by Virlyce
The devil sprang into the air, landing on the rubble without shaking the foundation as if its massive body was as light as a feather. The gorilla head warped and contorted, elongating into a wolf-like muzzle. “Let me smell it,” the devil said, its other mouths growling. One of its eyes shifted to the side of its head, glaring at Tafel. “Don’t do anything stupid, walking goat.”
“Goat?” Tafel asked.
Alice snickered. “Because of your horns. Walking goat, heh-heh. Should I call you that from now on? Maybe you’ll understand how it feels to be called by a title you hate.”
Tafel snorted.
“Here,” Daniel said, reaching into his bag and pulling out a piece of black cloth. “This is the article of clothing.”
Apollonia squinted at Daniel’s hands. Then her gaze turned onto Daniel, an unreadable expression on her face. “Panties. Really.”
Daniel shrugged. “You said I should obtain an article of her clothing.”
Apollonia’s expression darkened. “But why panties?”
“Does that really matter right now, my liege?” Daniel asked, shoving the panties onto the devil’s snout. “I followed your orders, didn’t I?”
“I thought I knew everything there was to know about you, Daniel,” Apollonia said with a sigh. “It turns out dark secrets are hidden in deep places.”
“My liege, please,” Daniel said. “You’re embarrassing me in front of our guests.”
***
The sun shone overhead. Blue waves lapped at the golden shore. An elf wearing nothing but a few strips of cloth lay on a recliner, a glass of clear liquid in her hand with a metal straw leading towards her lips. Ice cubes clanked as she drank a sip and exhaled, leaning back and closing her eyes.
“You’re sunbathing? I thought you were like a fungus! Fungi don’t like well-lit places.”
Lindyss sighed as her eyes opened. A fairy was hovering in front of her face. “Be quiet or go away. Those are your only options.”
“How far away do I have to go?” Erin asked. “If I go a couple feet away, then can I shout at you? Is out of your smacking distance going away enough?” She flitted back and forth with her hands on her hips. “Well?”
Lindyss sighed again as she leaned over to the side and pulled a pair of earplugs out of the bag that was lying on the sand. She placed them into her ears and closed her eyes, readjusting her hair while leaning into the seat.
Erin’s wings stopped beating, but she stayed hovering in the air. “Oi. That’s rude. That’s rude. That’s very, very rude.” She flew up to Lindyss’ face. “Are you listening?” Her head craned forward to peer at Lindyss’ pointy ears. Her eyes narrowed as she inched forward, reaching out with her hands. Right when she was about to snatch away the earplug, a hand connected with her face, knocking her down into the beach headfirst. Her wings flapped as she pulled her head out of the sand, spitting out bits of yellow. “You stupid potato! Fairies aren’t meant to be swatted!”
Lindyss’ eyes remained closed as she took a sip from her straw. She lowered her cup and wet her lips with her tongue. “Your size begs to differ.”
“You can hear me!” Erin shouted, shaking a fist at Lindyss from the ground. “And what do you mean by my size begs to differ!?”
“It means exactly what it sounds like,” Lindyss said. “If your body wasn’t so easy to swat, I wouldn’t swat you. But alas, it is, so swat, I must.”
“You’re a horrible person.”
“And you’re my friend; what does that say about you?”
Erin puffed her chest out. “That I’m a very tolerant indi…vi…dual…,” she said, her voice trailing off. Her eyes widened to a comical size, nearly falling out of her head. “I’m your what!? Say that again!”
Lindyss opened her eyes and sat up, frowning at the fairy with her brows furrowed. Her head tilted to the side. “What does that say about you?”
“No, no, no! Before that,” Erin said, her eyes glistening as she clasped her hands in front of her chest.
Lindyss’ expression darkened. “If you weren’t so easy to swat, I wouldn’t swat you?”
“After that!”
“I said something poetic about swatting.”
“After that too!”
“…I don’t remember.”
“You said I was your friend!” Erin said, soaring into the air above Lindyss’ head. A moment later, she dove straight down and landed in the cursed elf’s lap. “I knew it! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! You see me as a friend.” A wide smile split the fairy’s face as she bounced up and down, her wings fluttering. She giggled to herself and pressed her hands against her cheeks.
Lindyss’ eye twitched. “I don’t remember saying anything like that.”
“You said it!”
“It must’ve been a slip of the tongue.”
“You still said it! Slip or not, it counts.”
Lindyss sighed as she placed her palm against her forehead, sinking back into her seat. She glanced at the cup in her other hand before tossing it over her shoulder. “It seems like I’ve had too much to drink.” As she stared up at the sky, a moving black dot caught her eye. “Speaking of friends, my bestest friend is coming to visit right now.”
Erin froze mid-bounce. Her neck creaked as she turned her head towards the sky. Her face paled, and she attempted to hide underneath the cloth strip covering Lindyss’ waist, but the cursed elf flicked her away. “Why is the dragon coming!?” Erin shouted as she hid behind the chair near Lindyss’ head.
“He must’ve heard about one of my friend slots being taken up, so he came to clear it out,” Lindyss said. “Scared?”
“You’re not normal for being not scared! He’s a dragon of darkness; he’ll do all kinds of awful things to you, you dumb turnip!”
“Why do you always call me a vegetable as an insult?”
“Because you’re as dumb as one, that’s why!” Erin climbed up to the top of the chair, looking down on Lindyss’ head. “You stupid radish, a darkness dragon will take your soul and stuff other things inside of it to take its place. He’ll experiment on you and curse you until you wish you were dead. Although you’re pretty evil and wicked already, it’s not too late to escape from his influence!”
With a rush of wind, Grimmy landed on the beach, creating a mushroom cloud of sand above the shore. Lindyss erected a barrier that prevented her chair from flying away from the impact and stopped the sand from landing on her. “Whoa,” Grimmy said, staring down on the chair that Lindyss was lying on. “You’re sunbathing. I thought you hated the sun.”
Lindyss clicked her tongue. “It’s your fault I couldn’t bathe in the sun for nearly half a millennium.”
“Ah, yeah, sure, blame all your problems on me,” Grimmy said, rolling his eyes. “Anyways, I sensed some weird magic being cast somewhere to the west. It’s probably a devil summoning. I thought I erased all devil-summoning knowledge from existence when I wrecked the southern continent, but I guess some things will always slip through some cracks. Want to go check it out?”
“Not interested,” Lindyss said. “I run two continents—that’s five kingdoms and a few miscellaneous groups. I think I have enough on my plate as is.”
“But you’re sunbathing,” Grimmy said. “Your plate’s completely empty.”
“Leaders need to take time off to alleviate stress to make proper decisions, alright?”
Grimmy slipped one claw underneath the chair and flipped it over, causing two short yelps to echo through the air. “Nonsense. If you don’t move around, you’ll get moldy. I’m going and you’re coming with, agreed? Agreed.”
Lindyss crawled to her feet, spitting out clumps of sand. “What am I? A piece of bread? Only dragons become moldy because they sleep for years at a time.”
“Well, too bad,” Grimmy said, scooping Lindyss up with his paw. “Let’s go.”
***
The empress frowned at the metal gates looming over her. Behind her, there was a road speckled with houses along
side of it. She scratched her head before knocking on the gates, the clanging of chains echoing through the air. A few moments of silence followed, the empress unmoving, her expression unchanging. Another moment of silence passed, and she drew her sword while slashing outwards at the same time. The chains holding the gates together fell to the ground, and the empress pushed her way into the courtyard of the mansion. “So troublesome,” she muttered as she walked up to the building’s entrance. With the hilt of her sword, she knocked on the wooden door, dull thumping sounds resounding through the air.
The door creaked open, a man dressed in a suit on the other side. “Do you have any idea what time it is? There are still a few hours before the sun starts to rise!”
“I’m looking for Grand Duchess Apollonia’s northernmost fortress,” the empress said. The butler hadn’t recognized her due to the cloak and lack of lighting. “Which way do I go?”
“The northernmost fortress?” The butler’s eyes narrowed into slits as he took a step back, reaching towards a decorative sword that was hanging on the wall. “Who are you? What business do you have there? You say you’re looking for the northernmost fortress, but you’re as far south as you could possibly be in the grand duchess’ lands. Any more and you’ll be in Duke Taver’s territory.”
“That’s odd,” the empress muttered while furrowing her brow. “I followed that hunter’s words perfectly except for a few diversions to eat. How did I end up even further south?” She raised her head, meeting the butler’s eyes. His hand was firmly wrapped around the hilt of the sword on the wall, just one motion needed to swing it at her. “Which way’s north?”
The butler pointed in the opposite direction that the empress had been traveling the whole time. “Why do you want to go to the northern fortress. It’s not a good place to go for a woman like yourself. If you need anything, shall I ask the grand duchess to provide it to you?”
“Ask the grand duchess?” the empress asked, tilting her head. “What do you mean?”
“Grand Duchess Apollonia is in her study at this very moment,” the butler said. “She hasn’t slept tonight, saying things needed to be done. If you’re nobility, shall I bring you to her? What is your family name?”
“Scathir.”
“Lady Sca—" The butler froze mid-sentence. “D-did you say … Scathir…?”
The empress nodded. “Yes.”
“Y-Your Imperial Majesty…?”
The empress nodded again. “Yes. That’s me.”
The butler’s hand slipped off of the decorative sword’s hilt as he dropped to his knees. He landed with a loud thunk, but he didn’t even notice the pain shooting into his legs. “Your Imperial Majesty, forgive this servant for not recognizing Your Imperial Majesty’s face! I’ll notify the grand duchess right away!”
The empress didn’t move as the butler scrambled away, falling down a few times as he ran down the hall and into the living room. She waited until he was out of sight before entering the mansion, making herself at home on a plush couch made of tiger fur. She clasped her hands and placed them onto her lap, waiting with a stiff posture, not even bothering to look at the numerous paintings and decorations in the room. Her eyes closed as she fell into meditation, reviewing her sword strikes and stances in her mind.
A short while later, a flustered woman with golden hair, Apollonia, appeared by the stairs leading into the living room. She gripped the handrail while biting her lower lip, unsure of how to approach. In her moment of hesitation, the empress’ eyes opened, and she turned her head to face the grand duchess, the rest of her body remaining as still as a statue. “Apollonia, we meet again.”
“Weren’t you going to kill the devil, Your Imperial Majesty?” Apollonia asked, her voice shaky as she released her grip on the handrail and strode over to the couch across from the empress. She sat down and took in a deep breath.
“Yes,” the empress said. “I got lost and decided to ask the nearest noble for directions. Here I am.”
“Do you expect me to believe that?” Apollonia asked, clenching her fists.
“Yes.”
“You said you were going to my northernmost fortress to slay the devil that was summoned, but instead, you came down to the southernmost region of my territory and found my exact location.” Apollonia ground her teeth together. “I’ve lost. I’ve clearly underestimated you. No wonder why you surpassed all of your siblings to claim the throne.”
The empress tilted her head. “Does this mean you won’t tell me the way to the northernmost fortress?”
“…There’s no need to go there anymore after having found me, is there?”
“I told you I came to ask for directions.”
Apollonia knit her brow. “You were being serious?”
“Yes.”
“You ended up at my secret mansion by complete accident?”
“Yes.”
“By accident, do you mean the same kind of accident that happened when you killed your brother that I was supporting?”
The empress blinked. “Which brother was that?”
“Edgar.”
“I’m not sure how Edgar died,” the empress said, her expression unchanging. “My sister gifted me a bottle of genie tears, but Edgar stole it from me before I could drink it. That’s my last memory of him. The next day, he was found dead in his bed, and everyone accused me of his death.”
“Edgar was poisoned.”
The empress’ eyes lit up as if a lightbulb had appeared inside of her head. “Is that so? I understand now. I have to thank him for saving me when I meet him again after I die.”
Apollonia tapped her finger against her knee. “My nephew told me he saw you kill Boris in the garden.”
“That was an accident,” the empress said, lowering her head. “Quite unfortunate, really. I was practicing my sword swings, and he walked into its path. It was just a nick, but due to the properties of my sword, he lost all his blood and died on the spot.”
Apollonia’s face paled. “You’re a demon,” she said. “How can you lie with such a straight face? It’s almost as if you sincerely believe their deaths were by accident.”
The empress sighed. “Those are the same words my eldest brother said to me while he was lying on his deathbed. I didn’t come here to talk about my past. Which way do I go to get to the northernmost fortress?”
Apollonia sank back into her chair, her expression unreadable. “Shall I have someone guide you there?”
The empress shook her head. “I’ve been told I walk too fast. Even the people who are supposed to be guarding me from the shadows can’t keep up. A guide won’t work.”
“Have you considered walking slower…?”
The empress blinked twice. “I’ve never considered it, no.” She paused, a wrinkle appearing on her forehead. “I’ve considered it now. I don’t want to. More time spent traveling means I have less time to train.”
Apollonia sighed. “You can wait in my residence. I’ll have the devil come here. Would that be alright, Your Imperial Majesty? It shouldn’t take longer than a week.”
The empress bit her lower lip. “Okay. Let me walk back to the palace to bring my towels and toothbrush first.”
“Don’t. You’ll get lost,” Apollonia said, her eye twitching. “I’ll provide you those.”
“My mother once told me to never share towels and toothbrushes with other people.”
Apollonia sighed. “I’ll provide you with new and unused ones.”
“Okay.” The empress nodded. “Then I’ll be imposing on you.”
***
“You found the demon lord?” Daniel asked the small figure sitting on his shoulder. “My liege, couldn’t you have found her a few minutes ago before I revealed I stole her panties?”
“If you didn’t steal her panties, you wouldn’t have been outed as a pantie thief,” Apollonia said with a snort. “And I didn’t find her; she found me.”
“Are you unhurt?” Daniel asked. “She isn’t angry?”
/> “I don’t think she even has any emotions,” Apollonia said, shaking her head. “She kills without blinking an eye. She speaks without caring about being judged. She’s a lot different than what I thought she’d be. Normally emperors are supposed to be conniving and wise, right? They don’t survive the struggle for the throne otherwise.”
Daniel furrowed his brow. “She’s neither conniving nor wise?”
“She’s as pure as a child,” Apollonia said with a sigh. “As psychopathic as one too. I wonder what goes through her head.”
“Am I being ignored again? Who summons a devil just to ignore them?” the gorilla with a wolf’s head and spider legs growing out of its back asked. “Tell me where your target is.”
“Right,” Apollonia said. “I forgot.” She turned her head towards Daniel. “Go to my southernmost mansion but pass through and gather all the soldiers from my nobles’ territories, including their knights. You have one week.”
“You just said she’s like a child,” Tafel said. “Why do you want to overthrow her still? Can’t you just teach her how to properly govern her empire? Actually, other than the fact that she’s raising taxes, you haven’t given a real reason to remove her from the throne.”
“Do I need a reason to want to seize the throne for myself?” Apollonia asked, tilting her head. “It’s natural to want power. And I’ll be a more fitting ruler as well. Everyone wins if I become the new empress.” The tiny grand duchess frowned at Tafel. “I thought you said you didn’t interfere with the politics of other regions. You’re not thinking of stopping me now, are you?”
Tafel scratched her head. “It just feels a little wrong to not stop an army from chasing one person down,” she said. “It’s not very fair, you know?”
“Is it fair that she gets to rule the empire just because she was born into the right family? If you want to talk about fairness, I want to hear nothing of it,” Apollonia said, crossing her arms over her chest. “The world is inherently unfair; it is up to us, the residents of the world, to decide whether we want to resign ourselves to our given roles or not. Who says a grand duchess can’t be empress?”
