“No, I’d never think that about you.”
“Well, you’ve got your answer so you can leave now.”
I took a step towards her.
“You’re pissed.”
She seemed to grit her teeth before letting out a huff.
“I’ve had a long day.”
I closed the distance, wanting to soothe her somehow. Stupid really. Resting my hands on her shoulders again, I dug my fingers in, massaging them a little. She didn’t push me away. After a moment, she let out a little groan.
“You’re tense.”
“No shit,” she muttered, arching back into my touch.
I continued, working out the kinks in her shoulders and her neck.
“Ugh, why do you have to be so good with your hands?”
I couldn’t help smiling.
“You can lie down and I’ll do your back, if you want.”
“As nice as that sounds, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
She stepped away from me and proceeded to tug out her pyjamas from her wardrobe.
“No?”
I wasn’t asking for anything, just to make her feel better. She shut the door and walked around me. I turned, finding her dumping her stuff on the bed before starting to unbutton her blouse. I averted my eyes. I’d seen her naked, but it felt wrong to stare.
“I had therapy today. Jensen said I had to learn how to be someone’s friend without it being sexual… so… Hello, guinea pig.”
My head whipped back to her as she tugged on a t-shirt.
“What?”
“You, me, just friends, no sex.”
“You told him what happened between us.”
She nodded, unbuttoning her trousers. I couldn’t stop myself staring as she slipped them off. You could barely call the thin strips of elastic and fabric underwear. Her pert arse was on show and my cock instantly sprung up at the thought of my hands on her cheeks.
Christ, fuck. This can’t be happening.
“Client confidentiality prevents him from revealing what was said if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“I wasn’t.”
My feet carried me towards her, my fingers itching with the urge to touch her. I couldn’t be pissed since Jen needed someone to talk to considering she hadn’t mentioned it to Fi yet.
“Well, he’s right. There’s a multitude of reasons why we shouldn’t be sleeping together, but I don’t want to go back to us hating each other so I figured we can try the friends thing.”
I reached her, my hands curling around her waist and brushing over the bare skin between her t-shirt and barely-there knickers.
“What are you doing?” she squeaked when I spun her around and tugged her against me, my hands finding her arse.
Fuck she feels so good.
“Not listening to advice or common sense,” I told her before I buried my face in her neck, breathing in her familiar Dior scent.
She shoved her hands between us, trying to push me away. My lips trailed across her neck, revelling in the way she felt under my palms.
“Brent!”
Fuck knows where my brain was at, probably overtaken by my dick because I couldn’t stop. Seeing those photos of her with Max did anger me as much as I tried to deny it. Jen was mine. Another man touching her was entirely unacceptable.
What the hell is wrong with you? She isn’t yours.
“I don’t want to just be friends.”
The words were out before I could stop them. She stilled, a small gasp leaving her lips.
“I need to,” she whispered.
My hands went to her knickers, tugging them down her legs before I pressed her onto the bed. I leant over her, my lips brushing against hers as she stared at me with wide eyes.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Then tell me to stop.”
I could see the conflict in her expression.
“Don’t make me do this.”
“Say no.”
I wished she would because then one of us wouldn’t be acting so recklessly. One of us wouldn’t be throwing caution to the wind. I needed Jen to be the strong one here because my self-control had left the building.
“Fuck.”
Her hands were on my face, dragging me down slightly to close the distance. Lips and tongues clashed with each other. Shit. Jen always tasted sweet. My hands went to my jeans, desperate to fill her with my cock. Christ, I was fucked up.
She ripped my face off hers the next moment, panting as her blue eyes blazed.
“No. No. We’re not doing this.”
I froze. She said no.
“I need you to be my friend,” she whispered. “I can’t move forward without this. Please. I just need us to be friends.”
How on earth could I ever say no to that? I wouldn’t force her. Tears pricked at her eyes and my heart snapped. I reached up and stroked her hair back from her face.
“Okay.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, Jen… friends.”
Not what I wanted to say, but this would be better for both of us. I knew deep down somehow we had to pull back. To stop falling deeper into something we shouldn’t. Not just because I didn’t want to ever tell Dante, but this could never work. Not really. Jen wasn’t in the right place for anything more.
I got off her and walked towards the door. If I stayed, things might escalate again.
“Brent…” I paused by the door. “Thank you.”
I couldn’t say a thing to that so I opened the door and walked out. Every step I took downstairs to my flat made my heart burn. I’d lied when I said we were friends. I couldn’t be her friend when I was in love with her. Not now I knew how it felt to fall asleep with her pressed against me.
I had to try for Jen even though I knew it was impossible.
You’re so royally fucked.
***
The next week left me feeling completely unprepared for the desolation which set in. Every night Jen came home and insisted on spending time with me. I couldn’t escape her. My heart physically hurt around her. It was made worse when she fell asleep with her head in my lap one evening when we were watching a stupid action flick. Liora had stuck her head in the living room, raising a single blonde eyebrow when she spied us. I’d just shrugged. So far, she hadn’t asked about it, but I think it had more to do with her preparing for the imminent arrival of Logan. A couple more weeks and we’d have a baby in the house.
Jen was beating me at Mario Kart when my phone rang. I paused the race so I could answer it.
“Cam.”
“Oh god, Brent, everything has gone to shit.”
I almost rolled my eyes. My sister was nothing if not overdramatic.
“What happened this time?”
I hadn’t spoken to her since our last phone call. I knew she’d forget all about what I’d said because Cam loved her selective memory.
“Sid came around and started having a go at me over the kids. I need you, please. He wants to take the girls.”
“What do you mean he wants to take them?”
I stood up, frowning. Sid had never tried this shit before. Yeah, he was a piece of crap, but he wasn’t a fit parent for their daughters.
“He said I’m not taking care of them like I should. What the fuck does he know about looking after three girls? He’s acting all crazy.”
Cam sounded far more distressed than usual. As if the thought of someone taking her kids away was killing her. She might not always be the best mother to her kids, but she did love them.
“Is he still there?”
“Yes, he won’t fucking leave. The girls are terrified and Sid is having a go at Dad.”
I rubbed my face. My dad didn’t need that sort of shit. Yeah, he was an alcoholic and barely looked after me and Cam once Mum left, but he was still my dad.
“Okay, Cam. I’ll be there soon.”
She hung up
without thanking me. Not surprising since she never appreciated anything I did for her. If Sid was really giving her shit, I needed words with him.
I turned to Jen, finding her blue eyes on me.
“I have to go.”
She jumped up from the sofa.
“Why?”
“My sister needs me.”
She cocked her head to the side. I never talked about my family. Especially not to Jen. They were my problem and no one else’s.
“Your sister…”
“Yeah, look, I don’t have time to explain. I need to go.”
I turned away, walking towards the door. She followed me.
“I’ll come with you.”
I almost stopped dead in my tracks.
“No, you won’t.”
Jen didn’t need to be involved in my family shit. Especially not if Sid was going off on one.
“Why not?”
“This is my shit to deal with.”
She kept up with me as I descended the stairs.
“We’re supposed to be friends. Friends help each other.”
I stopped in the hallway when we reached the bottom, turning to her. She looked earnest but you never knew with Jen. Sometimes she hid her real feelings all too well.
“You can’t help me with this.”
“But—”
“Jen, you’re not coming with me. My sister’s ex is harassing her and I need to go sort him out. You’ll get in the way.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and scowled.
“So what? You’re just going to confront this guy? Is that even safe?”
Since when did Jen worry about my safety? Fuck, our relationship, friendship, whatever it was with each other had got so complicated.
“I’ll be fine.”
I walked over to the cupboard, pulling out a coat and shoving my feet into shoes. Jen put a hand on my arm. It made my skin prickle. Her touching me had become a serious issue. It just made me want her even more and I couldn’t have her.
“Please let me come. I won’t get in the way.”
I sighed, shrugging my coat on. If I knew anything about Jen, it was that she didn’t back down from much. I really didn’t need her acting like this right now.
“I don’t want you there.”
“Why not?”
“You don’t need to see what I grew up with, Jen, okay?”
“I beg to differ. You think I’ll see you differently or something? I won’t.”
Jen had no idea what kind of shit I’d lived with. It wasn’t a part of my life I shared with Dante so why would I want to with her?
Jen’s different. You love her.
I told my brain to shove it.
“Christ, fine.”
It was stupid to agree but arguing with Jen was absolutely futile. She grinned and grabbed her trainers. I went down to my flat and tugged out an overnight bag, packing some clothes in case this went on longer than expected. I’d told Jen to do the same. Probably a good thing it was Friday night. Sometimes I had to stay to make sure everything was okay with Cam, Dad and the kids, usually at whatever hotel I could find which had rooms available.
“So why is her ex harassing her?” she asked when we were in the car and had set off.
I’d fired a text off to Dante before we left, failing to mention I had his sister with me. I think he’d cottoned on to the fact Jen and I had settled our differences. How he felt about that, I didn’t know. And whether Liora had told him about Jen falling asleep on me or not remained to be seen.
“He wants the kids apparently.”
I saw her peering at me out of the corner of my eye.
“She has kids?”
“Six of them by three different guys.”
There was no point hiding it from Jen. She’d see the estate I grew up on soon enough and the four bedroomed house Cam shared with our dad. It was overcrowded, but the council wouldn’t rehouse them due to the shortage of housing stock. Fucked up if you ask me, but I tried to help them the best way I could. Cam and Dad didn’t work, living solely off handouts from the government and the money I sent them on a monthly basis.
“I didn’t know you were an uncle.”
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”
“Then tell me so I know what I’m walking into.”
For the next ten minutes I explained about my sister, her kids and their three fathers. I didn’t mention my absentee mother or my alcoholic father. I had no idea how Cam would react to me bringing Jen. She was my employer’s sister. Cam would likely want to know what I was playing at since I rarely discussed what I did with her. All she cared about was the money I sent, not how I acquired it. I mean, she knew I worked for Dante and him being my friend, but the rest was none of her business.
“Where are we going anyway?”
“Essex.”
“I thought you grew up in London.”
I shook my head.
“I never said that.”
“You don’t say very much about yourself yet you know everything about my family.”
I stifled a sigh. It happened to be my job to know so I could deal with any threats to the Bensons. It might look like all I did was spend my time with Liora and keeping house for Dante, but that was far from the case. Monitoring their public image, background checks on employees along with protecting their secrets. Yeah, I did a lot more than just take care of their household.
“I had a shit hand dealt to me and I don’t like talking about it.”
“Does Dante know?”
“Not really.”
I felt her staring at me, but I kept my eyes on the road.
“Will you tell me?”
“You’re going to see where I grew up, that should tell you enough.”
I wished I hadn’t agreed to let her tag along with me. Why she even wanted to come was a mystery. Was it really because she was trying to be a friend to me? I’d be worrying about her the entire time. Sid wasn’t a violent person, but I didn’t know what we were going to walk into. I hoped Cam was telling me the truth and not just trying to get me home for some other stupid as shit reason. It wouldn’t be the first time.
The rest of the journey was silent. Jen put the radio on and sat back, staring out the window. I kept glancing at her, just wanting to see her face. Did she want to know me? She’d never wanted anything to do with me before. Did that night we slept together the first time really change everything for her? I thought it had, but Jen sometimes kept herself locked up so tight, you could never really tell.
I pulled up outside Cam’s house on the estate I grew up on. It hadn’t changed much in the past twelve years since I’d left. There was still graffiti everywhere, smashed glass on the street and teenagers lurking in the dark alleyways, smoking, getting high, drunk or a combination of all three. The buildings weren’t well maintained. Some of them had boarded up windows and broken furniture in the front gardens.
I got out of the car and went around to Jen who was looking around with wide eyes.
“Stay close to me,” I told her as I took her hand and walked up to Cam’s front door, banging on it. I didn’t trust people in this area.
The door opened a few minutes later and Kyle stood there with his hair ruffled and his glasses perched on his nose. I’d bought those for him last time he had an eye test, which I’d taken him to since his mother had decided she couldn’t be bothered. Kyle was the smart one and I tried to help him as much as I could. He didn’t need to end up staying in this shithole for the rest of his life. I wanted more for him and Cam’s other kids.
“Shouldn’t you be in bed?” I asked.
“Can’t sleep with Mum shouting,” he told me, shrugging as he stepped back to allow me and Jen in.
“Where is she?”
“Kitchen.”
He eyed Jen for a moment as he shut the door behind us. I didn’t need to ask where his mum was because I could hear her scre
aming. I sighed.
“Are the girls and Kayden okay?”
“Yeah, they’re in bed.”
“And Billy?”
Kyle shrugged. It didn’t surprise me Cam’s eldest was a no show. He was likely hanging out with the older kids and getting in trouble yet again.
“All right, upstairs with you, okay? I’ll sort your mum and Sid out.”
He nodded, glancing at Jen again before ambling off towards the stairs. If we stayed the night, I’d introduce her to the kids tomorrow. Right now, I had more important things to do.
Jen was still clutching my hand as we moved along the hallway and into the kitchen. There we found Sid and Cam going at it.
“Stay here,” I told Jen, letting go of her hand.
I glanced back, finding her wide eyed and a little trepidation in her expression. I knew I shouldn’t fucking well have brought her here. Who knew what she thought about me knowing I came from this bullshit. Turning back, I found Cam and Sid had quietened and were staring at me.
“What the fuck, Cam? Why is he here?” Sid grunted.
“I’ve warned you not to come around and get in my sister’s face on several occasions,” I replied, walking over to him. “Why are you here?”
“I want my girls.”
“And why is that?”
“You think they deserve to live in this fucking dump? She don’t even look after them properly. Their clothes barely fucking fit them.”
I clenched my fists. Yeah, Cam might not give the girls everything they needed, but they were better off with her than Sid any day.
“And what, Sid? You think you can do better?”
He puffed his chest up which was laughable considering he was at least a head shorter than me.
“Yeah, I do.”
“How about you go take it up with the courts? You know as well as I do she has full custody. You can barely hold a job down let alone look after three girls. Cam’s trying, but you, you just piss away all your dole money on whatever high you’re chasing.”
Yeah, the reason I’d told Cam to kick Sid to the curb happened to be because he was a fucking drug addict. The piece of shit didn’t deserve to see his daughters let alone have them full time. It was clear he hadn’t kicked his habit. His eyes were glassy and he kept scratching his arm where he had several scars from all the heroin he kept shooting up.
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