The touch of his hand on her head interrupted her thoughts. She looked up at him and saw him watching her.
“How is that ye are soothing me when it should be me tending to ye?”
“I dinna rightly ken. Ye still havenae answered me. What are ye doing here?”
“I was with the queen when I learned of yer attack. I had nae idea it was this serious. Elizabeth Fraser secreted me here. I—I–I had to see ye,” she stammered unable to look him in the eye.
“Ye came through those dark tunnels to see me, but ye willna look at me?” Tavish chuckled then groaned as he pressed his hand against his ribs. “Come up here where I can see ye.” He patted the bed where her folded hands rested.
Ceit sat beside Tavish and looked him over. She took in his battered face and the blood on the bandage from what must have been cuts on both his forehead and the back of his skull. She reached out her hand but snatched it back. Just like when they sat together on the log beside the road, Tavish took her hand in his.
“This is ma fault, Tavish. I ken it had to be ma uncle.”
Tavish furrowed his brow and tried to shake his head, but only groaned and grimaced again. Ceit stroked out the furrows in his brow without forethought. It was only when he caught her hand and brought her palm to his lips did she realize what she had done.
“It isnae yer fault, mo sheillean beag.”
Ceit shuddered at the use of his pet name.
“But it was ma uncle’s men. I’m sure.”
Tavish did not deny her assumption. The tears poured forward. These were tears bottled up over many long years. They were tears of frustration and fear, tears of anguish and misery, and tears of remorse. Tavish pulled her down so her head rested on his chest.
“Let it out, mo ghaol. Ma shoulders are broad enough to carry us both. Let me bear this weight for once.”
“But ye’re injured, and I am pitying maself.”
“We both ken that isnae true. Ye dinna have an ounce of self-pity in ye. If ye did, ye wouldnae fight me at every turn.”
“I should be caring for ye.”
“Dinna worry. I intend to let ye take vera good care of me, but for now, let me do what I have been trying to for days.” Tavish took a deep breath and then scooped Ceit up and over his body to stretch out on the empty side of the bed.
“Tav!” She jerked up as she looked down at him in horror. She looked him over before running her hands over his ribs. “Ye shouldnae have done that. Ye might have hurt yerself worse.”
“I rather like the sound of ye fashing over ma wellbeing. Mayhap I should be poorly more often.” He winked at her.
Ceit sat there only blinking. She had no response for a man who had a head injury and battered ribs but picked her up and moved her about as though she was little more than a bairn. She relented and settled against him.
“If I recall, ye were in the midst of having a good cry.” He kissed the top of her head as he held her against him.
“I dinna mean to do that, and I dinna need to weep anymore.”
“But I ken ye’d be off better for it.”
“Is that how ye handle yer problems? Ye have a good cry?”
“Bzzz,” he whispered.
“Are ye making fun of me?”
“Nae at all. But ye are getting ready to sting me again. I meant that ye might be relieved to flush all yer fear and sadness from yer heart. Then we, or rather ye, can make a plan to go forward.” Tavish trailed off when he realized he was being presumptuous.
“We,” Ceit stated.
She propped herself on her elbow and studied a face that was already so familiar to her. She took in the tiny scar just under his left eyebrow. The small scar at the top of his right cheekbone. The faint freckles she was sure would stand out more in summer. She even noticed a couple of gray hairs poking through at his temples. She brushed these back as she looked down at his deep brown eyes. He watched her every movement but did not try to stop her.
She breathed a deep sigh.
“Tavish, I owe ye so many apologies I dinna even ken where to start.”
“Ye dinna.”
“Ye dinna have to absolve me. I ken ma guilt, and I would accept the consequences. Ye already ken how I came to be at court. Ye ken what I’ve had to do. It hasnae been that long, only a few sennights, but they have seemed longer than all the years of ma life leading up to this. There was always danger at home, but naught like I’ve found since being here. I am sorry for how things started, about ma lying to ye. I am sorry for being so prideful. I havenae been able to trust anyone here, and it’s made me overly self-reliant but also overly confident in ma ability to always take care of maself. I am sorry that I keep refusing yer aid when ye do so nae out of obligation, but I ken it’s because ye want to. That makes ma ingratitude all the worse. I’m sorry for ma unkind words, but it’s easier to push ye away than watch ye leave me on ma own. I’ve already been abandoned by every other mon in ma life. I couldnae bear it with ye. I’m sorry for making it seem as though I dinna want or need ye, or that I only desire ye but nae more than that. That isnae the truth at all.”
Ceit looked down and nervously played with the sheet that rested over his belly.
“I’m scared, Tavish. All the time. Every day. Of everything. I’m so tired, and I want to trust ye, but I’m scared of making a mistake that will cost me ma life, or worse, ma heart.”
“Ceit, mo ghaol, my love, I understand. I canna ruminate aboot the men who have played ye false. It eats at me, and I canna get past ma anger when I let ma mind wander to that. I promise ye that I will take ye away from here if that’s what ye want. I will take ye to Dunbeath whether ye wish to be ma wife or just a member of ma clan with a croft of yer own. I willna leave ye here. But Ceit, I wish ye would understand that I amnae trying to take yer freedom. Just the opposite. I want to offer ye the freedom that others have stolen from ye. I amnae trying to fight yer battles for ye but alongside ye. Back to back. The same as I do with ma brothers and ma da. Hell, even with ma sister a time or two.”
“I understand that now. Ye seem too good to be true. I was having a hard time putting ma faith in ye. We havenae kenned each other long. Ma intuition screams I should trust ye and nae run, but experience has taught me to nae let anyone get too close. Either they turn on me or disappoint me.”
“I will never turn on ye, Ceit. And I will try to nae disappoint ye. And on that matter, I am sorry that I didna forewarn ye of ma past. When we arrived, I didna picture us having a falling out so soon. I left ye unprotected in more than one way. I hope that ye will ken I am telling the truth when I say I dinna want any other woman. I will always be faithful to ye. I pledge that to ye now. On ma honor, I willna ever stray or dishonor ye.”
“Tavish, I never once doubted that. I didna doubt ye when ye promised as much by the fire the other night. Nay, it was just humiliating to realize that others ken ye far better than I do. Other women ken ye carnally in a way I dinna, and others ken yer reputation better than I do.”
Tavish sighed before wrapping his other arm around her with a grunt. Ceit settled against him, so he would not have to reach as far.
“Lass, ye have been told correctly. There is a goodly number of women who I have been intimate with. Ma sisters by marriage warned me ma past would come back to haunt me as nay bride would want reminders of ma misbegotten youth. I didna understand them, so I didna heed their warning. There is a good chance that if a woman here is a widow or a courtesan, then I ken her in some way or another.”
Tavish was unable to look at her when he admitted this. He looked towards the fire and watched it flare and splutter as it swallowed a peat brick, releasing the loamy scent that reminded him of home.
“Ma oldest brother, Callum, and I were vera alike when we sought the attention and distraction of women. It came without much effort to us both, and neither of us saw any reason nae to enjoy what was freely offered. Alex and Magnus are more alike because neither chased after women. Magnus considered himself a married mon for the pa
st seven years, and he pledged himself to Deirdre two years before that. He has been a virtual monk since they were separated. Alex was just more reserved and discreet aboot any women he might have bedded. I wish I could offer ma experience as a boon to ye, but I dinna think hearing aboot it is what ye want. I dinna want the ghosts of ma past to come between us.”
“What will it be like when we go home?” Ceit asked.
Tavish froze and looked down at her, but she was looking out the window. His hand ran up and down her arm and over her shoulder.
“I never dallied with any of the women in the keep. The men in ma family never seek distraction with the servants. We dinna countenance making women fear for their livelihood if they were to turn us down. There are a few women in the village who work at the tavern, but, well, they ken their occupation as well as I do. And,” Tavish paused as he considered what to say next. Ceit lifted her chin and looked up at him. “Isabella is the daughter of one of the clan elders. I’ve flirted with her unabashedly for years, but I havenae ever touched her. Ma sister has warned me that the lass will get the wrong idea and expect me to propose one of these days. I never took Mairghread’s warning seriously until this vera moment. I didna even consider the lass when I left Dunbeath. She is kind, but I dinna ken how she will react if I arrive home with ye as ma—” Tavish was not sure how to finish that sentence. “Mayhap ma da will have told the clan why I am away, and Magnus may do the same when he returns.”
“When.”
“What’s that?”
“When.”
“When what?”
“Ye said ‘if’ I return with ye. I’m saying when I return with ye.”
Tavish stilled and held his breath. He was not sure if he understood her and had no desire to put his foot in it. She nestled closer and ran her hand over his chest.
“Tavish Sinclair, I am going to marry ye. I am going to do ma vera best to be a good wife to ye. I dinna like the idea of meeting women who ken ye better than I do. I dinna like the idea of women trying to steal ye from me. But I also dinna like the idea of going through life without ye, alone. I would be by yer side just as ye always are beside mine. I canna promise I willna be a hornet when I should be, at worst, a bee. But I will try.”
Tavish tipped her chin up and searched her eyes before melding their lips together in a kissed filled with as much longing as there was promise.
“Ceit Comyn, I am going to marry ye. I will always do ma best to be a good husband to ye. I will protect ye from ma past as best I can and from anyone who would seek to do ye harm, be it with sword or words. But make nay mistake, ye already ken me better in a sennight than any woman ever has. I have never spoken so much to any woman. Ceit, what those other women ken aboot me isnae any different from what they would ken aboot any mon with a heartbeat. Ye ken more aboot what I think and feel than just aboot anyone else.”
“Tavish, may I ask ye something?”
“I told ye the other eve that ye can. Though ye find the most uncomfortable things to discuss.”
“I suspect this isnae going to be much different,” Ceit caught herself grimacing at her own thoughts. “Ye seem vera intent upon protecting me. I ken some of it is duty. I am to be yer wife, and I am a woman. But there is something else there, and I dinna understand it. I dinna ken how to phrase this without insulting ye. I dinna mean to imply ye are a coward, but it makes me wonder if ye’re driven by fear.”
Ceit froze and prayed he would not explode. Tavish drew in a breath, and then Ceit caught her own when he shuddered. She looked up to see his eyes pinched closed.
“Tav?” she whispered.
He nodded but said nothing. She waited and feared that she scratched open a wound she could not hope to heal.
“Ma mama passed away a long time ago, but it still seems like yesterday. We were all still young. She fell ill and never recovered. We were all so helpless and could do naught to cure her. I watched her slip further and further away each day despite how she fought to stay with us. I watched the weight of grief almost cripple ma da. I ken without a doubt that if he didna have me and ma brothers and sister to care for, he would have followed her to the grave. Sometimes I sense he is biding his time until he can join her.”
Ceit absorbed his shuddering breaths again and wrapped her arms as tightly as she dared. She waited, content to hold and be held if that was all he wanted. She felt more than saw Tavish sweep his hand over his face.
“I havenae cried since the day ma mama died. I swore I would never cry again.” Tavish buried his nose in Ceit’s hair, and she shimmied up to tuck his head in the crook of her neck. “I havenae ever wanted a wife because I feared I would love her and lose her like Da did with Mama.”
“Mo ghaol, mo chridhe.” Ceit brushed her lips across his forehead much like a mother would a hurt child. She stroked his hair and hummed a tune she had long forgotten until this moment.
“I protect ye, aye, because ye are to be ma wife, and it is ma duty to do so. But I protect ye because I canna picture ma life anymore without ye. I would do aught and everything to keep ye safe. I willna apologize for that, and I willna spare anyone I perceive means to do ye harm.”
“Mo dhìonair, I am lucky to have ye. I didna ken before, and I never would have imagined. Just as ye canna change yer past, I canna undo ma mistakes with ye. But I understand now, and I willna be so selfish. I willna do aught to disregard yer concern or cause ye undue worry.”
“I will always be yer defender. I rather like that title.”
Ceit and Tavish came together in a tangle of arms and mouths. Their tongues slid between their lips and fingers sunk into hair as they pressed their bodies as close as Tavish’s injuries would allow. He rolled her onto her back and propped himself on his forearms, but when the room spun, and his arms shook, Ceit forced him back onto his side of the bed. They looked at one another and laughed. They exchanged a few more tender kisses and caresses before exhaustion from the day’s event caught up with them both. They drifted to sleep in one another’s arms. They were both asleep when Elizabeth slid the hidden door open and caught sight of them. She slid the door shut and smiled to herself as she retreated into the darkness.
Chapter Fourteen
Ceit woke to rough hands pulling her hair. She came fully awake with a scream. She tried to twist free, but in the darkness, she was unable to see where her assailant stood. She was unprepared for the slap that knocked her teeth together.
“Keep the stupid bitch quiet. She’ll wake him. I dinna trust him even injured.”
Tavish roared, “I’m already awake, ye fucking eejit.” He stabbed the blade he kept tucked beside him into the man who stood over him. The blade landed in the man’s leg, and he howled in pain. He picked up the candlestick on the bedside and brought it down onto Tavish’s already battered head. Ceit screamed as she saw blood flood the bandage wrapped over his forehead. The man next to her slapped her again. He stuffed a foul rag into her mouth and then tied another one over it to force the gag into place. He pulled her arms and hair to get her out of bed
“You’re a fine piece, but I don’t want some Scots heathen’s broken in slut. I don’t want ma cock to shrivel and fall off.”
Ceit twisted and struggled to break free. She kicked out her feet and grappled to free her hands. She needed to get one of her knives into her hand, but the man was stronger than her and gripped both of her wrists in one hand. He pulled rope from somewhere near his waist and bound her wrists in front of her before hooking the rope down to her feet. He trussed her like a pig waiting for the spit. They then tied her to a chair placed in the deepest shadows of the room. Anyone looking into the room would not see her. She watched in horror as four men struggled to pull Tavish from the bed. He was a giant and outweighed each of the men by at least a stone despite them all being a goodly size. His unconscious form was a dead weight for them to maneuver.
“Why did you have to knock him out cold? We wanted him docile not dead. He is going to be impossible to move now.�
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“You weren’t coming up with any better ideas. He fucking stabbed me in the leg. I was not about to let that go. Buchan does not pay me well enough to deal with the ogre in a fit of rage. You should not have slapped his woman.”
“Hush, both of you. You’ve already said more than enough,” came an authoritative voice from a head that nodded in her direction.
Ceit tried not to look like she was studying them as intently as she was. She took in every detail she could absorb. She memorized their hair color, their build, the way they wore their weapons, and any distinguishable marks. One man had a scar that ran from the inner corner of his right eye to the corner of his jaw. Another man had a patch over his eye. The third man seemed the least memorable except for the malice that radiated from him. Ceit watched him most closely. She studied his hands as he tied Tavish’s behind him. The man had a ring on, one that resembled a signet, but Ceit did not make out any of the details thanks to the dark and the distance. She watched the men as they stood Tavish up. She registered their height and size compared to Tavish. It was no small wonder that there were three of them and that they struck in the dead of night. There was no way they would have survived an altercation with Tavish in the daylight or if he was uninjured. It was those two factors that allowed them to gain the upper hand.
“Your uncle sends his regards. You would be wise to work harder and faster or your fate will be the same as this one’s.”
Ceit sat motionless and tried not to let any of them see how the leader’s words cut her raw. They left through the only visible door to the chamber and left Ceit in complete darkness. She scrambled to adjust her skirts to get to her dirks. Her skirts were too tangled from being shoved into the chair for her to reach either pocket. She gathered the material in her fingers and pulled it back before pulling her legs to her chest. She freed a dirk from her boot and began to sever the ropes around her ankles. Once they were free, she flipped the blade and sawed through the rope at her wrists. She pulled the gag loose from her mouth. She crept to the door and put her ear against it. There was nothing stirring, but she would not be leaving that way. She had no intention of running into the men without more weapons and proper help.
His Highland Surprise (The Clan Sinclair Book 1) Page 12
