Cash leaned back in his chair. “I don’t want out. I want to make you happy. I’m not doing that. None of us are right now.”
“You do, actually. I love you. All of you. Every day was … worthless. I was existing, not living. You give my life meaning, or at the very least, you remind me who I am and what I want. That’s you. All of you. I want to make you happy, too.”
Lewis smiled. “We can do better, Doll. We all can. You don’t want us to fight, we won’t fight.”
In that moment, I finally understood my mother. All the years she had pushed her will out onto everyone else, it hadn’t been because she wanted the world to revolve around Melissa Alexander. It was because she’d never had a choice. I had to be in charge. That was the only way to ensure their happiness.
CHAPTER NINE
Meet The Family
I sent the encoded signal to the planet and then waited. It took ten minutes for them to respond, and then it was only with encoded coordinates. I entered them into the navigation system and sat back. To my left, Sterling helmed the controls.
“It hasn’t escaped my notice, my love, that you have yet to say a word.” In fact, I wanted to vomit because Sterling’s silence couldn’t be good news. “Do you want out?”
He leaned his head back. “Do you want me out?”
“Why would you even ask that?”
He closed his eyes. “Because you saw the real me. I thought he was gone, but he was just waiting. The kind of guy who goes cold on a mission, who doesn’t think about what killing someone will do to his wife since it’s the most efficient way to handle the situation. You should never have been there—”
I kissed him, hard, to stop him. For a second he didn’t respond, but the next second he pulled me onto his lap. Sterling moaned into my mouth. Had he always had small lines by his eyes, or were they new?
“Sterling, I love you. You got Ari back, and I would have loved you if you couldn’t have done that, too.” The doctors had told me they had no idea what to expect with Ari’s recovery. The machine wasn’t giving them much feedback except to assure them that he didn’t have any weird devices attached to him that were trackers or bombs, which Sterling had requested they scan for. They had to analyze the drugs to understand them. “I asked you for that. I love you. Why are you making problems where they are none?”
“Sweet baby.” Emotion swept through his eyes, over his face, and his whole body shuddered. “How can you still want me when I so easily slipped the super-soldier back on?”
I kissed his forehead. “How can you still love me when I asked it of you?”
“Ask me anything. I’ll do anything for you.”
“Okay. Stay with me. Love me forever. That’s all I’ll ever ask again.”
He pulled me into his arms. This wasn’t sex—it might turn into it—but right then it was something else entirely. I didn’t have adequate words to describe how he moved me. Sterling owned me. If he wasn’t okay, I wasn’t either.
“I don’t know the enemies here. I don’t know the landscape yet. I don’t have navigation in my head to get away at a moment’s notice.”
How had I not understood how this would torture him? “There’s something else you can do for me.”
“What’s that?” Sterling closed his eyes, his forehead on my shoulder. “Tell me, my love.”
“Paint something.”
He sucked in his breath. “I haven’t been able to paint since you died.”
“I’m not dead.” Tears streamed down my face. I didn’t try to brush them away.
“You were.”
I tried not to move. Until Sterling had to take back the controls on Artemis, we stayed as we were. I loved him. We were broken, together.
* * *
The doors to Artemis opened, and I stepped outside, Sterling on one side of me, Damian on the other. I’d thought through this moment a million times, and yet I could never predict how I’d actually feel. A million different emotions assaulted me.
The first was, strangely, relief. Standing a distance from Artemis was my mother, my father, and all my uncles. They were alive. No one had harmed them, and they looked healthy, strong.
Cash walked up behind me, placing his hand on my back. “Formidable bunch. Don’t let them kill us, okay Boo?”
I laughed, which made all of my guys crack up. The next emotion assaulting me was utter and complete joy. I’d never really believed I could introduce my husbands to my mom, uncles, and father.
One second I was okay, and the next I felt the gravity of the planet where we’d landed. I hadn’t been on a planet since Orion, and even there I couldn’t breathe the air without it hurting me.
I could here.
The sun beat down on me, and my stomach threatened to hurl. I hadn’t even given a thought to planetary adjustment. I doubled over.
My uncle Dane stepped forward, but Lewis shoved himself before me and Cash grabbed me from the side. Lewis bent forward, rubbing my shoulder.
“It’s rough. It’s hitting me too. It’ll pass. Breathe through your nose. Your body wants to be here. Your insides like this better than the ship or the space station. I can give you a drug if it doesn’t ease, but I don’t want to. It’ll knock you out for twelve hours.”
Cash rubbed my back. “And then who would protect us from your father and uncles?”
“Sweetie?” My mom called to me, and I raised my head. I’d been so distracted with the nausea I hadn’t noticed they’d all come forward. But my guys had certainly taken note. Damian’s back was stiff, his gaze not leaving my Uncle Cooper’s. Cooper wasn’t only my honorary uncle—we didn’t share blood—he was actually Damian’s blood uncle. They’d never met, and Damian held a lot of anger toward Cooper for the way things had turned out after Cooper had fled with my mother to the other side of the galaxy.
Sterling ran his eyes over all of them and then back to me, while Judge looked guarded and withdrawn.
Dane squatted in front of me. “She always did this badly. Anytime we went from ship to planet, she was sick for days.”
Days? “I don’t remember that. I didn’t have that experience on Orion.”
“You were out cold, Doll.” Lewis kissed my cheek. “And technically you went from Artemis, with its own gravitation that you’re used to, to our enclosure pod, which had one too. The only time you would have been really out for long was when you and I went and found that heated cave. The transport was false gravitation, and who knows in that cave.”
Dane grabbed my arm, staring at the tube feeding me meds. His eyes widened. “Ingenious. Who did this?”
Lewis pointed between himself and Cash. “We did.”
“This is brilliant. Why didn’t I think of this?”
Cash stepped forward. “You must be Uncle Dane. I’m Cash, this is Lewis, and, sir, why didn’t we think of how to save her? If you hadn’t come along, Diana would have died even if I hadn’t been forcibly taken away. Under my care I couldn’t have saved her. Thank you, sir. I’ll never be able to say—”
Whatever he would have said was lost. Everyone started talking at once. Only my father and I remained quiet. That was how things usually went. The group exploded, leaving my father and me to step back and watch.
My father caught my eye and gave me a small smile before he opened his arms. As I had always done, from the moment I met him, I went into his embrace. He had a way of making the impossible seem possible and—more than that—like everything would be okay.
“You know, this is totally bizarre to me. These men are your husbands, and I don’t know them.”
I took a deep breath and stepped back. There were introductions to be made.
* * *
Somehow, after an hour of who’s who and getting all of us settled into a guest wing of my family’s underground compound, I’d managed to be alone with my mother. I wasn’t feeling well, and the little bit of food I’d managed to consume hadn’t stayed down. I looked out the window. Days? This was going to happen for days
?
My mother never really aged, and I couldn’t say as I’d ever really thought about it before. With all the stress of the recent years, no one would ever know that she hardly slept or she sometimes paced the floors with worry. No one who didn’t know her anyway, and there were truly few who did.
“They have big personalities. You never told me when you talked about them. They’re very intense. That’s not a bad thing. I sort of thought of them as gentle from the stories you shared.”
I turned to regard her. I’d spent so many years feeling less-than in her presence. Right then, I couldn’t recall why. She’d always loved me.
“You don’t think they’re gentle?” I cleared my throat. Had it really, simply been that she was so huge a looming figure of power and I’d wondered if I’d ever have my own?
“Well, Damian might take off Cooper’s head. I think we might have to monitor that. Sterling never relaxes. I know he’s a super-soldier. I don’t want to find myself on the other end of his gun. Reminds me of Nolan a little bit, particularly when he was younger. Your doctors never stop thinking. They’ve already impressed Dane, which is tough to do. And Judge is so silent I can’t get a read, but he’s not easygoing; that much is clear.”
She’d read them pretty well for a preliminary getting-to-know-you. I’d told her things but not as much as I should have. Somehow, I’d made the whole ordeal her fault in my mind and opted not to share. Of course I was living in hell. I was her daughter, and only bad things happened around her.
I was a terrible daughter.
“Mom, I’m not good at this. Talking to you. I never have been.”
She sighed. “I think the blame for that can be placed on my shoulders. I’ve had no choice but to be task-oriented all the time. I’m not sure I was what you needed, which was a gentle hand and a person to have quiet conversations with. Your father was better at it.”
“Can I ask you something? I mean, would it be okay if we tried to have one of those conversations now? Unless you have something you have to go do.”
She shook her head and sat down on my bed. It was a larger piece of furniture than I’d had on the station, close to the size she usually chose. I could sleep in it with multiple husbands if need be.
“What’s going on?”
“I’m not doing a great job of managing them, Mom. It almost all fell apart last night. I briefly had an episode and then launched what was, admittedly, inappropriate anger at them. They got into a physical fight. I love all of them. Choosing is not an option, never was. But I’m not you. I’m not keeping them all happy.”
She rubbed her eyes and then rose. “Diana, I have done you a disservice. I can see that now. You think we were always happy? Oh by the universe, no. I started out way too hard on them. Then of course, I was that way to everyone back then. After that, when I had my mind erased and then it came back, I was better. If you think I always wanted to run things—to be in charge, to make decisions, and to pretend I have it all together—you’re wrong.”
This was news to me. “What?”
“I want to fall apart. And sometimes I do. Privately. Usually with your father or C.J. The others, they can’t really take it if I’m not the strongest version of myself. They’d hate to hear that, so I’m trusting you to keep my confession to yourself. Each of my men has my heart. It wouldn’t be any different if it was one-on-one.” She took my shoulders in her hands. “No one is ever perfect, only in fiction. There’ll be times you’ll need to rely on one of them over the others. That’s okay. The one thing you’ll have to do, and it’s tricky, is remember you are the center of their universes.”
My cheeks heated. “It makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want to be. It scares me.”
“I get that feeling, big time. But there isn’t anything you can do about it. They crossed the universe for you, and I’m so glad they did because you were dead inside without them. Scared us to death. Your eyes are lit. You’re worried, angry, scared, and annoyed. That’s all fine. You’re also in love, and I am so glad to see you back.” She kissed my cheek. “You can fall apart. You have to give them instructions on how to manage that. Even when you’re not strong, they have to know what you want them to do.”
I nodded. Her words made sense, even if I’d need to live with them for a while to really understand them. “Maybe you and I … maybe this could be a restart for us. We could try to be friends.”
Her eyes filled with tears, and much to my shock, the drops travelled down her cheeks before she wiped them away. “I’d love that.”
We’d see if we could actually pull it off, but I was glad I’d extended the proverbial olive branch, and I was happy she had taken it. We loved each other. It was a good place to start. “What happens now? With Ari?”
“There’s a reason those drugs are illegal. They mess with the brain. We’ll never know what he told them, but it was not his fault. He couldn’t have physically resisted. Uncle Wes is trying to reach the Sandler boys to alert them to a change of plans.” She shook her head. “By the way, your guys are intense, but they’ve got nothing on the sheer force of energy coming off of Paloma’s husbands.”
She wasn’t wrong. I’d been pretty angry and incoherent when they’d all been on Mars Station with us, but I’d seen enough to see that Paloma had her hands full. She loved them. If anyone could sort it out, it would be she.
My mother kept speaking. “Ari isn’t going to be okay. The side effects will be bad for a long time. Decades. They banned the truth serums for a reason. People forced to take it, they see things that aren’t there. It’s awful. No one will blame him for this. But we do have to reassess things.”
“Sterling will be good at that.”
She nodded. “I’ll have Nolan and C.J. work with him. They’ll like the help.” She raised her eyebrows. “There’s something else.”
“What?”
“Come with me, darling.”
As I always had done, I followed where my mother led.
The underground compound proved vaster than I could have imagined, as did the sheer number of people. From where had my mother collected so many people in such a short period of time?
I voiced my question, which made her laugh. “Remember what I was saying earlier about each of your husbands having vastly different needs? Wes and C.J? They’ve turned out to be incredible recruiters. This whole planet—which seems on the surface to have no population—is filled with people on our side. They’re sick of the Sandler Cartel. They want to join us in this fight.”
“That’s great.” I hoped she didn’t expect me to remember their names. I was terrible at that. “And not surprising, considering the Sandler Cartel is evil.”
She touched my arm. “See that one? The tall man with all the tattoos and the ring through his nose?”
I looked over the crowd. Everyone ran in one direction or another. There must have been a million tasks to get done. Finally, my gaze fell onto the guy she pointed toward. “Yes, I see him.”
He was exactly as she described him. Tall, dark haired, inked, and pierced. Was he someone important?
“Do you remember him?”
I did not. “Should I?”
“Doubtful, since you were so young. That young man is almost exactly your age. And a long time ago, on the other side of the galaxy, you lived together. His parents betrayed us. His name is Jackson. He’s been on his own since he was twelve. His memories of that time are very vague and his story remarkable. C.J. pulled out the old spy persona to really delve into whether or not he could be trusted. He can be. He remembers us a little bit. Jackson basically runs things here.”
I rounded on her. “He’s from the other side of the galaxy? How did he get here?”
“He stowed aboard a ship after his last remaining relative died. He’s a ship builder. I wanted you to see that things are not all dire. In some ways, the universe has been very good to us. Lots of second chances and old friends coming back to be seen again. Makes me … almost believe there might be
a rhyme or a reason.”
Who was this woman wearing my mother’s body? “You never spent a lot of time worrying about the ‘what ifs’ of the universe.”
“I still don’t.” She kissed my cheek. “But you do.”
“Diana.” Sterling’s voice caught my attention, and I whirled around. “You’re okay?”
My uncle Nolan stood behind him, flanked by Uncle C.J., who grinned at us. C.J. rubbed his head. “Sterling needed to know where you were. We offered to check the security, but it turns out he can find her simply by listening for her heartbeat. Coolest thing ever. He led us straight here.”
Nolan nodded at Sterling. “Helpful guy to have around. Good pick, Diana.”
“Ah, thanks,” I answered as Sterling wrapped his arms around me. He kissed the top of my head. “I didn’t tell you I was going somewhere. I’m sorry.”
My mother nodded to me before she let Nolan pull her into a hug.
“You’re not under lock and key, Sweet Baby. I’m being ridiculous.”
“This place is new. You don’t know the ins and outs yet. I get why it made you uneasy.”
He hoisted me up until my arms could go around his neck. “Thanks for getting it. How are you feeling?”
“Well …” My stomach turned. “Not so good being picked up, actually. Could you put me down? Fast.”
He set me on my feet, and I put my head through my knees. Days and days? Give me a spaceship any day of the week. I wasn’t made for planets. They clearly didn’t agree with me.
* * *
Later that evening, I sat around a table listening to my family talk. Well, most of them were speaking. It was late, and with the exception of Asher, my siblings were practically falling asleep at the table. Judge had warmed to my family. He and Wes were talking about energy rations in the outlying areas of the underground compound.
The doctors had all fallen in together. Ari was of great concern. When he roused, which could be weeks in the future, he was going to have violent hallucinations. Lewis wanted to help treat him and Cash to cure him. Dane looked like someone had given him the best birthday present ever. The whole scene made me smile.
Reclaiming Their Love Page 11
