by Sian Ceinwen
Sebastian laughed. “Really? Show me.”
Lita showed him the thread she’d been reading with an amused grin. “They think I’m trying to break up the band.”
“Yoko Ono, right here.” Sebastian winked at her.
“I’m glad we’re going back to Chicago this weekend, though. It’ll be good to see everyone again.”
“Yeah, it has been a while,” Sebastian agreed, then he frowned. “Wow, I don’t think I’ve actually gone this long without seeing the guys in years.”
It seemed to Lita like an age ago that she’d been in Chicago for the wedding. It felt like time was split into two distinct periods: before the scan where they found out about Mirabella, and after.
She pushed the thought aside and couldn’t stop her inner fangirl from asking, “Not even when you went on holidays or anything?”
“Nope. Sometimes we holiday together, anyway. The longest might have been a few weeks like this.”
Lita felt a pang of guilt. She could easily go weeks or even months without seeing her friends or family in person. She knew that Sebastian was very close with his friends and that they relied heavily on each other for support, though.
“I’m sorry you’ve had to be here with me.” Lita’s eyes were downcast when she said it.
“Oh, no, Lita.” Sebastian tilted her chin up so that she would be looking at him. “I didn’t mean it like that. I have absolutely no regrets about being with you. I love my friends, and I love my family, but you and Mira are my priority. Always.”
“Thanks. I know everything is fucked up and complicated with us, but I’m glad that we can still be friends, and I know that I couldn’t have gotten through any of this without you.”
“Well, technically, you wouldn’t be going through any of this without me.” Sebastian grinned.
“True,” Lita laughed.
They sat together, and Sebastian rested a hand on her bump as they talked about the logistics of their travel to Chicago today before Sebastian’s phone began ringing on the coffee table, and he laughed as he picked it up and showed her the screen. It was a video call from the rest of Cruise Control. He settled back on the sofa next to Lita and answered the call.
“Hey, guys,” he grinned at them.
The screen was split into four boxes. Hayden was in the top left of the screen, Lita and Sebastian were in the top right, Gabriel and Ariana were in the bottom left box, and Harrison and Heather were in the bottom right of the screen.
There was a chorus of, “Happy birthday, Seb,” in response.
“Wait, I get a call from my bandmates, and nobody even sings ‘Happy Birthday’ to me? What kind of musicians are you guys?”
Hayden laughed. “The kind that calls you to give you birthday wishes and don’t even get a ‘thank you’ in response, apparently.”
“Honestly, Seb, why are we even friends with you?” Heather asked.
“Well, we all know why you’re friends with me, lover,” Sebastian smirked.
“Yeah, why’s that?” She raised an eyebrow on the screen in front of them.
“I’m led to believe that I give you amazing sex,” he said with a wicked grin.
Harrison laughed. “I’ve heard that too.”
“Okay, well, aside from the sex you give me, I don’t know why.” Heather laughed as well. “But seriously, happy birthday, and hi, Lita!” Heather waved at the screen. “What are you guys up to today?”
“Hi, guys.” Lita smiled at the screen.
“We’re going to see the doctor today,” Sebastian said, and the smiles on everyone’s faces slipped a little. “Then we’re flying to Chicago in the afternoon.”
She’d been given the all-clear to fly at a previous appointment, which had been a relief. What hadn’t been a relief was being told that the tumor was still growing, so they were still stuck in a hellish kind of limbo. Lita tried to keep a smile on her face, though; today was Sebastian’s birthday, and she wanted it to be good for him.
“It’ll be good to see you,” Gabriel said with a smile.
“Yeah, I can’t wait to see you guys. What are you up to tonight? Want to catch up?”
“I’m so sorry, darling,” Heather said. “We’ve got dinner at my parents’ place. We’re free tomorrow.”
Lita knew this was a lie and worked hard to keep herself from grinning. She and Heather had planned for everyone to be at Sebastian’s apartment when they arrived tonight so they could celebrate his birthday as a band.
“Ouch, lover. You didn’t keep my thirtieth birthday free? It’s like you don’t even care about me now that you’re married.”
“Well, considering you’ve barely been speaking to me lately, I thought you wouldn’t mind,” Heather said and blew a kiss at the screen.
Lita had spoken to Heather about this a few times; she knew that Sebastian had spoken to her, but from what Lita had gathered, it was a lot less contact than he’d ever had with Heather in the past.
Lita had stopped telling Heather about Sebastian going out on the evenings that he did it because she had felt like she was driving a wedge between them. Heather had been excited to throw the party for him tonight, though, and Lita wouldn’t have been able to organize it without her help.
“I’ve been busy in Seattle, but happy birthday to me, I guess,” Sebastian laughed and rolled his eyes at her, then asked, “Any of my real friends want to catch up tonight?”
“Sorry, Seb, I've got a meeting with an agent about my book.” Ariana blushed as she said it.
“Your book?” Lita asked.
“Yeah, I started writing it years ago, and now a literary agent wants to meet me.”
Gabriel was the only person on the screen who didn’t look surprised by this news. Lita couldn’t tell if it was true or just a lie that she was telling to throw Sebastian off the scent.
“That’s awesome, Ariana,” Sebastian grinned at her. “Okay, I accept your reasoning; it’s a far more acceptable excuse than seeing your parents on my birthday.”
“Thanks, I’m sorry we can’t hang out. Could we do something tomorrow, since Heather and Harrison are free?”
“Sure. Okay, Hayden, are you my friend?”
Hayden paused a moment before he replied, “Sounds good, Seb. Blake and I are free, and I’m happy to be your one and only friend on your birthday.”
“Hey, I’m his friend too!” Lita objected with a laugh.
“True,” Hayden agreed. “I’m happy to be your second friend on your birthday.”
“We should consider starting a new band,” Sebastian said slowly. “We can call it ‘Real Friends and Not Douches Who Don’t Celebrate Birthdays.’”
“Sounds catchy; I’ll have to come see you two in concert,” Harrison said with a laugh.
“You’ll have to buy a ticket,” Sebastian warned him. “Neither Hayden nor I will be able to get you in.”
“Understood. I’ll have to set an alarm so that I can buy tickets before the scalpers snatch them all up.”
“Where can I get myself an RFANDWDCB shirt, Sebastian?” Ariana asked him.
“I’ll set up an online merch store as soon as I get the chance, Ariana,” Lita told her and laughed.
Sebastian shook his head. “I’ve missed you guys.”
“We’ve missed you too,” Ariana said. “Can we definitely catch up tomorrow?”
“Definitely,” he told them.
Everyone wished Sebastian a happy birthday again, and he ended the call.
“That was nice of them,” Lita said with a smile.
“Yeah, it was.”
Sebastian had an odd look on his face as he put his phone aside, then pulled her closer to him and rested his hand on her baby bump. Lita was trying to keep their boundaries in place, but times like this, when he was holding her bump, she didn’t want to put her walls up and prevent him from connecting with Mirabella.
“What’s wrong?” she asked him.
“It’s just …” He trailed off, then he started again. �
��I haven’t had a birthday where I haven’t been with the guys for a long, long time. It’s just a bit shitty.”
Lita felt guilty as hell for lying to him, especially since he was upset about it, but she didn’t want to spoil the surprise, either.
“Well, at least you’ll get to see Hayden,” she offered, glad that he’d said he would meet up with them.
“True, and I’ve got you.” He squeezed her tightly. “That’s what’s important. You and Mirabella. Everything else is just stuff.”
Lita frowned. “No, Seb, your friends aren’t ‘just stuff.’ It’s okay to be sad.”
“Thanks, princess.”
They fell into silence then. Lita hoped that he wouldn’t be angry at her when he found out that she’d lied to him this morning when he was clearly upset about it, but she didn’t want to compound that by continuing the conversation. She was given some relief when she was distracted from her thoughts with a strong kick from Mirabella.
“Did you feel that?” Lita gasped as Mirabella kicked her stomach right under where Sebastian was resting his hand.
His eyes widened in shock. “Was that her? I didn’t realize.”
“Yes, it was,” Lita told him with a grin.
They fell silent as they waited, and a second later, it happened again, right where Sebastian’s hand was resting.
“Oh my god, that’s amazing,” he whispered.
It happened a few more times over the next couple of minutes before Mirabella stopped moving.
“I still can’t believe we’re having a baby,” Lita said, then her smile fell as everything came rushing back to her again.
Sebastian must have noticed because he sighed and hugged her tightly before saying, “It’s going to be okay, Lita. It has to be. Hopefully, Dr. Sanders will have good news for us today.”
“Hopefully.”
Lita had already started her maternity leave from work early because of her situation. It had been a hard conversation to have with her boss, and in some ways, Lita would have preferred the distraction. Her doctor’s appointments were so frequent, though, and she would never have been able to focus properly. So, she spent a lot of her days with Sebastian, watching Netflix and searching the internet for stories about fetal heart tumors, or reading Reddit. It was going to be a long seventeen weeks.
She smiled as she remembered that today was a good day and that she had done something with her spare time. “I have something for you.”
“What?” he asked her.
“You’ll have to come to my office for it,” she told him.
“Okay, you’ve piqued my curiosity.” He laughed.
Now that she was going to give it to him, she was worried that he wouldn’t like it. She led him toward her office, and by the time they got there, she was feeling incredibly nervous.
“So, um, I’ve been working on something for your birthday present,” Lita said as she opened the door to the office and walked in with him following her.
“You didn’t have to do anything for me, princess. You’ve already given me the best gift imaginable.” He gave her a soft smile as he said it, and his eyes flickered to her belly.
“Well, I wanted to do something else as well,” she laughed and sat at her PC to turn it on.
“I’m very curious about what this is!” Sebastian grabbed a chair and sat down next to Lita. Once her computer was on, she opened up the program she’d created for him.
“Okay, I’ll let you drive. It should be pretty self-explanatory; there’s even a tutorial.” Lita blushed as she said it.
The screen said ‘HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY, SEBASTIAN!’ on it and she moved to the side, so Sebastian was in front of the computer and could control it. He clicked the start button underneath the words, and the game she’d made began.
“Hey, it’s me!” Sebastian said with a laugh at Lita as the cartoon Sebastian on the screen woke up in bed in his apartment in Chicago.
“Yup.” She grinned at him.
The tutorial taught him the basic controls. The entire game was quite short and just followed a day in his life. He had breakfast, played some guitar, then went and visited Harrison and Heather at their apartment.
"This is amazing,” Sebastian said for about the tenth time as his cartoon self made his way to Hayden’s apartment on the screen in front of him.
They played pool together. Sebastian didn’t know it yet, but even though nearly all of the outcomes of the pool game resulted in him winning, she’d built a secret way for Hayden to win into the code. If the person playing Sebastian walked to the window before the pool game, they’d have the option of looking at the view. If they did that, Hayden would win the game.
“Even in a computer game, I kick his ass at pool,” Sebastian said with a cocky grin, and Lita just smiled at him.
Finally, Sebastian went to visit Gabriel and Ariana at their apartment, and eventually, the rest of the group joined them for an evening where they watched Netflix and drank alcohol. It only took about thirty minutes for the entire game to finish.
As the screen went blank, the birthday message came up again. Lita had chosen one of her favorite Cruise Control love songs, “Just So You Know,” and the tiny cartoon band was playing it on the final screen.
“What do you think?” Lita asked nervously, biting her lip as she waited for his response.
Sebastian looked at her with a stunned look on his face.
“It’s…fucking amazing, Lita. I’ve never…” He trailed off and seemed unable to finish.
Lita breathed a sigh of relief. “I was terrified that you would think it was stupid.”
“Stupid?!” Sebastian gasped and shook his head. “Lita, nobody has ever put this much effort into anything for me. It’s the best thing I’ve ever seen. The only thing it’s missing is you.”
“Oh, I didn’t even think to put myself in it.” Lita blushed.
Sebastian smiled at her, then leaned over and gave her a hug. “Well, you should have. Every day of my life is better when you’re in it. Thank you for the best birthday present I’ve ever been given.”
Lita didn’t know what to make of his comment about her place in his life, but she was pleased that she’d managed to make him a gift that he loved so much.
In the afternoon, Ben drove them to Dr. Sanders’ office. Despite the fact that the doctor’s office had kindly scheduled their appointments randomly, instead of at the same time each day or week, there was always paparazzi here when they arrived. She expected that they just took a guess as to where they were going after seeing them leave the apartment. Lita was getting used to their constant presence wherever she went.
There were plenty of stories online about their baby as well. People were constantly theorizing about what had happened to cause them to need to see a fetal heart specialist. Lita didn’t care anymore. They could think what they wanted. They could know everything or nothing. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was Mirabella.
When they were sitting in Dr. Sanders’ office, he had a serious look on his face. “I want to prepare you for the possibility of needing surgery. The tumor does seem to be growing at a quicker rate than we’d like to see. I’d like to refer you to another specialist in case they think surgery will be needed in the next week or two.”
Lita began to panic. “Surgery, in the next week or two? That’s so soon!”
“I know, Lita. Look, it’s possible that, with careful monitoring, you could get further without needing surgery. Or, the tumor’s growth rate will decrease, and you won’t need in utero surgery at all.”
“Does this mean needing to go to Los Angeles, then?” Sebastian asked.
“Yes, I think it’s the safest bet. Lita has mentioned being uncomfortable with the idea of not being under the care of the specialist who may need to perform the surgery.” He smiled kindly at Lita. “This would allow you to meet your surgeon in advance.”
Lita frowned as she considered what he was saying. Going to Los Angeles for appointments as frequently
as she had been would be exhausting unless they actually moved there.
“Could the surgery be performed in Chicago?” she asked, and Sebastian whipped his head around to stare at her.
“Sorry? Chicago?” Dr. Sanders seemed confused.
“Yeah, obviously, that’s where Sebastian’s from. I’m from Seattle, but if we’re talking about seeing a different specialist in Los Angeles and with how often I need to see them, it means relocating anyway, doesn’t it? Staying in Chicago for the rest of the pregnancy makes way more sense than staying in Los Angeles where we don’t have any support.” Lita shrugged.
“Oh, I see, that does make sense. Yes, the surgery could certainly be performed at this gestation in Chicago. Would you like me to refer you to a specialist there instead?”
“Yes, please.” Lita smiled at him, and Sebastian stroked the skin of her hand with his thumb. “We’re actually flying to Chicago tonight; we were going to spend the weekend there and come back. So, we could see a doctor there any time from tomorrow.”
Lita didn’t know why the thought of relocating to Chicago hadn’t occurred to her sooner. She realized that she had been stressing on some level about the idea of ending up in Los Angeles for the last two weeks. The thought of spending the rest of the pregnancy in Chicago was soothing to her.
Their appointment with Dr. Sanders ended shortly after that, and he explained that he would send the referral through to a specialist in Chicago with all of the details on her case. He warned them that it was likely that a new doctor taking on the case would likely want to do their own scan either the next day or Friday, so they had their own baseline for the tumor’s size and growth.
Lita and Sebastian didn’t get a chance to talk after their appointment until they’d made it into the safety of the SUV.
“Are you sure about moving to Chicago for the rest of the pregnancy?” Sebastian looked concerned.
“I really am.” Lita smiled at him. “As soon as I said it, I realized that it was the obvious solution. I want to know the doctor that’s going to operate on me if it needs to happen. I can’t live in limbo, wondering if one day I’ll have to meet someone new, and the thought of relocating to Los Angeles was awful. Why do that when you have a place in Chicago?”
