by Ella Miles
“I love that you are my equal, you’re able to go head-to-head and toe-to-toe with me on everything. Fighting, wit, and courage. You have it all.
“I love your loyalty to those you care about. Even to those you hate. If you make a promise, you do everything to keep it.
“I love that you still want me even though I’ve failed you. Even though I’m not strong enough for you. I fail to live up to your equal.
“I love that you held my ex’s hand all night, comforting her until she took her last breath.” Tears sting again, as the pain at losing Lucy is still fresh. It haunts me that I wasn’t there for Lucy, even though I know she didn’t want me there. Siren was a good friend in her last moments on this earth.
“I love you because you challenge me. You’re willing to fight with me, no matter how hard our life gets.” My voice breaks, and I can’t. I can’t keep talking because if I do, I’ll tell her everything that happened. I’ll try to convince her she can’t be with me. I’ll do the right thing, and right now, I can’t do the right thing. I can only do the wrong thing—love her, even though I’m going to hurt her.
I see Siren’s tears, making me afraid I said the wrong thing, but then I see her smiling and laughing with such joy that her face seems to glow.
“I love you, Zeke Finn Kane. I loved you from the moment I saw you in the water. It hit me in the gut; you were different than every other man I knew in my life. You were one of the good guys, even though you had a rough exterior.
“I love that you forgave me when I hurt you, even though I didn’t earn your forgiveness.
“I love that you are selfless and put your friends, even me, above yourself.
“I love how pure your heart is. With you, there is no gray—just black and white. You forgive people of their sins.
“I love your protective spirit. Even now, you are warring with yourself, trying to find a way to protect me from the darkness done to you. You think I won’t love you, or I’ll want out.”
She pauses and lets go of one of my hands, raising her right hand out of the water. The engagement ring I gave her rests on her ring finger, along with a ring on her thumb.
“What are you doing?”
She pulls both rings off her hand and hands me her engagement ring.
“Are you giving this back?” I can’t breathe. It’s better for her without me, but I can’t handle letting her go right now.
“No, I’m not giving it back. I’m giving it to you to put on its proper place. I know this isn’t legal. Getting married in the ocean without witnesses, without a marriage license—it means nothing to the world. But to us—it means everything. I don’t want to wait until this is over to get married. I don’t want to wait until we can find an officiant and get this in writing.”
I open my mouth. She needs to know what happened to me. She needs to know what she’s agreeing to by marrying me, even just with us as witnesses and nothing but the ocean. If we do this, then to us, we will always be married.
“You should know before we do this—“
“No, I don’t want to know what happened to you. I don’t want to know what we lost, what we can’t get back, what’s changed. It doesn’t matter. I love you as you. I love you whole; I love you broken. I love you, no matter what happens. No matter how we change. I love you forever. And I want our forever to start now, today. I don’t want to wait. I want you to know that no matter what you tell me, I’ll always be your wife.”
My heart heals, all the wounds stitching together. Sealing any cracks. Mending all scars. I didn’t know love could feel like this. I knew it was powerful, but not enough to heal everything.
I was wrong. Loving Siren is enough to fix all of my brokenness. My physical scars will remain, but emotionally, we’ll get through this.
“I, Zeke Finn Kane, take you, Siren Aria Torres, to be my wife, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, till death do us part.”
I take the ring and grab her left hand, slipping it on her finger.
“You promise to be my husband forever?”
“I do.”
I kiss her hand over her ring.
“And I, Siren Aria Torres, take you, Zeke Finn Kane, to be my husband, no matter what happened to you or what will happen to you. No matter if our forever only lasts till tomorrow or for fifty years. No matter how many men you’ve killed or how many times you try to protect me but don’t reach me in time to save me from pain. I take you as my husband, with all your faults, because you are worth it. I love you more than I want to take my next breath. I’m so happy that you are my husband.”
I shake my head smiling, loving her unique vows.
“You promise to be my wife forever?”
“I do.”
She takes my hand and the ring she was wearing on her thumb and slips it onto my ring finger. I look down at the simple silver ring that I’m sure belonged to Enzo at one point. He’s going to have to fight me to get it back now.
“My anchor—forever,” she says, reading the hand-done scratching on its surface.
“It’s perfect.”
“And now you can kiss your bride,” Siren says with a smile she won’t be able to wipe off her face for days.
The ocean seems to know it’s time for a kiss. The waves push us together, and I kiss my wife—something I never thought I’d be doing. I never thought I could have a wife. I never thought I could put one woman above everyone else I love. But as my lips press hard against hers and the ocean pushes us harder together, solidifying our union, I’d let Enzo take a bullet every time if it meant saving this woman, my wife.
The universe in this moment may want us to be together, but I’m shaking, thinking about what I would do to protect Siren. What horrible atrocities I would commit. What lengths I would go to to keep her mine—forever.
Our forever is going to last a lot longer than a few hours or days. I want the next fifty years.
15
Siren
We’re married.
Not in the eyes of any law or country, but from this moment forward, we will behave as husband and wife. I’ll love Zeke as my husband. And he will love me as my wife.
We haven’t discussed any of the important details couples should talk about before getting married. We didn’t discuss where we’d live, or what job we would do, or if we will have kids. We had no talks about sharing our assets, staying in this dark business, or killing Julian and getting out. We didn’t discuss anything.
We’re married. We’re committed. We will figure everything else out.
“We need to get back in the boat,” I say.
Zeke nods as his limbs shake. I knew the water would heal us, even though it also has the power to destroy us. To make us so weak that physically we couldn’t recover. It was a risk worth taking because the emotional wounds Zeke is carrying are deep. This was just the start—getting married in the place we started, letting Zeke know that no matter what he tells me, I’m not going anywhere.
I climb onto the boat first, and then Zeke grabs hold of the edge. I lift him over, very much like I did that first night when I met him. That night he was pretty out of it, already accepting his death, so he wasn’t in pain when I pulled him over. This time though, no matter how happy he is that he married me, he’s in pain. I help him lay down in the bottom of the boat.
“This was a bad idea. I’m sorry,” I say.
He pants, large, heavy breaths, in and out like he just completed a hard workout instead of just treading water and being lifted into a boat.
“No, this was a perfect idea. No regrets.”
“No regrets.” I smile.
He shivers, and I know he’s freezing. I grab towels I brought and wrap him in them. I consider telling him to take off his soaking T-shirt to help him warm-up, but I know he isn’t comfortable with that yet. He wore the shirt in the water because he wasn’t ready to bear his scars to me.
I won’t push him, even though we are married. Healing takes time.
�
��Ready to head back?” I ask.
“No, not yet.” He sits up slowly, wrapping the blankets around him.
“I wish I could help you warm up more,” he says.
He eyes something behind me. I follow his gaze and see two thermoses. I grab them and unscrew the top of the first and take a sniff. “Hot chocolate. Kai must have packed it.”
I hand it to him, and he takes it in his shaky hands before lifting it to his lips.
“Why couldn’t she have packed whiskey? That would have warmed me up better than hot chocolate,” he grumbles.
I grin, not that I’ve been able to stop since we said ‘I do.’ I stare at him across from me. The sun is setting, and soon all the warmth will be gone.
“I can also help warm you up,” I say, biting my bottom lip. I want him. I want to fuck him, snuggle in the bed on the yacht, and then fuck all over again.
His eyes darken, and I swear I see a momentary gaze of fear as his body language changes from relaxed shivering to hard stone.
“You okay?” I ask.
“I’m married to the most incredible woman. What do you think?” It’s not an answer; it’s avoidance.
It’s time. Time for us both to start talking. To tell each other what happened. To rip off the bandaid.
“I was raped,” I say, looking at Zeke without blinking, without showing any fear or pain. The words I just said should make me angry, should make me scared, should make me a victim—but I am not a scared victim.
“I’m sorry. I should have—“
“Stop, it’s my turn to talk. Julian raped me. He did it with drugs in my system. He wanted me to want him, to give myself to him willingly. So he tricked my brain into thinking you were the one fucking me and not him.”
Zeke hisses, his pain pouring through the thick air from him to me. As he does, the sun sets behind him, and we are cast into darkness. The mood changes from joy to terror.
“I’m glad he tricked me. In my head, what Julian did to me was just you. All I felt was you.”
I reach across and grab Zeke’s hand. “You have nothing to be sorry for because you saved me. You kept me from becoming a victim. From feeling pain. From being scared.
“Someday, I’m sure it will hit me what happened. But I don’t look at the bruises now and feel angry. I don’t feel like I need therapy to get through this, although I’m sure that would help. I’m still whole. Him violating me didn’t ruin me. You were in my head; you were in my heart. Even though I knew it wasn’t really you in me, it didn’t matter because I knew you’d be waiting for me. That you would help me kill him for what he did to me.
“I’m not a victim, Zeke. So don’t make me one. I’m a survivor. I still feel whole. I still feel worthy of being loved by you. I’m not mad at you that you couldn’t come before Julian touched me. And I’m not going to let this weight stay with me forever.”
I pause, waiting for Zeke to catch up to me. Waiting for his painful reaction. I feel his heart taking the punch my words just dealt him. I feel it hitting him over and over, and I wish I could stop his pain. I can’t, though, because it’s my pain.
Julian Reed didn’t ruin me. He didn’t take anything away from me, but he did hurt me. And it’s pain we both have to deal with.
“You’re a badass, and I’m so honored that you are my wife.” He exhales his pain. I’ve never been prouder of him working through his own grief in such a healthy way.
“I love you,” I whisper.
“Bishop? Did he?”
“No, he didn’t rape me.” I pause. “He just fucked with my head.”
“How did you get free?”
“I traded a task Bishop wants me to do for my freedom. He’s still in my head. He can twist my thoughts, but if I do the task and go back to him, he’ll fix me.”
He nods. “Will you do it?”
“Yes, for us,” I answer honestly, not telling him what the task is. It’s a horrible job, but I will do it for us. I don’t want Bishop to control me, and he wants Zeke dead. He wants them all dead for a crime he feels they committed against him.
I need a free head, or Bishop will be able to use me against the people I love. I won’t let Bishop use me to hurt Zeke.
“Do you want to know what task Bishop gave me?”
“No. I mean, I do, but I won’t ask. I know you don’t want to tell me. And I shouldn’t know,” Zeke says, knowing what I’m going to have to do will betray his friends. Now that we are married, he shouldn’t stop me from protecting our marriage, even if it means I’ll have to hurt our friends.
Zeke takes another long sip of his hot chocolate, and then he shrugs off the towels.
“What are you doing? You need to stay warm,” I say.
“I’m plenty warm.” He gives me a look, asking me to trust him. So I do.
But my heart can’t stop racing, thinking about what he’s about to reveal that he thinks is so bad. That he thinks will make me stop loving him.
“Lucy’s lover, Palmer, was the woman who took me. She took me because she was in pain. She was angry Lucy was dying, and she couldn’t stop her death.”
“Lucy loved her, until her dying breath,” I say.
Zeke nods. “They both did. If you want to know what we are capable of doing for love—this is what we are capable of.”
Zeke removes his wet shirt over his head, and I see every mark on his body. His body is more black and blue than it is healthy flesh. The parts that aren’t bruised are stitched or bandaged, indicating wounds. His chest is the worst I’ve seen it. Once he heals, there won’t be a part of him that isn’t scarred.
He stands up, and I feel queasy, afraid of whatever comes next.
He lowers his swim trunks until he’s naked before me in the darkness of night. The moonlight illuminates his body, showing me all of him.
If I thought his chest was bad, his legs are worse, and his manhood—it’s swollen, red, and damaged.
This is what he was afraid of. This is what he was terrified of revealing to me. That he might be too damaged to ever make love to me again. Too damaged to ever have a chance at us having kids. Too broken.
This is what our love is capable of. This is the type of damage we could inflict on the world, on others we love in order to protect our love—our marriage.
It should terrify me. It should pain me. It should make me feel so many horrible things. Instead, all I see is a man I love. A man I will always love. A man whose love will stay with me forever.
I open my mouth to tell him that, but my stomach can’t hold back anymore. I grab the boat and vomit over the side, knowing Zeke is going to see this as a bad sign. He’s going to think I’m disgusted by him, even when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
16
Zeke
Siren’s reaction to my body is straight out of my nightmares. I don’t know how it could have been worse. She got physically sick at the sight of my disgusting body. I look like a hideous monster.
Sure, my face looks the same, but underneath my clothes, I’m covered with ugly scars twisting over all of my skin. And that part of me that she should be most attracted to is a mangled mess.
Letting her marry me without the truth was a mistake. What was I thinking? I’m an idiot.
“We can take it back. We aren’t married. We had no witnesses. We didn’t sign any papers. We can take it all back.” I move to remove the ring as I sit back down, the chill in the air no longer affecting me. All I care about is Siren’s reaction.
“No!” she practically screams at me.
“I don’t want you to feel obligated to be married to me when you aren’t even attracted to me.”
She vomits again, and I wince. She’s not even looking at me anymore, and she’s throwing up her disgust.
“Just—one second,” she says.
That one second lasts a lot longer than just one second. In that second, Siren must be regretting her decision to marry a beast like me. We were both raped, both violated. But she came out whole,
at least physically, and I came back looking like an alien to her. I look nothing like I did before.
She starts dry heaving, and I can’t wait anymore. I move to her, stroking her back, trying to help her to relax even though I’m sure my touch isn’t helping. I grab a towel from the floor and wrap myself again so she won’t have to look at me.
I hand her the hot chocolate to try and wash out her mouth, but she just shakes her head. I wish I had more to offer her.
Her beautiful eyes sparkle as she looks at me. “I’ve never been more attracted to you, Zeke. We are absolutely not taking back our vows. We are married. We will always be married. Don’t you dare take that back or ruin that moment for me.”
I blink. “You can’t be attracted to me.”
She grabs my hands again. “I am. Being attracted isn’t just about the physical. I’m attracted to your physical prowess, sure. I will always love your long hair and curse you to hell if you ever cut it off. But I’m also attracted to your strength. Your courage. Your love for me.”
“Then, why did you throw up? I don’t understand your reaction.”
She purses her lips, breathing again like she’s about to be sick again. She holds up a finger, asking me to wait another second.
Goddamn, I can’t wait. There is a reason she didn’t list patience as a reason she loves me.
“Siren? What is it? What’s wrong?”
“I’m pregnant.”
My whole world stops—not in a bad way. Not in an ‘I’ve just been shot, and my body is broken and weak, and I can’t move’ kind of way. My heart skips, my ears tell me I must have heard her wrong, and my breath is swept away.
“How? I mean…really? You’re pregnant?” I try to hide the hope in my voice, but it’s there. I can’t give her a baby. I know it without a doctor confirming it. I’ve seen the mangled parts hanging between my legs, and there is no way those parts will work properly ever again. But this—this could give us everything. This could give us the kid I instinctively know we both want, even though we’ve never spoken about it.
