by Cat Carmine
“Ohhhh.” I got this. “Well, guess what? Uncle Logan’s place is a certified bum-scratching zone. So scratch away.”
She gives it a good scratch while Jack dissolves into laughter. Suddenly, I’m feeling much better about my ability to look after these kids. It’s not really so hard — somewhere in there, I vaguely remember what it was like to be a kid. To not feel like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders.
“Okay — who wants pizza for dinner?”
“Meeeeee!” shriek two very enthusiastic children.
“Me, too. So, let’s get some delivered, and then we’ll see if we can rent a movie, maybe …”
“Frozen!” Daisy volunteers. Jack rolls his eyes.
“Well, you know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that one.” I scratch my chin. “Is it any good?”
“It’s the best!” Daisy twirls around, her earlier horror and itchy bum forgotten already. Jack doesn’t seem as convinced.
“How about this — we’ll get two movies. Frozen, and the new Star Wars movie. Think that would look good on this screen?”
“Yes!” He fist bumps me. I’ve never felt cooler in my life.
“Let’s get this party started, then. Um, Daisy, you might want to go wash your hands. Actually, why don’t we all go do that?”
That night, after I tuck Jack and Daisy into the guest bedroom, I lie awake, staring at my bedroom ceiling. Despite getting off to a rocky start, the evening turned out to be pretty fun. Sure, I would have rather been eating rack of lamb than plain cheese pizza from Toni Pepperoni. But that was a pretty small sacrifice for those two little people.
Now that I’m alone in my room again, though, I find myself replaying Heather’s words. Stunted. Is that how she sees me? I would have said I did a good job of moving on from Laura’s death, at least from the outside. After all, I’m rich, successful, driven. My social calendar is never lacking, and the revolving door to my bedroom rarely gets a rest. Is that what stunted looks like?
Leave it to Heather to cut right in there, to make me question everything I’m doing.
But it isn’t just my sister’s words that keep me from sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see Blake again. For just a second, I let myself entertain the idea of what it would be like to have her here in my bed, sleeping next to me. Her blonde hair spilled out over my pillow. Her warm curves pressed up against me, her body naked under my sheets.
I don’t think I sleep a wink.
Fourteen
With no Logan in the office, I drink crappy coffee from the convenience store in the lobby of the building next door and throw myself headfirst into that stupid scanning project he’d left me with. Work sucks, but at least it’s Friday. I’ve even taken the liberty of wearing a sundress and a pair of blindingly white Keds to the office. What the hell, right? It’s not like Logan’s here to care what I wear.
I’ve got my headphones in and am rocking away to some peppy Brit pop when I feel it. Him. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like a shift in the air, a change in the atmospheric pressure. I feel hot and cold all at once. I turn around in my seat, praying that I’m wrong.
But instead of Logan, I see a little boy. He’s running, but cruises to a quick stop in front of my desk. He’s six or seven, maybe, with a mop of dark hair that falls down over his eyes. He stares at me in surprise, and then pivots and tears off around the corner, from the way he came.
I push my chair back and follow him. That’s when I come face to face with Logan Cartwright. Or, actually, make that face to solar plexus. I slam into him, banging my nose against his rock-hard chest.
“Ow!” I take a step back, my eyes already watering. It hurts too much to even be embarrassed.
“Shit. Sorry. Are you okay?” He reaches for my chin, tipping my head back so he can examine my face. Suddenly, I forget all about the pain and the embarrassment. All I can feel are his fingers, pressing lightly against the soft spot under my chin. His skin is warm, his touch gentle. I want him to slide those fingers through my hair again, the way he did the other day in his office. I want him to cup my cheek, to tug his thumb over my bottom lip.
I swallow and take another step backwards. “I’m fine. Thank you. And sorry.”
“It’s my fault. I’m completely distracted. Have you seen Jack?”
“Jack?”
“My nephew. He’s six, about this high,” he holds his hand up near his waist, “and in desperate need of a haircut.”
“Right. Yes, I saw him. He went that way.” I point back behind Logan. His nephew. That makes sense. “I thought you were in Canada.”
“I flew back into town yesterday. I’ve got the kids for the weekend.”
“I see. So you figured, what, you’d just take them to work with you?”
He groans, running his hand through his hair. “That wasn’t the plan. We had a whole bunch of stuff we were going to do today. Unfortunately, there’s a client emergency that needs my attention.”
“Oh.” We stand in silence for a minute. Why does this feel so damn awkward? “Nothing serious, I hope.”
“No, no. Just need to talk down an antsy supplier. Sometimes they need a little face-time with the CEO.”
“Gotcha.” Ugh. This is painful. I pull my hair over my shoulder and twist it, just to have something to do with my hands. Logan’s eyes move to my fingers, watching me.
Finally, he shakes his head, as if clearing it. “I need you to take Jack and Daisy.”
I let go of the long blonde twist. “I’m sorry?”
“I need you to take them for the day. Well, at least until I get this resolved.”
“I don’t ...” I blink up at him. “Kids aren’t part of my job description.”
“You’re my personal assistant. Everything is in your job description. Come with me.”
The way he says everything does something funny to my stomach, but as he turns on his heel, I have no choice but to scamper down the hall behind him.
We find Jack in his office, racing circles around Logan’s massive desk. The girl who must be Daisy is swiveling in the leather executive chair.
“Hey buddy, there you are. Jack, Daisy, this is Miss Holloway. How’d you guys like to hang out with her for the day?”
Jack looks about as impressed with the idea as I am. Daisy’s lower lip is pushed out, and she’s hugging a raggedy stuffed sheep to her chest. What the fuck am I going to do with two kids I don’t even know?
Logan takes Jack by the hand and then crouches down in front of him and Daisy. “I’m really sorry, kiddos. It’s just for a few hours, okay? You’ll like Miss Holloway. You guys can go to the park and get pretzels, how’s that sound?”
Jack purses his ruby red lips. “I guess.”
Daisy just squishes her stuffed toy even harder.
I can tell they’re not happy, and I can’t say I blame them.
Logan stands up again and digs his wallet out of his jacket pocket. He hands me a wad of cash. “Whatever they want to do. Just keep them happy.”
“Fine.” I take the cash from him. “Hey Jack — do you like dinosaurs?”
Even under the mop of hair, I can see his eyes light up. “Yeah!”
“I know a place that has the best dinosaurs.” What the hell — I haven’t been to the Museum of Natural History since I was about eight years old, but I remember loving it. And it’s the best way I can think of to try to keep Jack and Daisy amused until Logan can pick them up.
“Cool!” Jack runs over to my side. His enthusiasm is actually kind of adorable. Daisy, on the other hand, looks less than impressed. Not a fan of dinosaurs, I see.
I perch on the edge of Logan’s desk and smile down at her. “Let me guess —” I put my fingers to my lips and pretend to think. “You like … butterflies.”
She nods shyly. I admit it wasn’t exactly a lucky guess — considering her pink t-shirt and leggings are both emblazoned with the things.
“Well, the same place that has the dinosaurs also has a special b
utterfly exhibit right now. What do you think about that?”
She flashes me a hesitant grin, then looks to Logan for reassurance. I can’t see him, but he must nod, because then she grins wider and nods at me.
“Excellent,” I say, decided. “Dinosaurs and butterflies. Sounds like a pretty great day to me.”
I look up and find Logan smiling at us. There’s something in his eye that sends a rush of warmth through me. When he catches me looking at him, he clears his throat.
“I’ll text you as soon as I’m done. Hopefully won’t be more than an hour or two.”
He hoists Daisy out of his chair, kisses her cheek, and sets her down. Then he ruffles Jack’s hair once. Then the kids and I are on our way.
A quick cab ride later, and we’re waltzing into the museum. Jack is off like a flash, and I have to scurry after him through the huge white halls. The kid’s as bad as his uncle. I tug poor Daisy behind me like a puppy as we rush to keep up with Jack. Now I’m glad I wore comfortable shoes today.
Jack’s eyes are as wide as tortoise shells as we wander into the hall with the tyrannosaurus skeleton. I have to say, even I’m suitably awed. There’s something about the size and scale of them that’s so humbling. Daisy clutches my hand, but her eyes miss nothing as she scopes out the room.
“Pretty neat, huh?”
“This is so much cooler than being at Uncle Logan’s place.” Jack can barely keep his mouth closed as he stares up at the skeletons in awe.
I bite back a smile at that. That’s right, Logan. I’m cooler than you are. Or, at least, these dinosaurs are. I’ll take it.
Jack stops to read one of the plaques in front of the displays. He reads it out loud, pausing long enough to make sure I’m listening, so I put on my most attentive face. God, this really is like hanging out with Logan. I nod seriously when he finishes.
“Very cool. You’re a good reader.”
Jack actually blushes. Okay, I’ll admit, the kid’s pretty cute.
We’re still wandering around the skeletons when I hear my phone chime. I fish it out of my purse and find a text message from Logan. He’s finished with whatever he had to do and offers to meet us somewhere. I pause and send him back a quick message to tell him where we are and that we’ll wait for him here.
I swear I’m not looking at my phone for more than two minutes. Two miserable minutes. But when I look up, Jack is gone.
Panic lances through me. Daisy is still pressed by my side.
“Where’s your brother?” I ask, trying to sound casual.
She shrugs.
“You didn’t see where he went? Did he go this way? Or this way?” I point to the different ends of the hall, but Daisy just shrugs again. I grab her tiny little hand and pull her with me to the other side of the T-Rex display, hoping desperately that Jack will be there, just out of sight. But when we get there, I scan for his little mop of dark hair and see nothing. My throat tightens. What was he wearing? God, I can’t even remember what he was wearing.
“Jack!” I yell his name, and it echoes through the cavernous room. Everyone’s looking at me now, some of them hugging their kids closer, as if I’m some crazy lady who might go off on them. I barely register them. My eyes scan over them only to try to pick out Jack. A blue shirt — I think he was wearing a blue shirt. Or was it green?
“Jack!” I yell again. This time, a security guard appears at my side.
“Ma’am, is everything okay?”
“No! I lost my — my boss’s nephew. I’m supposed to be watching him, and he was right here.” I’m clutching Daisy’s hand so hard she starts to cry. Or maybe it’s just the fear in my voice that’s scaring her. I try to take a deep breath as I smooth a hand over her soft, glossy hair.
“Okay, miss, just calm down. What was he wearing?”
“I don’t know!” I wail. Okay, Blake. Breathe. Stay calm. You’re going to find him. He can’t be far.
“Well, we can make an announcement over the loudspeaker, if you’d like,” the guard says. “I’m sure he’ll turn right up. This isn’t the first time a child has gone missing here. They get so excited, they just plain wander off.” His dark eyes are kind, though his face is serious. I know what he’s thinking, because I’m thinking it, too. You never know when the worst is going to happen. One minute, you’re in the Museum of Natural History, the next minute you’re in an episode of Criminal Minds and there’s a crazy guy who wants to wear your skin as a suit.
Another wave of panic washes over me. How could I have been so stupid? So irresponsible?
The security guard is staring at me expectantly, and I realize I haven’t answered him.
“Sorry, yes. Let’s go make an announcement.”
We’re just about to leave the exhibit room when a flash of blue catches my attention. I swing around and then let out a whoop of relief.
“Jack!”
He spots me. His face is nervous, but I can’t tell if it’s because he’s scared he’s in trouble or because he was actually lost and afraid. Either way, I fall to my knees and wrap him in a giant hug. His body is so small. You forget how small kids are. How fragile.
“Little dude, you scared the crap out of me.” I breathe in the scent of him. Even though I’ve never met the kid before today, there’s something disarmingly familiar and comforting about him, or maybe about the smell of kids in general. Clean and sweet and with just a hint of sweat.
“I’m sorry, Miss Holloway,” he mumbles into my hair.
I pull back, laughing, and realize at the same time that I’m crying. I hastily wipe away a tear so that he won’t see how scared I was. No need to freak the kid out. “I think you can call me Blake, how about that?”
“Okay, Blake. Where’s Daisy?”
Oh God. Not the other one, too. What is wrong with me? I spin around frantically, eyes searching for her in the crowd. Pink. She was definitely wearing pink.
“Well, aren’t you two a sight for sore eyes.”
Logan’s voice draws my attention away from my hunt. I hurriedly stand up, and fight back a sob of relief when I see Daisy clutching his hand. She must have spotted him coming towards us. I brush away another tear and paint a wide and bright smile on my face. The security guard has conveniently disappeared, for which I say a silent prayer of thanks.
“Hello. We were just ... bonding.” I shoot Jack a look, hoping he’ll read the look in my eyes. To the kid’s credit, he smiles brightly up at his uncle.
“Blake showed me the dinosaurs,” he says seriously. “And she said I could call her Blake,” he adds, as if he’s worried Logan will reprimand him for it.
“Well, that sounds pretty fun. I’m sorry I missed it. Shall we let Blake get back to work? Maybe we can get some lunch. Hungry?”
Jack pauses long enough to consider the question, then nods. Thank God. I hitch my purse up further on my shoulder. My heart has finally slowed to a normal rate, and all I want to do is get back to my desk and throw myself back into the scanning project. No one ever got murdered and had their skinned peeled like a grape while scanning paperwork. At least as far as I know.
But then Logan looks at Daisy, who bites her lip.
“What’s the matter?”
She looks from me to Logan again. “We didn’t see the butterflies yet.” I swear, from the sorrow in her eyes that you’d think we actually squashed all the butterflies.
“Oh. Well, maybe next time.”
This is clearly not the answer Daisy wanted to hear. Her lower lip starts to tremble. Logan runs an anxious hand through his hair. I realize in that moment that he’s as out of his element with the kids as I am.
“I can take her,” I blurt, before I can change my mind.
Logan looks skeptical. Daisy looks hopeful. Jack looks bored.
“It’s no problem,” I assure him. “What are assistants for, after all?”
For a second, it looks like he’s going to say something, but then he just smiles. “You know what? Let’s all go. I could use a butter
fly refresher, myself. What do you think, Jack?”
Jack shrugs, but he doesn’t seem especially opposed to the idea.
Daisy claps her hands together, her little sheep shoved up into her armpit. The look on her face is adorable enough to make my ovaries tingle. I’ve never given much thought to having kids, but you could do a lot worse than a couple of cutie pies like these two.
Still, spending family time with Logan and his niece and nephew is a little outside my comfort zone. Did I say a little? I meant an entirely different time zone. So it’s with an enormous amount of trepidation that I lead our ragtag posse to the butterfly conservatory.
Except … it turns out to not be awkward at all. Maybe because there are so many things to distract us — butterflies to exclaim over, and informational plaques to read, and patient volunteers who help the kids lure a couple of large owl butterflies to an orange slice. Daisy is so excited, she actually cries a couple of times. Forget the tingling — watching Logan hug her and wipe away her tears with the pad of his thumb makes my ovaries do the damn cha-cha.
I try to keep a close eye on Jack, but he still manages to slip out of sight once or twice. Each time, that instinctual wave of panic cuts me again. But each time, he reappears, unharmed, still wearing all his skin.
Eventually, Daisy starts to slow down, and even Jack seems to be dragging. I sneak a peek at my phone and realize with a start that it’s almost three o’clock. The poor kids are probably starving.
I nudge Logan. “I should get back to the office. And you might want to get these guys some lunch.”
He glances down at his watch, and I can tell by the expression on his face that he’s as surprised as I was to realize how much time has passed.
“Yes, good idea. What do you say, guys? Ready for some lunch?”
The kids nod enthusiastically.
I gaze down at them seriously. “It’s been a real pleasure meeting you, Jack and Daisy. I hope you two enjoy the rest of your day.”
Logan looks over at me with a frown. “Where are you going?”
“Back to the office.”
