by Sian Ceinwen
Sebastian cringed. “I’m sorry about that. I should’ve texted you. I was really hurting yesterday, but that’s no excuse for not contacting you. I accept the ground rule of being discreet, and sure, we can have separate beds, but I don’t accept the ground rule of no sex, Lita. I want you to know that I would still prefer sex with you over anyone else, and that I will try to get you into my bed as often as I can.”
Lita hated that his words had an immediate effect on her. She could feel herself getting aroused and longed to be in a bed with him. Sebastian must have noticed because he gave her a seductive smile and moved slowly toward her on the sofa.
Her breath caught when he stopped inches away from her and said in a husky voice, “I never do anything without consent, though. I won’t fuck you unless you’re begging me for it first. In the meantime, we have a flight back to Seattle very soon, so just let me know if you want to renew your membership to the mile-high club today.”
Sebastian got off the sofa and walked out of the room, leaving Lita breathless and aching for him to return. She had no idea how she was going to resist him, and she wasn’t even sure she wanted to. Lita reminded herself that she had chosen this, that he’d slept with someone else last night, and that this wasn’t the kind of relationship that she wanted. She’d be damned if he didn’t make that hard to remember, though.
21
LEVEL 17.1 – Goldilocks and the Three Apartments
The heartburn and indigestion are kicking in now. You’re probably certain you didn’t eat lava for lunch, but you can’t really be sure. Avoid lying down after eating to try and keep your gastric juices where they belong…in your stomach, not burning a hole in your esophagus!
On Monday morning, Lita woke up, and it was completely bizarre to not have to go anywhere. It was also strange to wake up without Sebastian next to her; Lita hadn’t realized how accustomed she had become to his presence in her bed.
Sebastian had insisted that she remain in the master bedroom of the apartment and had moved his things to the guest bedroom when they got back to Seattle last night. Lita showered and got dressed as though she was actually going to work before she made her way to the spare room that they’d turned into an office for her.
She turned on her laptop and spent half an hour looking through her emails. She was still doing that when Sebastian walked into the room and gave her a sexy smile.
“Hey there, princess, how has your morning been?”
“Hi, Seb. It’s been good,” Lita said, feeling nervous.
He hadn’t made any real attempt to sleep with her on the plane, and had been cordial about the transition to sleeping in separate beds, but she was worried about how the new arrangement would affect them in the long run.
Sebastian sat on the bed that was still in this room and stretched out, putting his hands behind his head and smiling at her.
“Want to take a break with me?” he asked in a seductive tone.
Lita sighed. “You know my answer already. Firstly, I’m meant to be working, and secondly, I told you that we couldn’t sleep together anymore.”
“Hey, you can’t blame a guy for trying when you look as sexy as you do.” He grinned at her. “It’s okay; I can wait until you’re done working.”
Lita shook her head. She could still feel him watching her as she spun her chair back to face her computer, but she was determined to ignore him and focus on her work. One of her emails was about a bug in the game they were working on, and she began looking through the code, trying to figure out the problem.
She looked at the clock when she started to feel hungry, only to discover that it was almost ten-thirty and a couple of hours had passed. She stretched her muscles and looked around to see that Sebastian was still watching her from where he was relaxing on the bed.
“Have you been sitting there the whole time, weirdo?” she asked him with a grin.
“Yeah, but I haven’t been watching you the whole time.” He paused for a second. “Just most of it.”
Lita laughed. “I’m not surprised. Come on; I need to get something to eat.”
She led the way out to the kitchen and started making herself a sandwich. Sebastian took a seat at the kitchen bench and watched her.
“Do you want anything?” She pointed the butter knife she was holding at him as she asked him this.
“No, but I’m feeling oddly threatened by you pointing a knife at me like that.”
Lita laughed. “Whoops, sorry. So, what are you planning to do today?”
She finished making her food and put away the rest of the ingredients. Lita got herself a glass of juice that she took to the bench, where she sat down next to him.
“I don’t really have anything planned,” he shrugged. “Might watch you work some more.”
Lita shook her head and finished the bite she’d taken of her sandwich before saying, “Uh, no, weirdo, you are not going to spend your days sitting here and watching me code, like some kind of creeper. What do you normally do during the day?”
“As I told you, it depends on what we’re doing. At the moment, we’re basically in super-relaxed mode. Sometimes, I’ll travel somewhere and take a holiday. Usually, when I’m at home in Chicago, I’ll chill out and play video games, watch Netflix, or hang out with friends and family. Do whatever comes up.”
“Like fuck strange women,” she quipped without thinking and was rewarded with a pang of hurt as she remembered Saturday.
Sebastian had an odd look on his face as he replied, “Yes, like fuck strange women.”
The silence that fell was awkward, and Lita cringed internally as she took a sip of her juice and looked down at her sandwich as she groped around in her brain for something to say.
“Maybe you can do some more apartment hunting today? This place is nice, but it would be good to have a place where I have my own things, rather than someone else’s,” Lita suggested to him.
“Sure, I can do that if you want. Are you sure that you don’t want to come with me?” Sebastian asked.
“No, it’s fine, it’s your apartment; I’ll just be renting it.”
Sebastian frowned and took a second to reply. “I meant what I said, though, princess. I don’t want to make decisions for you, so I’d really like your input. This is going to be the place where you and the baby will live. I want you to be safe, but I also want you to be happy.”
“That’s very kind, Sebastian; thank you so much.” Lita burst into tears as she said it.
“Are you okay, Lita?” Sebastian seemed alarmed, but Lita just laughed through her tears.
“Yes. Fucking pregnancy hormones. It’s just so thoughtful of you,” she told him through her tears and laughter. “Also, I hate these hormones; I can’t stop crying at every goddamn thing.”
Sebastian had a warm smile on his face as he looked at her. He leaned across and embraced her in a hug. Lita was comforted by it, and she realized that it was the first time that he’d touched her since they’d been on the plane. She hadn’t realized just how much she’d missed it.
“I guess we also need to talk about what you’re going to do now. When are you going back to Chicago?”
There was another silence between them, and Lita felt as though she’d ruined the moment they’d shared when he’d hugged her. It was like she’d reminded them both that regardless of whatever strange relationship they’d had, everything between them was different now.
Sebastian shrugged. “I guess after I’ve got your apartment sorted, I can go back home.”
Lita nodded but felt unable to respond around the lump in her throat. She picked up her empty plate and glass and took them to the sink to rinse them out for something to do—and to hide the tears that had started to fall again.
That evening, Sebastian arrived home from looking at apartments with a real estate agent named Vincent Armstrong. He brought Chinese takeout with him, and they sat down to eat dinner together while he told her about the apartments.
Lita sighed as she looke
d at the listing for the second apartment he’d seen. “This one would be perfect if it had more than two rooms.”
“You wouldn’t need more than two rooms if you and I shared one, you know,” Sebastian commented and raised an eyebrow at her.
“That’s not practical at all. Even if I did agree to share a room with you for now, which you know I don’t, we need to think about the long term. Down the track, I might have a partner that I want to move in with me, and we would definitely need more than two rooms anyway.”
There was no reply from Sebastian, and Lita looked up from her food to see him looking strangely at her.
“What?”
“I can assure you that, in your scenario, princess, I won’t be staying in the same apartment,” he told her in a cool tone. “But I see your point. Three or more bedrooms it is. One for you, one for me, and one for the baby.”
Lita frowned. She could tell that she had upset him. “I’m sorry, Seb, I just think that purchasing an apartment is a big decision and we need to be practical about it.”
“Of course. It makes complete sense, Lolita. I’ve already said that I’ll only look at three-bedroom apartments; no need to keep talking about it. I’m going out after dinner, so let’s just eat, and I’ll show you any other apartments I find.”
“You’re going out tonight?” Lita was surprised.
“Yeah, I am.” Sebastian shrugged.
Lita’s heart hurt more than she had thought it would when he said goodbye to her and left the apartment after they’d finished dinner. She reminded herself once again that this was what she’d wanted. They were going to be parents together, but she had no control over Sebastian Fox, and he was free to do what he wanted.
She unlocked her phone and opened her text messages, unsure of whom to text. A massive part of her wanted to text Heather, but she remembered her argument with Sebastian yesterday and didn’t want to drag her into this, so she texted Becky instead.
Sebastian’s gone out to fuck someone.
Lita grabbed a tissue as she started to cry. She flopped onto the sofa as Becky replied.
Are you okay? Need me to come over?
She sighed and wiped at her tears with the tissue.
No, it’s fine, we’re not in a relationship, and he’s free to do it. But if that’s true, why does this hurt so much?
Because you’re in love with him, moron.
Lita cringed at the reply. She was beginning to think it might be true. It wasn’t like her loving him made much difference to their situation, anyway.
Maybe. If he hadn’t slept with someone else the first chance he got, that might have changed something. Why did I have to fall for a man who I knew from the start was like this?
She hated the aching in her chest, the knowledge that right now Sebastian was out and trying to find a woman to sleep with that wasn’t her. Was she right to refuse to sleep with him? He’d told her that he preferred sex with her over other women, but that also didn’t change their situation or the fact that, when it wasn’t her sleeping with him, he was more than willing to find himself a substitute.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
Becky’s reply actually made Lita laugh out loud, but it came out sounding very bitter.
The heart wants a man who’s in love with her and doesn’t sleep with other women at every given opportunity, though.
Lita winced as she read Becky’s reply when it came through.
You. Told. Him. To. What did you expect, dude?
I didn’t expect it to hurt. He’s been sleeping with other women for months and it hasn’t bothered me.
Lita wondered if it was being in the same city, the fact that he’d told her he loved her and she’d rejected it, or missing his touch as badly as she did that made it so much worse now.
I don’t know what to say. I’ve told you that you’re in love with him.
Lita sighed as she typed out her reply.
You get why I can’t be with him, though, right?
She stared at her phone, watching the three dots that indicated that Becky was typing before she saw the reply.
I do. If he hadn’t slept with someone else on Saturday, I’d say you were being stupid, but I get it. I’m sorry you’re hurting. <3
Sebastian didn’t come home that night, and Lita cried herself to sleep, wishing that their circumstances could’ve been different.
It was Wednesday night, and they had begun to settle into their new routine as roommates. Last night, they watched a movie on Netflix together before going to their separate beds, and now Sebastian was showing her the apartments he had gone to see today.
She had stopped being surprised at the cost of them by the time he had shown her the fourth one. It still felt odd to be paying him rent, though. He’d already paid to break the lease at her old apartment, and she’d insisted on paying rent to him from that point on.
“All of them have three bedrooms or more, so your boyfriend is free to move in whenever he wants,” he said with a grin on his face.
Lita frowned and told him honestly, “I can’t tell if you’re joking or angry. I don’t have a boyfriend; you know that.”
“I’m kidding, Lita. I know our situation and just wanted you to know that I’m fine with it and that I’ve only been looking at places with three or more bedrooms since we talked about it.” He moved closer to her on the sofa they were sitting on, tilted her face toward his, and said softly, “I’m glad to hear you haven’t got a boyfriend yet, though; it means that I can still sleep with you. Do you want to have sex with me tonight, Lolita?”
All of her senses fired up. She could smell the scent of him, her body felt like it was on fire, and she ached to say yes. She knew that she couldn’t, though. Things were complicated enough between them as it was.
“I’m sorry, Seb. No.”
She was surprised when he laughed in response. “Liar. I can see that you do. Posso baciarti?”
“Anche no.” Lita shook her head.
“That’s a shame; I miss kissing you.”
He finally let go of her face but softly brushed her lips with his fingers before he dropped his hand. Lita’s lips burned from his touch. She reached her hand up, placed it on the back of his head, and pulled his face to hers. Their lips crashed against one another’s, and Lita’s satisfaction was immense as she parted her lips to allow him access to her mouth. The kiss was passionate and intense, and she realized just how much she’d missed kissing him too.
They were both breathless when the kiss ended, and as they looked at each other, Lita was horrified at what she’d done.
“Seb, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m the one who made the rule.” She cringed and repeated, “I’m so sorry.”
Sebastian sighed. “Way to ruin a great kiss, princess.”
He left the apartment an hour later with a casual goodbye, and Lita was sitting on the sofa watching Netflix when she got a text from Heather.
Is Sebastian out at a club without you?
She’d followed it up with a line of eye-rolling emojis.
Yeah, he is. Whatever. He’s free to do it. He went out on Monday too. Are there pics?
Lita opened the Reddit app while she waited for a reply. Sure enough, there was a thread with pictures of Sebastian entering a Seattle nightclub with Daryl by his side about half an hour ago.
Yeah, Ariana saw them and told me. Are you okay?
She saw the reply come up as she was reading comments on the thread and wishing she hadn’t. A lot of them mentioned her. She switched back to her texts.
It hurts, Heather. I told him to do it, but it still hurts. I can’t be with a man who sleeps with other women.
Her phone began ringing and Lita swiped to answer it. “Hey, Heather.”
“I seriously don’t know what the fuck he’s thinking. I know that you didn’t respond well when he told you that he loved you, but I can’t believe he’s still going out and screwing women while you’re sitting at home.”
“In his defense, I did tell him to do it, and I’ve also said he can’t sleep with me anymore.” Lita groaned. “Oh, and I kissed him tonight, like a fucking moron.”
“You kissed him? Why?”
“He asked if he could kiss me, and I said no, and he said he missed doing it, and I just did it without thinking,” Lita blurted out while cringing at the memory.
“Oh dear, and he left for the club after that?” Heather asked.
“Yeah, he did.”
Heather sighed. “Okay, that makes more sense. He’s not talking to me, so I have no clue what’s going on in his head at the moment.”
“He’s not talking to you?” Lita was surprised.
“Nope. I think this is probably the longest I’ve ever gone without speaking to him.”
Lita sighed. “You should text him.”
“Hell no, he hung up on me, and he called me ‘Heather’; I’m not texting him.”
“Are you more upset that he hung up on you or that he called you ‘Heather’?” Lita couldn’t help laughing as she asked the question.
Heather laughed too. “You know what, I’m not sure. Either way, I’m cranky at him. He also shouldn’t be out fucking other women.”
“But, again, I told him to do it.”
“I know, but he should be at home with you, proving to you that he’s in love with you, not out at a club, making you think that he isn’t.”
Well past midnight, when Sebastian still hadn’t returned, Lita went to bed feeling painfully alone.
Sebastian arrived home the next morning after Lita had already started working.
“Morning, princess,” he said with a smile on his face as he walked into her office.
Lita ignored the hurt that she felt at how cheerful he was after spending the night with someone else and forced herself to return his smile. “Hey, Seb.”
