by S King
Today was no different. When the two male nurses opened the door and nodded for me to stand from my bed. During the time I had been held captive the three of us had somewhat come to an unspoken agreement. They would only touch my arms and I would stop myself from breaking their necks.
It was a simple agreement and one that had played out in my favor. As either man held my arms and we walked down the long white corridor in silence, I memorized every path and ceiling tile during the silent walk to the room or lab that was assigned for the day. With only the sound of my nonskid socks making a faint squeaking noise against the white linoleum floor. And the slight clinking noise coming from the keys at either man’s hips.
Still even with the time I had spent here, I had yet to come up with an escape plan. No matter where I was escorted in the building there hadn’t been any form of exit outside of the double panned glass windows with chicken wire embedded in between the panes. If we did pass any doors that may lead to an exit, I would still have to have a pass-card and a key ring in order to get out safely.
Glancing at the windows above me, I suppressed a sigh. Sure, I could get out the glass, but I had been alive long enough to know that the chicken wire embedded in the glass was alive and ready to electrocute anything in its path. The move would be stupid, and I wasn’t in the mood to be fried up like a rotisserie chicken.
I grounded my teeth together and ignored the snarky internal voice laughing at the hopeful thoughts bouncing around in my mind. The truth was, I was stuck and there wasn’t a damn thing I do to stop my fate from happening to me.
Still, no matter how ridiculous it was. Internally, I tried to make peace with the thought of being a mother to an Olympic teams worth of kids. Ignoring the sickness creeping its way up my stomach from the thought, I tried to accept it. Tried to reason with myself. This was just another step I’d have to take before I grew closer to death. Everyone had to contribute to society in some form or another. Breeding kids that would be subjected to a life of tests, trainings, death and killing was just my contribution.
Turning my mind away from the reality that I may not get out of this situation, I focused on happier thoughts. Days spent in the sun when I was on holiday. Shopping in the plazas that littered Castlehedge. Karina at my side, going on about one thing or another. My parents, my sister and memories that should’ve been forgotten. Everything about my past—good, bad and otherwise consumed my mind as we continued down the hall and around the corners to yet another round of testing.
“Miss. River,” my eyes shifted from the floor to a woman standing in a black lab coat, wearing matching square rimmed glasses.
She was pretty within her own right—as much as anyone could be when they were working for a psychotic group of people who relished in someone else’s pain. With her dark hair and light eyes, she looked like someone who should’ve been busying her time in a boutique. Or even a classroom full of eager kids to learn about the world’s wonders. She didn’t look like someone who found comfort in being apart of the madness radiating through the white walls of this lab.
Whatever, to each their own, I thought to myself and simply stared at the woman standing in front of me. I didn’t say anything. It wouldn’t matter what I said anyway. There was no purpose in pretending I was crazy, or something just wasn’t right in my brain because the bastards had images to prove otherwise. Hell, at this point I was just going through the motions of being a guinea pig. Afterall, they couldn’t know what my internal thoughts were if I didn’t say anything.
The male nurses let go of my arms and nodded to the psychiatrist before turning on their soundless shoes to head back the way we had come.
“Please,” she stepped aside from the door and motioned for me to come into her office.
More like her personal lab, I thought to myself. But I wasn’t willing to fight with her or get pummeled by the orderlies because I didn’t follow a simple command. The strength I had gained over the months of retraining myself at Shang’s house hadn’t withstood the test of time and I knew in my core. The men would be able to take me down without so much as a grunt coming from them.
They all had been nice to enough for the most part. More than likely because they didn’t want to damage the goods before they knew my body was going to accept what it was going to be receiving one way or the other.
Stepping into her office, I found the room to be the completer opposite in comparison to the other rooms I had been escorted to.
The softest of greens covered three walls while the fourth had a floor to ceiling mural of the tropics. Almost as if whoever were staring at the still image would be more relaxed in the office, to the point of spilling their guts without a second thought. It made sense, but I wasn’t going to be the idiot stepping off into the hidden trap.
Turning my eyes away from the focal point of the room, I surveyed the furniture surrounding me. Comfortable wicker furniture sat strategically within the center of the room. With a lounge bed sitting against the wall across from the mural. In turn, a love seat sat opposite of the bed and offered little obstruction to the computer generated view. There was no coffee table, and the desk was pushed against the wall under two small windows facing the door.
All in all, the office looked like a watered down tropically get away. But the thing was, I felt anything but comfortable in the office. As far as being at ease within the room just because of the aesthetics? Well, let’s just say I’d rather chew nail bits than sit on the furniture. Maybe the resent came from knowing what was going to come out of the doctor’s mouth before she even said anything. Maybe it was thanks to the situation I was in. Either way, I just wanted this meeting to be over so I could go back to my little room and reflect on the inevitable.
“Please, sit down, make yourself comfortable.” She stepped around me and grabbed a notepad from her desk before taking residence on the loveseat.
I did as I was told but didn’t lie back on the wicker or make a move to speak first. There was nothing to say and there was nothing to make note of. She was going to clear me for the final showdown no matter what anyway. So what was the point?
“How are you feeling today?”
I stared at the mural behind her and didn’t move. How relaxing it would be to sit on the beach with the sand between my toes, a stiff drink in one hand and my best friend right beside me.
“Luminous, this isn’t such a bad experience to have,” she said in what was supposed to be a calming and reassuring voice. But her ignorance raked against my nerves like a fucking buzzsaw on high speed.
Cutting my eyes at her, I still said nothing. She had no idea what the hell she was talking about and what was worse was she couldn’t even imagine what I was going through. If she wanted to know what the hell I was going through, I’d easily trade places with her without thinking twice. But we both knew she wasn’t going to do that. Didn’t we?
She clasped her hands together on the notebook and leaned back into the wicker. “You’re not happy with the life that has been given to you?”
It never ceased to amaze me how such stupid people were able to call themselves a doctor. Or professional in their chosen field of expertise. In order to stop myself from punching her in the mouth, I kept my jaw clamped and my eyes focused on her.
“You think this is unfair and you don’t deserve the gift you’ve been given?”
“Gift?” I said on a laugh, finally breaking my silent treatment. She was going to write her report, might as well help the bitch out with that much.
“Why yes,” she unclasped her hands, swiping the official pen beside her from the couch. “You don’t understand the magnitude of what you yourself is going to contribute to the society.”
“If it’s so special, how about you take my place.”
As if I had ruined her mood, her face fell after dropping her eyes. “Would you like me to be honest, Miss. River?”
“It’s not like I’m going to believe you anyway.” I admitted.
Her lips twit
ched in a smirk for a second, “I can understand that.”
Again, I reverted back to my silence and found the mural again. Whatever lie she was going to spill to me, I wasn’t in the mood to acknowledge anything she had to say.
“I can’t have kids, Luminous,” she admitted, breaking the comfortable silence I had been enjoying since the break of the conversation.
“And?” I didn’t look away from the mural, finding a sense of relief in the trees that were unmoving and the water frozen in the middle of a wave rolling in.
“If I could take your place, I wouldn’t mind doing it,” here comes the lies. Internally I rolled my eyes, but still she continued. “I’ll never get to feel the excitement and nervousness that comes along with the first trimester. Picking out baby clothes and designing a nursery is out of the question. But you…” she trailed off, tilting her head so she was in my line of sight and I was focused on her.
“You can do that.”
“I don’t want to, I’d rather die, and should I be lucky enough to greet death for a second time, I won’t fight it this time.” Hopefully the suicidal ploy would work.
But, as expected she simply nodded, made a note and returned her bright blue gaze to me.
“Is it because you want the father of your kids to be Judge Losett?”
“That would only make me want to die that much faster,” I snapped.
I had just barely gotten to the point where I didn’t see Demir’s face in my dreams or thought about him obsessively during my time alone. Now this woman who claimed to have gone to an ivy league school was trying to say I needed to have Demir on my mind. Given my situation.
“You blame him for your situation?”
“Sure.”
It wasn’t the entire truth. I had come to peace with the fact I was more so to blame for my situation than Demir was. Even though her played a vital hand in creating it. The hairs were split to a sixty-five, thirty-five blame game. And I just so happened to be the one holding the bulk of the guilt.
The doctor tilted her head and sighed patiently, “Luminous, this transition will become a lot easier as long as you’re honest with me.”
“You want honesty?” I asked, raising a brow at her.
“I would appreciate it.” She admitted.
Snorting, I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at the mural behind her. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of delving into my mind. The only way she was getting behind my four mental walls would be if she had the talent for reading people’s thoughts or could see into their minds. Otherwise? She was shit out of luck.
Making a scientist’s job easier wasn’t within any of the contracts or job descriptions I had been a part of. And I wasn’t about to change that pattern now.
As if the realization finally dawned on her that I wasn’t going to give her an inch, she sighed again and sat the notepad down beside her with the pen neatly tucked away in the spiral rings.
“Luminous, what’s it going to take to make this transition easier for you?”
I said nothing.
“Would you like to hear my story?” She tried tilting her head to become a part of my line of sight for the second time. No dice sunshine, I had done it once and you’re not getting anywhere on a second try.
When, again, I didn’t say anything. She nodded.
“Well, I’ll admit it does feel nice to be the one in the speaking chair for a moment.” A gentle smile came over her face as she leaned back in the loveseat. “Let’s see where do we begin?”
She clasped her fingers over her knees and rocked back against the wicker. “I was a member of Gold Guard before coming to the labs. A horrible idea, I’ll admit. But” she smiled on whatever fond memory was playing its way across her mind’s eye. “I did get to meet the love of my life through the transition. He was an amazing man, much like Demir Losett.”
Oh this bitch was good. I grounded my teeth together, blocking out the silence and direct jab at my ego. As long as I held my silence, nothing could be used against me or force my somewhat fragile mental state over the edge. I was hanging by a fucking thread as it were.
“He was strong and capable—Kenan Bowls was his name.”
Was? I had wanted to ask but said nothing and didn’t move.
“The courts offered me an ultimatum in order to avoid the death I had been promised when I not so accidently killed several members of Platinum Guard.”
I had to bite the inside of my cheek in order to keep up the act. She was giving me shreds of details I needed to know about. Namely? Shang’s guard.
“They’re a ruthless group of people, with their secrecy and mercenary mentality. But they’re not as bad as Regal. Wouldn’t you agree?”
How many trees surrounded the edges of the beach, I wondered internally still looking at the mural. Little did she know I was taking in every fucking word coming out of her mouth. If by the slimmest of chances, I did get out of here, I was going to have enough information to bring this entire society to its knees.
“Well,” she smiled and took the initiative to lay on the loveseat, so she was looking at my face. “Kenan had wanted to bring down the courts and the only way that would happen would be through taking out the two most prominent guards protecting them.”
That’s the Honor Guard and Gold guard you idiot, I thought to myself.
“All of the members are trained to be most afraid of HG, right?” She looked at me, wanting some form of acknowledgement. “Because they’re the most seen of the guards. But I know how you think Luminous because I think the same as you.”
Oh yeah? And how do you figure that dumb-dumb. The internal monologue was becoming something of a comedian show as I continued to listen to the good doctor that had yet to tell me her name.
“The courts are notorious for secrets, as you well know. But their biggest secret? The Platinum and Regal Guards. They are what makes sure there are no problems when judges sign off on orders. They protect the courts against unheard of mutiny and disgrace among the judges.”
Ok, and? That’s important to me why?
She sighed and shook her head against the wicker, running her fingers through her hair. “Anyway, Kenan had wanted to start a new life—away from the responsibilities that came along with being a sect leader and potentially a judge.”
Smart man.
“He was never one to complain or claim to be something he wasn’t. Yet and still the judges found it better to give me a choice.”
Care to share, chatty Cathy?
“I regret the time I killed him, but I’d be a liar to say it wasn’t worth it. I get to breathe and know he finally got some relief from the stress he was under.” She sat up on the couch looking at me, still trying to break through the walls I had surrounded myself in.
“Luminous, be thankful Losett is able to still be available to you. You yourself still have air in your own lungs.”
That does me no good when I’m focusing my attention on how to die rather than continue to fight a lost cause.
“No the price isn’t fair, but at least you can see your kids. The people you created with your own body. You get to see them.”
It was a struggle to not roll my eyes on her logic. I’ll admit, in comparison to her sorry sappy love story, there were a lot of things I should’ve been grateful for. But not right now. Not like this.
“I want you to mull over something before I let you go,” in a defeated fashion the unnamed doctor stood from her loveseat and went to her desk. “It’s not very often I’m allowed to rant and rave about my past. But when I do get the opportunity, I find myself lighter and a little less guilty for the choices I’ve made.”
Turning around she sat an ivory jade on the wicker table beside the lounge bed.
She found her seat again on the love seat, “legend has it that the ivory jade symbolizes harmony, virtue and eternity.”
I tried to resist the urge to acknowledge her, but once eternity came out of her mouth. My eyes decided to grow a mind of
their own.
“Eternity?” I asked with a skeptical brow.
“Of course that’s just a legend. Whether or not you choose to believe in it, is up to you.”
I didn’t know whether I should believe her or take my chances on not believing her. Still being the hard headed woman I was, I didn’t move or thank her for the gift she laid at my feet. Legend or not, I knew my luck wasn’t going to try something new any time soon. Especially not in the presence of the judges or within the confines of the lab.
The phone ringing on the desk forced her to stop saying anything else about legends and ivories. She got up, looking even more defeated than when I was just staring at the mural.
“This Dr. Humming.”
As in the bird? I went back to staring at the mural and didn’t hide the fact I didn’t want the limestone or obsidian. Whatever the damned stone was. I didn’t want it and I wasn’t going to look at it either.
“Yes, I understand. Yes…if I were forced to make a determination.” There was a pause before she said, “yes, I would think that would be the best course of action.”
I knew she was probably talking about me. The scientists, demanding she clear me for fucking insemination. The people in their lab coats were known to be of the impatient nature and didn’t bother hiding the truth of it either.
I took a deep breath, blocking out the nauseating thoughts about what I was going to go through in a matter of days, at most. With no plan to get the hell out of here and to a safe place, there was only one thing I could hope for. A miracle. One where I didn’t have to repay in abundance. Then again, worse comes to worse death isn’t that bad, I thought to myself.
“Yes, ok.” My ear twitched as the receiver connected with the base and Dr. Humming blew out a hard breath.
“You failed to tell the truth.” I couldn’t find my earlier peace with the mural and slid my eyes in her direction. “So, when can I expect for the experiments to start?”
