by S King
The spit swapping, body grabbing, hushed moan filled groping fest Demir, and an unnamed bitch were putting on for everyone with a working pair of eyes.
There was a part of me that wanted to push my way through the crowd and decapitate both of them. But what good would it do me? Shang had already said if I stepped back into Castlehedge and got caught, I’d die. Plain and simple. Even the most hellbent idiot would be able to understand the warning.
So, I didn’t have any other options outside of the obvious. I could stay and watch as my heart fell apart bit by bit until nothing, but bittersweet memories remained. Or I could just walk away and not look back.
I tried to convince myself Demir was under some sort of spell. The woman was manipulating him into making a move on her. Anything that sounded as reasonable as why the sky was blue, and the wind howled at night. But nothing other than the bitter truth of my reality was the answer to my ramble thoughts.
Steeling my nerves, I bit the inside of my cheek to stop the tears from falling. I was not going to cry in front of a whole club full of drunkards and horny bastards. Crying over a guy—especially Demir Losett was not something I would allow myself to do. Even if it did hurt me worse than the fucking dagger going through my stomach. I pulled my eyes away from the scene unfolding in front of everyone in the club and stared blankly at the wall of alcohol.
There was only one thing I could do and unfortunately, it had nothing to do with shedding blood or decapitating anyone tonight. Instead, I was going to pull up my big girl britches and be a woman.
Throwing back the last of the whiskey, I dabbed my mouth and lifted the hood of my new hoodie. But as I stood up and took another painful look at Demir and the woman starting the course for a mad passionate night, I caught sight of Slade Zuko sitting in a booth reserved for VIPs only.
Slade and I hadn’t been the best of friends, especially after I killed Svenia. But we had grown to the point of being somewhat civilized toward each other. Granted, it probably had to do with the fact I hadn’t tried to kill him when both Silver and Gold guards were after me. Or maybe it was thanks to our mutual understanding about not being enemies for the sake of keeping our necks attached to our bodies. Whatever the reason, I knew he’d try to find out why I had comeback from the dead.
When he went to raise his hand, I subtly shook my head and ducked in the mass of people to remain nothing more than a ghost. If I knew him like I thought I did, I knew he wouldn’t say anything to Demir and for the time being, I was still dead to everyone else in Castlehedge. A shady, demented thought. But it was better than trying to be cordial with Demir after what the hell I had just seen.
“Lumi, leaving so soon?”
I skidded to a halt by the back door and glanced over my shoulder. Maggie, the owner of Nine Lives stepped out of the back stock room with a clipboard in her hand and gentle glint in her eye.
“I need to get out of here, Maggie, thanks for the drinks.”
She smiled for a second before glancing out to the dancefloor. “Your secret is safe with me, dear, just be careful, ok?”
I nodded and squeezed her hand before leaving the club in a rush. All the while thinking to myself, this is what I get. This was my reward for putting someone above myself. Watching Demir and that woman had done in my head for the final time and pushed away any fleeting feelings of trust I could’ve had for him.
When the cold air hit my face and the sound of the music faded to almost tolerable levels, I took in gulps of air. As long as I didn’t look back and kept forcing my legs forward, everything was going to be ok. However, my tear ducts were trying to wage a war between my mind and my crushing heart.
I was not going to cry. Not now. Not ever. And especially not over the person who had put me in this situation to begin with. Ok, yes, I deserved my punishment for killing Judges Holt and Sooter. And yeah, maybe I did break rank and rebel against a society that had made me into what I was. But that didn’t warrant a get out of jail free card for Demir’s involvement in my life.
“Idiot,” I breathed feeling the first hot, salty tear slip through my lashes and onto my cheek. “Fucking idiot,” I slapped myself to stop the tears and had to clench my teeth against the pain.
I was the stupid one in this situation and now—because why the fuck not—I had to make the long trek back to Springcrest and eat crow with every step I took. Just the thought of Shang’s arrogant I told you so was enough to make fire form in my veins. Although, it was my fault for not listening to him in the first place. At least when it came to dealing with the main reason why I came back.
I blew out a hard breath and shook my head. Had I been smart, I would’ve went to my old stomping grounds first and found Karina. Not frolic my way back into the very club Demir and I had first solidified our connection. The truth was Nine Lives Nightclub held more lies, seduction and secrets than anywhere else in this entire god forsaken city and anyone who said otherwise was a fucking liar. In turn, I hadn’t followed the writing on the wall and ignored the warnings. So, it was only right for my heart and pride to get ripped to shreds and spat on right in front of my eyes.
When the realization stung in my mind like a wasp’s attack, I grounded my teeth together and did the only thing I could at the moment. Clawing at my neck, I grabbed the chain with Demir’s rings and my name on it before pulling it lose. The chain was stubborn at first but finally gave way when I tugged harder and jerked my head.
Stopping in the field that would take me back to the tree line I had emerged from forty-five minutes ago, I stared at the black and gold rings along with the rose gold, garnet encrusted name piece.
“If that’s who you want,” I whispered looking at the rings for a second longer than I intended to. “Who am I to stand in your way?”
Without a second thought, I spun around toward the club and threw the chain as hard as I could. This was the way it had to be. Ill-fate for ill-created people. It was only befitting. I smirked on the thought and took several deep breaths.
Turning back to the tree line, I huffed out a breath before stomping over the last remnants of icy grass. It was obvious Demir was no more thinking about me than the shit he probably took this morning. So, why in the hell should I bother coming back on the scene? It wasn’t like I wanted to cause anyone any hardship or heartache because I had misunderstood a situation to the point of being delusional.
With that thought in mind, I wiped my tears and focused on something else. If I were being honest with myself, I had grown somewhat used to the house in Springcrest. What with Fefe and Shang making breakfast every morning without fail. Add mine and Shang’s constant back and forth, well, it wasn’t home, and Shang wasn’t anything close to a friend. But at the very least, I didn’t have to worry about him filling my head with nonsense and unrealistic expectations.
“You’re going to be fine,” I whispered to myself as I climbed over a tall fallen tree and dusted my hands of the bark bits. “Fine, just fucking fine.”
At least, I hoped I was going to be fine.
§§§§§
I stared at the gentle flowing water, watching the ripples against the smooth rocks beneath the surface. Time had no meaning and my emotions had taken the cue. Gone was the disbelief and crushing heartache that came along with seeing Demir and that woman at the nightclub. Replaced with a solid understanding of what it was like to have my heart broken.
In truth, I had never understood what the books and movies or the sad ballads were talking about until this moment. Now, I knew the true definition of watching someone you loved to a level of unimaginable proportions crush your very soul.
“How did you get out of the house?” Shang’s unmistakable voice broke through my self-pity party and brought my head around for a second.
I could be a bitch and tell him to leave me alone. I could also try the blame game and say if he hadn’t saved me maybe Demir wouldn’t have moved on. But both of those would be a useless defense against what I knew to be true. Shang told me not to
go back to Castlehedge, I did and now I needed to eat crow whether I liked the taste or not.
Looking back to the water I remained silent. Mr. Fight Dirty probably wouldn’t understand or care if I told him. Besides, it wasn’t like I was the type of female that was going to talk about my feelings. Burying the emotions and my thoughts toward the subject was a talent I had embraced over the years and I wasn’t about to sway from it now.
Grunting he took residence beside me and sighed, “it would seem I have the ability to underestimate you, Luminous River.”
“You’re not the first to be so ignorant.” I grumbled.
“Did you eat?”
Frowning, I stared at him, “why?”
“Figured you didn’t know how to cook.” At my screwed look, he shrugged and smirked, “hard night?”
I stayed silent. If I knew anything about guard members I knew the level of security taken to protect one’s house. It was my luck Shang had his house wired with hidden cameras and mics. Had he been out doing whatever he was doing, he probably knew about my little jail break beforehand.
“Luminous, listen—”
“Don’t worry about it,” I didn’t want his pity or worthless words about understanding where I was coming from.
Together, we fell silent and allowed nothing more than the sounds of water and cricket songs wrap us in an unapologetic blanket of serenity. Of course, that serenity couldn’t last longer than a few moments.
“Did you find the answers you were looking for?” Shang didn’t look at me or raise his voice above the sound of the water passing us.
“Why bother asking if you already know?”
“There had to be a reason as to why you broke out of the bedroom, Luminous.”
“Contrary to popular belief, Shang, I’m not one for BDSM.”
He snorted but otherwise remained silent.
I stared at the horizon as the sun began to wash away the darkness of night and alert the rested creatures of the day ahead. Soon the happy birds and wildlife would start another eighteen hours of the same song and dance, bathing in the sun. While the sound of creatures from the night faded to a sporadic note here and there.
“What do you want for breakfast?” He asked as he stood up and adjusted the strap on his shoulder.
“I don’t want anything, thanks though.”
“Deary you have to eat something,” Fefe’s sweet voice broke between Shang’s half-hearted plea to snap out of my funk.
Clenching my teeth together, I counted back from five before plastering a fake smile on my face and turned to her. “OK.”
The answer went over as suffice for the older woman, turning in the soft ground she nodded once and headed into the house.
“Here,” Shang dropped a black satin bundle at my feet and followed Fefe.
Frowning, I opened the thing only to find what I had thrown away. Sitting against the smooth surface of the cloth was the necklace Demir had given me for Christmas as well as his sect leader rings.
Clenching the things in a vice grip, I bit back the tears. No matter how much I tried to banish the memories—not such an easy feat for someone with a photographic memory. The only thing in my mind were the images about Demir and that bitch in Nine Lives.
Shoving the necklace in my pocket, I tossed a stone in the river and got off the bank. All the while, I tried to think of something else and what I was going to do with myself. Afterall, Shang and Talay had said I couldn’t go back to Castlehedge. I had learned as much last night. Besides, I had seen how the driving force behind my reasoning to go back felt toward the possibility of me seemingly come back from the dead.
As I pushed through the backdoor and took off my shoes, I wondered about Karina and what she was doing. I may have missed Demir, but Karina was my person. Whenever things got tough and I felt like I was breathing acid, Karina was there. When she felt like her mind was gone, I was there for her. No matter what, no matter where, we were there for each other. So, to not have her anywhere near me and unable to reach out to her was just as bad as losing my ability to walk.
Fefe and Shang were busy quietly talking in the kitchen, leaving me to my own thoughts as I crept down the hallway. What would Karina think of this place? Of Shang? I knew she’d like Fefe. It was next to impossible to not like the older woman and anyone who didn’t was three latches loose on a straitjacket.
I closed the bedroom door behind me after dropping my muddy shoes in the closet and looked around the room. What the hell was I going to do with my time? I still had at least fifty years on my lifeline and as it stood right now, I was going to live the entire fifty—maybe longer.
Resting my head back on the wall, I tried to picture myself staying here. Or somewhere else even. Castlehedge was the only place I’d ever known and now? Well, now I had to figure out a new way of life. No more orders—excluding my own—or signing off on reports from a night of handling the day time’s leftovers. I was free to do what I wanted. No meetings, no killing people who had escaped justice by a thread. Nothing.
Sure, the prospect of living as I wanted was appealing. Yet and still, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself of the happiness I was bound to feel. The only image in my mind was of Demir, Karina and Dristan. Happy memories of how the four of us had escaped death, the guards and everything else hindered me from feeling anything other than the utter loneliness wrapping its taloned hands around my throat.
“Lumi, dear, breakfast is ready,” Fefe’s gentle voice broke through my haphazard thoughts about what could’ve been.
Swallowing back the pain of my memories and feeling the burn of the rings and necklace in my pocket, I roughly wiped away the unshed tears and took a deep breath.
“Coming,” I called out, pushing away from the wall. I needed to forget Demir Losett and the only way I was going to do that was by moving onto to something much different than anything I’d ever known.
Quickly, I changed my clothes and dropped the jewelry from my past in the jacket pocket. Opting for a simple white fitted t-shirt, loose night pants and fuzzy socks, I took a deep breath.
“Time for something new,” I whispered as I hung the jacket up and closed the door on my past and my love for a Gold Guard idiot.
Walking into the dining room, I scanned the living room and corners to ensure there wasn’t an ambush waiting for me. Granted, I’d gladly welcome some form of exertion where I could.
“Well, aren’t you as pretty as a flower,” Fefe sighed in happiness as she looked at me.
I smirked and leaned against the back of a chair. “Thank you.”
“Are you going to stand there? Or are you going to eat and go to bed?” Shang came into the dining room, setting the table with plates of food and drinks. “I’m sure you had a long night.”
Narrowing my eyes on him, I bit back the insult that was itching the tip of my tongue. “Thank you, Shang for the meal.” Ok, maybe I couldn’t hold back the malice dripping on what was supposed to be an appreciative statement. But he was just being an ass for no reason.
“Will you, please, leave her alone?” Fefe rolled her eyes, slapping Shang with the dish towel in her hands. “Now both of you sit and eat.”
I pulled out my chair and frowned, “aren’t you going to eat with us?”
“I have a shift at the hospital, I’ll have dinner with you though,” she smiled gently before grabbing her keys from a tray by the door and left me and Shang to duke it out.
“She’ll be back later,” Shang didn’t waste any more time with trying to ease my worries and took residence at the table. He didn’t bother saying anything to fill the void of silence or even look toward me. Instead, he started loading his plate with different helpings of food.
Well, on the bright side, if I were going to stay here until I figured out what I was going to do with myself. Shang wasn’t going to be a problem when it came to hearing himself talk. A plus when my mind wasn’t present for a deep intellectual conversation. With my mind made up and a wave of cont
empt washing over me, I scanned over the spread on the table.
Finding myself watering at the mouth, I plopped down and loaded down my own plate. Shang was only a few years older than me—the same as Demir and didn’t deserve the pageantry or respect I had given Fefe when I had first woken up. Waiting for him to eat first wasn’t something I was going to do, especially now that I had an overabundance of freedom coursing through my veins.
“I found something interesting on my way back to the house,” Shang said, glancing at me as he spread jelly on a golden biscuit.
“A brain?” I quipped, stabbing my fork in the eggs.
He narrowed his eyes on me and stopped moving around the preserves. “A body, one that’s extremely familiar to you.”
I knew what he was talking about and wasn’t interested in hashing out the details. The body in question had deserved what he got, and I wasn’t going to apologize for it either.
“And?” I asked, not looking up from my plate.
“And it’s your friend.”
“Unless you’re talking about a female,” I stopped stabbing at the eggs and stared at him. “I don’t care.”
“Because you’re the one who killed him?”
“So what if I did?”
“Do you have any idea what you have done?” His tone took on a sinister tone as his deathly black eyes narrowed into daggers.
“I was settling an old score.”
“Damn it, Luminous,” he slammed his fist on the table so hard the silverware and plates jumped. “You’re supposed to be dead!”
Sitting back in the chair, I crossed my arms over my chest and raised a brow at him. So much for being able to enjoy my meal. Fine, if he wanted to play this game then I’d play along.
“Shame.”
Shang’s nostrils flared, “what do you think is going to happen now that the Silver Guard sect leader is dead?”
I shrugged an idle shoulder, “maybe the courts will put someone in the position that deserves it.”
“You don’t fucking get it, do you? You have a—” he cut himself off and looked away from me.
