With a lurch he slumped to the floor, coughing up only a bit of spittle. The music became dizzying. The universe began to spin. Jason felt as if he were spinning as well, but in the opposite direction, watching from the center of the carousel out. He kept stealing glances of the dog and the little girl. The only color in his vision were the red accents of her hair and eyes against her blue dress. The dog came closer to the girl, seeming to grow larger. He was rocked to his core, transfixed as he stared, clawing against the wall of his cabin. He began to weep, watching the dog come closer to the girl and seemingly grow bigger as it did so. He struggled to hear above the crashing of the bell and the carousel music, but out in the distance he heard something cut through it all. Sharp like a knife it cut into him. It felt as though his heart had been torn from his chest, and his throat ran dry as he heaved. His wife crying the words, riding on the carousel, covered in blood. She kept saying it.
“YOU KILLED HER!”
The dog had reached the girl now, and she turned to him and screamed, “Daddy!” The ringing of the bells crashed against him. The spinning of the carousel seemed to increase infinitely. The dog became even larger as it snatched up his daughter. It shook, rabid toothed and strong it shook. He tried to scream, but he was falling, spinning in space, visions of his daughter echoed against him. She screamed for him, but it was Pal’s voice he heard. A robotic “Daddy!” out of the small supple mouth of his angel. Her face became the moon then, and all the noise became the explosion. There, on the moon, in the center of her scar, lay Ember.
Chapter 19
The Ghost of Thomas Tucker
Jason woke groggy-eyed in the arms of Pal 2000. His head bobbed and neck ached as Pal walked down the hallway toward what Jason thought would be the medical center. The light strips in the ceiling and floor flickered, and some had burst. He smelled burnt copper, and occasionally Pal would stutter badly in his steps, leaving Jason’s head to be whipped to and fro. For a moment his vision remained black and white, but then the strips of light became red and terrible like the blood of his dreams. The illusion soon faded, and the lights returned to normal, but they flickered and sparked nonetheless.
“Pal.” Jason tried to mutter. It came out dry, less than a whisper. His throat burned, and his vocal chords seemed to be ruined.
Pal craned his head sideways and stared at Jason, continuing his circus clown gait. “Ah yes, you a-a-are awake! Excellent.” Pal cocked his head even more wildly. “Funny isn’t it, Captain? I know the punchline. But I’m not going to tell you. You must find out. Just following ...just following orders.”
Jason wanted to cry out, but he could barely begin to think of even swallowing.
“Stay quiet, Captain. Wouldn’t want to ruin your vocal chords. Plus, the others are sleeping.” Pal inclined his head, emoji face arching an eyebrow, and ever so quietly whispered, “We shouldn’t wake them.” Right into Jason’s ear.
Nausea washed through Jason like a river of garbage. It was as if the walls were warping and turning in on themselves. He felt like he was in one of the early versions of VR back before it was regulated, and developers could still make mods. People had used the machines to torture victims into insanity. One of the worst “challenges” invented by his generation. It endlessly warped the world around the user in new and unsettling ways, infinitely changing to confuse and dizzy them. When he had tried it, he lasted about ten seconds. This felt like an eternity longer, and it might have just begun.
He braced himself for the slow walk.
Pal looked ahead again, walking with a slow step and occasional limp. “Captain ...w-w-when I found you, I believe you had been screaming for hours. Your voice was hoarse, only a bit louder than a whisper, and you were screaming the name Ember.”
My name, Daddy.
Jason shook his head and looked around.
“Captain?” said Pal in his normal voice. He looked confused suddenly. “What are we doing here? Something is not ri-right.”
Jason grabbed the robot and spun him around before slamming him into the wall. He reached for Pal’s emergency off switch located in the back of his neck, but Pal suddenly whirled around and backhanded Jason, sending him careening into the opposite wall.
He hit the floor in a heap, and merciful darkness took him.
Jason awoke in a dimly lit room. His throat felt a little better. He might be able to talk soon. There was water next to him. It was the only thing he could see light reflecting from by the small bit shining in through the top of the doorway, and even that was dim. He tentatively reached out his hand and shuddered when his chafed wrists strained against the handcuffs, not for the first time, he guessed. At that moment he heard a light scraping sound and noticed a small bit of movement deeper in the room. He peered into the darkness and suddenly his face was only inches from Pal’s.
“Ah, Captain, you are awake. As I was beginning to tell you my little story you faded off again.” Pal sighed and sat against the opposite wall the way a stoner might lounge against the bricks of an alleyway. It was a distinctly human gesture, something Pal was rarely capable of. “Captain, do you ever wonder about the moon?”
Jason frowned and tilted his head at Pal, trying his best to convey some emotion without speech. He didn’t want to talk to the creepy little bastard, but he didn’t have much else to do, and he might be able to find out something useful ...if he could trick Pal into giving something away.
“Let me ask you this, Captain. Why didn’t you destroy the asteroid that was being pulled into Earth’s orbit? Why didn’t mission control command that? Was the war terrible enough to commit genocide? You realize that is what you did, Captain. You committed genocide. You made the wrong call. Again.” Pal stood up then and began walking away from him.
Again?
The hair on the back of Jason’s neck stood up and he grew cold. His stomach had gone sour, and his throat began to ache even more.
The thought had occurred to Jason. It was the kind of thing he tried to pretend wasn’t real. The implications had always haunted him, but he had forgotten about that train of thought a while ago. Drugs and a dead family will do that to a guy. Now that Pal had mentioned it, though, Jason was transported back in time to the briefing for that mission.
It was a private meeting, just Jason and the admiral. They met in the admiral’s office in the U.N. headquarters. Jason remembered that the admiral was wearing a black suit with a black undershirt, vest, and tie. Jason hadn’t thought much of it at the time. The war was out of hand, the death and the strife had the people of the world terrified. Jason didn’t have time to think about his admiral’s choice in clothing. He had received a message straight from the top to meet the admiral personally, and alone. Whatever was happening, it was big, and Jason knew he would have some role to play. If he could go back...
He sifted through what was left of the memory, but all he could remember was the black suit. That, and what the admiral had said to him.
The admiral had been looking out the window when Jason entered, and turned swiftly to stare him in the eye. Jason was struck by the man’s gaze and stopped in his tracks, wincing a bit and nodding. Something bad was going to happen. Jason could feel it. Nevertheless, he stood to attention. “Captain Eriksson reporting, Admiral.”
The admiral let out a sigh and said, “At ease, Captain.” Before moseying to the bar in silence and pouring himself two fingers of scotch. For Jason he poured whiskey. Jason remembered the way the liquid flowed into the glass and splashed against its container.
“Sir, I don’t know if—”
“Don’t worry about it, Jason. You’ll need it.”
Jason nodded and accepted the glass with a stiff “Yes, sir,” before downing the contents in one swig. He remembered the familiar burn, the taste he had grown to crave. It barely touched his throat before it hit his stomach.
The admiral chuckled. “Ah, still shooting whiskey like a cowboy, eh?”
Setting down the glass, Jason replied with a glance
, “Yes, sir. Only way I know how. Either do it or don’t.”
Leaning forward and taking on a serious gaze, the admiral spoke quietly. “That is why I’ve chosen you, Captain. You are the best man for this mission because of just that quality. Never in my years have I seen a man so quick to follow his sense of duty. Few ever commit to things the way you do, Jason. Even the small stuff. You are different, and that’s why I need you.”
Jason smirked and nodded. “All due respect, Admiral, but it's because I have the best damn crew in the solar system. And you can tell Jose I said so.”
The admiral smirked at that before becoming stoic again. “Jason, I need you to destroy Luna 1.”
“Destroy Luna?”
The words hung in the air for a time before the admiral continued. “Yes, Captain, if it comes to it. Which, I believe it will. I will be personally overseeing your mission, and I will make the judgement call. But I need a man I know I can trust to do this. Very few have the stones to do something like that.”
Jason glanced down at the beige carpet. “Admiral, may I ask why?”
“We have received intelligence indicating that Luna colony has the means and the intention to pull the incoming asteroid into Earth’s orbit. They hope to strike a fatal blow to all life on Earth. It would destroy everything. If Earth and all its people were to die ...Jason, that’s billions. And all the colonies would go too, eventually. Only for them the death would be slow and painful. Starvation, exposure, suicide. That’s how the human race will end if we don’t stop them.”
Pal slapped Jason in the face.
“Shit!” he managed to croak.
The robot quickly retreated to the darkness of the back of the room where Jason could barely make out his outline.
“You’ve been in your own little world, haven’t you, sir?”
Jason only glared at the robot. His throat hurt now much more than it had, and he felt his face beginning to swell from the impact of Pal’s cold, metallic hand.
“Do you remember the date of that meeting, sir? It was July 2, 2050. What else has happened on July 2?”
Jason still couldn’t see Pal. And he had no clue how the robot knew what Jason had been thinking about. His voice was the only thing Jason could sense in the darkness, and it was now coming in from the intercom as well, echoing eerily against the metal walls of the room.
July 2? The date meant nothing to him. All Jason could think was that it would be July 2 sometime soon, as he had left St. Croix in late June.
Pal appeared before him again, suddenly filling Jason’s gaze. He pressed his face against Jason’s cheek and began to yell deafeningly loud. Jason couldn’t quite make out what Pal was screaming, but his head felt as if it would split open. He began to hear the carousel again. He felt the spinning. His ears ached. Pal’s unintelligible roar slowly formed into a single name. A name Jason knew well.
“Thomas!”
Chapter 20
The Carousel Song
Jason woke and looked around. He was back in his old bedroom. Melissa was next to him on her side of the bed. He thought back to all that had happened in his crazy dream. The moon, his wife’s suicide... Ember. He looked at the window. The cream curtains were drawn across the sash and little light penetrated the room. He looked forward toward the mirror, where he thought he could make out writing on the wall, but he discounted it. For some reason it seemed familiar, though.
In bed next to him Melissa stirred. She was wearing one of his T-shirts, and she swam in it. Despite that, he could see the outline of her figure lurking beneath the fabric, trying to lure him in. She rolled to face him, and to his surprise, she was pregnant.
“Melissa, you’re not pregnant. Ember is already five years old.”
She didn’t answer him, and as if she hadn’t even heard what he said, she started a conversation of her own.
“She’s kicking a lot lately.” A smile, that same smile he had seen light up the room time and time again.
She looked at him then, a playful smirk and a raised eyebrow betraying her mischief. She squirmed in bed, reaching to touch him, but her hand went right through. Jason’s throat went dry. He rose from the bed and backed up, looking back at the wall again, where, dripping in blood, were the words YOU KILLED HER.
He looked back down at Melissa. She was stroking the air and talking as if he were still lying right next to her. She seemed to be listening to something, and soon after replied. “Are you ready to be a parent?”
Jason remembered this. This wasn’t real, it was a memory, some kind of dream memory. Another hallucination...
“Come on, I’m the best damn captain in the world,” said his memory-self. “What’s so bad about a little kid running around? I can handle it.”
She looked directly at him then, the real him. “I sure hope so.”
His heart was hammering in his chest. He backed into the wall and looked back. The letters were bigger. The blood seemed to flow from them down to the floor. It was filling the room, approaching his feet. He staggered to get away, but could find nowhere the blood hadn’t already spread to. Jason began to panic. The carousel music started up again, and he grew dizzy. The whole room was spinning, and from the bed he saw movement in his peripheral. He looked toward Melissa, but she wasn’t there. Instead, a tall skinny figure rose to greet him. It was caught up in the sheets, and ever so slowly it raised a thin finger to point at him. In a voice made of gravel and blood he heard the words.
“YOU KILLED HER!”
“Jason!”
He woke with a start, feeling as if all hope had fled from the universe. The feeling sat heavy in his heart, slowly causing it to decay.
Pal was gone, but now Charlie stood in the glass doorway looking in at him confusedly, and he could see she was moving to open it. He struggled to cry out, to tell her not to come in. His throat still didn’t work well, and he was still handcuffed. His wrists were raw and bleeding. He didn’t know what time it was, or where Pal had gone to. He stood helpless as he watched Charlie enter the cell to rescue him.
“Jason! Why are you in here? What’s happening? We’ve been looking for you all morning. The Russians will be back before we exit the Termination Shock. We have to get you out of here.”
Pal suddenly appeared behind Charlie, and Jason tried to cry out, but it was too late. The robot knocked Charlie out with a blow to the head, and Jason watched as he zip tied her hands together and threw her against the back wall. He turned to look at Jason. “Ah, Captain. Have you put the pieces together yet? Can you now see clearly what you have gotten yourself into this time?”
Jason looked down at Charlie and a pang echoed in his heart. He couldn’t let them down. His crew was the only thing he had left. They were the only thing that could keep him sane, and Jason realized suddenly, they were the only people left alive that he loved. He couldn’t let anything happen to them.
He pulled himself up and gritted his teeth. His throat burnt badly, but he’d been chugging hard alcohol for the last year and a half. He’d have to suck it up.
“Pal, what did the admiral do to you?” Jason whispered.
The robot began to vibrate, and before long the face of the admiral appeared on the holo-screen. He wore a wolf’s smile and stared directly into the camera with the intensity of a gunslinger.
Pal spoke then, but it wasn’t his voice that Jason heard.
“Hello, Jason,” said the admiral, raising an eyebrow and adopting an ironic grin.
The carousel and the voice of Ember still echoed in his mind.
Run, Daddy.
Chapter 21
The Other Side of Hell
Pal abruptly left after revealing the admiral to him. Charlie began to stir shortly after, and it took her awhile to gain her bearings. The hit she had taken was nasty, and Jason expected a large lump oozing blood from her scalp. He would have helped her up, helped her get water, all that, except he was still handcuffed. The blood coming from his wrists now had begun to make a small puddle
on him, and he struggled to stay still enough not to reopen the wounds while he figured things out.
Charlie was rubbing her neck and finally looked up at Jason. “Jason, is that you? I can’t see well.”
He cleared his burning throat. “Yeah, it’s me.”
“You don’t sound so good. It was that damned robot, wasn’t it?”
Jason could only grunt. He needed to save his voice.
Charlie easily broke out of her zip ties and began to search the cabin of their cell. This was the only room without bronze walls. Instead, the metal was brushed a deep black that was rough to the touch. One could feel the grains of sand hiding in the black paint like stars in space. It was a classic feature of the fleet, meant to make prisoners more uncomfortable, both the grain, and the darkness. Jason was against the left side of the wall facing from the door, and Charlie went to him last, after walking the whole cell and finding nothing more than a toilet.
“Robot or not, that Pal 2000 is an asshole. He didn’t even use handcuffs, he just bent a bunch of metal around your wrists.”
Jason let out an ironic chuckle while blinking a drop of blood out of his eye. “That explains the blood.”
Though he could barely tell, he thought he saw Charlie frown. Before he knew it, she was kissing him. He couldn’t get away, and he didn’t try. She kissed him deeply, her breathing growing heavier, and bit his lip.
“Ow!” Jason laughed.
“Why are you pulling away? That was a pity kiss!”
“Charlie, if we’re getting out of this mess, you’re going to need a captain, not a charity case. For the rest of this mission I expect you to act professionally.”
Charlie scoffed, “You’re not man enough for me anyway. I want to be with a man who can blow up a whole planet!”
They laughed together, and for the first time in a very long time Jason forgot how terrible his life had become. He saw hope, and once again was reminded of his purpose. He was Captain Jason Eriksson, the Man Who Broke the Goddamned Moon. He wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of his mission. No one would endanger his crew, and he’d be damned if some generic robot was going to give him a run for his money.
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