by Harms, C. A.
“A dozen muffins?” When she arches her brow, I point to the counter behind her where the barista has placed the box. The young girl looks at me, then to Taryn before focusing back on me. She does nothing to hide the interest she feels. A smile, one that I assume is meant to be alluring, is anything but.
“Either you like muffins,” I shift my gaze back to Taryn ignoring the young girl still watching more with hope in her eyes. “Or you’re feeding a crowd?”
“Meeting.” Taryn wrinkles her nose. “Nothing more than a room full of stuffy suits that are looking at me to wow them. Believe me when I say that these muffins are the most interesting part of what I am sure will be a very boring and redundant meeting.”
“Not a fan of meetings?”
“Not a fan of schmoozing those that look down upon others.”
Again, we grow quiet, only watching the other, waiting for a break in the mutual trance.
“Here is your change,” the barista takes the moment to interrupt and I try not to snarl at her. The second Taryn looks away, I feel the loss of her and want her attention back on me.
I watch as she gathers her change, the box of muffins and her fresh coffee. Taking a step in my direction she comes to an abrupt stop when she realizes that I don’t attempt to create space between us. “I find it hard to believe that you can’t charm a room full of suits. One look at you and I’m sure they’re all dazzled.”
“That’s sweet of you,” she replies, tilting her head back so that she can see me clearly. I feel my heart race. Her pouting lips are so close, I could kiss them. I swear I can practically taste them. “I’ve always despised public speaking, anytime the attention is focused on only me I feel like I’m drowning. Yet, each month I have to meet with the executives of my company so they can drill me about our numbers, our productions, and how they feel like we can do better. The problem is in their eyes we can always do better, even if we meet the goals they set, there is always, more, more, more.”
I say nothing, only focus on her. The way her chest rises, allowing the low dip of her shirt to part exposing even more of the creamy skin hidden beneath.
“I need to find a job where I can work when I want, do what I want and have no one to answer to but myself. You find that kind of job, please if you would, steer me in its direction,” she says jokingly.
Hope flows through me, the fears of her not wanting to leave the life she’s built here in the city quickly fade.
“I’ll keep my eye out,” I say, offering her a charming smile I stepped aside allowing her to pass. “But for now, just smile and I can almost guarantee each person in that room will be mesmerized by your beauty.”
Taryn pauses, closes her eyes and I watch as she inhales deeply.
“It was great seeing you again Taryn,” I say, whispering her name. I fight the urge to touch her. “I have a feeling that we’ll see one another again real soon.”
“I hope so.” It is a whisper I’m not sure I was meant to hear.
Allowing her to walk away, I wait, staring after her until she reaches the door and glances back. “Until next time.”
With a smile and a shy tuck of her chin, Taryn pushes open the door to the cafe and steps outside, disappearing into the crowded streets. Though she is out of sight, she is never out of mind.
Soon my sweet angel, I will have you in my arms where you belong forever.
Taryn
“Honey, what do you mean you’ve quit your job?” I immediately see the panic in my mother’s eyes. A shakiness in her voice that I recognize as uncertainty it triggers. Her mind racing, I'm sure with scenarios to fix whatever it is she assumes has brought on this news. “I don’t understand. I thought you loved your work.” My poor mother, always trying to make things right and unsettled when she can’t.
I grab my wine glass, twisting it around slightly by the stem before taking a healthy swallow. I’ll admit it had been a rash decision, one so out of character for me. But once I walked out of there with my box of belongings, I felt freer than I have in a long time. Out of fear their employees would spill secrets to other companies after they’ve quit, they usually let the employees go immediately but usually with a nice, no hard feelings, hush money severance package, which is what I got. It’s more than enough to sit on for a couple months before worrying about what comes next.
It’s been a week since I saw Merick in the coffee shop and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. Add to that I’ve been dreaming about my wolf every night and it makes me question everything I’ve done with my life thus far. I didn’t walk out because of that, but the dreams have become fleeting moments reminding me that I wasn't getting what I truly wanted. I was settling, ignoring my dreams and ambitions. I was growing comfortable in a, this will do for now, phase and I want so much more for myself. I want a life that leaves me breathless, one where I wake up everyday delirious with joy over how far I’ve come. I want it all, I won’t get to get stuck in the rut I was living.
I shake my head to clear all the rushing thoughts. “I wasn’t happy. I want to find something I’m passionate about and office manager, receptionist, gopher is not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life.” I take another sip of my wine. The sounds of my mother's even breathing confirms she is hearing me and not still in panic mode over my future. “I feel like there is a greater calling or something out there for me.”
Our waitress brings our food, setting my chicken wrap in front of me and my mom’s salad in front of her. Conversation is thankfully stalled while we eat.
I shred my napkin as I work up the nerve to ask her what I want.
“Honey what is it? You seem nervous all of a sudden.” She grabs my hand in hers. “Tell me...are you okay? You’re not sick, are you?”
Sweet, sweet woman, I am truly sending her through a whirlwind of emotions in such a short span of time. Panic, now fear. "Nothing is wrong Mom, but there is something I need.”
“Okay, what?”
I take a deep breath, prepared for the many questions I know will follow. “I wanted to ask you about the cabin in Montana.”
“What about it?”
“I want to stay there for a while." Her eyes widen, a small fraction in surprise. I can't say that I blame her, this is all a little out of nowhere. "I remember how much I loved that place when I was younger. There is something telling me to go. Like maybe I'll find the answers there, what's next, my purpose, whatever you wanna call it.” I’m sure she probably thinks I’m losing my mind. Hell, part of me has to agree. I haven’t been there in years, but I’m being pulled there.
I don’t know what I’m expecting to find, but I know I need to be there.
“Of course, it should still be in good shape. Your dad pays someone who lives nearby to keep an eye on the place and do basic upkeep. Although, I don’t know how I feel about you being out in the middle of nowhere by yourself.”
“I’m twenty-four Mom, I know how to take care of myself. Plus, I will probably only be there for a week, maybe two.” I squeeze her hand. “I need to go and get some clarity. What better place than one of solitude?" There has to be a reason I’ve been thinking and dreaming about it. Almost like it’s calling out to me.
I don’t dare tell her about the wolf. After the day when I was twelve, I thought about telling Dad so maybe he could help me find him if he was real. But I knew telling him would have the opposite effect and he’d grab that shotgun that he kept just inside the front door and tried to kill him instead.
“I’ll talk to your father. We’ll make sure it’s livable and if it is then we’ll pay to have it prepared for you. Give me a couple of weeks and I’ve got some frequent flyer miles you can use for your ticket.” Even when I'm acting completely insane, she spoils me.
“You really don’t have to do that. I’ve got a little money in my savings and I’ve got my severance.”
“Absolutely not." She says, waving her hand to blow off such a ludicrous idea. I can't help but smile. "You save that money
for your future.”
I don’t bother arguing because it’ll do no good. She at least lets me pay for lunch, reluctantly of course. After walking with her to her car, I walk back to my apartment feeling slightly less bound with stress and uncertainty. As I unlock the door to get in my building the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I quickly glance around, looking for what might have brought on the anxious feelings, but I find the hall is completely empty.
“I’m losing it,” I whisper, and laugh at myself. Obviously, I needed to get away more than I thought. This city is making me antsy and suspicious.
Nervous anticipation fills me as I fly down I-90 out of Bozeman and toward Stone Ridge and my temporary home for however long it takes me to figure out what I want out of life. Before I came, I checked the forecast and it’s getting colder, which means it could basically start snowing anytime now.
My dad had the man he knew from town make sure I was stocked with all my favorite food and drinks. That mixed with all the items he believed I'd need as well. I have no doubt that I am stocked to the brim with enough supplies to last a month without stepping foot outside. Getting snowed in was their fear for me, but to be honest I’d welcome it. When I was younger, I remember lying in front of the fireplace while reading my favorite books, my mom’s old Sweet Valley High collection.
The GPS tells me the road to Stone Ridge is up ahead. It’s tucked between lots of trees and if you’re not looking, you can almost miss it. I can’t believe there isn’t a sign or anything that tells you where to turn. The road is narrow and seems to go on forever before I spot the cabin up ahead tucked in its own little cove.
My heart begins to race, and my palms sweat as I pull up next to the cabin. I smile when I see a huge stack of wood, cut and ready to go next to the front door. My father thought of everything. When I walk up the steps to the front door, I feel a sense of deja vu. I look toward the opening of the forest and see nothing but that same sense of belonging was there.
I pull the key that my dad gave me out of my purse and use it to open the door. The moment I step inside I’m hit with a barrage of memories, but this time my wolf and Merick are both intertwined with them. One vision in particular flows through my mind. Snow so deep that with each step my boots were buried to the hilt. The morning after the big snowfall I bundled up so my father and I could build the world’s largest snowman and fort. It was a perfect day.
My vision shifts and I see my wolf standing at the mouth of the forest watching us, watching me.
My mind was jumbled with an array of thoughts, more visions than memories because most of what I was seeing had never even happened before.
I turn back to the cabin, choosing to ignore my confusion and step inside. “Wow,” I whisper. It’s prettier than I remember. The scent of lemon hangs in the air. The floors, walls, and ceilings are all light pine...I think. The sectional sofa is taupe with big decorative pillows in blues and reds. There is an end table on each side and a small table and chair for dining behind it.
A chaise lounge is right in front of the big bay window overlooking the mountains beyond the trees. I move further into the cabin and find the kitchen stocked as well as the pantry. I’ve got enough food here to feed a small army. I run my hand over the granite countertop, remembering all the times my mother would use it to roll out pie crusts during her many baking sessions. I can almost smell the sweet scent that would filter throughout all the rooms.
Walking down the hall to the master bedroom I take in the queen-sized bed that sits in the middle of two large windows. The headboard is what looks like brushed copper. I am pleased to find the thick down comforter and I’m anticipating many cold nights cuddling up in it.
The large bath off my parents’ room has a glass shower with tile on the floor and a wood wall where the showerhead comes out. The bathtub is new or at least new from the last time I was here. It’s huge, big enough for multiple people.
I head back outside to my rental and grab my suitcase and carryon bag and drag them into the house. After I get everything unpacked, I head out to grab some wood to have ready for a fire. Once that’s all done, I find a note stuck to the refrigerator from John, the caretaker, basically telling me everything is ready to use, and don’t forget to open the flew when I start a fire. He also left his number in case I needed to reach him at all.
I pull out my phone and see I have only one bar. I send Lily and my parents texts letting them know I arrived. My bestie wanted to come, to keep me company, but if I’m going to get any clarity, I need to be alone. She understood, or so she said, and made me promise I’d call her if I needed her.
In the living room, I get the fireplace ready, open the flue, and get a fire going. While I let it start burning, I walk into the kitchen and open the refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of water, and I begin pacing.
What am I supposed to do now? Fuck, I thought I'd enjoy the quiet, welcome it in fact, but it seems I don’t like the silence either. I stare up at the ceiling, “whatever clarity I’m supposed to get from this, I’d like to have it now please.” I’m not sure who is listening, but hopefully they hear me.
Merick
The air is crisp and cool as the wind whips through the trees, blowing the last remaining leaves as they flutter to the ground. I remain in the shadows of the night, watching Taryn move around inside the cabin through the windows. I smile, wondering to myself if she truly has every single light turned on inside. It practically glows in the midst of the darkness around us. But I’m thankful, as it gives me a clear view into every room, especially the large bay window where for the last hour I’ve gotten lost watching her perched directly in front of it. A book resting in her lap, a glass of wine in her hand. Her long dark hair is piled on her head in a messy bun, with only a few random pieces hanging freely. A large blanket, one that looks incredibly soft, remains draped over her lap.
I’ve done this a lot lately, lingered and remained distant. To be honest though, I’m tired of keeping my distance, tired of not being able to touch her the way my entire body craves. But I made it this far, I got her here.
Now I have to play this right. This wasn’t exactly the way I imagined our meeting going.
Getting to know her, wooing her, showing her the man I am, enchanting her to a point where she wants me as much as I want her, that was the plan. Make her fall in love with the man before bringing her back to the mountains, before I brought her into my world, that was how I saw this all playing out.
Yet, here we are.
She may think she’s here simply to clear her head, to find her way to something new, but she’s here for me, she is drawn to me, much like I am to her. She is here for us.
The time is still ticking, the window closing fast. We have until the full moon on her twenty-fifth birthday to seal our bond before our chance has passed. The way of our world lies in the hands of me and Taryn, and she doesn’t even know that world exists.
The sound of a door shutting echoes in the night and I step closer to the large row of Douglas fir trees. They provided the perfect hideout. The way the branches lay I can still get a clear view but also it provides enough shelter to remain hidden.
Taryn is so engulfed by the large coat and the oversized boots, that I barely get a glimpse of her face before she gathers an armload of wood and disappears back inside.
After the door is closed, I step out of the shadows once again and move into the clearing that separates the cabin from the forest. A small distance remains between me and her and with each step I take, I feel the urge to shift rise.
Running my hand over the side of the cabin feeling the weathered logs against my palm. I pause near a small window that overlooks the kitchen and into the living room. From my position, I have the perfect view of her from the side. The curve of her jaw, the arch of her nose, the plump look of her lips. The red sweater she wore has slipped off her right shoulder, highlighting the contour of her neck and my lips literally tingle at the thought of kissing over that very spot.
The wine glass is lifted, her lips press to the rim, and as she takes a sip, her throat bobs. Lowering the glass my gaze remains on her lips, her tongue peeks out to lick the droplet left behind. I am so lost in her beauty, lost in the relaxed state she’s in that I almost miss the sudden shift. The tension in her shoulders, the way her back goes rigged as she slowly begins to shift in the chair. Scanning over the space of the cabin, she looks from one window to the next and just as she reaches the small one I am watching her through I step out of view. It’s almost like she knows I’m there.
She stares and her body remains in a state of alert. There’s no possible way she can see me, can she?
Taryn lowers her book to the table at her side, placing her half-empty wine glass next to it. I continue to watch as she moves the blanket to the side and cautiously, she begins to stand, positioning her body to completely face the window that separates us. I don’t move, in fact, I’m not sure I’m even breathing as my heart races.
Ever so slowly and with great care she takes one step at a time closing the distance between us. I know I have nowhere to go, nowhere to run. So instead of ruining everything I’ve spent years building I do the only thing I can, I shift.
Backing away, I shake my head and look up to find Taryn staring out, her eyes wide with what I assume is shock. I know the moment it registers in her mind. The familiarity of once seeing the same form. Only now my size has more than doubled.
I want nothing more than for her to come to me, but she remains where she is watching me, her chest rising with deep rapid breaths.
No longer am I just a childhood dream, a fantasy she thought she created in her mind. I’m real. What she saw as a child, it is right in front of her. It’s a reality I’m not so sure she is ready for.
I’ve been hiding away for several days, in the quiet of the cabin, enjoying the peacefulness. It is a big change from the city. The snow has begun to fall. A light flurry of flakes at first then it grows heavier covering the ground and everything in its path, leaving behind a white blanket. Footprints cannot be hidden, paw prints are clear and distinguished. The last thing I want is to scare her, but the pressure of what’s to come is growing thick.
