pushed his head out of the stall and neighed at me.
For the first time since I started coming to the barn, I felt like we’d finally made progress. I wanted so badly to reach out and touch him, but I knew what it felt like to not want to be touched. So, I waited. I held my hand out just close enough for him to smell if he wanted. I looked down not making direct eye contact with him either, for fear that would intimidate him. After what felt like a few long seconds I felt the warm breath of his nostrils run up my fingers. When he pushed my hand with his nose, I knew he was giving me permission to touch him. Permission that I didn’t realize I’d been dying to have. This big, strong horse was giving me a chance for him to trust me. To know that I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. Maybe being around Beau Montgomery was good for everyone.
A balm to a withered soul.
Or maybe it was something about being back in this small town that was bringing me back to life. I chose to believe it was Beau. Maybe, just maybe he could bring me fully back to life too. For so long I’d been sitting in the darkness waiting for a beacon to shine its way through and maybe fate just looked down on me and finally said here you go. It’s time to shine. I wasn’t sure, but whatever the reason, I was grateful.
Maybe I’d been wrong being so forward with Cassidy Mae, but I was done waiting to tell her exactly how I felt. Sign me up for poker because I was all in with this girl. She had me wrapped around her cute little finger and I wasn’t going anywhere.
It was the first time she hadn’t flinched when I touched her. Lately, I’ve been all about progress and to me, I was finally going in the right direction with my Cass. She’d have time to come around to the idea of her and me. I knew that. My mind was set. I was going to win the girl and if anyone showed up for her, I’d set them straight. Cassidy Mae was my girl now and they could run back to whatever hole they crawled out of.
No one was awake yet and a nice big breakfast sounded good to me. I grabbed some stuff from the fridge and started getting pans together on the stove. Bacon, pancakes, and eggs for breakfast. I’d shot a text to the crew to let them know we’d be having breakfast at the house before the day started.
Everyone here was family. We
worked, ate, and spent most of our day together. Reagan and I had lost our parents several years ago so these people were the only family we had left. Rhett, Jameson, Remington and I had all been friends for as long as I can remember. When I took over this farm, they were more than happy to come over and help me with the daily chores and eventually they just started coming every day and I started paying them. Simple as that. In a way, we were all rescues running from something or the other. Some of us the past, others just looking for a home.
The scents of breakfast filled the kitchen and I knew that soon everyone would be dragging their sleepy asses in.
“Dear brother, why on earth are you up so doggone early making breakfast? Have you lost your damn mind?”
“You hungry or not, Rea? I was hungry, felt like being generous, and made everyone else breakfast too.”
“Everyone, huh? Or Cassidy Mae?” She winked at me and started getting plates out of the cabinet. As she was doing that, I heard movement upstairs and not five seconds later did I see Cassidy Mae in a sleepy state start coming down the stairs.
Sleepers crusted the corner of her eyes and her hair wasn’t fully combed out yet, but she was the most beautiful I’d ever seen her. A small smile lifted the corners of her lips when she spotted me as she headed towards the kitchen table. Not too long after Cassidy Mae and Reagan found their seats at the table did everyone else come stomping through the front door.
“Howdy y’all,” came from Rhett and a mumbled morning crossed the lips of Remington and Jameson. As soon as Faith came in the tension in the room was alive and well. Remy and Faith weren’t making eye contact. Not even to harass and demean each other, which was far from their norm. I often wondered when they’d finally get their shit together and admit to their feelings for each other. Then again, I was my own pot calling the kettle black.
