by Laura Lee
I winced. “I deserved that. If you still want me out of your life after I’m done, I’ll go. Please, I just need you to listen.”
She glared. “Fine. Talk.”
“I know you’re angry, as you should be. And I know you’re hurt, but there’s a reason why I said those horrible things to you.”
Her fists clenched at her side. “Don’t assume to know what I’m thinking or feeling. You don’t know me.”
I held my hands up. “I beg to differ, but that’s a conversation for another time.”
“Assuming there will be another time,” she scoffed.
I continued, despite her jab. “When I got back from Maui, my father paid me a visit.”
She frowned. “So?”
“So... he said some things. He knew about us—I don’t know who his source is, but he obviously has someone feeding him information.”
Her jaw dropped. “How could that be? We were careful not to get caught.”
I shrugged. “Not careful enough, apparently. He accused me of being distracted... that maybe if I wasn’t so consumed by you, I would’ve known something was off with Henry Landers. That maybe I could’ve somehow prevented this. He made a pretty convincing argument.”
Quinn rolled her eyes. “That’s a bunch of crap. The odds of that are so low, it’s ridiculous to even think it.”
I gave her a sad smile. “I know that, now. But at the time... there was so much going on at once, I didn’t... I guess you could say I was blinded by the need for my father’s approval. I know he can be an asshole, but he was always a brilliant businessman. If he approved of how I was running the company, I knew I was on the right track. Conversely, if he didn’t... well, that’s what led to my decision to shut you out. Plus, he threatened to petition the board, calling for my termination, if I didn’t clean up the mess as fast as possible.”
“He can’t do that.”
I shook my head. “The hell he can’t. They take every word that leaves his mouth as scripture. He may be retired, but he’s never truly left the company. You know that, Quinn.”
She lowered her gaze. “It doesn’t matter, Ronan. You could’ve just told me this—we could’ve figured it out together. But instead, you made the choice to push me out of your life, in the cruelest way possible.”
“I know, but—”
She held her hand up. “There’s nothing more to say.”
The fuck there wasn’t.
“Don’t go to Chicago.”
Her eyes widened. “How do you know about Chicago?”
Shit. I didn’t think about that part. I didn’t want to get her friend in trouble, but how else could I explain it?
“Does it matter?” I hedged. “What matters is that you shouldn’t go. You’d be miserable. Onyx’s CEO is an even bigger prick than I am, and your talent would be wasted there! Don’t go.”
She shook her head. “You don’t get a say in the matter.”
“Look, I know I don’t, but...” I reached for her but thought better of it when she flinched. “Can you honestly say that you’d be happy there? There’s no ocean. It’s below freezing during the winter. Your best friends live here. Your parents live here. Take me completely out of the equation and name one good reason why you should move there.”
Quinn nibbled her lip, like she always did when she was deep in thought. “Because... it’s time to make a fresh start and I can’t do that here.”
“You want a fresh start? Fine. Come work in finance. We have an opening and it’s completely different from what you’ve been doing.”
Her jaw dropped. “You’re joking, right? I can’t go back there. Nobody would take me seriously—especially now that people know that we were... sleeping together.”
“That’s bullshit,” I argued. “Anyone can see how damn competent you are and that’s all that matters. Nobody would question why you got the job. You’re a goddamn genius with numbers. Literally! Anyone who can’t see that can fuck off.”
“You don’t get it, Ronan. They wouldn’t question you, but I don’t have that luxury.”
“That’s not true and you know it. You know more than anyone how hard I work to prove myself daily and you know exactly why. Fuck, we were just talking about it two minutes ago!” I ran my hands through my hair. “You don’t want the finance job, fine. Come back to your old position. Just come back to me.”
Her tears fell freely now. “I can’t.”
“Why the hell not?”
She looked me right in the eye as she stabbed me in the heart. “Because I don’t trust you.”
“Quinn, I—”
She wiped tears away as she made her way to the door. As she opened it, she said, “Please, just go, Ronan. If you ever had any real feelings for me, you wouldn’t fight me on this.”
I stepped outside, trying to think of a way to get through to her. There was only one thing I could think of that might work. This wasn’t how I’d wanted to tell her, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
“I love you, Quinn. I don’t want to be without you. Please, just give me a chance to prove it.”
Her eyes shot to mine. “Actions speak louder than words, Ronan. If you truly love me, then respect my wishes and walk away. I don’t want you in my life anymore.”
Well, fuck.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
QUINN
“I can’t believe you’re leaving!” Antonio cried.
“Me neither.” Sylvie sniffled as she pulled me into a hug. “Bitch, you’d better Skype us all the time.”
“I will. I promise.”
They both insisted on driving me to the airport and following me inside, dragging out our goodbyes as long as possible. Since I didn’t know when I’d be able to see them next, I was soaking it up.
Sylvie dabbed at her tears. “Don’t worry about the house. We’ll try not to break anything.”
I chuckled. “Thank you.”
I had decided to keep my house as a rental, but with only two weeks to prepare for my move, I hadn’t had much time to pack. I’d hired a property management firm to deal with tenants and such, but I still had a bunch of personal belongings that I needed to clear out. Since I didn’t have a permanent place in Chicago yet, I decided to put my things into storage for now, which Antonio and Sylvie so graciously insisted on doing for me. Once I found an apartment, I could hire movers to bring everything to me.
Antonio hugged me once more but didn’t let go when he pulled back. “Have you heard from him?”
I shook my head. “No. He’s honoring my wishes.”
He gave me a sad smile. “It’s not too late, you know. He’s miserable without you—he’s not even trying to hide it these days. Do you know he’s gone through fifteen temps in the month that you’ve been gone? He’s even asked about you, like he’s willing to eat any morsel that I throw at him. It’s gotta be killing him that he has to resort to that.”
It was practically killing me being away from him. I felt like I couldn’t breathe anytime I thought about Ronan, which was pretty much all the time. I couldn’t stop replaying his words, wondering if he’d spoken the truth. Deep down, I knew he meant them—you couldn’t fake the connection we had—but that didn’t erase all the pain that he’d caused.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “It is too late. I don’t know if I can ever forgive him and I can’t be here when everything reminds me of us. I need a fresh start.” I checked the time on my phone. “I need to get to my gate. They’re boarding in ten minutes. I love you guys.”
“Love you,” they both said in unison.
***
During the flight, I tried thinking of anything but Ronan but failed miserably. I was reading a book by Julia Wolf, which probably made matters worse, but I was so sucked into it, I couldn’t stop. The woman in the story took a summer job working for a rock star. The guy was a complete asshole and they hated each other’s guts, but their chemistry was explosive. When I got to this really hot scene involving the bunk
on their tour bus, I couldn’t help but notice how this work of fiction so closely resembled my reality. How her boss was the only man capable of lighting her on fire—in and out of the bedroom—like mine did. The only difference was, they got their happily ever after and I didn’t.
When I stepped off the plane, I thought I was seeing things. I was so surprised I halted mid-stride, causing a pileup on the gangway behind me. Ronan was standing just outside of the door, eyes anxiously scanning the ramp before they landed on mine.
What the hell?
As I made my way up to him, Ronan beckoned me off to the side so we weren’t causing a human traffic jam.
“Wha...” I shook my head and tried again. “What are you doing here?”
“I couldn’t let you go through with this without giving it one more try.”
“Ronan...” I sighed. “How did you even know where to find me?”
He gave me a small smile. “I may have bribed your friend to give up your flight information. I took the one right before yours so I would be here when you arrived.”
“Sylvie?”
He shook his head. “No, the other one.”
Damn it, Antonio!
As irritated as I was with my meddling friend, I couldn’t deny the sliver of happiness that had hit me when I’d first seen Ronan. At least until my brain had registered how terrible he looked. He’d visibly lost weight and dark circles were carved beneath his eyes. The sparkle in his baby blues and the self-assuredness that was inherently part of him were nowhere to be found. He seemed... lost, maybe even a little scared, and that made my heart hurt worse than it ever had.
Ronan cleared his throat. “I was hoping the fact that I came all this way would convince you to have coffee with me. We don’t even have to talk about what happened if you don’t want to. I’d be happy just sitting with you for a little while... hearing your voice. Christ, I just need to be near you, Quinn. I miss you so goddamn much.”
The tremble at the end of his last sentence was nearly my undoing. Ronan Maxwell could maintain a stony façade better than anyone I had ever met. If he didn’t want you to see his emotions, there was nothing that could break through his impenetrable wall. Right now, he seemed to be wearing his heart on his sleeve and if I wasn’t mistaken, it was just as battered and bruised as mine.
I nodded. “I could do coffee, but I need to grab my luggage before they send it to the land of unclaimed suitcases.”
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Sounds like a plan. Luggage first, then coffee.” He nodded to my carry-on. “May I?”
“Uh, sure. Thanks.”
I handed my bag over and started walking toward the baggage claim area. Since this damn airport was practically a city in itself, it took quite a few minutes to get there. As if we both sensed small talk would be useless, we walked in silence as we weaved through the thick crowd of people. At one point, to narrowly avoid crashing into someone, Ronan grabbed my elbow and pulled me into him. My body lit up at his touch and I had to remind myself that things were not okay between us. He mumbled an apology after awkwardly relinquishing his hold, and we continued our trek with a few extra inches of space between us.
I pointed to my suitcase. “There it is.”
Ronan stepped forward and grabbed my bag off the conveyor belt. “Did you really think I’d miss this thing? You could see it from space.” He gave me a full-on smile this time which caused me to reciprocate. The expression felt foreign, almost, but nice.
“It’s not that bad,” I mumbled, rolling my eyes.
Okay, it was that bad. Ronan had given me shit about it every single time we’d traveled together. A few years ago, I had purchased a set of hard-shell fluorescent yellow suitcases. I’d always hated playing the game of, Is this my bag? Nope! amongst the sea of black luggage, and this had solved that problem. There was no way you could miss it unless you were completely blind.
Ronan’s eyes danced with amusement. “Sure, sweetheart, let’s go with that.” His eyes widened briefly as he seemed to realize what he’d said, but he appeared to brush it off. “So... coffee?”
“You don’t need to grab your suitcase?”
He lifted his carry-on higher on his shoulder. “This is it. I, uh, wasn’t expecting to stay long.”
“Right.” Why would he? I tamped down the disappointment and pointed to the coffee stand down the way. “That work for you?”
“Sure.” He nodded. “Unless... you’d like to go somewhere else. Somewhere outside of the airport?”
He looked so hopeful, but I couldn’t let that get to me. This man had gutted me and despite how easy it would be to fall back into old routines, I had to protect my heart the best I could.
I bit my lip. “Actually, I think staying here would be better. We could take a seat over by the windows.”
Ronan and I ordered our coffees and commandeered a couple of faux leather chairs that were perched beneath an escalator. This was probably one of the least private places we could have this discussion, but I needed that. I didn’t trust myself to be alone with this man.
Ronan inhaled a shaky breath. “You’re in charge here, Quinn. You tell me what is and is not okay to talk about.”
God, I hated this awkwardness. Ronan and I had had our ups and downs over the years, but one thing we never were was awkward.
I shrugged. “We might as well get it all out there. Go ahead.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “You sure about that?”
Not at all, I thought, but I nodded anyway.
He set his cup down and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I can’t stand going into work every day, knowing you’re not there. Every morning, I’m reminded of how badly I fucked up. Every time a temp quits, I’m reminded of how much of an asshole I really am and how you must’ve been a saint for putting up with me.”
I snorted. “I’m hardly a saint. I imagined doing very violent things to you many, many times.”
Ronan’s lips turned up. “Be that as it may... what really gets me is that I’m the reason your career trajectory has taken a nosedive. You’re too fucking smart and have too much knowledge of the industry to take this internship with Onyx. I can’t stand the thought of you working for them—not only for my ego, but because they won’t appreciate what they have. You won’t be given the opportunities for growth like you would’ve had before.”
I also wouldn’t have to see the man who broke my heart every day.
I shook my head. “Ronan, I can’t—”
He held his hand up. “Hold on, I’m not done. If you won’t come back as my EA, we can transfer you somewhere else. I was serious about that. We can even put you somewhere where you wouldn’t have any interactions with me. You tell me where, and I’ll make it happen. I know I hurt you and I know you’re gun shy because of that, but please, think of this from a business standpoint. If you take this internship, you’re taking ten steps backward.”
He rubbed a hand over his weary face. “Hell, if you won’t come back to Maxwell, I’ll write you the best goddamn recommendation letter known to man so you can get something else that will actually challenge you. Something worthy of your skillset. You’ll be bored out of your goddamn mind at Onyx, Quinn. You have to know that.”
I did know that. I didn’t even want the damn job—I’d accepted the position at a particularly weak moment and felt that I had to stick it out. I wasn’t going to leave Onyx hanging after I’d already accepted their offer. Plus, I really did feel that a new city would give me a fresh start.
I sighed. “Ronan, you didn’t just hurt me. I was devastated and... confused. I thought we found something really special in Hawaii and you smashed that to pieces. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for being so callous... for making me feel so foolish.”
He winced. “We did find something special. Better than any fucking thing in my life. I couldn’t possibly regret anything more than I regret my behavior that day.”
“I accepted the position with Onyx a
nd I’m going to see it through. I’m sorry, Ronan, but... I just can’t handle anything else right now.” The pure sorrow on his face gave me pause, but I found the strength to stand up and reach for my bag.
Ronan stood with me. “Quinn—”
I shook my head, and lifted myself up on my toes, placing a soft kiss against his jaw. His sharp intake of breath almost made me cave. “Goodbye, Ronan.”
I didn’t risk looking back as I made my way outside to hail a cab, but I could feel his eyes on me the entire time.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
RONAN
It had been exactly four weeks since Quinn had left me standing in a Chicago airport with a gaping hole in my heart. I had come back to L.A., convincing myself that she just needed more time. That she would realize she felt this same level of emptiness—that I was the only person who could fill that void. Any remaining hope that I may have had was squashed when I drove past her house on my way to work this morning. There was a “For Sale” sign posted on her front lawn with a bright blue SOLD sticker.
Quinn’s friend, Antonio, was serving as my temporary EA since he was the only person still willing to put up with me. Over the last few weeks, he had been feeding me little bits and pieces about her. I wasn’t sure she knew he was doing so, but I would take anything I could get, regardless of how much my ego hated being reduced to this. When I asked him why she was no longer planning to rent out her house—he’d given me that information as well—Antonio said that a buyer offered her well above market value and she couldn’t say no.
Since Quinn Montgomery had walked out of my life, I was a wreck. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. The only thing I could somehow manage was work—burying myself in business was the only thing that gave me enough purpose to get out of bed in the morning. I had over a hundred thousand employees relying on me and I refused to let my personal mistakes affect their livelihoods. Although, as the temp agency that blackballed us would tell you, I wasn’t the easiest person to get along with these days.