“All but you.” I smiled.
“Looks can be deceiving.” She reached for the car door, but I opened it before she got a chance and helped her inside, while simultaneously mulling over what the hell that meant. And if it meant what I hoped it meant. That I actually affected her — that she may want me. That she may think of me as more than just the inappropriate whorish friend.
“Are you free the rest of the day?” I asked.
“Hold on.” She pulled out her phone and smiled.
Shit.
Really? If it was Smith I was going to ram my fist into a wall.
“Um, well, Smith just asked if I could meet him for a movie tonight, so…”
“No.” I waved her off and gave a fake laugh. “You should go.”
“Really?” Her face fell. “You think so?”
“Yeah.” I nodded way too enthusiastically. “It’s good. I mean dates are good, right?” I hated being the friend. Effing hated it. “Besides, I may hate that he’s older than you, but clearly he likes you so…”
“So…” Her eyes narrowed. “I should go on a date. With Smith?”
“Sure.” My hands gripped the steering wheel. “Whatever you want. It’s your life, right?”
Too far.
“Fine.” She looked back at her phone. “I’ll just text him back and say I’d love to go on a date with him.”
“Good.”
“Yeah. Great.” She sighed.
I felt like an ass the entire way to the restaurant. Praying for the tense air to crackle with something. Or for her to make a noise other than her slight breathing. It was killing me. But what could I do? Say no? Don’t date him? Date me? I was leaving. I was leaving her. And for the first time in my life, I was denying myself something because I knew in the end, I would go back to LA and she would go on with her life.
Girls like Pris, they were the ones you took home. They were the ones you married and had kids with. They were the ones who expected more than I could ever hope to offer.
I could offer her a good time.
And as much as I hated to admit it — it was entirely possible Smith or some other guy could offer her what she deserved, not just needed — love.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Priscilla
Smith ordered some candy and pop, then wrapped his arm around my shoulder like he owned me. I thought I’d like it — the possessive attitude. Besides girls were staring at him like he was famous, and I would know what that felt like — it had happened the entire lunchtime with Jaymeson.
Our meal was interrupted probably twenty times by girls wanting autographs, but Jaymeson took it in stride. Each girl that approached got a full dose of his British charm, and the weird thing? He didn’t seem to be bothered, if anything he was being himself. He talked to them like they were special, he asked for their names, he smiled and he didn’t get cranky.
Our food even got cold and he didn’t complain.
I hated how much it endeared him to me. He was so sweet — underneath that whorish habit of sleeping around — he had a heart. Clearly he just chose not to use it, especially when it came to relationships.
I about died when a girl around seven years old walked up to him and told him she was going to marry him someday.
Instead of laughing, he swooped her up into his arms and put her on his knee and said. “Honey, it would be an honor to wait for you.”
And insert swooning out of my chair.
The little girl giggled and kissed him on the cheek. He gave her an autograph and then pulled something out of his pocket that looked like a hotel key card.
Confused, I watched him slip the card to the mom without saying anything.
Later, when I asked what it was, he blushed and answered, “They drove up in a car older than me. It didn’t look safe. The little girl had rags for clothes and the mom looked like she hadn’t slept in weeks. They weren’t customers of the restaurant, and the little girl’s shoes had holes in them.” He popped a cold fry into his mouth. “I keep those cards for gifts.”
“Gifts?”
“Each card has fifteen grand on it. They’re Visa gift cards. She doesn’t know that, at least not yet, by the time she figures it out, I’ll be gone. And the little girl will have shoes, and I’ll sleep better at night knowing she’s not going to go hungry tonight because her mom can’t get a job.”
I’d dropped my fork onto the plate. “You can’t just give people money like that!”
“Why not?” He shrugged. “I have more money than I can spend in a lifetime. Why not pay it forward? Why not make their life? Hell, why not make their year? I’ve always had this theory…”
“What?” I felt tears well in my eyes.
He shrugged again, his eyes shining with excitement. “That if I was put on this earth to act — I should at least change lives doing it. I’m doing what I love — and I’ve been blessed enormously — I think that our success is tied into how much of ourselves we give. That’s all.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“I may like nice things and talk about myself way too much. Oh yeah, and sleep around, but…” He winked. “I’m not heartless.”
“No.” My smile was weak, he was amazing. He was… perfect.
The rest of the afternoon had been spent in such warm bliss that I almost forgot that I was pissed at Jaymeson for pushing me into Smith’s arms.
“Pris?” Smith nudged me, jolting me back to the present. I gave my head a slight shake. “The movie’s starting but you look a million miles away. Is everything okay?” He put his arm around me and pulled me close.
“Yeah.” I faked a yawn. “Just really tired.”
“Aw, babe,” he sighed. “I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have asked you out if I’d known that. I just wanted to see you, even if it meant waving from a distance. We could have just gone out for coffee.” His eyes drew together in concern.
I felt a silly grin come on as I took in his compliment. “Thanks, Smith, that’s nice of you to say.”
“I’m a nice guy.” He rubbed my shoulder with his hand. “And I have a confession.”
“What?”
“I can’t stop thinking about you.” He leaned in, his lips so close to mine I could almost taste the peppermint gum he was chewing.
The movie started. He jerked back and caressed my face with his freehand. “I’m going to kiss you tonight.”
“O-okay.” My body went up in flames. But not because Smith was looking at me like he wanted to devour me.
It was because he said kiss and the only thing my brain could conjure up, was the memory of Jaymeson’s lips on mine.
Would another kiss ever compare to that? Why did he have to ruin me for all future boyfriends? It wasn’t fair. Nothing about my situation with Jaymeson was fair.
I tried to snap out of it. I gave a bright smile to Smith and turned my attention to the movie, and tried desperately not to imagine it was Jaymeson’s hand reaching for mine — instead of Smith’s.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Jaymeson
So I was a creepy stalker. Sue me.
I pulled the baseball hat lower over my eyes and ducked into my sweatshirt. It was an old Seaside one that Demetri and Alec had made famous. It was a high school football sweatshirt so hopefully nobody would be the wiser to my presence.
The bastard was making her laugh.
I chomped hard on the licorice and glared as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.
And seriously, who took a chick to an action movie? I mean, at least watch something romantic to get her in the mood. I frowned and shifted in my seat. Not that I wanted Pris in any mood around that guy, other than a pissy one.
I leaned over my chair and peered at them hardcore. Score. Her phone was in the cup container.
With a smirk I pulled my phone out and messaged her.
She jumped a foot then grabbed her cell from the cup holder and put it in her lap.
Me: Haven’t heard from you in a while…<
br />
Priscilla S: Kind of on a date…
Me: Whoa! You’ve been doing a lot of that lately!
Priscilla S: I know. When it rains it pours I guess.
Me: What’s the S stand for?
She hid her phone, while Smith adjusted his arm and squeezed her tighter. Dude, at least let her breathe!
Priscilla S: The S? It’s my middle name.
Me: And?
Priscilla S: It’s silly.
Me: Try me.
Priscilla S: Serendipity.
Me: That’s not silly. I like it J It seems to fit you. You really are a pleasant surprise.
Priscilla S: Thanks. I should go though. It’s probably frowned upon to message one guy while I’m on a date with another.
Me: Fair enough. Remember, you’re worth a hell of a lot more than a few dates and stolen kisses.
Priscilla S: Is that your way of saying guard my virtue?
Me: That’s my way of saying don’t let a guy steal your damn virginity just because he appears nice. Night, love.
I put my phone away and watched her reaction. She turned around and looked at the empty seats in the row above her before looking down at her phone. Her eyes widened for a brief second before she set her phone down and turned in my direction.
Holy hell. I ducked my head and chomped down on my licorice so she wouldn’t notice me.
When I looked up she’d already turned back around. As much as I wanted to stay, I decided it was best not to hang out on her date, and walked out of the theatre back to my car.
I started the engine and sat.
Cursing, I dialed Demetri’s number.
“What?” he answered. “You die?”
“No.” I rolled my eyes. “If I was dead, how would I be talking to you?”
“Solid point.”
“I, um, I just had a question.”
“Okay?”
“Hypothetically…” I cleared my throat. “How does one… get out of the friend zone without ruining the friendship?”
“Hypothetically?” he said in a low voice. “So you’re asking on behalf of a friend, yeah?”
“Sure.”
“Alright, so my advice to your… friend… you don’t get out of the friend zone.”
“Damn it!” I slammed the steering wheel with my hand.
“Whoa there, don’t get so fired up for your friend, Jay.”
“Right, sorry. I’ve had too much sugar.”
I could practically hear his brain working. “You on drugs, man?”
“No!” I all but shouted. “So I can’t get out of the zone…”
“Oh, you’re the friend,” he said, sounding bored.
“Shut the hell up and tell me!”
“Who is it?” he asked quietly. I could tell he was trying not to gain anyone’s attention. Most likely he was on the tour bus and even though they had a nice one, it was still hard to have privacy.
“Uhh…”
Demetri groaned. “Tell me it’s not Priscilla. Tell me you’ve kept it in your pants and Alyssa isn’t going to hunt me down with a machete for even introducing you guys.”
“He’s crushing on Pris?” Alec’s angry shout awakened an involuntary wince.
I heard a door shut. And then Demetri said. “Sorry dude, you’re on speaker phone, Alec’s here.”
“Oh good, so my shame’s public, that’s just bloody fantastic.”
“Priscilla?” Alec said. “She put you in the friend zone.”
“It was a mutual friending!” I defended.
Both of them burst out laughing.
“You know what? Forget it.”
“No!” Demetri said still laughing. “It’s just that, I mean, you’ve never even had a friend that was a girl, let alone been put into that zone. How is it, man? You going crazy? Take up smoking? Tell me the truth, do you think you may die in your sleep?”
“Remind me again why I called you for help.”
Demetri and Alec mumbled between themselves and then Alec spoke. “Look, the friend zone isn’t bad. In my opinion, it just makes it that much easier for you to turn it into a relationship, because a relationship is just that. It’s a friendship, only so much more. It’s deeper, more spiritual, like sharing your soul rather than just your dreams, you know what I mean?”
I paused. “No. Because I’m not a chick.”
“Don’t lie,” Demetri said in a low voice. “If you want more with her, then by all means, start pursuing her, you sexy British prince… but… if all you want is to steal her virginity to feed your own sexual appetite, I’m pretty sure Alyssa’s going to hand you your balls on a silver platter, then force them down your throat.”
“Swell,” I croaked.
“So?” Alec asked. “What is it? You want something more with her or are you just shitting us?”
I thought about it. My hands shook as I held the cell to my ear. “Um, you know what? I was kidding. You guys are right. Guys can’t just change overnight. It’s probably because I haven’t been with a girl in a long time.”
“A few weeks isn’t a long time,” Demetri said.
“Very funny,” I sighed. “And it’s been two months.”
“Someone should saint you.” This from Alec.
“I’m hanging up now.”
“Catch you later, bro,” Demetri said. “And if you change your mind, remember one thing.”
“Oh yeah? What?”
“Girls like chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.”
“And wine,” Alec piped up.
“And kissing!” Demetri yelled.
“Goodbye.” I pressed End and groaned into my hands. I didn’t know what I wanted.
I just knew that it involved her.
And only her.
But I couldn’t wrap my head around the process of even trying something with her, without making a complete and total mess out of the whole situation. Every time I thought about it, my head hurt. I didn’t want to lose her altogether, and I was really good at screwing up everything.
If I tried to date her and she rejected me I’d want to drown myself, and if I tried to date her and she actually fell for me — I’d want more, physically. I would always want more. I mean, what do you do once you start dating? You date because eventually you see yourself with that person forever.
So why start dating when you know in your heart that sharing forever with someone is just a pathetic fairy tale Hollywood feeds people in order to keep them off anti-depressants?
Sure, Nat and Alec loved each other. But that was rare, as was Demetri and Alyssa’s relationship, and even then they all went through the fires of hell and back to end up together.
It wasn’t that I wanted easy.
I just knew that in the end, I wasn’t cut out for that type of relationship. I’d only end up leaving her. I’d only end up breaking her heart.
Never mind that mine was possibly breaking just a bit at the idea that she could possibly be his. Smith’s.
I fought the urge to puke.
“Fine,” I said aloud. “I can do this. I can do this.” I put the car in reverse and pulled out of the parking lot, then drove home. Cursing the fact that my stomach clenched with every mile I drove away from the first woman I had feelings for since the death of Nanna.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Priscilla
“Thanks for coming out tonight, even though you were tired,” Smith said, leaning over the console and unbuckling my seatbelt for me like I was an invalid.
“Thanks for asking,” I said through clenched teeth. For some reason it was forced with him. Like I had to remember to be polite.
He smiled, that same confident smile that had attracted me to him in the first place. “I think it’s time.”
“Time?”
He leaned closer. “For the kiss.”
“So now it’s the kiss?”
“Makes it sound so important… besides I think every kiss with you will be that way, important, epic, amazing…” His fingers graz
ed my cheek as he cupped my chin and pressed his lips to mine.
They were warm, somewhat intoxicating as his mouth moved slowly against mine.
It was nice.
The kiss.
But it wasn’t Jaymeson. It wasn’t possessive, it wasn’t — devastating.
It was just a kiss.
But kissing Jaymeson? Even if he hadn’t meant it to be anything more than a lesson… it had wrecked me.
So when Smith’s tongue entered my mouth I honestly just fought through it, knowing that for the rest of my life my kisses would be like this. They’d be good — never great.
There was only one great.
And he was a self-proclaimed whore.
Lucky me.
“Goodnight.” I pulled back and reached for the car door, but Smith grabbed my hand and pulled me back into the seat kissing me harder.
I tried to return his enthusiasm, thinking I could escape if I kissed him more, but his hands moved to my hair, and then down my shoulders.
With a nervous laugh I pulled back. “I really should be going.”
His breathing was ragged. “I know, sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
“It’s fine,” I whispered. “See you later?”
“You can count on it…” With a wink he grabbed my hand and kissed my fingertips. “I’ll be dreaming about that kiss tonight.”
“Me too,” I lied. “Night, Smith.”
“Night, beautiful.”
With another tight smile, I jumped out of the truck and walked up to the condo. As I shoved the key into the lock, one thought replayed in my head over and over again.
I didn’t want to go home.
I wanted to talk to Jaymeson. I wanted to run over to his house and jump into his arms and tell him that the kiss wasn’t good and that it was his fault. I wanted to tell him he was my downfall.
My phone rang.
“Dad?” I answered as I opened the door. “What’s up?”
“Pris!” He sounded excited. “Lots of sunshine down here, how’s the rain?”
“Awesome. I only contemplated suicide like twice today.” I locked the door behind me. “So what’s up?” I winced as I realized I’d already asked that and now probably looked like a nervous teenager.
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