by Harms, C. A.
Rowan smiles at me. “He was a little shit and always tried to get me in trouble. Merick was always the instigator. If we had a ring leader it was definitely him.”
Jonathon laughs and I swear to god it changes how he looks. I mean don’t get me wrong, the guy is hot, but there is something...I don’t know it’s like a cloud that is constantly hanging over him, but it’s not there right at this moment. He’s breathtaking and it isn’t lost on me that Rowan sees it too.
I know that whatever their story is it’s full of pain and sadness.
I wake up and find Merick’s side of the bed empty. I grab my cell phone off of the nightstand and see it’s three in the morning. After climbing out of bed I head into the bathroom. When I finish I wash my hands and brush my teeth.
I hit the top of the stairs and hear Merick’s voice. He sounds angry. “It’s not a good idea.”
Another voice, one I recognize as Merick’s dad, responds. “She needs to know. We have to make her understand why it could be dangerous if she or the baby got into the wrong hands.”
As I walk down the stairs I hear a loud crash. “She’s my mate, my love, and that’s my child she’s carrying. I will decide what’s best, not you. You’re no longer the pack leader.”
“Because there is no pack.” His dad roars. “Our pack has the chance to be reunited to be whole again…”
He stops talking and I know it’s because he hears me. I place a hand on my belly and make my way toward his office. I find him and his dad nose to nose. The anger coming off of my mate is choking me.
Neither of them look at me, but Merick speaks softly. “Baby, I need you to leave this room.”
I place my hand on his arm. “What’s going on? You’ve been weird since you got home.”
Tonight, when he got home from visiting whoever it was he went to see he walked out with both Rowan and Jonathon and was out there for a while. When he finally came in he was quiet. I made him a couple of sandwiches and sat with him while he ate. I wanted to ask what happened, but I was scared of what he might say.
When I started yawning he carried me to bed, kissed me chastely on the lips, and then left, shutting the door behind him. I have no clue if he ever came to bed, but I didn’t like waking up without him, that’s for sure.
“It’s nothing. Go back to sleep.” Merick’s eyes stay locked on his dad. “Go Taryn.” He growls
He’s never spoken to me in such a manner before, but he’s not going to start now. I get in between the two men, which probably isn’t my brightest idea, but I’m tired and now I’m cranky. “This, whatever it is, affects me, it affects our child. You’re not going to keep me in the dark.”
Merick glares at me and I glare back. He’s not going to intimidate me. “Please for the love of god go upstairs and I’ll come talk to you after my dad leaves.”
“What is it?” I beg him to tell me.
He moves me out of the way and storms out of his office. I run after him, or about as well as I can with my belly getting bigger and bigger. Merick slams out the front door and when I reach it I find his clothes shredded on the porch.
In the distance I hear a howl and know that it’s Merick. Tears slide down my cheeks and I don’t bother wiping them away. What could be so bad that he couldn’t tell me?
“He needs to run. It’ll let him blow off some steam.” His dad stands next to me. “I’ll go after him, make sure he’s safe. You’re protected—you can’t see them, but our people are watching the house. Go inside, lock up, and I’ll bring him home safely.”
Without any hesitation I walk right up to him, wrapping my arms around his waist. At first he doesn’t move, but then his arms wrap slowly around me. “You’re good for him, do you know that? I haven’t been the best father. I was drowning in my own grief and then set on revenge. I know he’s going to be a better father.” He kisses my forehead. “Go inside and lock up. I’ll find him.”
I nod and do as he says, heading inside, and locking the door behind me. I watch from the window as he shifts and jumps off of the porch, disappearing into the forest.
In the living room I curl up on the chaise lounge, grabbing the soft fleece blanket off the back, and throwing it over myself. I listen to the sounds of the night or early morning and fight the fatigue that is telling me it’s time to rest. Of course it’s a fight I lose in no time.
Merick
The trees rush by, the wind wiping around me as I run. No place in mind, just the need to be free. My mind is filled with so many things, anger being the most powerful one. How could I be the last to know about Abigail? How could everyone neglect to tell me that the one person that means more to be than anything is attached to the person that helped destroy my mother?
None of it was Taryn’s fault, I know this. But looking at her, hearing her voice, it all continues to remind me of the things I know could very well drive a wedge between us.
How will she take it?
How will I tell her?
That on top of my father’s persistence in taking the pack it is all too much. I feel like I am drowning, in an overwhelming rage. One I can’t tame, it only continues to smolder and advance with each breath I take.
I slow to a gradual pace, the sound of the rushing water can be heard in the distance. Running along the large stones that line the bed of the stream, giving it the waterfall effect. On a normal day that sound would be soothing, but I sure at this point very little could soothe me.
Pausing near the stream, I sit and listen. Trying to calm my racing mind only to continue to fall back to the same thing. The tie Taryn and I share, it’s no longer simply a beautiful connection felt by a young wolf finding his perfect mate in the woods. It’s tainted, clouded by the memories of the heartbreak, the loss and devastation I feel rushing back.
A young boy, the loss of his mother, the ancestor of Taryn helping to destroy her.
Allowing my head to hang I allow it all to take me over. I allow myself to feel all the things I thought I’d healed from. I remember her voice, the way she would talk to me and tell me stories at night until I’d fall asleep.
Visions of me young and my mother laughing as we run through the woods flood my mind and I do nothing to stop them. I embrace them. Suddenly those visions change and in their place I see Taryn running after a young girl. One that is laughing happily, the sounds of her giggles echoing around me. I feel the rawness in my chest, knowing that I had to get passed this newfound news. Taryn doesn’t deserve my distance, or my frustrations.
The sound of branches cracking in the close distance, pull me from my thoughts. I am no longer alone, but there is no reason to be alarmed. I can hear the deep breaths of my father, feel the connection one wolf feels to another. A communication shared between anyone within a pack.
“Son.” I don’t turn to face him. “Tell me something.”
Leave me the hell alone is what I truly want to tell him.
“Had you known about Abigail any sooner, would it have stopped you from falling for Taryn?” It’s then I shift to face him. “Would you have chosen any other to share your life with?”
“No,” absolutely not. Taryn is and has always been the only one. No devastating news could ever change that.
“You need to get past this.” Like I didn’t already fucking know that. “She is worried.” A sharp pain rips through my chest at his words. “Abigail was forced to be their informant, she was tortured and in the end they found our weaknesses. That is in no way her fault.”
I choose not to respond, I know all of this. Only it doesn’t take away the pain, the anguish.
“You need to take some time, calm yourself. Then you need to go home to Taryn. She needs you.” My father finally steps up to my side and his coat carefully brushes against my own. “And you need her.”
Closing my eyes, I again allow my head to droop as I take in a slow breath. Opening my eyes, I see the memory of my father and of myself.
The memories of the first time I shifted and my father w
as forced to chase after me. The first time we stood almost in this very same spot and he explained to me my fate. That day changed everything. Nothing was ever the same.
The sun has begun to rise, as I sit on the edge of the forest, staring ahead at my large house. One that, after all these years, finally felt like a home. I knew it was because of the woman now sharing it with and nothing to do with the actual structure itself.
I walk slowly toward the front porch, looking for the clothes I shed and finding nothing. Again, I feel the guilt of knowing that she found them, picking them up for me, and I’d left her with nothing but worry.
Carefully I climb the front steps and disarm the alarm before entering the front door. Once I find a pair of sweats in the laundry room I search her out, pausing in the entryway of the living room. Curled on her side, a large blanket wrapped around her body securely, is my sleeping beauty.
The large chaise that holds her is barely large enough to fit my body alone, so instead I slowly lift her and move her to the oversized couch. Crawling in behind her I hold her body to mine and simply breath her in.
As I start to fade I hear her softly whisper. “Are you ever going to talk to me?” The sadness I can hear lacing her voice adds to the ache I already feel knowing I worried her. “You’ve been so different since you arrived back home yesterday. So angry,” she turns her body and brings her front to my own.
Taryn’s eyes lock with mine and she lifts her hand to cup my cheek.
“I don’t know what’s happened, but I’m worried about you. You’re not the same man you were last week. You’re sad, aggressive, and it scares me.”
“I would never hurt you.” she couldn't possibly believe I would ever harm her.
“Physically I know this,” I sense a but coming. “But, you could destroy me emotionally.”
“Taryn,” I lean my forehead against hers and fight off the emotions that are beginning to cripple me.
“Please talk to me,” there is such a desperation in her voice. “You can tell me anything, but avoiding me, that is only tearing me apart.”
For a few silent minutes I hold her close and together we simply accept the other's touch. I can feel myself calming, feel that ache inside of me slowly begin to ease up. “I love you,” I confess, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. “And I’m sorry I’ve scared you, but I promise that everything is going to be okay.”
She starts to argue, and I again kiss her.
“Right now I’m exhausted, and all I need is to hold you in my arms to feel safe. Just lay here with me and believe me when I say that I’m dealing with something, and soon I’ll share. But for now, I need sleep, and I need you to soothe me.”
My girl wants to demand more, I can see it in her eyes. I’ve learned her moods and looks, I can sense when she is argumentative, and right now she wants to insist I give her more than my pitiful explanation.
Taryn takes a few deep breaths, I nuzzle in a little closer and then she sighs. She’s given up, accepting what I am in desperate need of and has decided to give me exactly that.
Keeping my mind from thinking all the things I want to, for fear of her hearing my thoughts, I instead focus on the good. I envision my love holding our child, rocking her in her arms, pressing a kiss to her head. I picture the two of them snuggled up together in an oversized chair reading It’s all so beautiful and I find it easy to fall into a deep slumber holding the woman I adore in my arms.
Taryn
I pull Merick’s truck up in front of Amelia's clinic. I’m here for a checkup, but I don’t know how much bigger my belly could possibly get, I can no longer see my feet. I grab my purse and then climb out of the truck.
I can feel eyes on me and find Jonathon down the street with his phone to his ear. He gives me a chin lift and continues to watch me until I’m safely inside the building. “Amelia?” I call out.
She comes out, frowning for a second, but then hiding it by smiling. “Hey Taryn.” Amelia pulls me into a hug, “you look great. You’re all belly.” She places her hands on my stomach. “Just perfect.”
“Thanks. I feel like a whale.” My baby kicks my hand when I place it on my belly. “This little one loves to party the minute I lie down.”
“That’s completely normal.” She looks behind me. “Where’s Merick?”
My eyes begin to burn. “I-um...I told him not to come.”
“Oh okay. Let’s go.” She leads me into the exam room. “I want you to take off your bottoms, panties, and cover with the drape that is behind you. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
The moment Amelia steps out of the room the tears brimming in my eyes begin to slide down my cheeks. The morning Merick came home I thought maybe things would get better between us, but it hasn’t. We sleep together every night and he holds me tightly, but when I wake he is always already out of bed and in his office.
Everyone has been stopping by to check on us. I know what they see when they look at me. Dark circles marr the skin under my eyes, I’m pale, and my appetite has been non-existent lately. I eat for my baby and that’s it.
Merick’s been keeping his thoughts to himself, but every now and then I hear him think the name Abigail. I haven’t been able to summon the courage to ask him about it yet. I’m scared to death about what he’ll say.
Earlier when I was getting dressed, I found him watching me from the doorway. I turned away and pulled my shirt down over my belly that was expanding at a more rapid rate the past week.
When I turned back around, he was gone and I felt my heart shatter. Downstairs I found him standing by the door with his coat. I felt my anger build and I stopped right in front of him. “I’m going to my appointment alone. Can I take your truck?”
His face gave away nothing...as usual. “That’s not an option. It’s not safe.”
Instead of holding onto the sadness that’s invaded me I let my anger take over. “I don’t care. How about this?” I leaned in, “I. Don’t. Want. You. There. I feel like the last week I’ve been dealing with shit alone so I want to go see how my baby is doing without you.”
Merick handed me his keys and I slammed out of the house, knowing that I was safe because I may not see them, but I could feel the people protecting us around me.
“Taryn?” I am pulled back to the present when Amelia comes back in. “Sweetheart are you okay?”
I shake my head. “No, but I will be.”
She stares at me, a dumbfounded look on her face. But I do nothing to reassure her. “O-okay, let’s check on you and baby.”
After checking my vitals Amelia has me lie down on the table and first measures my belly and then writes something down. When she squirts some jelly on my belly, she holds a little instrument to it and moves it around slowly. The fast whoosh of my little girl’s heartbeat begins to echo through the room.
Tears leak from my eyes as I listen to the most beautiful sound in the world. Amelia grabs my hand with her free one and lets me listen longer. When she pulls it away I miss that beautiful sound already. Excitement fills me though when she pulls the ultrasound over.
She turns it on, types some information into it and then turns to me and smiles. “Let’s look at the baby. Do you want to know the sex?”
Merick and I had wanted to be surprised, but I know deep in my soul that this baby is a girl—I’ve dreamt of her. “Ahem...I’d like to know, please.”
She moves the wand over my belly, stopping to type and then moving it again. “The baby looks great. From the measurements I’m estimating that the baby is around six pounds.” Amelia turns to look at me. “Honey, you’re measuring almost thirty weeks. The baby is growing fast and at this rate you could have the baby in the next month.”
“Oh god, I’m not ready Amelia.”
She grabs my hands in hers. “Taryn it’s okay. You’ll be ready trust me. You have a lot of people that are going to be there for you, to protect you, and the baby. Now let me show you that beautiful baby.”
I nod as she turns the l
ittle screen toward me. There, staring right at me is my baby. I reach out my hand touching the screen and freeze. Did the baby smile at me? She does it again, but I can’t be so sure that it really happened. I’ve been so tired, maybe I’m hallucinating.
Amelia touches my hand. “The baby is most definitely a girl. I’ll print you some pictures to take home. Then I just have to do a quick test and you’ll be all finished.”
She finishes the rest of the exam and the uncomfortable test that I don’t want to talk about. Once I’m dressed she walks me out and stands on the sidewalk, watching as I get in and drive away.
When I get home I sit for a minute in the driveway, not even sure I want to go in at the moment. I love Merick, I do, but this distance he’s put between us is killing me. How can I fix this when I don’t know what happened. I grab my purse and climb out of the truck.
Inside the house it’s quiet, almost silent. I slip off my coat and set my purse down after I fish the baby’s pictures out. I move through the house. “Merick?” No answer. I head to his office and find it empty. I set down the picture of our daughter’s face and write him a note.
I grab my phone and head upstairs. I crawl onto the bed and dial my best friend—I need her.
“Hey Momma, how are you?” The tears immediately fall. “Taryn what’s wrong? Oh god, is it the baby?”
“N-No she’s fine. I-I just...I hate to ask, but can you come here? I need you.” I hate how weak I sound, that’s not me. I also know that it isn’t exactly safe for her to be here, but I need her.
“Let me talk to Roger and see if I can’t take some time. I’ll call you when I find out. Now it isn’t lost on me that you said she, does that mean I’m going to be the auntie to a little girl?”
We spend the next half hour talking about the baby and my appointment. Of course when she comes she’s going to know something is up since I’m hugely pregnant now and you can’t miss that fact either.
