I’ve gone through some dark chapters in my life, but I’ve never personally dealt with mental health issues. So I was a bit nervous about creating a character like Toby. I needed to get her character right, but I wasn’t sure if I could. What was our common ground? There are a lot of differences between us, like gender, environment and family life. I’m also a few years older than Toby. Okay, maybe more than a few. So that’s why I wanted to do research about teens and mental health: I needed to understand what pushes teenagers toward suicide, why they feel so alone and why they don’t always reach out for help.
In Break in Case of Emergency, there’s a lot of talk about “pieces.” The characters sometimes refer to the pieces of their lives or pieces of their personalities. Toby thinks about pieces when she’s in the variety store, trying on a mask. Grandpa Frank talks about the pieces of his life after Toby’s suicide attempt. Arthur mentions it when he does Toby’s makeup in Sears. The theme of pieces shows up a lot because that’s how I sometimes look at life and people. We’re all made of different pieces that connect, in all kinds of strange and wonderful ways, to make us whole.
When I was a teenager, I kept my world private. Growing up in the eighties in a small southwestern Ontario city meant I wasn’t surrounded by a lot of diversity. I knew I was different but didn’t know who to turn to. I refused to let anyone know I was guarding a secret world inside—one that was full of shame. I felt like a misfit, a pervert, a monster. I thought that if people found out who I really was, they would hate me. This wasn’t something I imagined. It was reality. I heard comments every day that confirmed it. Being gay meant being despised.
It turns out that maybe Toby and I had a few things in common, even though her situation was a lot more serious than mine was. We both knew about darkness and had feelings of never being good enough. We both thought we’d be rejected if we showed our true selves. We both thought that being vulnerable meant being weak and that no one, not even our best friends, would accept us if they found out who we really were behind our masks.
What I came to understand is that, while the research was important, some of the clues to figuring out who Toby Goodman was were already inside of me. I think there are pieces of other people inside all of us, and it’s those pieces that help connect us to one another. To think twice before we pass judgment. To be a little kinder. The pieces remind us that, no matter how different things seem on the outside, we may not be all that different on the inside.
If you’re struggling with anxiety or feelings of depression, or if other people are being cruel to you and you don’t think you can face another day, please know there are other people who are going through similar experiences. You might not know their names or where they live, but they’re out there. And there are people who want to help you and can help you. All you need to do is reach out.
I asked the youth librarians at the Toronto Public Library to suggest some resources for youth who may be struggling with mental health issues. (Okay, full disclosure: I work for the library, so I’m not the most impartial person, but libraries are a great way to connect with people, information, books, ideas and more.) Some of their suggestions follow.
At the end of Break in Case of Emergency, Toby stops and stands at her front door. She’s still uncertain about opening it. To her, opening a door could mean something horrible and painful. And, after everything she’s been through, can you blame her for feeling this way? But after reflecting on everything she’s been through, she starts to see things a bit differently—that opening a door doesn’t always have to feel scary. Toby comes to understand that there is light on the other side of that door. There are people waiting for her. People who love her. Who want to help, in whatever way they can.
There are people waiting on the other side of your door too.
RESOURCES
Online, by text, in person or by phone—there are all kinds of ways to seek help if you’re in crisis or just need to talk. Thanks to the youth librarians at the Toronto Public Library for helping put this resource list together.
Apps
The LifeLine App is a national, free suicide prevention and awareness app that offers resources and guidance for those suffering or in crisis and for those who have suffered the devastating loss of a loved one from suicide. Go to thelifelinecanada.ca/lifeline-canada-foundation/lifeline-app to learn more.
Phone, Text and Online Chat Resources
Canada Suicide Prevention Service (CSPS), by Crisis Services Canada (CSC), offers crisis support by phone anywhere in Canada, in French or English, 24/7. Call 1-833-456-4566 toll-free at any time, or text 45645 between 4 p.m. and midnight EST.
The Hope for Wellness Help Line offers immediate mental health counselling and crisis intervention to all Indigenous peoples across Canada, in English and French, and in Cree, Ojibway and Inuktitut by request, 24/7. Call 1-855-242-3310 toll-free at any time, or go to hopeforwellness.ca to chat online.
IMAlive is an online network that uses instant messaging to respond to people in crisis. All of its volunteers are trained and certified in crisis intervention. Visit imalive.org and click the “Chat Now” button to speak with a volunteer if you’re in crisis or considering suicide.
The LGBT Youth Line offers confidential and non-judgmental peer support through our telephone, text and chat services. Get in touch with a peer support volunteer from Sunday to Friday, 4 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. Call 1-800-268-9688 toll-free, text 647-694-4275 or go to youthline.ca to chat online.
Kids Help Phone offers professional counselling, information and referrals, as well as volunteer-led, text-based support to young people in both English and French. Call 1-800-668-6868, chat online at kidshelpphone.ca/live-chat or text CONNECT to 686868.
(Le service en français) Jeunesse, J’écoute est un service de soutien à l’échelle du pays qui est accessible 24/7. Nous offrons un service d’intervention professionnelle, d’information, de ressources et un service de soutien bénévole par texte aux jeunes, en français et en anglais. Téléphoner 1-800-668-6868, clavarde en ligne à jeunessejecoute.ca/clavarde-en-ligne ou texte PARLER à 686868.
Tel-jeunes est un service pour les adolescents francophones. Téléphoner 1-800-263-2266, discuter en ligne, posez un question sur une forme à teljeunes.com/Accueil ou texte 1-514-600-1002.
Trans Lifeline is a national, trans-led organization dedicated to improving the quality of trans lives by responding to the critical needs of the community with direct service, material support, advocacy and education to people of all ages. The hotline is run 24/7 by trans people for trans and questioning callers. Call 1-877-330-6366.
YouthSpace.ca is a place for youth across Canada, thirty years of age and under, who are experiencing any sort of crisis. A diverse community of trained volunteers is available to provide support, whatever you’re going through. Text 778-783-0177 anytime between 6 p.m. and midnight PT or go to youthspace.ca/ecounselling to send a message to a professional youth counsellor.
Your Life Counts! is a multicultural, global community of people from all walks of life who are united in their belief that suicide is never the answer. Visit yourlifecounts.org/find-help/ to view a list of resources in your area.
Crisis Centre Directories
Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention: suicideprevention.ca/Need-Help
The LifeLine Canada Foundation: thelifelinecanada.ca/help/crisis-centres/canadian-crisis-centres
More Resources
thelifelinecanada.ca/resources/teens
teenmentalhealth.org
mindyourmind.ca
Acknowledgements
Thank you to Suzanne Sutherland. You were the best kind of editor—thoughtful, generous and this book’s biggest cheerleader. Thanks for helping me take this book—and these characters—to where they needed to go.
Thank you to the awesome team at HarperCollins Canada, including Iris Tupholme, Jennifer Lambert, Deanna Norlock, Stephanie Conklin, Linda Pruessen, Patricia MacDonald and Alan Jones.
T
hank you to my agent, Dean Cooke, and to Paige Sisley, for your support and feedback about this book over the years. And yes, it’s been years.
Thank you to Salini Perera for your beautiful artwork.
Thank you to Samuel Engelking, Melanie Little, Jaclyn Price, Neil Smith, Katherine Vice, Deb and Ron Vice and Alison Wearing.
Last, but not least, love and thanks to Serge, my family and my friends for their continued support and encouragement. I’ve been very lucky in this life.
About the Author
BRIAN FRANCIS is the author of two previous novels. His most recent, Natural Order, was selected by the Toronto Star, Kobo and The Georgia Straight as a Best Book of the Year. His first novel, Fruit, was a CBC Canada Reads finalist and was selected as one of Amazon.ca and 49th Shelf’s “100 Canadian Books to Read in a Lifetime.” He lives in Toronto.
WWW.BRIAN-FRANCIS.COM
Discover great authors, exclusive offers, and more at harpercollins.ca.
Copyright
Break in Case of Emergency
Copyright © 2019 by Brian Francis.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
Published by HarperCollins Publishers Ltd
Cover illustration: Salini Perera
FIRST EDITION
EPub Edition: SEPTEMBER 2019 EPub ISBN: 978-1-4434-5771-2
Version 08062019
Print ISBN: 978-1-4434-5770-5
HarperCollins Publishers Ltd
Bay Adelaide Centre, East Tower
22 Adelaide Street West, 41st Floor
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
M5H 4E3
www.harpercollins.ca
Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication information is available upon request.
LSC/H 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
About the Publisher
Australia
HarperCollins Publishers Australia Pty. Ltd.
Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street
Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia
www.harpercollins.com.au
Canada
HarperCollins Publishers Ltd
Bay Adelaide Centre, East Tower
22 Adelaide Street West, 41st Floor
Toronto, Ontario, M5H 4E3
www.harpercollins.ca
India
HarperCollins India
A 75, Sector 57
Noida
Uttar Pradesh 201 301
www.harpercollins.co.in
New Zealand
HarperCollins Publishers New Zealand
Unit D1, 63 Apollo Drive
Rosedale 0632
Auckland, New Zealand
www.harpercollins.co.nz
United Kingdom
HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF, UK
www.harpercollins.co.uk
United States
HarperCollins Publishers Inc.
195 Broadway
New York, NY 10007
www.harpercollins.com
Break in Case of Emergency Page 23
