by Cindi Madsen
Don’t think about that night. Don’t think about her at all. Even though I didn’t like the way she’d pulled away, it was what I needed. What was best for my career.
I clenched and unclenched my fists at my side, anxious energy pulling my muscles taut. I couldn’t wait until Liam arrived with the mitts—I was definitely ready to hit something and relieve some tension. Several of the other fighters had talked about the beach training sessions, most of whom called them training sessions from hell, but the majority still sang praises for how great they were for conditioning and learning to shut out everything around you.
I’d been in those big fights with thousands of people screaming, lights flashing, music blaring, so I felt like I was pretty good at tuning out background noise in the arena. Whatever, though. I was willing to show my coaches that I had what it took to go all the way. Liam and Finn talked to me about a few opponent options last night. One of the promoters had approached them and was trying to get a card filled. None of the guys in my weight class were ranked very high, so the fight wouldn’t be nearly as big as I wanted, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. If the deal for that went through, I was just going to be grateful to be back doing my thing and on the right track to moving up my ranking.
No more distractions. No more wondering what Brooklyn was doing, or passing by her desk and hoping she’d look up and smile. Hell, I’d take a glare at this point.
Just let it go.
Easier said than done, but it was time I gave my all to trying. I jogged in place and swung my arms, warming up.
There are plenty of beautiful women here, ones that wouldn’t get me all tangled up in complications. My gaze skimmed over a few of them, and I tried to convince myself that it didn’t matter if they didn’t come anywhere near to measuring up with the girl constantly on my mind. I was factoring in her feisty personality and her laugh, and the way that every time she talked I wanted her to keep going. This exercise was for strictly physical attraction purposes. No strings, nothing that’d take away my focus.
A raven-haired girl with a belly button ring smiled at me.
I almost forced myself to go say hi, but then it hit me that I shouldn’t have to force myself to hit on someone. What the hell is wrong with me?
My nerves stretched tighter and tighter, until I spotted Liam walking my way, a giant duffel bag slung over his shoulder. And fuck me, his sister was right next to him, my relief lasting all of half a second before I noticed her. This workout just got upgraded from hellish to personalized torture in the inner circle.
I closed my eyes, counted down from five, put on the best poker face I could, and then turned toward the two Roths currently making me long for purgatory.
As hard as I worked to keep my eyes from straying to the one place they needed to stay away from, I was useless to resist. She had on a hot pink bikini top edged in black, and one of those makeshift skirts tied around her waist, also black. Every other step, most of one leg would come out of the long slit. It added a forbidden edge, like I was getting a peek at something I shouldn’t, which made it that much hotter.
Step, flash of ridiculously sexy leg, step, flash. My heart beat in time with the appearance of all that mouth-watering skin.
Liam had already caught me ogling his sister once—before I knew she was related to him. Now I knew better, and that meant I should look away. Totally gonna do that now…
Or not.
Gathering all my self-restraint, I forced myself to address Liam. “Hey, coach.” He nodded, and then I let myself glance at Brooklyn, doing my best to keep my poker face in place. “Mornin’, bruiser.”
She crossed her arms, and while she probably meant to use it as a way to close herself off to me, it only emphasized her cleavage, making it all the more impossible to not drink in every curve. “Fortunately for you, I’m not here to do any bruising today. A certain someone thought I needed outside time, and I was promised a fun change and a chance to relax. I didn’t realize he was going to be doing drills with you.”
“You said you wanted to do something besides the bills and laundry,” Liam said.
Now would probably be a bad time to point out that I wasn’t bills or laundry. It’d almost be worth it to see the look on Brooklyn’s face. Only I needed her to take off the shades first, so I could see those big blue eyes fly wide in the few seconds I’d have before her brother attempted to take me out.
Brooklyn tucked a flyaway strand of hair behind her ear. “Don’t get me wrong. While I do appreciate the chance to soak up some Vitamin D, I’m not sure that watching you guys put all your testosterone on display for the half-naked ladies at the beach is what I’d call fun.”
“Don’t be so sexist. I display my testosterone for all.” I ran a hand down my chest and abdomen. “I can’t help it, it just exudes out of me.” I’d hoped a joke might penetrate the stony shield she’d thrown up, but it bounced right off, her closed-off posture and expression unchanged.
“Well, exude it right on past me. Thanks to the overabundance of machismo in my life, I’m so not interested in more.”
I bit back the urge to say, “That’s not what it seemed like the other night.” Not sure why she was drawing such a firm line in the sand. I’d heard her loud and clear when things went from easy and natural to stilted. She’d hardly hung on to me as I’d driven her to the gym to get her car, and she couldn’t climb off the back of my bike fast enough.
Liam glanced between us, and Brooklyn quickly looked away. Probably not fast enough to keep her brother from noticing the charged vibe she and I had going on—or maybe I was the only one feeling it all the fucking time. The girl was under my skin and it was driving me crazy. I hadn’t been lying when I said that thoughts of her kept me up at night, and it’d only gotten worse over the past few days. Replaying the moments when I’d curled her close and touched her soft skin only left me frustrated and unsatisfied. I wanted the real thing.
“You guys go ahead and do your thing,” she said, “and I’ll set up to do my favorite part of training.”
“Let me guess, watching guys suffer?”
“Who me?” She looked over the top of her sunglasses and batted her eyes, all false innocence. Just when I was celebrating getting a reaction out of her and a peek at those baby blues, she shook herself out of it. She pushed her shades up her nose, dropped her big bag in the sand, and aimed her next words at Liam. “I’m going to work on my tan while I can. I have a feeling that I’m only going to get more behind on everything that needs done and end up staying at the office extra late. Guess I might as well soak in the sun before I forget what it looks like.”
Liam lowered the duffel, unzipped it, and swore. “I left my gloves in the truck. Remember how I said not to let me forget them?”
Brooklyn unrolled a beach mat. “Remember how I said that I hadn’t had my Mountain Dew yet so you were asking the wrong girl? And how you also told me we didn’t have time to stop by 7-Eleven because we already had water, and you don’t drink soda, and so you basically decided that if you can’t have one, no one can?”
“Fine. I guess I’ll go get them.” He kicked sand her way, and she twisted to shield her body, the laugh I’d missed spilling from her lips.
Brooklyn kicked sand back at him. “Go already. Tell you what. I’ll time you to make it more fun, and so that you can prove people are actually more awake without caffeine.” She held up her wrist to check her imaginary watch. “Go!”
The unamused look on Liam’s face made me want to laugh, but I knew better. He lumbered toward the parking lot, and once he was a safe distance away, my gaze drifted back to where it always tended to go—right to Brooklyn.
“So, no machismo, no displays of testosterone, and no more talking to me at the gym…? You know that saying about protesting too much and what it means?”
She shot me a scowl. “You wish.”
“I do. I’m not the one in denial.” So much for letting it go.
“Shouldn’t you be running sprints
? I’ll time you as well.” She lifted her wrist again. “I’m really interested in how far away you and your inflated ego can get from me.”
“Why doesn’t your boyfriend ever come into the gym to see you?”
She pressed her fingers to her forehead. “Why are you so obsessed with my boyfriend?”
“I just want to size him up. See what I’m up against.”
She sighed, her whole body getting in on it, and her words came out sharp. “You’re not up against him, Shane.” God, I was so starved for attention from this girl that hearing my name from her lips made me want to beg her to say it again. She ran a hand through her hair and looked away. “You’re not a contender. You’re not even in the cage.”
Bullshit, all of it, but she was fighting damn hard to make herself believe it. “Just admit it. I’m in your head.”
“Nope.” She glanced in the direction of the parking lot, but we both knew her brother wouldn’t be here to save her, not for another couple of minutes.
“If I wasn’t, you wouldn’t be so hell-bent on avoiding me.”
“Think whatever you want.”
“All right, I choose you, naked.”
Her mouth dropped and then she snapped it closed and let out a growl.
“You want to do a little bruising now, don’t you?” I made the universal bring it gesture. “I’ll let you use whatever method of submission you want on me. I’ll even make a bad joke about being able to give you all the vitamin D you need if that’ll get you to stop pretending I don’t exist and that you don’t feel something for me.”
“That’s hardly motivating.” She shook her head. “This is why I’ve been avoiding you. I’m not getting pulled into some stupid…I don’t even know what. I have too much stress in my life as it is right now, and I’m just not doing it.” She unhooked the knot at her waist, and the makeshift skirt fell away. The peek of leg was plenty captivating, but faced with a full view of her long legs in her tiny bikini bottom, I couldn’t decide which was my favorite. Then she turned to stuff the fabric in her bag, giving me a nice glimpse of her ass, and I was conflicted all over again.
Her. Everything about her.
I couldn’t even convince myself it was solely physical anymore, either. The way she looked was all tied up with those stolen stretches of time when we’d both dropped our guards, and I wouldn’t be so agitated if I hadn’t already gotten in deeper with the girl than I should’ve. I’m so screwed.
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Liam and put some space between me and his frustrating, sexy-as-hell sister.
We put on headgear and gloves—so I knew we’d be going hard—and then he explained that for every hit he landed, unblocked, I had to run to the pier and back. On the dry sand.
Now I got the hell aspect.
I put up my guard and dodged, bobbed, weaved. I caught a flash of hot pink. My attention snagged on Brooklyn lathering on sunscreen. A swipe across the chest, and—
Whack. My head jerked back, my ears rang, and my teeth popped as they came back together. I shook my head, regaining my bearings. Every damn time Brooklyn was around I ended up taking a hit. So much for my focus.
“Time to run,” Liam said. “Since you can’t stop staring at my sister, go ahead and sprint to the lifeguard tower instead of the pier. And unlike her, I actually have a watch to time you, so make sure to impress me.”
Chapter Fifteen
Brooklyn
Liam stepped up to me, completely blocking my sunlight with his massive body. He crossed his arms and gave me the stern look I swore he must’ve been born with, it came so naturally. “What are you doing?”
I shrugged, putting as much cluelessness as I could into it. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” A lie, but he’d have to drag it from me. Shane thought he was so damn irresistible, talking about how he was in my head. And okay, maybe he was, regardless of how hard I was trying to keep him out of there. But if he wanted to fight dirty—and he’d made it clear he did—I could fight dirty, too.
“You should leave him alone.”
“Me? He was the one talking about how he just exudes testosterone. But I can’t, what? Be a girl in a swimsuit on the beach? Better tell all these other women to pack it in. There are fighters in need of training, and that always takes precedence over everything else.”
His eyes grew even more steely. “Don’t act like you don’t know what you’re doing. You’ve dealt with guys like Shane for years, and you know how to handle them. I’ve seen you crush them and brush them off without a second thought. If that’s what it takes to get whatever shit show’s going on between you two over with, I’m all for it. We’ve got training to do.”
“That makes me sound so mean. If you’ll remember, the first time I fell for a guy like that, he crushed me. That’s why I was a lot harsher there at the end.” Not to mention how determined I was to get far away from the MMA world without further complications.
Liam sighed. “My point is, you’re letting him get to you. Don’t engage if you can’t handle it.”
Why was every male in my life purposely pissing me off today? Trey hadn’t called me back after I’d left him a message last night, then Shane decided to get all testy, now Liam was poking a raw nerve. “I can handle it just fine. And if your fighter can’t handle me being on the beach, he’s not going to do very well once there are ring girls and fangirls screaming his name. Really, I’m helping you train him to focus better. You’re welcome.”
Shane was on his way back, the dry sand slowing him some. He was still moving ridiculously fast, though, and I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing Liam and I had fought about him.
I stood and tossed my sunglasses aside. “I’m going for a dip. Not to purposely throw your precious training off, but because it’s hot, and there’s an ocean, and that’s what people do here.”
“Brooklyn,” Liam said, and I spun to face him, waiting for him to say the words I knew would get tossed at me eventually. About how I’d messed up things with one of their prize fighters before. They wanted me to come in and fix the business side of the gym, but without getting in the way. Without having emotions. I sort of longed for the time when I’d been better at closing them off—when I’d had that wall of anger and pain protecting me. “Just…be careful. That’s all I’m saying.”
I didn’t know if he meant with Shane or the ocean. Considering I’d grown up playing in the Pacific and was a strong swimmer, I tended to think he meant the former, which was what I was trying to do in the first place.
Liam’s words had taken the wind out of my storming-off sails, but once the water reached my waist, I glanced back to where he and Shane were back to doing drills, and my frustration swelled again. Why couldn’t I just brush Shane off? Why did I keep engaging, in spite of knowing it’d only make things worse?
In spite of it only tempting me to explore the connection I didn’t want to feel.
Last time I’d felt a connection this strong, I’d gone the impulsive route and given in to the pull without considering the consequences. Conrad and I started dating halfway through my senior year. He was a few years older and my dad and brothers were not happy about it, but after an extremely rocky month, things settled. I’d been accepted to the California Institute of the Arts in Valencia, and I’d heard amazing things about the professors, so I was super excited to start the next stage of my life. Near the end of that summer, Conrad told me he didn’t want me to go. Having three hours between us wasn’t ideal, but I’d thought we could make it work. Then he pointed out how rarely we saw each other outside of the gym and told me he needed me there with him as he moved up the ranks to the big leagues.
I was head over heels in love, so I decided to take a gap year. After all, my family needed me to stay on top of the admin and accounting stuff anyway.
I should’ve gone. Should’ve tried to get late acceptance at a local art school. Done anything except put my life on hold for Conrad’s career. And what was
my reward? Well, the one night I’d put my wants first, he’d cheated on me, and I got to spend four months in limbo.
During that time I put sturdy walls around my heart, going so far as to shut down guys’ advances before they could even fully make them. Not just fighters, but guys in general. The need to escape the MMA world grew stronger and stronger, so I applied to the San Francisco Art Institute, my new goal to get as far away as possible. When I received my acceptance letter, I knew my real future was calling to me. That I’d be able to rediscover myself there.
It took moving away and another few months of settling in before I dared to lower my walls the tiniest bit. The group of friends I’d met, being in love with my classes, and the chance to constantly work on my art helped with the healing process. I liked to think that I’d learned and grown and could now properly gauge the risk of a guy hurting me.
Shane fell in the super high range on the risk scale. Cocky and charming. Rough around the edges, with the kind of drive and passion that consumed everything in its path. He was also a fighter, set on belts and fame, and I couldn’t live in that world anymore. I wouldn’t.
Thanks to the nights he’d been there for me when I really needed to forget and get away for a while, it was more complicated than simply brushing him off. The best I could do was disengage and avoid as much as possible until things naturally cooled off between us. In the long run, it’d save both of us from unnecessary pain.
Trey was safe. He’d never once scared me. I didn’t spend our minor disagreements flinching and bracing myself for what might happen if they turned ugly, and I wasn’t constantly worried he’d break my heart. He and I had a steady, reliable relationship built on mutual respect, where he made time for my things and I made time for his. That’s why we worked.
I’m sure he didn’t call me back yet because he’s busy, and I’m busy, too, so I totally understand.
I just needed to make it another two weeks and he’d be here and I’d stop feeling so mixed up all the time.
