by Kanu Crystal
“Our secret. Our kill. We killed them.”
“I would order it again.” Himeko couldn’t meet Isia’s eyes, afraid to see the emotionless ice in them again. “I would do it myself if it meant your safety.”
“You won’t have to.” Himeko head shot up, and crimson eyes met azure. The warmth was so deep at that moment, Himeko’s heart skipped a beat. “I don’t regret it.”
“How I feel about you, this can’t be evil.” Himeko wanted to touch her, but Isia still had both her hands.
“Not evil, selfish.” And now the ice in her eyes was spreading like magic. The blue of the ocean stilled and hardened. Himeko’s whole body relaxed as she saw it for what it was. Isia did want this, but they could never have it and she was resolved. Isia’s feelings for her were not strong enough. Something else was stronger. And the bloodshed of tonight proved that. “This must end tonight.”
“Ok.” Himeko looked away from those cold blue eyes and tried to force a smile. “We will stop. Pretend this never happened. You’re going home tomorrow, and I will be here. We can do this right?” What could it be? What could get in the way of these feelings?
“Yes, my princess.” Himeko had to know, needed to know. Was this all once sided? Was what she feeling just something she made up? “I think tonight I should sleep out in the lounge.”
Isia released her and stood up. “...Okay...” It couldn’t be? Isia loved her? Protected her, made sure she was happy?
“Princess…” Isia looked at her with those cold eyes questioning?
Himeko nodded and Isia started to take off her clothes. Himeko watched the other woman shift into her second form and lay down next to the door. Himeko stood and headed for her bedroom. She stopped and sent a silent prayer to the goddess. She couldn’t say it out loud, but she had to know, nonetheless. “I love you.”
In the quiet, she held her breath. Waiting for something, anything. “We shouldn’t.”
Tears ran down her eyes and she was thankful that her back was away from Isia. She made sure the tears couldn’t be heard, not even through the link. “We won’t.”
“Just friends.” Her heart felt like it was being ripped apart in her chest.
“Yes, good friends.”
***
The door closed and Isia wished she could rip the breaking heart out of her chest. The pain was unbearable. A howl that wanted to be released was choking her. For hours she laid awake as she listened to the woman in the other room toss and turn. Listened to the tears she had caused. It was painful.
She had to keep telling herself that it wasn’t just her life. That this was selfish. That it was unforgivable. But she kept remembering every kiss and every smile. The way she would look at her, and just as the dawn came, she found herself by that door. As light as she could, she spoke into the link, hopeful and shamed all at the same time.
“I love you, too.”
Chapter 16
Isia pulled the large bowstring back and released the arrow. The arrow hit the target of hay, just on the edge, far away from the white painted center. Isia closed her eyes and rubbed her face with the hand not holding her bow only to look up and wanting desperately to close them again.
Her instructor was gawking at her. This wouldn’t bother her so much if the woman wasn’t an owl shifter, who now had her whole humanoid head turned 160 degrees. It was unnerving how the bird shifters kept so much of their second form when human. She had tried to stand next to her, but the owl shifter just told her to return to the spot where she had painted a white X on the ground.
"No more today, be better tomorrow." The woman spoke, and the next second a giant owl with a 9-foot wingspan took off to gods new where. Isia sighed. She was amazing with the short bow, but the longbow just didn’t come to her. She could sense her tutor's frustrations and shared them as well.
She attached her bow onto her backpack, took off her clothes and shifted. She headed back to pack lands all the while thinking of Himeko. Isia’s up incoming birthday in two months meant everything to her. The seven months was flying by and soon she would be 18 and fully by her princess’s side. Isia’s birthday was a week after Princess Oasis and Himeko had made plans to head to Val Amara with Princess Oasis to celebrate. Himeko's letters had asked for Isia to join her. Though this was her last year with the Silent Leaves Pack and she would be able to take up her role as protector this year, she would have to start officer training as soon as she got back. She felt as though it would be better for the royal guard to go. Yet she also wanted to see the home of the ball of joy that was Princess Oasis.
Deep down she knew she also wanted to spend more time with Himeko. She had a feeling that what she and Himeko had was special and in her situation, wrong. Though there had been Rulers that mated for a short time with beastkin and humans of the same sex, it was not widely accepted if an heir was not born.
Yet those red eyes haunted her dreams. Day or night, Himeko was there, kissing her, rubbing those soft fingers over her back, making those sounds that drove Isia insane. Sometimes she whispers sweet words to her, other times, Isia would try to leave or glide the dream away from kisses she would never get to share. The princess of Marian had become her biggest distraction. Their week of stolen kisses was over, and she would never cross that line again.
As she neared the village, she heard both howling and screaming. Confused she walked a bit faster. As the sounds became louder, dread began to creep into her heart. Once Isia was on the outskirts of the village she heard something that forced her into a dead run.
Aisi was screaming. Not out loud but through their mind link. She wasn’t saying anything, just screaming repeatedly. With all the speed she could manage, she headed for the South edge of town.
There was a crowd standing in a circle. The alpha pair was talking to a dark-skinned male with black hair and golden eyes. She couldn’t hear what was being said over the howls and the screaming in her head, but both Alphas looked angry.
She shifted, and then pushed her way to the center of the circle. Her heart broke instantly. Isia couldn’t move, just stare at the beautiful white wolf, lying lifeless on the ground. Aisi rocked their sister’s body back and forth. Her head was facing the sky, her tears falling unchallenged from her face. Her mouth was wide open, but no sounds came out. Her screams were only for their link. A link that Isia just realized was open to a sister that could never hear it again.
Isia started to hyperventilate. She stepped closer towards her sisters but only made it halfway before she fell to her knees. She felt dizzy. Her heart was beating out of her chest. Siai had just gone out for a run. She had left early before the suns rose. Isia had not questioned it when she left. She should have stopped her, asked her where she was going. Told her to be safe! Anything!
She barely noticed the screams had stopped in her head. All noise had stopped. She looked over at the man that was now kneeling, head pressed to the ground, in the center of the clearing the crowd had made.
"My names, my titles, my great deeds have no importance." Isia's heart clenched. This was the Will of Mara. It was said by the followers of Mara, but only those that have committed a great sin and wanted those that they had wronged to judge their fates. Isia wanted so badly not to hear the next part, the confession. If she could rip off her ears, she covered them, but the man’s voice got through anyway.
"My sin is grave. I was hunting for sickened full-blooded wolves that had killed two of my people. I tracked them and killed many, while others fled. I saw a wolf, drinking from the river and my arrow-pierced heart. When I went to collect, I caught her sent. As soon as I knew, I tracked where she came from and returned the body back to her people. Mara, Goddess of Nature and Death, their decision, your will."
Isia stared at the man as he spoke. With his head on the ground, she could clearly see the pointed ears of the Elven people. This was a dark elf of the Shade Forest. The forest bordered the Marian Kingdom directly south and east. The Silent Leaves Pack and four others bordered the
forest. With how early Siai left, she could have made it into the forest. It wasn’t forbidden to enter the Shade Forest and the Emperor had a good relationship with the Queen of the Dark Elves.
This was her first time meeting a dark elf and since he smelled of the forest, she doubted she would have been able to track him. He smelled like the forest and if he was anything like she had heard elven were, then none would have heard him amongst the trees. He could have run, yet he had come. By evoking The Will of Mara, his fate was now in Aisi and Isia's hands. If either one of them decided to spare him, he would be spared, yet if they voted for death, then they could have it done in any way they wanted if it was befitting of the crime. They could even keep him as a slave for up to a year.
Unwilling to think of this, Isia stood. She walked over to her two sisters, kneeling only long enough to take Siai out of her sister's hands. Once standing tall with her sister’s dead body, she spoke her voice hoarse, but strong. "Take me to where you slew my sister, elf."
The elf stood slowly, he was handsome, with gold eyes that shined like diamonds with a teardrop-shaped face and a feline’s grace. “Your will, my lady."
She followed the elf for hours, Aisi right beside her. Aisi was quiet. Their link was open but neither of them spoke. Isia knew that the Silent Leave pack followed just as quietly, the two alphas leading the funeral procession. They were beastkin. They followed Mara. Mara was both nature and death, so in death, they were claimed by nature.
Many packs had places where they put their dead to be taken by nature, but the Silent Leaves and even her old pack, placed the bodies where, or as close to the place where, the last breath was taken. The spot was considered an honored place, where only deep blood ties could come to for the first year. It was their way of honoring their goddess and her works. It was also seen as the only way to reincarnate back into the cycle of life.
When they reached the spot, the elf said nothing, just pointed to the spot and stepped back. Isia should have been tired but she felt nothing but numb as she placed her sister down. She lifted her head up and said to the forest, "Here lies Siai of the hidden leaves, embrace her Mother for she was an amazing person, worthy of your love.”
Isia swallowed hard and stepped to the side. Aisi spoke next her voice breaking. "Here lies Siai of the hidden leaves, embrace her Mother for she was brave, worthy of your love." Aisi stepped next to her sister and she embraced Isia, crying silently into her shoulder.
One by one, the pack stepped up and asked that Siai be embraced by the Goddess. Once done, they all walked back home. This place was now forbidden to them for the next year. When all had gone but Alpha Cain and his mate, Alpha Jannce, the duo turned toward the two sisters. "What will you do with the elf?"
Isia turned to look at the elf that stood a few feet away. She turned back to the Alpha pair but remained silent. Instead, like always, Aisi spoke for them both as she had always done for the three of them. "With all due respect my alphas, that is not your concern."
Alpha Janice nodded and spoke her Embracing Wish to the goddess and left the riverside. Alpha Cain stared at the sisters for a long moment before speaking. "Accident or no, this is your right and I will respect it. All of us will respect that." His voice held power, almost a warning. Alpha magic ran through his words.
Isia’s eyes narrowed, trying to understand the threat. The Alpha stepped up to Siai's body and knelt to kiss her forehead. "Here lies Siai of the hidden leaves, embrace her Mother for she was loved as her sisters are loved." He shifted to his second form and walked away from them.
The forest was quiet as the two women stood there. Something flashed out of the corner, of her eye and she turned to look. If she had not trained for so many years, she would have missed the shade. She took a deep breath but smelt nothing. Then she saw a glint, and she understood.
She growled low. Now understanding Alpha Cain's words, she spoke loudly and filled with rage like she had never felt before. "Leave this place and do not return for a year. This elf has taken the Will of Mara and is under our laws now. Interfere and I, Champion of Princess Himeko, Heir to the Skythone, will see this as an act of war!"
The forest itself seemed to hold still. After a moment, a woman, with breathtaking gold eyes and skin like the dark chocolate treats of Val Amor, seemed to melt out of the forest. Her voice was musical as she spoke, tears falling from her eyes. "We will leave, but please, may I have my son’s body. We elven follow Mara, but we place our dead deep, so their souls will return faster. Please, he is my only son, and I know he has done something unthinkable, but..."
"Leave." Aisi cut her off never raising her voice. The woman glanced at her son and then nodded before fading back into the woods like a ghost.
Both sisters turned toward the elf and he fell to his knees. Aisi spoke loudly towards him, her voice as cold as ice. "By Mara, I will you to death.” her voice was final. She stared at him with nothing but hate.
Isia looked at him and his mother's face flashed in her mind, then Siai’s smiling one and anger built up. Her sister’s quick laughter and her beautiful howl. They would never run together again. She would never hear her funny stories again. She would never break up a fight between Siai and Aisi again.
She let the anger and pain open her mouth, but no words came out. She felt her only remaining sister turn matching blue eyes on her. Neither of them spoke, and though Isia could feel those Cobalt eyes on her she could not look at them.
The elf was just a boy, maybe younger or just as young as them. He was not crying, just staring at her with remorse and regret in his eyes. She tried to harden her heart, but the fury wouldn’t come back. "By Mara," for the first time that day her voice broke. "I will you to remember. Go away elf. May our paths never cross again! "
Everything was quiet as the boy stood. He walked into the forest and turned around only once, shock still written all over his face.
There was no warning just pain as the huge white wolf tackled her to the ground. Isia rolled away and shifted, landing on all fours. Aisi shook off the remains of the clothes she was wearing, her growl deep and angry. "What have you done? Why have you betrayed me, betrayed Siai? "
"He is a child, it was an accident." Aisi snarled and leaped. The two white wolfs rolling over each other. They snarled and snapped. Both wolves ripped at each other, refusing to stop even when blood was drawn. The bigger of the two trying to maw in her fury, while the faster tried to evade. When Aisi’s claws ripped into Isia’s upper jaw, Isia retaliated by using her claws to rip open Aisi’s left hind leg. When Aisi's claws ripped open her right arm, Isia instinctively grabbed for her sister’s neck and held on. Aisi fought under Isia grip, so she tightened her jaw until Aisi stopped moving.
They were both bloody, Isia more so than Aisi, but Isia had won and they both knew it. Panting, Isia held her sister down by the neck as she slowly stopped her struggle. Aisi submitted, exposing her neck more and completely relaxing her body.
"Aisi, please. There has been enough death today.” Isia released Aisi and took a step back.
“Our sister is dead! Our parents are dead! Our brothers disowned us! The three of us… we are all we have… had.” Aisi rolled over and stared at their dead sister’s body.
“Have. We still have each other. She’s gone. Killing that boy would not bring her back.”
“Yet you kill for the princess like a trained dog?” Aisi rolled on her back, snarling the whole time. “Tell me sister, all those special trainers, what was she making you into if not a killer? Well not just a killer, a trained little monster dog, yes?”
“She wouldn’t want us fighting, you know she hated when we fought. We are all we have left.”
"It seems I have lost two sisters this day." Aisi ignored her and whined as she tried to stand. She could barely manage it, and only her anger seemed to help her stand. "No! Isia, you pack-less monster," she said pack-less like a curse and it did what it was intended to do. It hurt Isia deep. "I release you from family ties."
Isia shifted back to human. She watched as her sister leave, making this dark day darker. She did not cry, only stare at the back of the white wolf as she limped away. She looked at her blood covered hands and down at the spot where she had made her sister submit to her. She wasn’t angry, wasn’t mad at Aisi, just sad. Everything had just changed forever.
Unsure what to do she decided to do something her mother often did but she had not in a very long time. "Goddess, please." she closed her eyes as she prayed. "Am I to lose all that I have in one day? Sorrows hold me, great Mother, nothing but sorrows." She turned back to her fallen sister, her cocoa skin now faded in death.
And as she thought she had nothing to live for, Himeko and her smiling eyes came to her. Isia looked up. Exhaling out hard. She would not go back to the Silent Leaves. She did not need her things, she didn’t even want them. Instead, she started walking North West.
Epilogue
Himeko acknowledged the guards at her door as she entered her room. Very few lights were lit and no maids walked about. She was never chilled by the night air and yet, a shiver went down her spine as she entered her bedroom. She looked over to her balcony doors and wondered when she had opened them. Walking over she closed them quickly and almost screamed. Isia was just standing there like a ghost right next to the doors. She was soaked, completely naked and covered in forest. Her feet were bleeding and caked in mud. Her hair was tangled and matted.
Himeko reached out one hand and cupped her cheek, ice cold, yet it was the look in her eyes that broke Himeko’s heart. Himeko grabbed Isia in her arms, dragging her to the sofa. Isia let her pull her down but shot back up seconds later.
