Her face heated up again. It had just been a passing look. Nothing more, nothing less.
She’d loved having Natalie around. The small, thoughtful things Natalie had done both for her and Brittney hadn’t gone unnoticed.
Warmth filled her when she remembered just that afternoon, after regaining her composure on the porch, she’d discovered all of her car’s windows had been meticulously cleared. She didn’t have to guess who’d done it, not when she remembered complaining about having to do the time-consuming task at dinner just the night before.
Her heart ached when she considered all of those tiny moments.
Or did Natalie have a crush? Was Maddie really overreacting? As selfish as it was, she didn’t want to know. She liked Natalie’s presence in her life, and not just as one of Brittney’s friends.
Her phone rang, making her heart erratically thump. She tugged the device up and into view, oddly relieved and disappointed to see Sharad’s name on display.
“Sharad? Hello, and thank you for calling me back. I just wanted to confirm that you’re fine being on call with Felicity for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.” The clinic would be closed for both days, but they were prepared for emergencies.
Usually nothing happened, but every once in a while there was an accident in the kitchen or something related to holiday preparations. A few years back, Maddie had even helped deliver a baby.
She focused when Sharad began to talk, a small smile tugging at her lips as he brought up that very memory.
*****
“Holy shit,” Reeve mumbled as he raised his bottle to swallow another mouthful of beer. He was staring at the TV without really seeing it.
“Yeah,” Natalie sighed and rolled her own bottle of beer between her hands. She glanced around nervously, afraid Steven or Victoria would stumble in at any moment.
“Where did you say Tori is?” she asked as she continued to glance around the modest apartment.
Reeve winced. “She’s staying with Deacon tonight since he’s working Christmas Eve and Day.”
Natalie suddenly understood his wan appearance.
“He’ll be stopping by with his aunt for a little bit on Christmas Day. I thought I might ask her about the police academy,” he added as the silence lingered.
“That’s so cool, Reeve. I’m glad,” Natalie said with a small smile. It dropped after a moment, and she began peeling at the label of her beer bottle.
Her movements were interrupted when Reeve clinked his bottle against hers. “You bought me the beer to talk, so talk. Blurting out that she ‘kind of accidentally kissed me’ isn’t really worth a twelve pack.” She remained quiet, prompting him to roll his eyes. “I’m gonna put a movie on, then.”
Natalie bit her lip but continued working the paper label slowly from the glass of the bottle. She didn’t care about whatever stupid movie he wanted to watch, but she really didn’t know what to say, either. Her mind kept replaying the kiss over and over, hoping that it would desensitize her to it if she faced it enough.
So far, she hadn’t had much luck. It hadn’t even been a real kiss, but oh how it made her want one. She felt so incredibly frustrated with herself. She didn’t want those fucking feelings, goddammit.
Her attention was pulled away when the sounds of a movie playing caught her attention. She frowned. “Reeve, what movi—” she cut herself off and her eyes widened.
“Are ya lost?” the blonde woman asked as she set her drink down. She eyed the younger man and prepared to light her cigarette.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Reeve?” Natalie nearly screeched.
“Stifler’s mom,” the tuxedo-clad young man blurted out as he fumbled with the hem of his white jacket.
She reached for a pillow and threw it hard at the laughing Reeve, who managed to raise his arm up in time to deflect the projectile despite his shaking body.
“I hate you so much, turn it off!” she hissed, although the corners of her lips began to curl up as Reeve continued to laugh.
Finally, she joined in on his laughter, needing the release of pent up emotion.
Reeve finally got ahold of himself, pressing the stop button on the remote. “So fucking talk, Nat. I know you want to. Honestly, I’m not here for your bullshit. Just get it out.”
Natalie blew out a violent breath from between her lips, her mind scattered and unfocused. She slumped on the couch. “I don’t know, Reeve. I really like Maddie. I like Adam. I like Brittney. It’s all just really fucked up, you know?”
His face was impassive as he studied her. “Did she talk to you about it?”
“Uh, not really,” Natalie admitted as she looked back down at her beer bottle. “She said she had to go to work and that she was looking forward to spending Christmas with us.”
“So, it wasn’t really a very weird moment then? Just a stupid accident?” Reeve asked with narrowed eyes as she continued to fidget.
“I, uh, I’m pretty sure she figured out that I have a massive crush on her,” she admitted. Her face felt like it was on fire and she was glad only Reeve was around to see it.
“Did she say she was looking forward to Christmas before or after the kiss?” He tipped up his beer bottle for another drink as he waited for a response.
She cleared her throat. “After.”
Reeve’s eyebrows arched up in surprise. “I think things will work out then.”
Natalie gave him an unimpressed look, and he shrugged. “Look, either you distance yourself or you just stick it out, Natalie. Considering that you invited them over for Christmas, distance isn’t an option yet.”
“I hate you,” she huffed out with a sigh.
“Shut up and drink your beer,” Reeve grunted and slouched back into the couch. He began flicking through different screens since he’d never had any intention of watching American Pie.
He settled on a Discovery Channel documentary. They both watched quietly; Reeve was content to absorb the new information and Natalie was still trying to come to terms with the last twenty-four hours.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she lazily tugged it out. It was Brittney asking for the address to Pops’s house since she and Maddie had decided to beat the worst of holiday traffic today.
Natalie sent the address off, glad that she’d taken the time to tell Pops his standing invitation had been accepted. To say Pops had been excited was an understatement.
She was still holding her phone when it began to buzz rhythmically to indicate an incoming call. She answered it automatically.
“Natalie?”
Her face blanched at the familiar voice, her stomach feeling heavy. “Adam, hey. What’s up?”
“I’m glad I caught you.” Adam sounded tired and very serious. “I wanted to talk to you about something, if you have time?”
Natalie’s palms became sweaty, but she took a deep breath to steady herself. “Yeah, sure.” She stood from the couch and moved to her room, ignoring Reeve’s curious look as she shut the door behind herself.
“Go ahead,” she volunteered warily. She didn’t know what he could be calling about, but she had an idea. Her stomach revolted as he began to speak.
Chapter Fifteen
Maddie smiled into her cup of coffee as the man Brittney affectionately addressed as ‘Pops’ puttered around his kitchen. The space had a rustic feel with teak furniture and counters, with one of the latter raised to partially bisect the room. High-backed chairs were placed evenly along the raised counter, clearly more used than the lonely circular table set off to the side. Maddie had chosen a seat at the table—its lower seats were much more suited to her petite stature.
The Holder patriarch was her physical opposite in just about every way possible, with a broad barrel chest and shoulders, his face framed by a bushy beard and wild, greying dark blonde hair. The combination had her mentally picturing him lumbering about in red flannel with a wood axe hefted over one shoulder—his white long-sleeved cotton shirt and comfortable jeans did little
to dispel the image.
His massive hands seemed surprisingly delicate as he prepared himself a mug of tea. He grunted as he finished and joined her at the kitchen table. “Green tea with honey and lemon,” he explained with a smile barely visible through his facial hair.
She smiled back. “That’s a healthy choice.”
He bobbed his head. “Had a bit of a health scare some years back. I can’t afford to leave the kids without some kind of guidance.” He sipped from his mug and added in a low mutter, “Especially that son of mine.”
“Is that when you moved out here?” Maddie wondered. The old converted farmhouse seemed far too large for one man, and she was certain his repair shop had been located back in the city.
“That’s right,” he confirmed with another nod. “Doctor recommended I swap to a low-stress lifestyle if I wanted to get many more years out of the old ticker.” His hand raised up to tap at his the spot over his heart to emphasize his point. “Running a business is the exact opposite of what I needed.”
Maddie’s smile widened. “I’m glad you took your doctor’s orders so seriously.” She paused. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I can address you as Pops—is there something else I can call you?” Pops probably wasn’t even a decade older than Maddie, herself.
“My first name is actually Sean,” he offered with a twinkle in his blue eyes. “I’m not as used to hearing it, but I think I’ll manage.”
She laughed softly. “I’m sorry I wasn’t very coherent last night. I had a full shift at the clinic and the drive was rather long since we got caught in more snow.”
Sean waved a dismissive hand. “Don’t worry about it. Natalie briefed me enough to know that you’d probably take it slow and easy out there with Brittney in the car.”
A lead weight settled in Maddie’s throat and sank down to her chest at the mention of Natalie. She was careful to keep the smile on her face even though she felt uneasy. Getting home from work early to find Natalie gone had made her upset and disappointed but, at the same time, she’d understood Natalie’s need for distance.
“When will Natalie be joining us?” she asked from behind her coffee mug.
“Not until tonight, I’m afraid. The rest of the brood should be here in time for lunch, but something came up and Natalie won’t be heading out until this evening,” Sean’s face briefly pinched with worry but his smile was back a moment later. “She wouldn’t delay unless it was important. She’s a good girl.”
“Yes, she is,” Maddie responded automatically. Her unease grew heavier, the weight of it making her queasy. Was Natalie avoiding her own family because of yesterday? Was Natalie afraid of what she might have to say?
Guilt settled low in the pit of her stomach, even though Maddie knew it wasn’t her fault.
Sean was watching her, so she pushed such notions aside. “A shame she couldn’t get here earlier. I know Brittney was looking forward to spending more time with her.”
Her phone chimed and buzzed at the same time, and she offered Sean an apologetic smile as she left the kitchen table. She waited until she was out of sight in the hallway to tug her phone from her pocket. She silently hoped that it was Natalie.
Adam’s name lit up the display and she buried the small twinge of disappointment. She and Adam had spoken for a while on the phone after dinner yesterday. It had been nice. The text was simple in wishing her a good morning, but it still made her smile.
He really was making an effort to be better, and she appreciated it. She sent off a quick response and stared down at the screen.
She wanted to call but was afraid to. She fidgeted as she continued to stare down at the device and debate with herself.
Finally, she took a shaky breath and found the number in her contacts list. The picture she’d snapped of Natalie bent over the G-47s, elbow deep in the guts of the car and with a large grin on her face reflexively made her smile.
She pushed the call button and brought the phone up to her face, nervously biting at the inside of her cheek as she waited for her phone to connect. The sound of the line picking up made her breathing hitch.
“Natalie?” she asked softly.
*****
The world was warm, soft, and safe with her eyes shut and the blanket pulled up to her chin. She could remember when, as a child, her dad would have days of clarity and actually tuck her in.
After a while even those days of clarity had gone, and Natalie hated to admit that she missed them. She hated to admit she missed him.
“Eres mi corazón,” her father would whisper just before closing the door.
The last time she’d seen her father lucid and about to use, she’d finally asked why. Why couldn’t he choose her?
“There’s too much pain in this world mijita, especially without your mother here. I am sorry to say I am not strong enough to face it.” His face was pale, body trembling as he fumbled with the small packet. He’d looked up just before managing to get it open, face bleak. “Do better than me.”
Natalie liked to think that her father had signed the emancipation papers because, somewhere inside of him, he’d still cared. She’d really never know since she’d been too scared to just ask, offering him a hundred dollars to avoid any potential rejection.
That day at the courthouse as her father had stumbled away, she’d started using an almost-prayer she would repeat quietly to herself when she was feeling alone or afraid.
“I am stronger. I am better. I will do better.”
Since finding and forming her own little family, she’d rarely had to use her secret pledge. She mumbled it to herself sleepily now, still not even really awake.
The persistent buzzing of her phone drew her out of her warm, safe cocoon, and she groped around blindly for where she’d left it on the nightstand. Her eyes remained closed, still tired after staying up late drinking with Reeve and watching a Man vs. Wild marathon.
She’d needed the binge after her call with Adam.
Natalie didn’t know who could be calling her at such an ungodly hour on Christmas Eve, but her money was on one of her many annoyingly loveable friends.
She uselessly licked her dry lips as she answered the call.
“Natalie?” The familiar husky voice trickled through her ear and on toward her sleepy brain. Her eyes slammed open even as her body tingled and hummed its silent greeting to Maddie.
“Maddie?” she forced out. Her mouth felt like it was full of sand and her voice was rough from sleep.
“Oh, honey I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think of the time. I’ll call you back later,” Maddie said, sounding genuinely dismayed.
“Hold on,” Natalie managed as she blearily blinked up at her ceiling. Her voice had come out as a weak croak. She allowed herself several moments to try and process hearing from Maddie at, she glanced at the digital clock on her nightstand, six in the morning.
“Just give me a sec to grab some water or something,” she mumbled. The phone remained pressed to her ear as she stumbled to the kitchen and filled a tall glass with water. The glass was drained as quickly as it had been filled, only to be refilled and drained again.
The phone remained silent the entire time, save Maddie’s quiet, steady breaths. “What’s up?” she finally asked as she deposited the used glass with the dirty dishes. She felt slightly more awake and definitely not ready for whatever Maddie wanted to talk about.
“I,” Maddie began and faltered. She cleared her throat. “You were gone when I got home.”
Natalie’s mouth opened and closed she tried to figure out what she wanted to say. “I thought it might be a good idea,” she finally said.
She could hear Maddie let out a frustrated breath. “I’m not sure it was.”
Natalie’s mouth opened again, Adam’s call on her mind. Her teeth clicked when she forced it shut. She couldn’t bring up that call; Maddie wasn’t supposed to know about it.
“Look, I—”
“I just wanted to—”
They spoke at the sa
me time, and silence descended again when each realized the other had tried to speak.
“Go ahead,” Natalie coaxed. She gripped her phone harder when Maddie hesitated.
“I just wanted to make sure that you’re alright. It’s-it’s,” Maddie blew out another frustrated breath. “I wanted to talk about this in person.”
Natalie sighed, her shoulders slumping. “Look, I get it you know? It was a stupid accident that got a reaction neither of us wanted. I mean, if you really want to talk about it we can, but I kinda just want to forget about everything. I-if you can, that is.”
Maddie let out a strangled sound. It made Natalie laugh despite the seriousness of the conversation and the steady ache in her chest.
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Natalie had to cover her mouth so she wouldn’t verbally respond. Trust Maddie to make it seem like she’d been the one at fault. “And I feel so silly for overreacting. I’m sorry for making you feel like you had to leave.”
The phone in Natalie’s hand creaked in warning when she gripped it too hard, and then she realized that she’d been holding her breath. She pulled the phone away and expelled it harshly, her breathing ragged for the first few moments after.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Maddie,” she husked out in a low voice. The ache in her chest intensified. Maddie’s kindness was oh so very difficult to be the subject of.
“I actually called because I thought maybe you were staying away from your family because of me.” Maddie laughed, as if the idea were suddenly preposterous.
Natalie licked her lips. Her time away from her family had everything to do with Maddie, but she wouldn’t say that. Maddie wouldn’t understand, and Natalie couldn’t talk about her phone call with Adam.
“Don’t worry, I won’t miss Christmas. Tell Pops to have something hot ready for me tonight, okay? I’ll need to defrost.” She wanted to say many other things, but nothing felt right. She couldn’t pretend that everything was the same as it had been two days ago. They were going to pretend like Maddie hadn’t seen her more-than-friendly reaction to the kiss, but would that really work? Would they still be able to become friends?
Meeting Mrs Garret Page 16
