by Grace, Aria
"I owe you an apology," I say at last. "You deserve better than what you got when you came home last night."
"No, I don't." Seth switches off the faucet and turns to face me fully. "You're human, Zach. You're allowed to have bad days. You're allowed to go through shitty situations and feel so awful about everything that all you want to do is eat junk food and pass out on the couch. That's fine. You're also allowed to want time to yourself. I know you're not a social butterfly. I know you value your solitude. Maybe I should've backed down last night. Maybe I shouldn't have pushed so much when you were clearly feeling like shit. I just…I want us to be honest with each other about what we're going through. If you had just told me you'd had a bad day and you needed some time to decompress, instead of becoming sarcastic and combative, I don't think I would have had a problem with anything."
I'm a little stunned by the level of understanding coming from my omega right now.
He's far more mature and good-natured than I give him credit for. There's no doubt in my mind that he's the best human being on the entire planet.
"That's…that's more than fair," I say, nodding in agreement. "I… I'm still not ready to talk about it." I shift my gaze away from him.
"I just need you to answer two questions for me." He lays a hand on my chest and peers up into my face. "First, are you and I okay?"
I blink in surprise and look back at him. "Yes, oh my god, Seth…" My voice trails off as I place both of my hands on his shoulders. "You and I are perfect. I never want you to worry about us. Our relationship…it's the only thing that's getting me through this right now. I don't…I never want you to question that."
He smiles softly. "I just needed to be sure."
"What's your second question?" I ask, now fully invested in putting his fears to rest.
"Are we in any danger?" He looks me dead in the eye as he speaks.
Danger of becoming homeless maybe. The thought rushes through my head, but I push it aside and force myself to smile. I kiss Seth's forehead and inhale his scent. It instantly soothes my nerves and gives me the strength I need to go on.
"No," I say as I meet Seth's gaze. "We're not in any danger. This is…it's something to do with my past. My family actually. I…ugh. Talking about it is too much for me to handle right now. You don't have anything to worry about though."
Seth breathes a visible sigh of relief and leans against the kitchen counter with a smile. "Okay then. Just…promise that you'll tell me when you're ready."
"I promise."
Less than an hour later, the electrician emerges from the basement with an inscrutable expression on his face. He tells me that whoever I had in before was a lazy jackass who would've had to be blind in both eyes to miss the damage that's been done to the exposed wiring down there.
According to him, older houses used fabric to insulate wires instead of plastic. That fabric just happens to be the perfect material for mice to line their nests with. There are several places that have been gnawed almost clean through and still others where just the insulating fabric has been removed. The electrician seems to be convinced that if the damage is this bad where the wires are exposed, then it's bound to be worse where they're hidden. Not only that, but he says he's willing to bet that we've got some truly massive mouse nests in our walls.
Rewiring the entire house will require major renovations because the current wiring isn't even close to the current codes and regulations. The only way to fix it is to rip it all out and start from scratch. This isn’t a job for just an electrician. This requires multiple contractors to do several different stages of work, not to mention getting permits from the city to get everything put into order.
I feel my heart sink further and further as the electrician lays out the sheer scope of the project. His estimate for the rewiring of the house alone is more than I can afford. Everything else would surely send me into debt.
"We'll figure something out," Seth says as he makes a pot of coffee after the electrician leaves. "I can get a part-time job, and between that and what I'm getting from Omega House, we should be able to scrape the money together somehow."
"No." I shake my head slowly. "Omega House is already a full-time job for you. You don't need to take on another one. I'll take on a few more clients." I know that now is the perfect time to tell him the true depths of my financial trouble. The payments I've agreed to make to my mother will effectively keep me from affording any sort of renovations for the foreseeable future. Maybe my mother was right. Maybe we would be better off just selling this place and moving somewhere else.
I look sidelong at Seth as he happily measures sugar into my favorite mug.
My grandmother would've loved him. She was such a wonderful woman and always did right by me. Leaving me this house was her way of providing for me. Not only that, but I feel like raising my family in her home would be the best way for me to honor her.
I can't honestly consider selling it.
"What time are you getting back tonight?" I ask Seth as he brings my coffee to me. "I know you've got a busy day ahead of you."
"Right, um…" Seth looks away from me with a guilty expression on his face. "I'm actually thinking about staying at Omega House tonight."
I feel my heart skip a beat. I thought we were okay? I try to hide my sudden uncertainty behind a stoic mask. "Why?"
"Babe, this house…it's just a little too much for me right now." He looks like he's ashamed to admit it. "I don't…maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me, but I could've sworn I felt something…I don't know what it was, in the dark with us. I don't think I can sleep here after that."
"W-when are you coming back?" I can hardly believe what I'm hearing as I set my coffee cup aside and clutch the counter for support. My entire body feels stiff, and my strength is giving out.
"I…I'm not sure." Seth avoids meeting my gaze. "I don't want to be away from you…but I think…until the electricity is fixed…"
"Seth, I don't know when I'm going to be able to afford all that. It's…it's just not in the cards right now." Why does it feel like someone keeps pulling the floor out from under me? Just when I think I've regained my footing, something like this happens. "You…you aren't moving out, are you?"
"Let's just take this one day at a time for now," he says, laying his hand on my arm. "The electricity was fine for a long time. If it's still okay in a day or two, then I'll come back. Until then, I need to sleep where I'm not constantly wondering if I've got a ghost for a roommate."
15
Seth
I'm the worst omega in the universe.
My alpha is clearly going through a tough time right now, and I abandon him to take the easy path.
The fact is, I haven't been getting much sleep at all lately. I don't know what the problem is, but I've been waking up a lot more frequently, and it’s nearly impossible to fall asleep. Add a potential haunting to the mix and any chance of rest flies right out the window. I know my imagination is probably being a little overactive with the whole "haunting" thing. I'm almost certain that after a day or two, I'll be missing Zach so badly that I won't be able to spend another minute without him.
Until then, I need to at least give myself a decent night's rest. I know there are people out there who think my job doesn't entail very much. But they’re wrong. Even though I'm not a counselor or social worker to the omegas who come to us, my role at Omega House is still vital to its success. I take my work very seriously, and in order to operate at peak condition, I need sleep.
Zach understands that.
He tells me as much every morning before I leave for work. I can tell he's nervous though, and I know he's probably dreading this separation as much as I am.
I'll call him tonight and talk to him until I fall asleep, just like I do every night. Hopefully, that'll help alleviate some of his fears.
When I get to work, everything seems to be in full swing.
It took me a while to get used to arriving at Omega House after ever
yone else was already awake. After years of sleeping within its walls, it's an interesting change to come in with so much noise and movement. It'll be strange to go back to the old routine after being away for so long.
Before I'm through the front door, I'm already making a mental checklist of things I need to get done today. By the time I reach the main office to clock in, I can tell it's going to be a longer day than I first thought.
I barely get a moment to myself for the rest of the day.
There's always something else to do and someone else to help. The constant stream of work keeps my mind busy and focused on something other than my poor, miserable alpha. I keep checking my phone for texts throughout the day, but there's nothing. He's never been much for regular texting, so I shouldn’t be surprised. But despite my efforts to reassure myself, it feels hollow.
By the end of the day, I’m mentally and physically drained. But I’m still dreading going to bed alone. I almost give in and head back home to apologize to Zach for even considering sleeping anywhere other than in his arms.
"Hey, so…I heard you're staying here tonight?" Jason's voice catches me off guard as I sit on the edge of the bed in my old room.
I look up at him as he leans in the doorway. "Yeah." It's a little annoying that, after weeks of ignoring me, Jason decides now is the time to resume contact.
"A couple of us are heading over to the club in a little while." He scuffs the toe of his shoe across the floor. "I was wondering if maybe you'd like to tag along."
My immediate instinct is to turn him down, but the truth is, I kind of miss hitting the club with my friends. The lights, the music, the dancing… It's not really the kind of thing Zach would be in to. With all the people, packed in shoulder to shoulder, he would be miserable.
"Okay, sure." I nod my head in agreement after a moment of contemplation. "It'll be nice to get out for an evening."
"Great!" Jason sounds ecstatic with my response. "We're meeting downstairs in an hour. Also, if you need something to wear, you can always borrow something of mine. We're about the same size, and you look good in everything."
I look down at my outfit. It's a little plain, definitely not normal club wear, but I don't really feel like wearing someone else's clothes. "I think I'll pass. Unless you think I'm too unfashionable to be seen with you."
"No, definitely not. What you're wearing is fine. I just…" Jason shifts uncomfortably. "Anyway, I'll see you in an hour."
* * *
An hour and a half later, I'm already beginning to regret my decision.
The music and the lights are making my head throb as I lean against the bar for support. The stench of alpha pheromones is thick in the air, and I can feel them all leering at me. Part of me likes that they're still interested in me even though I'm not dressed up, but the rest of me is too busy trying to keep from losing my dinner to notice.
The air feels claustrophobic, and I can barely hear myself think.
I feel like I'm going to pass out as I claw my way to the front door in a desperate search for fresh air.
Out in the parking lot, I can finally breathe again. Even with the smell of cigarettes in the air from smokers hovering a little too close to the front door, the worst of my nauseous subsides.
I lean against the wall and check my phone for any new messages, but there's still nothing. I'm just about to send a text of my own when Jason emerges from the club with a worried expression on his face.
"There you are," he says with relief as he approaches me. "Someone said they saw you leaving. I thought you might have run off on me."
"Nope." I put my phone away and fold my arms across my chest. "I just…I needed some air. Is it just me, or is it really stuffy in there?"
"It's no different than usual." Jason shrugs. "Maybe you just need a drink to loosen you up."
The mere mention of alcohol makes my stomach turn, and I press a hand to my lips in an effort to suppress the feeling in the pit of my stomach. "I don't think drinking is such a good idea right now."
"It's fine," he says, giving me a concerned onceover. "If you want, I can give you a ride back to Omega House. You look like you need to lie down."
I consider asking him to drop me off at Zach’s, but I don't. I'm stubbornly dedicated to my current course of action. I can handle at least one night apart.
I stare out the window of Jason's car as we drive the familiar route back to Omega House. He doesn't really say anything, but he keeps looking my way. I can tell there's something on his mind, and I really wish he would just spit it out, so we can get this over with.
"You looked out of sorts all evening." He stops at a light and looks right at me. "Is everything alright?"
I fight the urge to say something sarcastic in response. I can't help but feel like he's digging for something, and I resent him for trying. Instead of fighting it, I opt for honesty.
"Not really," I say as I sink back into my seat. "I just really miss Zach. This is the first time I've been away from him overnight, and it feels surreal. I know he's probably in bed reading right now. The fact that I'm not there with him feels wrong somehow."
"Then why aren't you with him?" Jason asks before taking off for the green light.
"Nothing dramatic," I reply, waving my hand dismissively. "The house is old and has some wiring issues. The lights flicker at random times, making it really difficult to sleep. I thought I'd see if things were better at Omega House. That's all." I know I'm over simplifying the situation a little bit, but my explanation seems to satisfy Jason.
At the very least, he lapses into silence and doesn't say another word to me the rest of the ride back.
16
Zachary
I'm not really sure how long I’ve been sitting on the couch and staring at the ceiling. All I know for certain is that I feel completely…wrong.
I understand Seth's reason for wanting to sleep at Omega House. If I had anywhere else to stay, I probably wouldn't want to be here either. But I can't afford to keep staying in hotels. Not if I want to get the electricity fixed any time soon. I just can't help but wonder if him leaving is a sign of a deeper problem.
In my heart, I know there's no one else I want to be with. Even when we had our little spat, nothing felt really wrong to me. I just don't want to lose him to something as ridiculous as my stupid electrical problems.
That said, the lights haven't flickered once all night long and the furnace has been fine. Even the fire crackling on the hearth hasn't had any issues. I don't think the house is haunted. Not really. But I do understand why Seth was a little freaked out by the whole ordeal.
It's not until early morning daylight starts streaming through the living room window that I finally come to my senses. I've been sitting here all night, feeling sorry for myself. It's time to actually get up and do something productive to get my omega home.
I can't go through another night without him. I just can't.
Before I do anything else, I send him a text and ask him if he'll let me take him to breakfast. It's still very early, and I know he's probably asleep, but at least it'll be waiting for him when he wakes up.
Until then, I roll up my sleeves and pull up my list of past clients. It takes a bit of leg work, but I start touching bases with everyone I've ever worked with. It's not unusual for me to check in with them and ask if they need any additional work done. I've just never attempted to do that on a scale as large as this. While I’m at it, I also place a couple ads on sites to promote my services.
In the past, I've kept my net small in order to avoid getting flooded with work. Right now, however, I don't have that luxury. I need high paying clients, and I need them now.
After a brief flurry of activity, I feel like I've done everything I can to drum up some new clients. Now I just have to wait for people to start contacting me.
And I hate waiting around.
I can't hold still, and I keep fidgeting with everything around me. My thoughts are constantly wandering back the most ob
vious elephant in the room. The fact that I'll have almost enough money to get the ball rolling if I just refuse to give my mother the payment she's demanding. Maybe if I explain the situation to her, I can convince her to give me a slight reprieve on the first payment.
The thought of dealing with her again makes my skin crawl. Thankfully, I know better than to expect charity from my mother. If I go to her and tell her about my situation, she'll just try to twist it into something more advantageous for her. If there's no immediate way for her to benefit, then she won't do it. She isn’t bluffing when she says she'll go to her lawyer and try to challenge my grandma's will.
I take a deep breath and clench my hands into fists of determination. The only answer here is for me to increase my income as much as possible. Depending on the amount of work I bring in, I may need to find someone to help me. It's a situation I've been avoiding for obvious reasons, but I'm willing to deal with another person if it helps me get my omega back.
My cell phone chimes with an incoming text, so I snatch it up like a starving man grabbing a loaf of bread. The text is from Seth. He wants to take me up on my offer for breakfast. My heart swells with joy at his words, and my worry fades a little. If he really was pulling away from me, I don't think he would've accepted my offer.
Encouraged by the positive message, I feel ready to take on the world. I text him back to tell him I'll be there soon before heading upstairs to get dressed.
* * *
I don't drive very often, and rarely during the day. It’s not the driving that bothers me all that much. I'm a careful driver and I follow the traffic laws, avoiding more accidents than I can count just by being vigilant. No, what really bothers me about driving is the other drivers.
Especially at this time of day.
