He turned to me, his expression both determined and bleak. ‘Matteo,’ he said. ‘May we talk?’
‘There’s nothing more to say.’
‘There is. I have something more to say, and I need you to hear it. After that you are free never to see or speak to me again, as you wish.’
‘Never?’ Andreas’s voice wobbled and we both hastened to reassure him.
‘He doesn’t mean that, Andreas,’ I said, although I knew he did. ‘Keep building your city. I’ll be back in a few moments.’
I strode out of the room, Bastian following me. Not wanting to leave Andreas for long, I stopped in the hallway, far enough away that he wouldn’t overhear.
‘What is it?’
Bastian glanced around, as if to object, but then he shrugged. ‘I know I don’t deserve a fair hearing from you. It was wrong of me to ask it of you before.’
‘Is that all you have to say?’
‘Matteo, is there anything I can do to help you to forgive me? I know I was wrong in the way I treated you. I justified it to myself because I was grieving the loss of Marina, your stepmother. I loved her like my own daughter—’
‘What did that have to do with me?’
‘I found it painful to know that you had been brought into the world, a healthy and hale boy, but she withered and then slipped away.’
‘Still not my fault,’ I gritted. I wasn’t giving an inch.
‘I admit I was unjust. I was angry, as well as ashamed that I had an illegitimate grandson—that it was known publicly—’
‘That was your fault, not mine.’
‘I didn’t feel you deserved the same privilege or affection as Andreas. And you reminded me of your father, who was such a painful disappointment to me. I let it cloud my judgement. I admit that.’
‘And has anything changed now?’ I scoffed. ‘Or are you just fearful because you face death?’
‘I want to die in peace, yes,’ he said slowly, swaying a bit where he stood.
He looked old and frail, as if a breath might blow him away, and I tried not to care. Tried not to admit to the grief inside me. Because there was no earthly reason to grieve for this man.
‘I did provide for you, Matteo,’ he added with a small, sad smile. ‘Not in the same way as I did for Andreas, I know, but I tried to do my duty.’
‘Your duty?’ I sneered. ‘Was starving me your duty? Was slapping my face for just sitting down your duty? Or locking me in a cupboard?’ The words burst out of me, decades old, full of pain.
Bastian stared at me for a long moment. ‘What…what are you talking about?’
‘You know what I’m talking about. Eleni—the nanny you hired to look after me. She made it very clear what her orders were, how she was to treat the worthless bastard you’d been saddled with.’
Slowly Bastian shook his head. ‘Matteo, I admit I did not treat you fairly. I was harsh and unloving. But I didn’t know about those things. I certainly didn’t sanction them.’
For a second, no more, I wavered. But then, ‘Yes, you did. She told me. And in any case, when I did see you, you were completely dismissive. Nothing I did was ever good enough. No matter how hard I worked or tried, you were unimpressed. Always ignoring me or insulting me, even after you had to make me your heir.’
‘Yes,’ Bastian agreed heavily. ‘I admit to all that. I was not the man I wish I could have been. I wasn’t strong enough. I resented having to need you. I felt it should have been you, not Andreas…’ He shook his head. ‘It was wrong—all of it—I see that now. But I never would have countenanced such abuse. Please believe that at least, even if you cannot forgive me.’
I shook my head. I didn’t know what to believe. For over thirty-five years the bedrock of my life—of my whole being—had been my grandfather’s harsh treatment of me. It had taught me everything: never to be vulnerable, never to show fear, never to trust love. They were the staples of my soul, and now they felt like so much dross. I couldn’t let go of them just like that. If I did, I didn’t know who I’d be.
A man who could love. Who could let himself be loved.
‘What about Andreas?’ I demanded.
Bastian looked startled. ‘What about him?’
‘After his accident you ignored him, as well. You never visited him. You turned your love off like it was a tap.’
‘I admit I avoided him for several years after the accident. It was too painful for me to see him like that, and when I did see him he became distressed, which made it even worse. But I’ve been visiting him for years, Matteo. Decades. Every day, just as he said. I still love him. I’ll always love him.’
‘And me?’ I found myself saying, even as I hated the words, the exposing and needy nature of the question.
‘I wish I could have loved you as a child,’ Bastian said slowly. ‘You were deserving of it. But when you rebelled as a teenager it cemented my anger and bitterness. I shouldn’t have let it.’
I waited, my jaw tight, everything in me tensed and poised—for what?
‘And now…’ Bastian continued, choosing each word with painful care, his gaze steady on me. ‘Now I see a man who has an indomitable will, a fearless work ethic, and a loyalty to those he loves. You have always made time for Andreas—’
‘He’s my brother.’
‘And your wife.’
I let out a sharp laugh. ‘How little you know! I didn’t see her once for the first three years of our marriage.’
And I might never see her again.
‘But now you love her,’ Bastian stated—a fact, a truth. ‘I see it in your eyes…in everything about you. And I know you are a man who fights for what he wants. Who he loves.’
He paused, and then said the words I’d waited my whole life to hear.
‘I love you, Matteo. I don’t expect you to believe it, or even to care, but I do love you like a son. I only wish I had earlier, and that I’d been able to show it.’
I shook my head, denying it even as tears started in my eyes. My grandfather gave me a look full of sorrow and grief—and love. I saw it in his eyes for the first time.
‘I’m sorry, son,’ he said.
‘Daisy, your head is in the sky again.’
Maria shook her finger at me, laughing, and I tried for a smile even though I felt leaden inside.
‘The clouds,’ I reminded her. ‘And I’m sorry. I’m a bit distracted.’
I’d been back in Amanos for two days, but I felt like the walking wounded. The walking dead. Because something had died inside me when Matteo had let me walk away. And I’d done it—high-tailing it when it got hard, even though I’d told myself I wouldn’t. I was as much a coward as he was—if he even was a coward. Perhaps he wasn’t scared of love as I’d suggested. Perhaps he really didn’t believe in it—or feel it.
‘What is distracting you?’ Maria asked. ‘The so very handsome Kyrie Dias?’
I hadn’t told Maria or anyone about what had happened between Matteo and me, although most of the villagers had seen at least some of the photos that had appeared in the tabloids and on the online gossip sites. They could guess, although no one could possibly know how badly it had all ended.
‘Daisy.’ Maria placed a hand on my shoulder, her eyes filled with concern. ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’
And then, to both my embarrassment and my relief, I burst into tears. I ended up telling her the whole sorry story, from beginning to end, as the tears kept trickling down my face.
‘He doesn’t love me, Maria,’ I finished as I blew my nose. ‘I gambled everything on the hope that he would learn to, with time—and he didn’t. I don’t think he’s capable of it.’
Maria patted my shoulder in sympathy and then sat back with a loud sigh. ‘I don’t who is perissotero stupid—you or him.’
‘What?’ I managed an outraged laugh. ‘What do yo
u mean?’
‘You are in love with him, Daisy, and he is in love with you. To me it is obvious.’
‘You weren’t there…’
‘Pfft. I don’t need to have been there. A man does not act like Kyrie Dias did when he is indifferent. So much emotion…he is in love.’
I stared at her disbelievingly. ‘Maria, he was so hard, so cruel—’
‘Did you expect him to forgive his grandfather like that?’ She snapped her fingers. ‘Daisy, the man suffered under his hand for many, many years. Forgiveness, it is—what do you say?—a process. It is not an instant.’
I stared at her, realisation slowly dawning like a fog lifting. ‘Do you think…do you think I demanded too much, asking him to forgive his grandfather?’
‘Yes—and he pushed you away too hard because he was angry and grieving, even if he did not show it.’ She paused, her expression reflective. ‘My husband Antonio’s mother, she was a cruel woman. Harsh and unloving. But when she died, he grieved. So much. Because something was lost even though he had not loved her. The hope of love one day.’
‘I didn’t think of that.’
And it was the hope of love that I had been yearning for, and then grieving for. My own desires and fears had blinded me to whatever Matteo had been feeling.
‘I think I have been stupid,’ I said with a sad smile. ‘But it’s too late now. Matteo…he was so final, Maria. He more or less said he wanted a divorce.’
‘More or less?’ She raised her eyebrows, her smile almost smug. ‘A bit less, I think.’
‘I don’t know…’
‘You could find him.’
I thought of how I’d marched into that ballroom, all terrified determination, having no idea what I was getting into. Could I do it again? Did I dare?
‘I don’t know where he is.’
‘Then find out.’
All day long I dithered, caught between fear and a wild, desperate hope. But when I plucked up the courage to search the gossip sites for any titbit about where Matteo was, I came up empty. Determined, I called the head office of Arides Enterprises in Athens, only to be told he had left that morning and would not be back for at least a week.
Where had he gone? And was I brave enough to find him?
That evening, as I sat outside on the terrace, trying to enjoy the rays of the setting sun and not to feel miserable, the distant whirring of a helicopter had me sitting up straight. Hope flared, hard and bright, inside me.
Could it be…?
I scrambled to the terrace wall, craning my head to catch sight of the helicopter, praying it wasn’t a search and rescue one. When it came into view, the A and the E both visible, I let out a whoop of joy—followed by a tremor of pure terror. What if he was coming to tell me he did indeed want a divorce?
At least I’d have a chance to talk to him, I told myself. Fight for him. For us.
It seemed to take an age, but in reality I had only a few minutes to wait for the helicopter to land, for Matteo to emerge. I watched from the window as he strode towards the house, looking far too grimly determined. Then I decided I wasn’t going to wait—I was going to fight.
I threw open the door and ran outside, heedless of my bare feet, my wild look.
‘Matteo—’
He stopped, holding up one hand. ‘Don’t,’ he said, just as he had before.
My heart plummeted like a stone inside me.
‘Don’t say anything.’
‘But—’
‘I need to speak first.’
Dumbly, I nodded, having no idea what to expect, how much to hope.
‘Daisy, I love you.’
My mouth dropped open as incredulous joy unfurled through me in a sweet, warm rush of feeling.
‘I’ve been fighting it for a while now, because you were right—I am afraid of it. I convinced myself it was an illusion because that was far easier and, I thought, far braver than admitting my fear.’
‘What happened?’ I whispered. ‘What made you…change your mind?’
‘I spoke to my grandfather again. He was honest with me—more honest than he’s ever been before. And I was honest with him.’ He let out a ragged, pent-up breath. ‘There were things he didn’t know… and things I didn’t know. I haven’t forgiven him yet…at least not completely. I want to, and I’m trying to, but it’s hard.’
‘I know, Matteo. I should have realised that before. I asked too much of you—’
‘You can ask anything of me, Daisy. I’m so sorry for pushing you away. In my hurt, I hurt you, and I can’t stand that thought—’
‘I forgive you,’ I said. ‘That is easy. But I understand why it isn’t easy for you and your grandfather, Matteo, truly—’
‘Thank you.’
He smiled, looking tired and emotional and oh-so-wonderful.
‘Come here,’ he said, holding out his arms.
And with both joy and relief I walked into them.
‘I’d ask you to marry me but we’re already married. And I’d ask you to make it real, but it already is. It’s the most real thing in my life. So I’ll ask instead if you will spend the rest of your life with me, Daisy. If you’ll let me love you and maybe learn to love me in return—’
‘Matteo, I already love you!’ I exclaimed. ‘I fell in love with you ages ago. Maybe that first day on Amanos…or maybe even at that wretched party.’
‘At that party? But I was such a boor.’
I laughed, wrapping my arms around him. ‘But you were my boor, and I couldn’t resist you.’
‘And I can’t resist you. Don’t ever leave me, Daisy. Don’t ever let me allow you to walk away again.’
‘I won’t.’
‘And don’t ever stop loving me.’
‘I couldn’t,’ I promised him. ‘And I won’t.’
‘I mean it,’ he said seriously. ‘Because I realise now that you were right when you said it was more than a feeling. It’s far more. It’s an action, a choice we must make consciously every day.’
‘And I am making it,’ I said. ‘Every day. Every minute.’
‘And so am I.’ He pulled me more tightly into his arms as he kissed me. ‘I love you, Daisy Dias.’
‘And I love you, Matteo.’
Happiness welled up inside me, along with an overwhelming love. Yes, it was a choice—a wonderful choice. And with our arms around each other we turned and headed for home.
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The Sicilian's Surprise Love-Child / Claiming My Bride Of Convenience: The Sicilian's Surprise Love-Child / Claiming My Bride of Convenience (Mills & Boon Modern) Page 32
