by Mary Grand
David then raised his glass. ‘And, of course, a happy birthday to Catrin.’
They all toasted her, and seemed to relax.
Catrin blushed. ‘You didn’t have to do that,’ she said to David.
‘I think I did. So, the girls look fine. How are you?’
Their meals arrived. Catrin had chosen salmon salad. David had pasta.
‘I should be having that,’ he joked. ‘Lucky Anwen doesn’t mind about the spread.’ He tapped his stomach.
‘So, how are you now? Anwen is lovely, I really like her. Do you ever hear from Sian?’ asked Catrin.
‘She’s settled back in Carmarthen. She’s seeing someone now. Divorced, older man. Suits her. I’m glad.’
Catrin was temporarily distracted by Gareth, who asked ‘Can I borrow your phone? I’ve left mine in the car, and I need to remind someone of something.’
She handed him her handbag, and turned back to David.
‘And your Mum, Aunty Angela, is living in a bungalow now?’
‘Down the road here. It’s lovely, all new. She’s happier there than I’ve ever known her. It’s been good living by her. I feel we’ve got closer again.’
‘That’s great.’
‘Oh, and guess what? While we were sorting out the house, I found something, and Mum ended up telling me this big family secret.’
‘Really? What was that?’ Catrin sat forward, waiting.
Chapter Fourteen
David leant forward. ‘It’s about your mother’s father, Nana Beth’s husband.’
‘Grandad Hugh?’
‘That’s right.’
‘I was showing Bethan the dresser that he made. He was a wonderful man, wasn’t he? I know he was some kind of war hero. Funny, but no-one ever talked about him. There were no photos of him.’
‘Ah, and now I know the reason.’
‘What’s that?’
‘We were sorting though the house, and we found some photos my mother had left behind. I asked her about them, and she told me.’
‘Told you what?’
‘Apparently, Grandad Hugh didn’t die fighting. He came back from the war. He’d met another woman out there, a nurse. He went to live with her. He never came back to Nana Beth and the girls.’
‘My God. Are you sure?’
‘Yes. Nana Beth never told them. They found out from the kids in the village, who’d heard it from their parents.’
‘It must have been devastating.’
‘It was. Nana Beth refused to talk about it, said it was all lies, that he had died a hero in the war.’
‘She kept lying to them?’
‘Yes. I guess she thought it was easier for them, but kids know when they are being lied to, don’t they? My Mum says she doesn’t think your mother ever got over it. She was twelve when Grandad Hugh went to war. He was her hero. You know, they used to go over the causeway to Worm’s Head together. It was their special place. He would tell her about the flowers and the seabirds, and they would watch for seals.’
‘It sounds wonderful.’
‘It was. My Mum never went. She didn’t want to do the crossing. It‘s a hard clamber over the rocks. But your mother loved to go with Grandad Hugh.’
‘That must be why she would never let us go. She said it was a sad place, and we must never go there. I never understood why, of course, because she never explained.’
‘You know, your mother once told my Mum that she thought it was her fault that their father left them.’
‘Why ever did she think that?’
‘Well, she remembered some row she’d had with her father not long before he’d gone off to war. She thought he didn’t want to come back because of that.’
‘But that’s nonsense.’
‘Of course. But she needed to be told about things properly, and Nana Beth wouldn’t do it.’
‘That’s so sad,’ said Catrin. ‘I wish I’d known. It would have helped me understand.’
She noticed David watching her, and quickly added, ‘Anyway, so tell me about your work.’
‘I enjoy it. It’s worthwhile. You know it’s hard to imagine what some people have been through. They turn to drugs or whatever to try and cover the pain. If they become addicted, well, it’s desperate.’
‘Not just for them–’
David looked at Catrin carefully. ‘Of course.’
‘It’s sometimes hard for people around them to understand why they don’t stop.’
‘I know, but it’s a disease, and for some it is a chronic condition. If people don’t understand that, they can put it down to lack of will power–’
‘You think of it like an illness?’
‘Yes. I believe it’s important to understand that addiction is a disorder that changes the brain. Otherwise, people feel guilt and shame, and don’t ask for support.’
Catrin looked down.
David spoke gently. ‘If the addict dies, the family may still not feel able to tell anyone how they died. If things have been covered up, they find they can’t talk about the person’s life properly, either. They end up doing a lot of the grieving on their own, feeling very isolated. It’s so sad, because they need support.’
Catrin stared at her food, her hands shaking. She was aware of Gareth returning with her bag and sitting down next to her.
‘Are you alright?’ She was aware David was speaking. It was like watching him through a two way mirror, but no sound could get through. She had to get out. Her heart was thumping. She was going to be sick. She needed fresh air. She stood up. Without speaking, she grabbed her bag and ran outside. The cool air outside hit her face. She tried to slow down her breathing. People around her were drinking and laughing. Suddenly, David was by her side.
‘Catrin what’s the matter? What is it?’
She shook her head. Her eyes filled with tears.
‘Hey, tell me.’
She shook her head again.
David took her in his bear-like hug. He just held her. She swallowed really hard. She must not cry. Whatever happened, she must not cry.
David looked at her.
‘Talk to me, or someone, soon, eh?’
‘I’m sorry.’ She tried to smile. ‘God, being fifty is a bugger.’
He put his head to one side. ‘I know.’
Catrin shrugged. ‘We ought to go back in.’
Nobody seemed to have noticed that they had been missing.
Catrin felt Lowri’s hand on her arm. ‘So, Mum, you are pleased about Safi, then?’
Catrin realised that Gareth and Mark were deep in discussion. Lowri opposite her was rather alone, as Bethan was also deep in conversation.
‘Of course. Thank you so much. He’s very special.’
‘Are you alright, Mum? You look upset.’
‘I’m fine.’ Then, seeing her daughter’s anxious expression, Catrin said, ‘I was thinking. Do you remember Lady?’
Lowri grinned. They continued chatting inconsequentially, comparing Lady and Safi.
Desserts came, then Lloyd coughed. They looked at him. ‘Oh God, not another speech,’ thought Catrin. She really had had enough for one day. However, she watched him glance over his shoulder, and she saw the waiter coming towards them. He was carrying some cards and two presents: a box of chocolates and a large present wrapped in gold paper. Her father glanced over at her and smiled. Her heart started to beat faster with excitement. A present from her father! He hadn’t given her as much as a card since the accident.
She smiled nervously, at Gareth, but he looked at her coldly. She felt herself blushing. Everyone was watching her. Lloyd coughed again awkwardly.
‘First, Catrin.’ From the waiter he took a card and the chocolates.
‘Thank you, Dad.’
Catrin opened the card: rather old fashioned, decorated with flowers. Inside it simply said ‘To Catrin, Love from Dad’. She guessed the card and chocolates had been bought in the local newsagent’s.
‘That’s great, lovely,’ she said,
and looked excitedly at the large gold wrapped present, wondering what it was.
Then her father grinned at Bethan. ‘I know it’s a bit early but, Bethan, I wanted you to have time to get used to it.’
Bethan shot a confused look at Catrin. The smile on Catrin’s face froze, trying to hide the mixture of embarrassment and disappointment as she realised that that beautiful package might not be for her. Lloyd handed the present to Bethan, who was still looking over at Catrin.
‘The present is for you,’ Catrin signed to Bethan.
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes. Grandad wants you to open it.’
With trembling hands, Bethan started to tear off the heavy gold paper, to reveal a rectangular, black leather case, with her name inscribed in gold. Catrin was trying to smile, but she was confused. She knew what must be inside the case, but why had her father bought it for Bethan? Only last year she and Gareth had given Bethan a beautiful new flute for her birthday. Why get her another one?
Bethan opened the case and gasped, ‘Shit.’
Everyone looked at her, waiting. ‘Oh, shit,’ repeated Bethan. ‘Grandad, it must have cost a fortune.’
She lifted out one part of the flute. A shaft of sunlight from the window behind her caught it, and the light bounced off its gold surface.
‘Hand crafted, gold,’ said Lloyd. He seemed almost as in awe of it as Bethan.
‘I don’t know what to say,’ said Bethan, as she lovingly caressed the flute.
Catrin stared at it, desperately trying to be pleased for Bethan. She tried not to think of the extra shifts she had done to pay for the flute they had given her. It had been a new model of the open-holed flute Bethan had always used, which was better at allowing her to feel vibrations from different sounds. Catrin glanced at Lowri, who was forcing a smile, and thinking about the cheque for a hundred pounds she had received from her grandfather on her eighteenth. It wasn’t fair. Catrin knew that but, looking at the joy on Bethan’s face, she had no idea what she was meant to do about it.
Bethan was glowing. She kissed her grandfather. ‘Thank you so much. It’s amazing. Hang on; I need to take a photo.’ Bethan put the flute together, took out her phone, and shot photographs of herself with her grandfather and the flute. In a matter of minutes, Catrin knew that the news of this fabulous gift would be all over Twitter and Facebook. She glanced at Gareth, who was not even trying to smile. She hoped he wouldn’t say anything to spoil the moment for Bethan.
‘I hope you will play it tomorrow at the celebration,’ said Lloyd.
‘Yes, of course, Grandad.’ Before she sat down, Lowri took a photo of her standing in the bay holding the flute to her lips. Bethan looked stunning.
‘The girl with the golden flute,’ said Lloyd.
David frowned at Catrin. ‘What does he mean?’
‘He‘s referring to James Galway. Remember, the Irish flautist. He was known as the man with the golden flute.’
‘Oh, right.’
Then she saw her father pull an envelope from his pocket and hand it to Bethan.
As Bethan read the contents of the envelope, her eyes widened.
‘My God, Grandad!’ Bethan handed the letter to Catrin, who read it quickly, then passed it to Gareth.
He read it quickly, and looked up, his face very red.
‘This is ridiculous.’
Bethan looked at her. ‘Mum, it’s a fantastic opportunity.’
‘What does it say?’ asked Lowri.
Lloyd spoke. ‘It’s an opportunity of a lifetime for your sister. I have persuaded Zac Freestone to hear Bethan play next Friday morning. He is over here seeing various locations around the UK and happens to be in Swansea for a few hours. He’ll be at the Grand Theatre. He has agreed, as a special concession to me, to audition Bethan after his meeting.’
‘Who is he? What’s the point?’ asked Gareth.
‘It’s Zac Freestone,’ said Bethan to Lowri.
‘Oh, God.’
‘Who’s that?’ enquired David.
‘He’s like Simon Cowell,’ explained Lowri. ‘He‘s on a huge American talent show, called ‘Stars and Stripes,’ I think.’
Catrin screwed up her eyes. ‘What’s this all about, Dad?’
‘This is the most amazing opportunity. I’ve met Zac a few times. He’s a patron of the library in New York. I worked with the main architect on the job. We got talking about things, and he said he was looking to find the next big classical music star. You know, like Katherine Jenkins, Nigel Kennedy. I showed him a video on my phone of Bethan playing. He was very excited.’
‘Hang on. Did you say Zac Freestone heard me playing?’
Lloyd turned to Bethan. ‘I showed him a video on my phone.’
‘Oh God, Grandad. How embarrassing.’
‘No. No, he thought you were wonderful.’
‘Really?’
‘Honestly ‘
‘He liked my playing?’
‘Yes, that and, of course, you are so beautiful and, well, you being deaf. Well, it all makes you something very exciting. If he likes what he sees on Friday, he will take you to the States. You would be based in New York City which, of course, is where I will be living.’
Bethan’s eyes were shining. ‘Wow, Grandad. That’s fantastic.’
Suddenly, Gareth thumped his fist on the table. Everybody looked at him.
‘Enough. This is not going to happen. For Christ’s sake, Lloyd. What the hell do you think you’re doing? How dare you arrange this without talking to me and Catrin?’
Catrin saw her father glare at Gareth.
‘You have no idea what I had to do to arrange this for Bethan. Someone has to have dreams for the girl.’
‘She has her own dreams, Lloyd. She is going to university to study composition: that is what she wants to do.’
‘That is what you want her to do: stay at home doing a useless degree, come out and work in supermarkets like her mother, and hope she marries someone who can support her. That may be enough for you, but it’s not what I want for Aled’s daughter.’
Catrin sat, with clenched fists, looking over at Bethan. She had gone very pale, and seemed close to tears. Catrin felt very sorry for her. Gareth and Lloyd were so locked in the battle that they had forgotten her. Bethan looked over at Catrin.
‘What’s the matter with Dad?’ she signed, without speaking.
‘He’s upset, doesn’t want you to go to America.’ Catrin signed back.
‘But why?’
‘You should be going to university.’
‘But I really want to do the audition–’
Catrin stopped. She realised that the table had gone quiet. She stared at Gareth now. She had never seen him look so angry. He was very red, sweating, and his hands were shaking.
‘Gareth, calm down.’
‘That’s what you always say, isn’t it? Calm down. Don’t rock the boat with your father. Well, I tell you, I have had enough of him and his interference in our lives. I’m fed up with him using his money to control our lives and our daughter.’
Bethan burst into tears. She sat sobbing at the table.
‘Gareth, stop it,’ pleaded Catrin. ‘We can talk about this later. Everyone is looking at us, and Bethan is getting very upset.’
‘No. No, I will not leave it. Are you for once going to back me up, Catrin?’
Catrin felt very sick. She hated confrontation of any kind. This was a nightmare.
‘The thing is, Gareth. Bethan says she wants to try the audition.’
Gareth turned to Bethan. ‘This is ridiculous. You are not going to do it, Bethan.’
‘I am not ridiculous. I can do anything I want.’
‘No, you can’t.’
‘It’s because I’m Deaf, isn’t it? You think I can’t do it. Well, I can.’
Catrin cringed. Gareth and Bethan were getting themselves entrenched. She knew neither would give way.
‘Gareth, we should talk about this later.’
‘
No, we will talk about it now. You have to be stronger. It can’t always be me saying ‘no’.’
‘Mum, please, let me at least try,’ pleaded Bethan.
‘I don’t know –’ Catrin responded.
‘Catrin, you have to support me on this,’ demanded Gareth.
She looked back at Bethan. ‘What do you want to do?’
‘I want to try Mum. I really do.’
Catrin glanced at her father, and swallowed hard.
Bethan reached over and touched her mother’s hand. ‘Mum, please.’
Gareth glared at Catrin. ‘This is crazy. Obviously my opinion, as usual, means nothing. Catrin, your father, as always, is going to get his way. Good God, you are fifty and you act like a child. Well, I’ve had enough. I have important work in the real world. I’m leaving.’
Everyone sat silently at the table, watching Gareth storm towards the front door of the pub. He stopped abruptly. Catrin thought he was coming back, but after a few seconds he continued out of the door.
Catrin was close to tears. Bethan clasped her letter. Lowri looked over at Catrin’s hand. ‘Are you OK, Mum?’
She tried to give Lowri a reassuring smile, but couldn’t speak.
‘Well I think it’s time we made our way home,’ Lloyd announced. He held his head high: the victor. He pulled out a couple of ten pound notes and put them on the table, then went and paid for the meal. As everybody shuffled on to the street, Catrin saw Gareth’s car’s lights disappearing.
Chapter Fifteen
Catrin stood watching the car disappear. She couldn’t really believe he had actually left. Gareth never did dramatic things like this. To storm out just wasn’t him. And to shout at her in front of people: it had been so hurtful and embarrassing. She looked over at Bethan, laughing with her father; Mark, chatting to David. She was glad that no-one was talking about it. As the embarrassment faded, though, she started to feel angry. How could Gareth go off like that, leaving her to sort out this mess with her father? What was she going to do with Bethan? The only other person who seemed to sense her distress was Lowri, who came over to her.
