The Shattered Mirror (Winter's Blight Book 4)

by M. C. Aquila

  Finally Lonan stopped and said, “I mentioned this yesterday, how your Unseelie heritage may be causing irregularities. On that line of thought, it is common for the Unseelies, even those mature and experienced with their magic, to struggle with control. That must be the cause.”

  Pushing her hair back with a groan, Deirdre asked, “So I’ll have trouble with it forever?”

  “Every single faery has some struggle with his or her magic. Nothing in this dying world is perfect, including the relationship between Noble faeries and their magic.”

  “Even the king and queen?”

  “Aye. I do not see any reason why your particular struggle, though a unique one, should be an absolute obstacle.”

  Deirdre glanced again at the magic cloth catching the light in the distance. The sour feeling of jealousy was still there but mostly replaced with an unsure longing that made her voice tremble as she said, “I’m ready to try again.”

  As they went to the training ground for that day, Lonan asked her questions to gauge how well she could sense Shadow Magic around her. He applauded her for her progress but gently mentioned how sensing the magic alone was only the first step. To be able to wield it again, the magic must fully accept her.

  “We’ll focus on that today,” he said as they reached the edge of the forest, the trees coming to an abrupt halt.

  Yards away, down a sloped, stony path, was an ancient Romanesque stone gate, connected to a bridge reaching across a mighty, dark chasm. It was halfway down a ravine, bordered by cliffs. The land was wild and rugged, surrounded by dark, thick pine trees, but the chasm was bare, dark stone, jagged and sharp like gigantic fangs.

  And it was quiet. As opposed to the woods, where there were constantly animals and faeries, large and small, moving about and present, the only sound was the wind, howling and whistling in the small canyon below.

  But she sensed a great amount of Shadow Magic everywhere, especially under the gate, under the bridge, and in the crevices beneath it. However, it was wild and restless. Shadow Magic usually felt like velvet and made her think of the night sky reflected on a calm pond, but this time it felt like sleet and conjured images of raging pitch-black oceans.

  “This entire space was carved out in a fight between Nikias and the previous captain of the guard,” Lonan said, gesturing at the rocky, dusty landscape surrounding them. “The previous captain turned Unseelie and tried to murder the prince. Nikias crushed the captain within minutes.” He smiled crookedly. “No one questioned it when Nikias took his place.”

  Deirdre let out a nervous chuckle. “So is that why everything feels so unstable here?”

  “Aye. The area is new, and the magic from that vicious battle remains. It will sort itself out in time, but for now, this is one of the more dangerous areas of the realm, though the Shadow Magic will keep us from harm if we rely on it.”

  Lonan raised his hands, splaying his palms as a shadow snaked through his fingers. Deirdre’s breath caught in her throat as he summoned forth a shadow, shaped like a cloud, then like a horse, and then like a flower. It reminded her of the first time she used Shadow Magic during the daytime, and tears sprang to her eyes.

  “I’m going to pass this to you,” Lonan said, stepping toward her. “I want you to try to catch it. Trust that the magic will come to you, if you ask for it.”

  Deirdre let out a shaky breath, nodded, and raised her hands, mirroring him. The shadow danced on the air toward her, and she held her breath. Just before it landed on her fingers, for a wild moment, she felt like her hands were jabbed full of needles, like the tubes that had sucked her magic away in the first place—

  She instinctively drew her hands back, and the shadow fell to the ground, disappearing.

  “We’ll try again, as many times as it takes,” Lonan said with no urgency or impatience in his voice as he summoned another shadow. “What happened?”

  “I-I got scared. But I’m fine.” She rubbed her hands again, checking for wounds, then readied herself.

  Don’t think about that… place. Don’t think about Alan or any of that—

  She was so focused on those thoughts that the magic slipped right through her fingers.

  They had tried nearly two dozen times as the sky grew brighter and morning waned. There was more movement in the woods and land around them as faeries stirred and began going about their day.

  “Why don’t we take a small break?” Lonan asked after another shadow fell to the ground.

  But Deirdre, who had turned away to kick a few rocks furiously, returned and insisted, “One more time!”

  As he created another shadow, she scolded herself, Just stay calm and don’t think about anything other than the shadow and the magic there. Just relax. Just relax!

  As the shadow floated down toward her, she exhaled and reached for it with shaking fingers, willing it to come to her. Just listen to me—I’m not scared or angry or anything, okay? So just listen!

  She gasped as the magic rested on her palm instead of slipping through like before. It was firm and silky soft, just like she remembered. But then the feeling vanished as the shadow rippled and dribbled down like water through her fingers.

  “No!”

  The moment she clenched her hand desperately, something sharp bit her palm, and she cried out. The magic vanished, leaving behind a bleeding red cut across her palm.

  “I was so close…” She turned away from Lonan, hanging her head and holding her wound to her chest, not wanting to show it to him. She was suddenly cold and trembling.

  “Deirdre, let—”

  “Leave it alone!” She hunched over, clutching her hand tighter. “It’s fine—just leave me alone for a moment.”

  In a lower voice, Lonan asked, “Are you afraid of losing control?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know!” Turning, she looked at him and held out her bleeding palm. “Is that why this is so hard? Or is it because I’m part Unseelie maybe? Is that why—” She clenched her wrist hard, willing her hands to stop trembling. “Is that why I’m so scared?”

  Lonan didn’t reply, taking out a thin, gossamer cloth from a small pack on his belt. He took her hand and carefully wrapped the cooling and soothing bandage around the wound. After he was done, he looked her in the eyes, his expression slightly stern, making her hang her head.

  “First, your control may improve when you receive your drachma. However, drachmas are mysterious, and how they will work for each faery cannot be truly predicted, so I can make no promises.

  “Second, you must remember that magic is a power. It is like the power of the sun—it can nurture or burn or kill. For all faeries, there will always be danger.” He let go of her hand and gestured to the wild landscape around them. “Nikias successfully used his magical power to defeat the Unseelie traitor and protect the prince. But in the fight that happened here, the land was damaged. Plants and animals and even some faeries were killed.”

  He turned back to her, folding his arms. “If this is a power you truly do not want, then there is no need to put yourself through this. No one can force you to reconnect with and reclaim your magic. This choice is yours alone.”

  Deirdre opened her mouth to object, to say she did want her magic back—why else would she have come here? Why else would she stay, especially since her own mother rejected her, dashing her hopes of finding a warm, welcoming family to take her back in?

  However, as she thought back, with the pain still throbbing in her fist, only memories of fear and pain came to her. She tried to dig through them and find the good memories, but the only thing she could envision was the inside of that truck, the feeling of needles plunging into her wrists, and the sound of the machine stealing her magic away as Alan stood over her.

  Even if I get my magic back, Alan could just take it away, all away, again.

  “Deirdre!”

  She turned, her mouth falling open to see Iain racing around the corner down the path, grinning at her, though he looked a little dirty and flus
tered. But as he neared, taking in her slumped shoulders, bandaged hand, and unsmiling face, he stepped close and placed a hand on her shoulder, asking, “What’s wrong?” He glanced at Lonan, frowning. “I’m sorry I’m late. I had to find my way here without a guide. But I managed.”

  “So you did.” Lonan’s voice was oddly cold.

  “I-I don’t know if I should get my magic back, Iain.” She grabbed his hand, unable to meet his gaze but holding on as if to a lifeline.

  “Is progress slow?”

  She looked at Lonan. “Lonan’s a great teacher—even sensing magic again, I couldn’t have dreamed of doing that, just a couple of days ago. But I just…” She gulped, shutting her eyes. “I wanted to get it back, but now I’m”—she lowered her voice to a whisper—“scared.”

  “Deirdre, you’re not thinking of giving up, are you?” Iain asked, leaning forward so their eyes met.

  “Yes. No.” She met his gaze. “Why shouldn’t I? Just think of all the times I’ve lost control—what good did my magic do, in the end?”

  He was quiet for a second, quickly looking at Lonan, then at Deirdre’s hand still on his. “Deirdre, your magic has done so much for us—for me. We would have been killed by that Fachan if it wasn’t for you. And Boyd—he would have killed me in the cave. Then you found us that castle so we wouldn’t spend the night in a gnome-infested house again.”

  “There was a Red Cap in the castle,” Deirdre muttered.

  “Yes, and a grumpy old man too.” When Deirdre let out a small chuckle, Iain went on, “And I remember that morning—after you really clicked with your Shadow Magic, remember? That was…” His eyes shone at the memory, his smile soft. “That was the happiest I’d ever seen you. And at the festival, you helped so many people with your magic. Deirdre…

  “Your magic is something I-I am very fond of, about you, as something you have.” He coughed but straightened and went on more confidently, “What about you? Do you love it?”

  Deirdre shut her eyes and let the tears fall. “I do. I do! That’s why I don’t want to lose it again.”

  “You won’t,” Lonan said clearly, stepping toward her. “Deirdre, as long as you are with your family and with this Court, you will never have to fear that again.” Then he gave her a small but firm smile. “After all, a blessing like magic is worth any fear, is it not?”

  Wiping her eyes, Deirdre slowly nodded. “Let’s try again, one more time.”

  “Of course.”

  As he called forth another shadow, she stepped back so she was standing beside Iain and held out her hand to him, saying, “I remember—at the festival, you being there helped me control it, so I think this will help.”

  Immediately he took her hand. “I’m right here, Deirdre.”

  Holding out her free hand toward Lonan, she shut her eyes and let out a deep sigh. She could sense the magic floating from Lonan and drifting in her direction.

  I’m sorry I’ve been away. I am still scared, I’ll admit. She smiled. I’ve never been perfect when it comes to you—and maybe I never will be. But remember me. And don’t leave me again, please.

  The magic landed like velvet again in her palm, and she scooped it up, threading it around and over her fingers. At first she was shaking as she spun it through the air, holding her breath. But when Iain squeezed her hand lightly, she relaxed and asked the magic to cast the shadow of a rose. After it obeyed, she had it cast shadows of other things, playing with it, seeing how much she could do. Soon she was giggling in relief as she even got the magic to cast the shadow of a small pony that galloped around them, kicking out its heels.

  As she willed it to return to her, she gasped as the magic soaked right in through her skin, vanishing from sight. But she could feel it beginning to fill her, as if she was parched and had taken her first drink of delicious spring water.

  “You did it!” Lonan actually clapped his hands together, beaming. “It returned—I can sense the magic inside you, like it should be.”

  Deirdre laughed, then ran forward and hugged him. He was startled but embraced her, letting out a small, surprised chuckle.

  “Thank you!” She stepped back from him, wiping happy tears from her eyes, then she ran to Iain, taking him by surprise and hugging him as well, the both of them laughing.

  Then suddenly everything froze as he hugged her back. Her eyes flew open, and suddenly she was enormously aware of the fact that they were holding each other, closer than they’d ever been in their lives. She was suddenly so very aware of Iain—the vibration of his laughter against her, the strength of his arms, and even his smell.

  People have smells? Why am I noticing his smell? Does that mean I have a smell—and he’s noticing it too?

  Her cheeks burning, she quickly stepped back—this didn’t damper Iain’s spirits, and he was saying something happily as they stood close and still were holding one hand. All Deirdre noticed was his hand holding hers, wondering when it would stop and if she ever wanted it to stop—

  “Young human!”

  He let go and turned as a small young Noble faery came into view on the cliff. The faery yawned and shook his head sleepily before saying, “The knight Cai and Lord Nikias request your presence at the training grounds of the Eniad. I shall lead you. Make haste!”

  “Right.” Iain looked back at her. “If that’s okay, of course? It looks like you’re getting the hang of it for now, yeah?”

  “Of course!” Deirdre forced a smile, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Why wouldn’t it be all right? We’re good! We’ll be fine. I mean, thank you—thank you for helping me do this.” She stiffly waved, forcing her smile to widen, even as she looked down, her cheeks burning again from looking into his eyes. “I’ll see you later!”

  “Uh, right then!”

  Lonan halted him before he left, saying, “I do not doubt the validity of this request, exactly, but I would caution you to stay away from the training grounds. My daughters have told me you were once a soldier in the Iron Guard; however, soldier or not, the training grounds are for faeries. Humans could simply not keep up.”

  Iain squared his shoulders but nodded. “Thank you,” he said quietly. “I will keep that in mind.”

  As Iain hurried off down the road, Deirdre watched him go, leaning to keep him in sight as long as possible. “He’s pretty tall, isn’t he?”

  “Yes.” She jumped to see Lonan was standing right beside her, looking at her with a raised brow. “I suppose he must be an honorable human to be invited to train with the Eniad. You’ve known him just the past few weeks?”

  “Yes. I probably mentioned him some yesterday. At first he thought my magic was dangerous and I was dangerous”—she giggled—“but I can’t blame him! But even then, I really knew how much he cared about his brother, and when we ran into Alvey, he was patient with her, though I don’t know if he ever realized she had a crush on him. She had such a big crush on him, she may still like him, I’m not sure. But she would go on and on about his hair and”—she snorted—“muscles and… smell…”

  Suddenly she sobered, thinking of what had just happened.

  “Is something wrong, Deirdre?” Lonan asked, folding his arms.

  “Uhh, um…” Deirdre turned away, shifting on her feet and scratching her cheek. “Um, I don’t know. Um…”

  Does this mean I… like… No! I mean, when the girls at the orphanage got crushes, they went crazy! Always talking about what their weddings would be like and how they’d get married immediately and have kids with silly names and dumb things like that! Deirdre frowned and admitted, Though they were just around thirteen. I’m seventeen, so… but I don’t know anything about this stuff!

  “What was it like when you met Sybil?” she asked, turning toward Lonan. “I mean, um, when you first knew you liked her?”

  Lonan rubbed his chin thoughtfully, eyes distant. “Ours was an unusual case. She is such a beautiful woman, inside and out… The moment I first saw her, I knew. Although I had been sent to end her life by t
he Winter King, I knew I would sooner die. It all started then. I had always had more of an eye for beauty than most Unseelie, but…”

  He looked up at the sunlight on the clouds; everything about him softened, as if he was looking right at his wife. “I knew I was seeing the most beautiful faery who ever lived. I could not ignore that. It all started then.”

  Deirdre folded her arms, pursing her lips. But I felt absolutely nothing the first time I saw Iain…

  “I am happy to share more about this, as it is closely connected to how I became Seelie,” Lonan said, turning toward her. But the smile in his eyes faded as he asked, “But may I ask, why the sudden interest?”

  “Well, I mean…” She looked away, bouncing back and forth on her heels. “You are my parents, right? So yeah.”

  “Ah. But, Deirdre?”

  She smiled back at him. “Hm?”

  “There isn’t anyone you fancy, is there?” he asked, arching an eyebrow, arms crossed again.

  “I…” The words died on her lips, and she glanced back down the path, hoping to glimpse Iain one last time as he left. And when he was already out of sight, the disappointment was greater than anything she could have predicted. “I think… there is.”

  Chapter Twelve

  James awoke as the pale dawn arrived, and despite the warm weather and the comfortable hammock, his body was numb and tense. When he sat up, Cecil’s book toppled off his chest to the ground. Beside him, his sleeping brother stirred at the sound but did not wake.

  Cai was still snoring by the fire with his chin resting on his chest. Mum was asleep in the hammock, but Deirdre was gone. Thinking of her, he pushed down the pang of dejection and the ache that felt like his throat were going to burst, thinking instead of what he might learn today. He distanced himself from their conversation, from the boy who felt like he was endlessly falling.

  Quietly he gathered his book and shoved it into his backpack, shouldering it. After a quick trip to the river to wash his face and change his clothes, he headed back through camp and toward the forest. Cai was awake and tending to the fire, and when he spotted James returning, he stood and stretched his back with a groan.