“I believe I’ll have the spinach salad this time,” I said, staring intently at the menu.
“Mom,” Tori said and groaned. “I can’t believe how stubborn you’re being.”
“Maybe I should try the veggie panini instead? I never have. Have you?”
“What you should try, Mom,” Tori said, glaring across the table at me, “is giving Logan another chance.”
I glanced up and sighed. “He doesn’t want to see me.”
“How can you be so sure?”
I didn’t want to go into a long explanation. “I know, trust me.”
“How do you know?” she challenged.
“Because…he hasn’t stopped off at the library this week.”
I didn’t mean to look across the street. I really didn’t, but it was as if there was an invisible connection. Sure enough, Logan was there, eating lunch with his work crew. Just as I looked out the window, he looked across the street and our eyes met. We stared at each other for several uncomfortable seconds. The contact was broken when the server came to the table to take our order. As I turned my attention to the menu, a deep sense of sadness flooded my heart.
How I wished things would have gone differently for us.
CHAPTER 14
Jenna
My arms were loaded down with bags from my favorite discount store as I pushed open the front door with my shoulder and half stumbled into the house. It made me recall my father telling me that a heavy load was a lazy load. I should have made two trips from the car, but I was excited. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I’d gone on a mini–spending spree. I’d bought myself a new set of dishes. Lovely ones, and expensive, with a bright floral pattern, a set of four, with dinner and salad plates, bowls, and cups and saucers. They were exactly what I needed to brighten up my meals, the majority of which I ate alone. My old set was one I’d used for the last twenty years—practical and plain. I’d never thought much about it before. And then Allie had moved out, and I decided I wanted a change.
Life with an empty nest was far different than I’d anticipated. When Allie first left for college, I’d celebrated with Maureen. It did feel good to have the entire house to myself, but what I hadn’t expected was the silence. The home I loved had become an echo chamber. I’d even started to turn on the television just so there’d be noise.
When I’d left the house, my mission was to buy new tableware. After I found the dishes, I happened to see thick, luxurious towels on sale. The minute I felt their softness, I was sold. I bought two sets. One in bright red and the other in royal blue. All at once I found a need for color in my life. As it was, my current towels were nearly threadbare. I hadn’t thought much about their poor condition until I felt the beautiful towels.
I worked hard to keep a balanced budget and to help the kids as much as I could with college expenses. My father had set aside trust funds for all his grandchildren; otherwise, I would’ve never been able to afford to send Paul and Allie to college.
I quickly sorted through my purchases, washed the dishes, and put them in the cupboard. As I threw the towels into the washing machine, I heard the front door burst open.
“Mom!” I heard Allie shout. “Where are you?”
“In the kitchen. Allie, what’s wrong? What on earth are you doing here in the middle of the day?”
“Oh Mom. I am so embarrassed,” she blurted out between sobs, running into my arms.
“Honey, what happened?” I asked, immediately alarmed.
My question was followed by more sobs, sniffles, and finally snorting sounds as Allie struggled to breathe. She looked wretched and appeared as though she had showered but let her hair dry naturally, which was strange for her. Anyone who knew Allie knew she was all about perfect hair and the products that went with it. I recalled the summer she went with a church group to help the homeless in Portland, Oregon. It was a two-day trip and she packed two suitcases. One entire suitcase was filled with her hair products. We’d had a long discussion about her insensitivity to the needs of others.
She tried to speak and couldn’t. All she seemed capable of doing was shaking her head.
“I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me,” I said gently.
“I’m…I…am trying.” Allie gasped a couple of times, trying to control her crying. “I don’t know…if I can live in the dorm any longer. I want to move home.”
Whatever had happened was serious, I could tell. “Take a deep, slow breath,” I said, keeping her in my arms. I couldn’t imagine what had happened to cause this reaction. My guess was that it had to do with Wyatt. She’d been full of talk about him since the night of the frat party. He was smart, handsome, and perfect in every way, according to Allie, but if my daughter’s dating history was any indication, I expected this relationship to fizzle out quickly. And if Allie’s hysterics were any indication, it had happened sooner than I’d expected.
I gently patted her back as she cried all over my shoulder. “Does this have anything to do with Wyatt?”
“No,” she cried. “He…didn’t…do anything. Thank God he wasn’t there to see my humiliation.” Slowly, she was gaining control of her emotions, although none too soon.
“Okay, okay,” I said, doing my best to be as reassuring as possible. “Start from the beginning and tell me everything.”
Sniffles were followed by one loud sob as I led her to the family room off the kitchen, where we sat down. “No one…told me.”
“Told you what?” I asked in the same even, unemotional tone.
“The notice about the…drill.”
This wasn’t making a whole lot of sense. I wondered if drill was another word for test. It’d been a lot of years since I was last in college. Terms can change. “Drill? Are you talking about a test you took?”
“No,” she cried, reacting like I was being dense on purpose. “A fire drill!”
This conversation was getting more difficult to follow by the minute. My daughter was declaring that she was moving back home because no one told her about a fire drill? This was going a bit overboard.
“I’m sure there was a notice,” I said, hoping that would help her to be more reasonable.
“There was…on the community bulletin board…but I…didn’t see it…and later…I was gone…when…we…were…reminded.” Each word was pronounced between hiccupping sobs.
A box of tissues was close by, and I retrieved one for her. Allie grabbed hold of it and blew her nose. My daughter had always been something of a drama queen. The teen years hadn’t been easy ones for her. Living in a dorm and away from home for the first time seemed to magnify problems, making them appear larger than they were.
“Okay, so you missed the fire drill. Were you with Wyatt?”
“No…and I didn’t miss the drill.”
Now I was totally confused. It was clear this wasn’t going to be a short conversation. “If you didn’t miss the drill, then why are you so upset?”
“Because I was in…I was…in the shower.”
Oh no, I could see where this was going.
“I had one leg shaved.” She sucked in a deep breath to calm herself and continued talking. “And conditioner was in my…hair.”
“Oh Allie.” I briefly closed my eyes and cupped my hand over my mouth.
“It gets worse, Mom.”
“Oh sweetie.” This seemed bad enough.
“I…had to get out of the building quickly, otherwise I would’ve had to pay a two-hundred-dollar fine…and…and I didn’t have my robe.”
The robe had been a gift from my mother before Allie left for college. Mom wanted to make sure her granddaughter had the proper covering when wandering between her dorm room and the showers.
“It was in the dryer.”
Oh dear. “What did you do?”
Allie closed her eyes as i
f trying to erase the incident from her mind. “I…I had to use my towel. I wrapped it around me and hurried outside. Mom, it was humiliating.”
I couldn’t even imagine. “Honey, I know you’re embarrassed.”
“It was awful. Everyone looked at me and pointed in my direction.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“How can I face anyone after this? I want to move back home.” Allie’s eyes pleaded with me, amid the sniffles.
“Let’s talk about this,” I said, getting up and putting the teakettle on the stove. Tea was the go-to for important conversations with my kids, too. I hoped I’d be able to talk Allie down from overreacting, seeing that I’d already withdrawn trust funds for her room and board for the semester, which was no small change.
“You always say that when you have no intention of agreeing.”
“Do I?” I asked, taking my new cups and saucers out of the cupboard. I paused for a moment to admire the pattern, liking it even more than I had originally.
Once the water boiled, I poured it on the teabags in the teapot that had once belonged to my grandmother. I reserved it for special occasions. The tea brewed as I pulled out a serving tray and put the cups and saucers on it with cream and sugar; then I poured the tea and carried it into the room.
Allie looked at the tray and then at me. “When did you get new dishes?”
“Today.”
“Why? There’s nothing wrong with the old ones.”
I found it silly that she would focus on my new dishes. “I was in the mood for a change. Aren’t they pretty?”
“I guess.”
“You don’t like them?”
“They’re all right…It just threw me. We’ve had the same dishes ever since I can remember.”
Because she was already overemotional, I ignored the comment and handed her the cup and saucer.
“Before you say anything, Mom, I can’t go back. I can’t. Everyone will make fun of me.”
“By tomorrow your fire-drill incident will be old news. This is what life is like, Allie. We make mistakes, embarrassing things happen, we learn from them, and move forward.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” she argued. “Besides, what am I supposed to learn from this? Not to take any more showers?”
“No, but you might make it a habit to read the community bulletin board more often.”
Her frown was huge. “You don’t want me to move home, do you?”
“You know I’ve already paid your room and board for the entire semester. This is money your grandfather put aside for you, and to waste it would be wrong, as I can’t get a refund at this point. I’m sorry this happened to you, Allie. You do have a choice, though: You can let this break you, or you can let it make you.”
Allie rolled her eyes. “Mom, that’s so cliché.”
I could see the beginnings of a smile that she struggled to hide. Setting down my teacup, I reached over and gave her a gentle hug.
“You feel better now?” I asked.
She nodded and sipped her tea. “Did you buy anything else?” she asked.
“New towels.”
That didn’t seem to bother her nearly as much as the dishes had.
“I need towels, too. Did you get some for me?”
“No, they were for my bathroom,” I said.
“Oh,” Allie said, surprised.
The struggle to provide for my children as a single mother had come to an end. Not completely, of course. I still wore Walmart underwear while Allie had the latest in designer jeans. It was time to splurge a little on myself. New dishes and towels weren’t going to break the bank. I was about to say as much when the phone rang.
The hospital’s number showed up on my phone, and I hesitated to answer it, not wanting to put in overtime hours.
“Aren’t you going to answer that?” Allie asked.
“Of course.” I reached for the phone, and my heart immediately sped up when I realized it was Rowan.
“It’s…me, Rowan. I was thinking…I know you said you weren’t interested earlier, but in case you’ve had a change of heart, I was wondering if you might like to take a drive with me to look at the fall colors.” His words were stiff, emotionless, as if he was expecting me to turn him down.
While Rowan was most likely trying to protect his heart, mine, on the other hand, was doing silly jumping jacks. I struggled to hide my eagerness before responding. This was what I’d wanted, what I’d been hoping would happen.
“I’d understand if you’d rather not.”
“Actually, that sounds lovely. When were you thinking?”
Right away his voice softened with relief. “I looked at the schedule and noticed you are off tomorrow.”
“Yes.” Three days on, three days off.
“I am as well. May I pick you up around ten?”
“Sure. That would work perfectly. Would you like me to pack a lunch for us?”
He hesitated, as if he hadn’t thought that far ahead. “No, we’ll find someplace to eat. Don’t go to any trouble.”
“Okay.”
There didn’t seem to be anything more to say, and so we ended the conversation.
“Who was that?” Allie asked.
“Rowan Lancaster. Dr. Lancaster. He is the surgeon who repaired your grandma’s hip.”
“You’re dating a surgeon?”
You would’ve thought I’d announced that I’d taken up jumping out of helicopters to fight forest fires.
“How long has this been going on?”
“Nothing is going on,” I said. “This is the first time he’s asked me out.”
“Does Paul know?”
“There’s nothing for him to know. Dr. Lancaster has been wonderful with your grandmother. I’ve gotten to know him a little and admire him. Don’t make a big case out of this.”
Allie’s frown tightened her face. “It’s like I hardly know you anymore.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I said, brushing aside her words.
“You’ve always steered clear of doctors.”
I couldn’t argue with her. “Things change.”
“I guess so,” she said with a sarcastic edge.
“How’d you get to the house?” I used this question to change the subject. Normally she would’ve taken the bus, but in her emotional state that didn’t seem likely.
“Wyatt dropped me off.”
That was what I’d assumed, although she didn’t mention it until I asked. “Then it’s time to get back for your classes. Come on, I’ll drive you.”
“Mom,” she cried.
I could see the panic setting in as her eyes rounded, as if I was asking her to do the impossible.
“How am I supposed to face everyone? I’m the laughingstock of the entire dorm.”
“Like I said, this incident will be old news soon enough. We all have embarrassing moments at one time or another. It won’t be long before you’ll look back at what happened and laugh.”
“I will never laugh about this. Never.”
“Oh Allie.” I did feel sorry for her. “Chin up, kiddo, you’ll get through this.”
“I can’t go back. Not yet,” she pleaded.
“What I can’t do,” I replied, “is let my daughter move back home because she’s too embarrassed to return to her dorm room.”
“Can we go to lunch before you take me back?” She was finally conceding.
“Sure thing. What are you hungry for?”
“Chinese.”
“China West?” It was our favorite. The almond chicken was big enough for us to share and each take home leftovers.
“Can I order the dumplings?”
“Only if you share.”
After Allie had dried and fussed with her hair and makeup, we drove to our favorit
e Chinese restaurant. We were seated and had ordered when out of the blue the questions started again.
“You like this surgeon, don’t you?”
Rather than go into a detailed response, it was easier to simply nod.
“You got all flustered when he called. That’s not like you.”
I raised the small teacup to my mouth and took a sip, feeling out of my element. “I’d hoped he was going to ask me out and was disappointed that it took so long.”
“Why do you think he finally got up the nerve to call?”
“I’m not sure.” If I was to guess, however, I’d say it was because Rowan had learned that I’d turned down a date with the CEO from Parkview.
CHAPTER 15
Jenna
After our lunch, I dropped Allie off at her dorm. I suspected she intended to skip classes for the rest of the day; I didn’t blame her if she did. Seeing that I was already out and about, I decided to stop off and see if my mother needed anything.
When I pulled into the parking lot at Parkview, I noticed the slot for the director was taken, which meant Rich Gardner was currently at the facility. After I refused his first invitation, he’d contacted me a second time. Once again, I had a handy excuse; I was scheduled to work. I wished now that I’d been more adamant and let him know I wasn’t interested.
As I walked down the hallway to Mom’s room I could hear her laughing. She had a visitor. It didn’t take me long to recognize Rowan’s voice. This was a surprise, and a pleasant one. He’d been on my mind ever since his call earlier in the day.
“And then, oh my! You wouldn’t believe my Jenna. At age ten she decided she wanted to go live with the Amish. She had her suitcase packed and was ready to head out until her father told her the Amish wouldn’t allow her to listen to her Walkman. Only then did she have a change of heart.”
Rowan laughed.
I rolled my eyes. I could hear that Mom was telling tales on me. Unwilling to let her continue, I made my way into the room. Rowan had his legs crossed in a relaxed pose, sitting in the reclining chair next to Mom’s bed. Seeing him smiling and relaxed did funny things to my stomach. Every time I’d been with him he’d seemed proper and reserved. To see him at ease and enjoying himself was a rare treat.
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