Undercover

by Avery Aster

  That night in St. Barth felt no different.

  Warner wiped the phlegm from his face. He reached in his back pocket for his cell and called the St. Barth’s police station.

  As authorities arrived, the woman he thought he once knew scratched her own face and tore at her blouse. Rielle claimed he’d beaten her, but the police didn’t buy it. When her charade didn’t work, she pretended to faint, claiming exhaustion from their miscarried love child. Her lie didn’t go over with the female officer who slapped the handcuffs on her wrists. Rielle relieved herself, perhaps in hopes the policewoman would let her go. Or maybe she became scared.

  “Nice goin’, lady! Stand in your piss until I finish my paperwork.” The officer shook her head and chewed her gum, swearing in French. “Let the New Year’s Eve weekend loonies bloom, folks. Bonne année.”

  One thing was certain: Rielle was headed for jail.

  Bloody hand unattended, he left Rielle standing in her yellow puddle. In the driveway, Warner passed the broken champagne bottle he’d intended to share with Red. He slid into his convertible, driving up and down Rue de la Republique and around Gustavia Harbour in search of her. Pre-New Year’s parties were in full swing atop the yachts lining the waters. Blondes and brunettes danced and called his attention, but no redheads. No Red.

  Where are you? Who are you? I have to know.

  Why is it so impossible to get laid? Taddy walked up to the villa, her gator-skin bag under her arm. Vive stumbled three steps ahead, swinging her skunk fur purse in the air. “Farnworth!” Taddy shouted after her.

  Vive turned back. “Brill.” One eye opened wide as the other slid shut. “Wasup?” She unlocked the door and pushed through the living room, collapsing on the sofa in an exasperated huff.

  Taddy went into her bedroom and threw the purse in her suitcase. It was covered in dirt. No good to me now. She slipped her dress off, dreaming of Garner’s hands on her body. Wrapped in a terry cloth robe, she returned to the living room.

  Lex sat in a lounge chair next to Vive and sketched her fashion designs. She gazed at Taddy. “This is early for you. What gives?”

  “Go first, Vive. I wanna hear how things progressed after you hit the dance floor.” Taddy hoped her friend’s night had been better than hers. From the caked mascara around Vive’s blue eyes, it appeared likely.

  “One sec, my feet are killin’ me.” Vive slid one Christian Louboutin stiletto off followed by the other. “That’s better. So tonight, this hot Frenchman was eating from the palm of my hand.” She held out her arms to show the bite marks. “We’re getting it on at his hotel room over by Tom’s Beach. Oliver, I recall. Anyways, my dress is up over my head, because he couldn’t get the zipper down. He’s goin’ to town, eatin’ me out.”

  “I’m jealous.” Taddy sighed.

  “Ollie’s runnin’ his eager tongue in long strokes over my slit and into my ass. Cloud nine, here I come, right?” Eyes rolling back in her head, Vive clenched her legs together and huffed dramatically. “Between his sexy tongue stabbing my clit, he licked, nipped, and bit my hard nub.”

  Here my gal Vive goes…

  Lex rested her hand under her chin, eyeing Vive to continue.

  “He gets his belt loose and drops his pants. The dude zaps the lights before I pull my dress from my face. I must see what I’m gettin’ into, so I flip the nightstand lamp on.” Vive’s head shook in apparent disgust. “When I spot…”

  “What?” Taddy didn’t follow.

  “Itty bitty sores.”

  “Huh?” Lex’s left eyebrow shot up.

  “Little dots, sorta reminding me of the sprinkles Lex puts on her Häagen-Dazs.” Vive added, “Except they were purple and filled with—”

  “Gross.” Taddy wished she hadn’t heard that. The man she Candy Land-tripped with was hunky perfection—minus his bride-to-be and baby-on-board, of course. Vive won on worst-guy-to-score-with, hands down.

  “We see where this conversation is going.” Closing her sketchpad, Lex stood from her nesting spot and stalked into the kitchen. Pots clanged then the water came on. “I’m making us tea.”

  “Go on.” Taddy sat back on the sofa cushions next to Vive.

  “Well, he’s rock-hard. I ask him about the blisters. Ollie explains they’re some reaction to the hotel’s soap.” Vive heaved in laughter. “Granted, I haven’t attended an STD class since the tenth grade, but his rash resembled those images from Mrs. Pringle’s slideshow—herpes.”

  Lex came in with a Neapolitan wafer tray. “I ordered room service after you two left.” She poured herself some cream and passed it over to Taddy.

  Taddy took a sip as the warm liquid relaxed her throat. She tasted Garner on her lips and an excited tremble passed through her. “This is better than champagne.” She smiled at Vive who didn’t argue. “What did Ollie do when you called him out on his…inflammation?”

  “He threw me out of his room. Can you believe this shit? I didn’t intend to lick, suck, nor ride Ollie’s dirty dick anyways. The nerve.” Vive crunched down on a cookie. She spoke with a mouthful. “The two studs I chatted up prior to Mr. Herpes were a couple. So cute. So bisexual.”

  “The guys you danced with when we first arrived?”

  “Yup, and they invited me home with them, too. I can’t get into the two-guy thing, though. It freaks me out. Who wants to suck a dick after he’s shoved it in another dude’s ass? I don’t wanna lick a shit-sickle. Hell, I don’t even wanna suck a cock after it’s fucked my vagina or ass or both.” Vive rode the wit and sarcastic joke wave.

  “Nice language, Farnworth.” Taddy wondered if she’d snorted a bump. Her pupils didn’t appear dilated, though. Plus, Vive had been off drugs for a few months by that point.

  “I should’ve gone home with the bi-guys. Then I wouldn’t be sittin’ here eating calories with you bitches.”

  Alrighty then.

  Lex directed her attention to Taddy, refusing to pay Vive any mind. “And what about you, Miss Taddy?”

  “I met a Big Daddy.”

  “Yummerific!” Vive stomped her bare feet with enthusiasm.

  “Name was Garner, didn’t get his last name. He smelled expensive and made me orgasm in my seat.” Taddy assumed it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

  “Now I’m the one who’s envious, honey.” Vive frowned.

  “Don’t be. The second we got back to his place, his fiancée broke it up. Bitch comes outta nowhere and starts going off. I hightailed it outta there.”

  Pouring more tea, Lex confirmed, “This is why I stick to my Masi Salami and don’t go out much to clubs, let alone date.” She swung her feet onto the ottoman and seemed happy her two friends had come back to spend time with her.

  “What’s a Masi Salami?” Vive asked.

  “Lex named her dildo after the hot guy she buys fabrics from,” Taddy answered on her friend’s behalf.

  “Blake bought it for me. It’s from the Pleasure Chest in the Village. I didn’t think I’d like it.”

  “But?” Vive loved dirty talk.

  “I love it.” Lex smiled. “Anyways, we need to focus on much more than men this upcoming year.” Lex said. “I have an idea, Vive. Taddy and I spoke about this earlier.”

  “You were serious about us giving up—”

  “What?” Vive interrupted.

  “Men!” Lex declared it as the greatest thing she’d ever come up with. It sounded pretty dumb to Taddy. “For the New Year, we focus on our businesses.”

  “Meaning?” Vive didn’t get it.

  “I’d be happy with Easton Essentials securing more Barneys doors. Their Beverly Hills store, yes, and if they take the line, the rest is easy.” Lex held up the sketch she’d worked on. Safe, comfortable, and form-fitting, a sure hit.

  Vive interjected, “Okay, I follow. So…in the New Year, I want Debauchery to out-subscribe People in circulation. I’d also love to merge my biz with a larger media company—a TV network.” Vive’s face sobered as she added, “Work aside, I
want to quit drinking.”

  “Nothing would make us more proud.” Taddy didn’t want to cheer a Mardi Gras–style hooray for Vive’s claim to give up booze. She made that testament each holiday, birthday, and anytime the moon glowed full. Nevertheless, it was a vow they prayed she’d keep and soon.

  She heard her friends make their goals, but Taddy didn’t know what she wanted the New Year to bring her. Brill, Inc., as always, pressed full-media-steam ahead. Her goals had been inked and dried while stuck in Vancouver. What about love? That hadn’t been on her list. But that night planted a seed, an urge filled with lust and longing. One she hadn’t felt in forever. A sensation which neither Dr. Fassenbender’s cosmetic enhancements, Gilad’s Pilates workouts, nor Brayden Brooks football dreams could measure up to. How was it that Rielle warranted such a Big Daddy? His juicy, full lips upon hers each morning, and night. Those color-changing eyes and the way he ran his hands over her body.

  “What do you wish for the New Year, Taddy?” Vive asked.

  I’d love to have a Garner in my life every day, not just on this Caribbean holiday.

  Rielle was a lucky bitch. But one should never wish for something they couldn’t have when he belonged to someone else. It’s unhealthy to dream otherwise.

  “I guess I want more of the same.”

  “Let’s commit to no more men and lots more of everything else,” Lex challenged. “No sex. No male contact whatsoever.” She spoke as though it would be easy for her.

  “Five hours ago, I would’ve replied hells no. But after seeing Ollie’s penis, I’m so in.”

  “Vive, you mean no booze and no sex.” Taddy didn’t want to hurt her friend’s feelings but needed to be realistic. “You can’t go to the Exhale Bliss Spa on Park Avenue and ask the male massage therapist to relax your cunt muscles while you sip Bailey’s on the rocks.”

  “Fuck you, Brill,” Vive snapped.

  Shit. Her words sounded harsh, more than she intended. “Sorry, I didn’t mean—”

  “Let’s do it.” Vive didn’t let Taddy finish her apology.

  “Yeah!” Lex cheered.

  “What’ll we do next year without cock?” Taddy didn’t see a ‘no man’ year as a viable option. Although she hadn’t had a boyfriend recently, she’d accepted some pleasure in the idea that the hunk du jour might come along—if not right away, then soon. But making it a goal to not have one was absurd. Regardless, she’d still like to see Vive focus on her sobriety and Lex’s line make more money. Then she could surely pay for Birdie’s next episode of hypochondria herself.

  “We’ll focus on our businesses and manage our careers.” Lex lifted her teacup to toast the idea.

  “Sounds good to me, although I’m still going for my anal bleaching appointments for good habit.” Vive clanged her mug with Lex’s. “If I orgasm at the spa, it ain’t my fault.”

  Taddy met her cup with theirs. “Deal.”

  No More Big Daddies

  “It’s not my intention to be a diva. It just happens. I wake up like I’m flippin’ Beyoncé or something.” – Taddy Brill, CEO of Brill, Inc.

  Dominatrix Queen-Dick Dupree

  May 14th

  Times Square, New York, NY

  Taddy’s eyes for business were close to permanently crossing. All the work she had to get done before the summer started was enough to give anyone a migraine. She pressed the PR pedal to the metal, hoping she’d have time off with her friends over Memorial Day in the Hamptons. Vive’s family estate, situated on Cooper’s Beach, gave easy access to summer concerts in the park. She looked forward to shopping the Hamptons’ Designer Showhouse and making an appearance at the Hampton Classic. But summer couldn’t come fast enough.

  With no time to do anything except Brill, Inc., she’d gone without vajazzling. No bubbly. No sex. No Red. The winter and spring seasons elapsed in a sexless blur revolving around work, work, and more work. She ramped her firm up to launch overseas and scouted locations in Asia and Europe.

  Pushing the Hamptons summer out of her mind, she reached for the speakerphone. “Kiki, can you come into my office? Bring your notebook.”

  “On my way,” the intercom beeped.

  Fourteen hundred-plus hours Taddy exerted over five months straight with no break. She’d signed nineteen new clients, grossing several million dollars for her firm, and appointed many new staff members to her Times Square office. She’d achieved her goals. Her firm was ranked by Today’s Business magazine as the fastest-growing media holding company in North America. Gracing the cover, she’d landed a feature interview. In demand, the phones rang nonstop for speaking gigs, women’s luncheons, and motivational seminars. Kiki staffed her with a chauffeur to get about town and a butler to help keep her fed and dressed.

  Her assistant’s Salvatore Ferragamo wedges click-clacked on the floor as she approached. Kiki sat down on the chair by Taddy’s desk, legs crossed, lips glossed.

  That spring, Brill girls in the beauty division didn’t call her assistant “Lady Sheet Rock” anymore. She’d blossomed from a boy with long hair into a petite, vivacious beauty. “What lip color are you wearing today?”

  “Baden Cosmetics’ Melonlicious, I love it.” Kiki blew her an air kiss. “So does Dejon.”

  “Have you and the notorious DJ Dejon met in person yet?” Get on with the ‘insert dick into pussy’ show already.

  Kiki squirmed. “No, ma’am. He loves my melons—over video, though.” According to her FedEx and UPS deliverymen, who lived near Kiki in Jersey City, her breasts had become the sensational topic in her apartment building.

  “I’m sure he does.” She, too, adored Kiki’s breasts. A true silicone artist, Dr. Fassenbender had transformed Kiki’s mosquito bites into a head-turning, fuck-stick-raising grapefruits. “Where is Dejon spinning his music this weekend?”

  “His website page listed the Cannes Film Festival.” Kiki glanced up from her new cleavage with glee.

  “How fantastic.” The beauty, the charm, the men. I miss having time off. “Have you been to Cannes?”

  “No…I don’t even know where Cannes is, Miss Brill.” Embarrassed, Kiki withdrew into her shoulders.

  “Cannes is an…enchanting place.” She grimaced. “Moving right along, I’m working on a new campaign. It’s for Neve Adele, the Miss Glamour USA beauty queen turned reality TV star we signed up as a client last month.”

  “Neve’s attractive. She’s a young Elizabeth Taylor.”

  “Men are drawn to her, aren’t they?”

  “It’s Neve’s sweet personality,” Kiki gave her honest input.

  Taddy laughed, humoring Kiki’s opinion since she didn’t agree with her. Neve was sex on a stick, and TV viewers wanted to either fuck her or be her. “Anyways, Luxury Television gave us the green light to license Neve’s own footwear, accessory, and handbag line.”

  “Good for her.” Her assistant clapped in approval. “An accessories line will bring in a lot of money for Neve. But it also sounds like a ton of work.”

  “Darling, the lifestyle accessories line is a lot of money for me and a lot of work for you.” Taddy intended to make more than Neve on this transaction. Neve sure as hell hadn’t dreamed the lifestyle brand on her own. Her goal in life revolved around beauty pageants, period. But Taddy saw the potential of the Neve Adele name. She knew it resonated with ‘today’s generation’ and planned to cash in.

  “Right.” Kiki frowned.

  “I’d call Lex to assist us with this project, but Easton Essentials is soaring with retailers. She’s too busy for this.” Taddy glanced down at her Rolex, losing her thought. She couldn’t remember the last time she had a night off with her friends. Lex had amped up her export distributors. Thanks to a few phone calls Blake had made, Easton Essentials was in Australia and had been featured on numerous fashion-style TV segments. As a result, her products were selling better than ever. Most of them were sold out, as Easton Essentials couldn’t make the garments fast enough to keep up with demand. Exhausted just watchin
g Lex in designer action, Taddy had asked her how she kept up the strength. Lex revealed it was from Dr. Fassenbender’s Vitamin B12 shots, which gave her such energy boosts. The injections also contributed to rapid weight loss. Birdie received the injections, as well. Five months with no crazy spells. Fingers crossed.

  “What about Viveca Farnworth?”

  “Vive’s overwhelmed with her work.”

  For an undisclosed eight figures, Vive’s Debauchery magazine had been acquired by Gotham Media Group. The media giant owned America’s highest-rated TV talk program, The Poppy White Show. To sell her company, Vive had agreed to a three-way with Poppy and Gotham’s President, Ashton “Ash” Balmain.

  Ash was half-Jewish and Sicilian. Smart and ruthless in business, he adored his women strong, hence his passion for Vive and Poppy. Vive shared that he was macho, adventurous, and complicated in the bedroom. She also mentioned her relief when Poppy accompanied her to Ash’s place. The foreplay, an oral treat, was smoldering on Thursday, fucking through Friday, rebounding to anal on Saturday, and then exploding on Sunday with toys. It was a four-day sex-a-thon where Vive and Poppy took turns riding his dick, feeding his face, and bathing his body. Ash enjoyed his new nickname, Pig Boy.

  After Debauchery merged with Gotham, her workload had doubled over the previous two months. Vive swore she’d remained sober, but recent articles showing Vive ‘partying’ published in the Manhattanite Times proved otherwise.

  “Miss Brill?” Kiki blinked. “We were talking about Neve’s new lifestyle line.”

  “Sorry.” She snapped back to her workaholic reality. “Seeing as how the only thing Neve can balance is a rhinestone tiara on her head, we’ve been contracted to create the brand’s inspiration boards.”