Clearing my throat, I push off the side of the building, taking a couple steps away. Turning my head to the side, I look at the man. “I’m not any better than anyone else. I’m selfish, I don’t want her to remember anything of her past, of her leaving me and pushing me away. As far as the rest of it. You’ll do whatever it takes when you’re in love, Keys. You know that, what would you do for Carson?” I ask.
“Nothing I wouldn’t do for that woman,” he quickly responds.
“Exactly.”
Without another word, I walk away, bringing my phone to my ear. I tell the doctor my situation, and he pulls Roxanne’s file.
It doesn’t take him long to give me a disapproving hum. “She needs more than I can give her.”
I cluck my tongue. I know she does, but I’m not risking losing her again, or someone like Melodie fucking with her. The risks are too fucking great. I meant it when I said she would never be out of my sight again. It wasn’t something that was said in passing, I mean that fucking shit down to my goddamn soul.
“Come talk to her, evaluate and prescribe whatever she needs. I have her meds if you need them,” I explain.
“No, I can see what she’s on. I’ll be there within the hour. I’ll evaluate her, but if she needs more than I can give her, you will get her the help she deserves,” he demands.
Closing my eyes for a brief moment, I reopen them and scan the area until I see her. She’s still talking to Carson, except now she’s got Axe wrapped around her knees. “I’ll give her whatever she needs, doc. Whatever she needs.”
After ending the call, I make my way over to the women. I need to see what Skinner and Ice found in the clubhouse and I need to deal with Snake. I said some shit I probably shouldn’t have, no matter how right I was. Also, there’s the whole Dice situation and I know that Roxanne wants to see him.
“Roxanne,” I call out.
She lifts her head, her eyes meet mine and swear to fuck my cock hardens beneath my jeans. She says something to Carson, then hurries toward me. She’s still in my t-shirt, her hair looking like a beautiful mess.
“Doctor will be here in less than an hour. You go up and shower. Still got some clothes in my room where you left them. I’ll be down here, unless you need me with you?” My mind screams at me to watch her every move, but as long as she’s close enough for me to get to, then maybe I’ll be okay.
She watches me for a moment, her mind working, thinking, and then she smiles. “Come with me.”
Letting out a breath, I nod. Lacing her fingers with mine, I walk us into the bar area. Snake is there, his eyes find mine and he lifts his chin. He doesn’t call me over, but his arms are crossed over his chest. “Be back down in a few,” I call out.
“In my office,” he announces.
Walking toward my room, we make our way into the bathroom. I should give Roxanne some privacy in the shower, but I don’t. I strip my dirty t-shirt from her body, then shove my jeans down. Together we step into the shower, the warm water running over our bodies and wordlessly we wash one another.
We don’t do anything more than kiss and touch. Though by the time she’s completely clean, she’s on the verge of an orgasm. I deny her, and myself, knowing that later tonight the reward of her climax will be that much more—everything.
Once our shower is finished, we dress and head back toward the bar. I don’t want to take her with me into Snake’s office, but I don’t want to leave her alone in the bar either. I have a dilemma, one that she can see raging inside of my head.
“I love you, Tanner,” she breathes.
I grunt, wrapping my fingers around the back of her neck. Pulling her against my chest, I dip my chin and press my lips against her forehead. A throat clears, interrupting the moment. Looking over, I notice it’s the doctor. My relief is swift. She can meet with him while I talk to Snake.
“Go with the doc, I’ll be right in Snake’s office if you need me,” I instruct.
She smiles, it’s fucking beautiful, and I already regret being separated from her even for what I know will only be moments.
“It’s quiet in my room,” I offer.
The doctor lifts his chin in acknowledgment and I reluctantly release Roxanne. I watch as the two of them walk away. Every step she takes from me causes my heart to race even faster. When they finally disappear from my sight, my breathing becomes labored.
Fuck, I am so fucking fucked.
Turning away, I walk into Snake’s office, rubbing the center of my chest with my fist, hoping for some relief from the aching. Inhaling a deep breath, I let it out slowly as I sit down across from Snake. He’s behind his desk, his hands clasped together. I don’t even notice the other men in the room, I’m too fucking busy trying not to pass out or run after Roxanne.
“We need to talk.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
HOUSTON
“We need to talk,” Snake begins.
Lifting my eyes to him, I tilt my head to the side, choosing not to say a fucking word. I wait. He wants to talk, he can talk. I’m still pissed the fuck off with the way things have been handled here, and I’m wondering if I made a mistake by joining these men.
“Dimples and the prospect were spies. We know that now, the problem is, they both had false background information they provided,” he announces.
Turning my head, I notice Keys is leaning against the wall.
“Isn’t it your responsibility to find out that shit?” I ask him.
He shrugs. “Shit’s been a little fucking busy around here. Snake told me they were good. I didn’t get a chance to verify.”
I want to kill him. I want to pull my gun out of my waistband and empty every fucking round into his chest. It would kill Carson, which would kill Roxanne though, so I don’t. That is his one and only saving grace at the fucking moment.
“The ball was dropped. I take responsibility for it, Houston. I’m sorry,” Snake says. His apology shocks the shit out of me, but it isn’t enough.
“You’ll apologize to Roxanne, and the club will pay for whatever medical attention she needs for the rest of her life, with or without me,” I grind out.
Snake dips his chin. “We will. Whatever she needs, it’s hers. I don’t have a problem with that.”
His words should make me feel better, they should, but they don’t. I’m angry with both he and Keys. Their inattention to their duties is the reason Roxanne was taken and abused. I’m not okay with any of that fucking shit, not even slightly.
“That’s not the only reason I called you all in here,” Snake continues.
No matter how badly I want to strangle him right now, I don’t. He’s my president, it doesn’t matter if I think I made a mistake by joining this club, my opportunity to leave is gone. This is where I am, and I need to make peace with the decisions and mistakes that he made. No man is perfect.
“Dimples and the prospect were indeed spies. They fed information to the rogue Notorious Devils from Big Sky. They were also giving information to that little gang, La Foule, along with Lea. The girl is a fucking mess, manipulated and used by the boy who was the leader. He’s being brought back here to be dealt with. The rest of the group will eventually dissipate unless someone else takes them over, they are too unorganized to continue without direction,” he explains.
It all sounds so clean, so cut and dry. It all sounds really fucking simple. Nothing in life is neat and easy, I know this, and so do the rest of the men in the room.
Snake’s gaze lifts to mine, he watches me for a breath, then speaks again. “Skinner will get Régle and deal with the disrespect that he showed in the way that he treated Lea,” he explains. “Keys has not found any more evidence that the Aryans are re-forming. Though, I highly doubt they will be fucking with us again even if they do. I think Roxanne was the last of their little games, and that didn’t have anything to do with us, not really. That was pure happenstance.”
I ball my hands into fists, trying to take calming breaths so that I don’t kill
this fuck right where he sits.
“The leader was a former Devil, his right-hand men were as well. They didn’t seem to be in contact with any other men from Big Sky or anywhere else. They were only interested in one thing, and one thing only, and it wasn’t growing the white race,” Dice announces from somewhere behind me.
I’m still too fucking angry to look around and talk to him.
“Yeah?” Snake asks, lifting a brow.
Dice clears his throat. “Yeah,” he says, then pauses for a moment. “It was all a sex ring. Their whole operation from Big Sky, then moving up here. All they wanted was sex slaves, but they all manipulated the shit that Fish and his men believed in, they did that to get what they wanted out of the deal. They never believed in that white supremacist shit. They just wanted to fuck slaves and impregnate. It was all about sex and power.”
“Brother, you just described every fucking man on the planet,” I state with a grunt.
Dice chuckles, “Don’t I fuckin’ know it.”
“They kept the girls drugged, roofied, and I doubt they even remember their own name at this point they’ve had so much shit flowing through them,” he explains.
“Now that I believe, Dimples did that to me,” I admit.
Nobody comments, they know what she did, a silent secret that doesn’t need to be shared or ever spoken of again after this moment.
“What happens now? They’re all dead, right?” I ask.
Dice grunts. “It looks like it, but they were getting women from somewhere, I just don’t know where. We had to end the operation before we could find out their source,” he explains.
“Were they Devils’ children or Old Ladies?” Snake asks.
We all hold our breaths waiting for an answer.
“Aside from Roxanne, I don’t think any of them had ties to the Devils. They were all young, in their late teens and early twenties,” he explains.
Snake’s eyes lift from his desk. I can see the war inside of him, but I know his response before he even says it aloud. I’ve seen men make these types of decisions in war, and right or wrong, sometimes you have to make it to preserve your own forces.
“If they aren’t ours, then it’s not our business. Honest to fuck, I don’t know where we would even start looking and we got plenty on our plate without adding something like this. Odds are, no more of them will be taken anyway. The Aryans are gone, those rogue Devils are gone, those punk kids will be gone soon. There’s nothing more to fight on that front. It’s done,” he announces. “We need to focus on our own shit, on new contracts and expanding our operation.”
Nobody argues with him. Snake isn’t wrong. The fight is over for us. That doesn’t mean that something else won’t pop up again tomorrow, but for now this part of our fight is done. We are the victors, but somehow victory doesn’t taste sweet in the slightest. In fact, it tastes fucking bitter as shit.
“Brother,” Crooner calls out just as we’re all leaving the office. I stop, turning to face him. The room empties, including Snake. “The shit she’s been through, the hells she’s survived. It never goes away, but it just makes you love her that much more.”
“Yeah, I fucking do, too. I love her more than I ever thought possible.”
Crooner clears his throat. “Let her help you with your shit, too. She’s strong enough. She’s already proved she’s one strong bitch.”
He doesn’t wait for my response, he leaves me alone in Snake’s office, or at least I think I’m alone.
“Crooner’s right. I let Ginger heal alone, I shouldn’t have. I should have been there for her, with her, instead of allowing her to push me away. Roxie is a strong woman, but brother, you cannot carry everything on your shoulders. Let her help you with that load.”
“She doesn’t even know what my past entails,” I state.
Snake hums, his eyes finding mine, he nods. “Maybe she needs to know it all, then.”
He leaves me alone with my thoughts. I scrub my palm down my face, thinking about his and Crooner’s words. Their women were held, sexually used and abused as well. They know a little of what Roxanne has been through, what I’m going through as her man. Maybe they’re right. As pissed off as I am at Snake right now, I cannot discount decent advice.
Standing, I decide to go and check on her. I’ve been away from her for a good hour, and I’m sure the doctor isn’t finished, but I can’t stay away from her for another second.
ROXANNE
The doctor leaves just as Tanner walks through the bedroom door. I expect the doctor to pull him aside and tell him everything that we’ve just discussed, but he doesn’t. I’m thankful, but also a bit disappointed. This means that I have to talk to Tanner myself.
I watch as he closes the door behind him. He looks deep in thought, completely immersed in whatever is happening inside of his head. I wonder if he can really even see me sitting right across from him. I don’t speak right away, choosing instead to wait and watch.
Tanner makes his way into the room, sitting down next to me on the bed. His hands are trembling slightly. Unable to stand it a second longer, I reach for him, and take his hand in mine, lacing my fingers with his own. He inhales deeply, then exhales.
Looking forward, he finally speaks. “I’m told if I give you a bit of my burdens, that it’ll make me feel better or some shit,” he mutters.
My fingers squeeze his, waiting for him to continue. I don’t know what his burdens could be, but judging by his seriousness, and the glazed look in his eyes, I gather that they are more than I could ever imagine. He goes on, speaking as if I’m not here, as if he’s just talking to an empty room. He tells me about his time in the service, about his friends that died all around him. He tells me about his guilt for simply surviving.
Halfway through his story, I’m unable to stand sitting next to him a moment longer. Crawling into his lap, I wrap my arms around his shoulders and bury my face in his neck. Tears pour from my eyes. The guilt he feels, I understand that. The remorse for simply surviving, I get that too. The pain is real, every single ounce of it.
“I love you,” I whisper through my tears.
His arms wrap around me, holding me against him at the same time he rests his chin on top of my head. “Love you too, Firefly. If you’ll let me carry your burdens, I’ll let you hold a bit of mine as well,” he says, his voice soft and even, gentle.
“Yes. I would like that, sharing our burdens with one another.”
Lifting my head, I look up at him. “The doctor said since I remembered Carson, the trip here, and about my illness that I would most likely regain the rest of my memories, but there is a possibility that I might never remember the trauma that I suffered,” I explain.
Tanner lifts his hand, combing his fingers through my hair at the side of my head. “You’ll have me no matter what you remember. Honest to fuck, I don’t care. You’re mine and I’m yours, and that’s all that matters.”
I clear my throat, holding his gaze with my own. “You know all about my illness. You know that I’ll never get better. The doctor told me I wasn’t able to have children. Yet, you still love me. Why?”
His lips turn up into a huge smile, the biggest that I’ve seen from him. His fingers twist in the back of my hair and he holds me still, my scalp slightly burning from his grip.
“I love you because you were made just for me, Firefly. There is no other woman on this planet that I’m meant to have at my side—only you.”
Tears fill my eyes, but I swallow them down, attempting to be strong. “You’re mine too, Tanner. No other man has loved me the way that you do. Just because I can’t remember every single part of my past, doesn’t mean that I don’t feel that way deep in my soul. I know without a doubt that you’re the only man who can love me, wholly.”
His eyes smile before his lips twitch with a grin. “We’re going to be okay, Firefly. You and me, we’re going to be all right,” he says, pulling my face against his neck. I allow him, inhaling his masculine scent.
&nb
sp; “I know we are. Sharing our burdens was important, I think.” I say the words as I wriggle from his grasp and slide down to the floor, kneeling between his legs.
Looking up at him, he reaches out and wraps his warm hands around the side of my neck. “What’re you doin’?” he asks.
I shrug as I reach for his pants, unbuttoning his jeans and gently tugging his zipper down. Reaching for his length, I gently stroke him until he’s fully erect. His eyes widen, his tongue peeking out to wet his bottom lip.
Swirling my tongue around the head of his cock, I kiss the tip before lifting my head.
“Don’t stop,” he grunts, lifting his hips.
“Are you going to let me come if I let you?” I ask.
He chuckles, his lips turning up and smiling widely. His fingers move to my hair and he tugs my head back. “Firefly, you’re playing with fire. Don’t play me, Roxanne. You won’t like the consequences,” he says. His words are almost menacing, but his eyes and his facial expressions are anything but.
“Are you going to spank me?” I ask, arching a brow.
He shakes his head once. “No, I’ll withhold your orgasm though,” he threatens.
I gasp, watching his eyes light up. Leaning forward, I place another kiss on the head of his cock. God, I want to taste him, I want to make him come down my throat, but this tête-à-tête is fun. Taking him completely inside of my mouth, I keep my eyes focused on his.
His chest moves with his breathing, he’s panting, there are beads of sweat on his forehead and it’s beautiful. Everything melts away and it’s just us, just the two of us in this room.
There is no Roxie and her mental illness.
There is no Tanner and his PTSD.
There is no Notorious Devils club and their fucked up shit.
There are no kidnappings, hostages, sex slaves, or sterilization.
There is just us.
Just us.
Just Tanner and his Firefly.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Twisted with Chaos: A CASH BAR NOVEL Page 21
