A
Soul
In The Night
by Kendrick Goldwate r
© 2019 Kendrick Goldwater
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
DEDICATION
I want to dedicate ‘A Soul In The Night’ to the memory of my grandfather, Benjamin Goldwater. Without your constant encouragement to live beyond the rough hand life dealt me, I never would have believed that I could have a chance to express myself without reservation or caring what people thought about it. I love you, and I know you are looking down on me with pride right now.
A SOUL IN THE NIGHT
TABLE OF CONTENTS
CHAPTER ONE
SPEAKING FOR THE DEAD
CHAPTER TWO
A WIND-BEATEN TREE
CHAPTER THREE
THE HORIZON BLEEDS
CHAPTER FOUR
A SOUL IN THE NIGH T
CHAPTER ON E
SPEAKING FOR THE DEAD
you planted
the seeds
of my every action
in the soil of my mind
when i was young
now they have grown
into mature crops
and now
i speak for the dead
opening my mouth
to speak your truth s
with or without
their reassurance
you remain
valuable beyond word s
those who tell you
‘i love you’
will be the ones
to hurt you
the mos t
it is not easy
to forget
the wounds
that still ache
within you
but fear not
one day
you will find
your healin g
the greatest redwood trees
all started
from the smallest seeds
do not judge yourself
for starting small
pain is the thing that teaches you
the places
you need to be held
tenderly
by someone
who truly loves yo u
there have been men
who have wanted you
and sworn
they were ready
to play with fire
but they
were too weak
to handle
your flam e
do not be
so hard
on yourself
life is rife with struggle
you cannot blame yourself
for needing res t
all those who hurt you
will be the first
to crawl back
to you
once you have found
your healin g
your heart
remembers the days
of light and love
with fond nostalgia
but put yourself at ease
you have
still better days
waiting for you
what really matters
is that you never believe
that you deserve
to be treated
the way they treat yo u
do not hesitate
to say no
to the things
and people
in your life
that infringe
on your peac e
we were too young and lost to understand the love that ignited such a fire in our souls
perhaps one day our paths will cross again
and everything will fit together in such beautiful ways as we cannot even imagin e
you are plagued
with those
in your life
who do nothing
but take your love
and give nothing back
you deserve
to be surrounded
with people
who reflect your light
instead of taking it
all
for themselve s
i was never
your first priority
you saw me as an option
and i saw you
as my only
and that is why
we caused each other
nothing but pai n
love
is a beautiful thing
but even love
can cause us pain
as we are forever lost
in pursuit
of something
that feels rea l
you are laying your heart
at the feet of men
who are willing
to trod over it
carelessly
just to get
to another woma n
do not give your time
to people
who believe
that you owe them
anythin g
do not ignore
the ache in your heart
that demands
to be hear d
all of these
broken things
will one day
add up
to a wholeness
you cannot
even imagine
everything
you need
is already
inside
yoursel f
there is no better feeling
than to have
your heart
in harmony
with your spirit
but all too often
in life
that is a feeling
we seldom fee l
do not compare yourself
to the fake perfection
that others presen t
give your sadness
the attention
it deserves
do not run away
from confronting
your feeling s
do not fear chaos
become the storm
and there
you will find
your powe r
there is a difference
between forgiving people
and giving them
another chance
to make the same
mistakes
they made befor e
the day will come where all of the concerns which plague your heart at this moment will be as forgotten as the weather a decade ago on this day.
take heart in this:
things will change
and your heart will heal
one day at a tim e
i have come a long way
from the poverty
of unpaid
electricity bills
and sitting
in the darknes s
ironically
it was
talking about my pain
after so much time
of holding it in
that brought me out
of the darkness
-blood on my typewrite r
beautiful is the rose
that stands strong
despite
the strongest wind s
do not let the world
make you
stop carin g
if you fed a flower
nothing but
alcohol
and cigarettes
how could it still
bloom?
and yet
here i am
on my journey
forwar d
CHAPTER TW O
A WIND-BEATEN TRE E
the wind-beaten tree
stood strong
against
the forces of nature
but time
bent his branches
slowly
year by year
season by season
time shapes you
even if you do not
realize it
at the tim e
you can’t blame yourself
for losing
who you are
while you
were so focused
on trying
to help him
it’s not your job
to fix a man
who was not
raised wel l
be careful
who you speak to
when they
are careless
with the secrets
of other s
i have slowly
become okay
with the fact
that you
will never explain
what happened
between u s
do not be
with someone
who will not accept
any blame
for what they do
or sa y
i needed you
more
than you
ever
needed m e
imbalance
is the root
of heartbrea k
you don't need
a man
to validate
who you ar e
draw your strength
from deep within
do not let the world
make you feel
wea k
i know that you
have been forced
to raise yourself
because you
never had
any good examples
to draw from
you should be proud
of every inch
you have gained
in ground
from where
you began
she watered her flowers
giving them love and care
the way
she wished
she had been cared for
as a chil d
trust is a loaded gun
that you put
into the hands
of someone else
you were the first person I was with who made sex more than a physical act for pleasure. making love to you was transcendently spiritual, transcendently beautiful .
sometimes
you just have to cry
until you
are so exhausted
that you
can begin
to move o n
the moment
we begin
to become jealous
is the moment
we give
all our power
to the worst parts
of the other perso n
if you are happier
without you
then i
want you
to leave m e
whiskey
is no cure
for the pain
but it can dull it
for the nigh t
someone
who does not show you
that they care
doesn’ t
whisper things to me
deep in the night
comfort
my weary soul
promise me
things
we could never kee p
lust
when it goes
both ways
can feel
close to lov e
i envy
the rain
as it falls
and touches
your bod y
sex
is not a dirty wor d
we cannot rush things
and make them happen
before
they are meant to
that
is as unfulfilling
as harvesting
the fruit
before it is rip e
in the end
you cannot afford
to let someone else
be your peace
if you rely
on someone else
to comfort your heart
it will only hurt
all the more
when they
recoil away
when things get tough
i will leave
fresh roses
on your dresser
for you to wake up to
in the morning
i will give you
a thousand reasons
to miss m e
the right person
will not
see your flaws
as something to judge
but as something
to lovingly cares s
find someone
who knows
that no one else
can replace
the beauty
of your sou l
do not come to me
asking for forgiveness
when i have not
even had time
to forgive myself
for giving you
a chance

CHAPTER THRE E
THE HORIZON BLEED S
the sun
dipped below the horizon
spreading deep red light
across the clouds
the horizon bleeds
with the auburn light
that comes
just before
the darkest hou r
do not think
that just because
he called you
special
that means
he believes it
find someone
whose kindness
of heart
matches the kindness
of their word s
come with me
let’s set fire
to the last
of everything
we still
hold on to
let’s start fresh
without scars
without expectations
let’s leave everything
behin d
he will regret
losing you
but do not
fall back
into his arms
let his mistake
of losing a diamond
be your chance
to realize
that you
deserve
so much more
than hi m
i was sipping wine
sitting on the porch
deep into the night
a notebook in hand
trying to write
but all
i could think about
was you
you will be the one
he regrets losing
more than any
of the other s
do not let anyone
come and go
into your life
as they please
you are more
than an optio n
be careful
where you plant
yourself
even the seeds
of a beautiful rose
when planted
on the rocks
will produce nothing
but pai n
do not spend your nights
wasting time
thinking
&
nbsp; about where he is
and who
he is with
you cannot
start a new chapter
in your life
while you
are still holding on
to someone
who moved on
from you
a long time ago
in a world
where mirages of beauty
pass for the real thing
you are one of the few
who are real
and tru e
do not allow
his cold heart
to take your warmth
and make you
like hi m
he does not deserve
the energy
you give hi m
you are far too powerful
too full
of lightning
sprung from the hands
of goddesses
to think
that some lowly man
is worthy
of the grieving
of your heart
your love
was an addiction to me
i let you get me high
but now that you’re gone
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