by Zora Marie
Zelia nodded. War. This is what it looked like. What it did to people. There was more to it than just the blood and death, that was just a fraction of the despair war brought.
Loboran led her to the study that overlooked the field. Everything but the stone top of the table and the moss cushions was formed from the living tree. Pockets full of scrolls and books lined the walls. Eleanor sat writing on one of the little message scrolls their birds carried, seeming oblivious to her arrival. Zelia ran a finger over the leather spines of the books. Many of them she’d never gotten to read before she’d been taken. It struck her then that there were a great many things she hadn’t gotten to learn, or do and see. She’d endured so much, yet she hadn’t truly lived in over three hundred years.
“Thank you, Loboran.” Eleanor didn’t even look up as she dismissed her friend.
He winked at Zelia before pulling the door shut on his way out. She sighed and sat in the moss cushioned chair across from Eleanor. When nothing was said, she began her finger and hand exercises. She’d need to have full mobility back if she was going to hold her own in an actual battle. Magic would only get her so far. The battle at The Hold had been a reminder of how important swords and bows were. Weapons had bought her time to rally her magic for another strike—had kept her and her kin alive.
“How are you?” Eleanor asked and at last set her quill aside.
“Fine. Getting tired of people asking that, though.”
“You’ve been shielding your mind so well that I have to ask now.” There was a hint of amusement in Eleanor’s tone and Zelia raised her gaze to her.
“Who’s the letter to?”
“Skylar. We’ll be sending weapons that way for him in a few days and I want him to have men meet us part way to receive them. We already sent a small batch down to Coridale.” Eleanor shuffled through the papers on her desk. “Connan sent a message for you. His bird had a bit of a hard time figuring out where to take it when she couldn’t find you. One of the healers is checking her over downstairs.”
“Was it Flyx? The bird that delivered the message about Kniteoff earlier this winter.”
“Yes. I thought I recalled you knowing her. Isn’t she the one from the cave? The one that wolf pup brought to you?”
Zelia froze at the reminder that Eleanor knew everything about her past, that she’d forced her way through her mind to see it all. A dull ache formed at the top of her skull at the thought and she pushed it away. “She is. So, what does the message say?”
“Things are going surprisingly well there. It seems Connan has warmed to Draksen. He wanted to notify you that they are slowing production so they can move more of the Darkans into the mines, primarily women and children. Which is part of why we ramped up production here. Even if they were producing at full speed, it would take weeks to get the weapons around the mountains and distributed.”
“Where are we getting the ore for this?”
Eleanor smiled faintly. “You inspired me to see if the Darkans in the Darkan Mountains would be willing to work with us. Those mountains are not as rich in things like gold, but they do have some iron and coal. They heard what you’ve been trying to do for their brethren and were glad for the offer. We’ll be trading on their behalf from now on and deliver goods to the tunnel they’re creating near the river.”
“Good. We could also see about establishing some humans and farms on the other side of the mountains to cultivate the land the Darkans have already cleared there. That’s if we all survive that long.”
“You will, but Eadon tells me you don’t want to rule. Is that so?”
“I—yes. You all seem determined to make me the ruler of one kingdom or another, and I don’t understand it. I can lead battles and I know right from wrong, but that doesn’t make a good ruler. I don’t want to be trapped in that position. I can’t stay dead, Eleanor. There would be no end to my ruling. Even if I stepped down, I would always be wondering if I made the right choice and people would always see me as a ruler. I was willing to rule beside Linithion because it was her kingdom—”
“Would you be willing to rule by her side here? The other elders are insisting I decide on an heir before this escalates more, or I’d let this wait until later.”
“I,” Zelia bit her lip, “would support Linithion no matter what decision she makes, but I think you should consider Alrindel and Lighnif. They would rule well together, and they’re both Elves. I really think I shouldn’t be the ruler of anyone because I’m not one of you. I’m not an Elf, Human, or even Hyperian. I’m just me. Whatever that makes me. And yes, I know that I’m still yours and Eadon’s daughter, but that doesn’t matter when it comes to this.”
Eleanor searched her face for a long moment. “Alright. I’ll talk with Linithion and Alrindel then. Just know that I love you no matter what, and your list reminds me that I need to tell you something else.”
Zelia studied Eleanor as she debated her words. It felt like ages since she’d seen Eleanor lost for words and it made her uneasy. Eleanor clenched and unclenched her jaw as she scanned the little scrolls spread across her desk.
“Just tell me.”
“I got a message from Nikolas a week or so ago. When I heard you were alive after all those years, I suspected Fregnar had something to do with it. You know Fregnar is one of the old gods—the true gods? Ones that do not die unless killed by another god, right?”
“Yes. Donequen already pointed out that I’m related to Fregnar, if that’s all you’re getting at.”
“Zelia, you’re not just related to Fregnar. Fregnar told Nikolas that when we mixed the blood of more than one of the old gods in your creation, we made you a—”
“No.” Zelia shook her head. “Nope. You are not going there.”
“Zelia, Fregnar has offered to send his army to aid us in a counter strike, if you accept the fact that you are a god.”
“No. I’m not a god. I can’t be. I’m not powerful or perfect enough for that.”
“Zelia.” Eleanor gave her that look that made her mouth snap shut. “Even gods are not perfect, or all the old gods would still be living. Nikolas will be back in the next few days and will be teaching you how to control the power you unleashed at The Hold.”
Zelia sank back in her chair and wished she could disappear into it. “Fregnar doesn’t think we’ll win unless I learn to use that power… that…” Zelia saw in her memories how those Darkans had just crumbled to ash. “I’m a god of death, aren’t I?”
“No. You’re a god of rebirth, of second chances… a phoenix.”
“I…” She shook her head and stumbled as she got to her feet. “I need to go for a walk.”
“There’s a small grove just south of here that we left unoccupied.”
15
Zelia hardly noticed the Elves wandering the glade as she sank down against the base of a tree. Her thoughts had hollowed out, leaving this empty nothing inside her. Death. A god of death. Lives and faces flashed through her mind. If she were a god, she was a god of death. The words twirled in her mind over and over again.
She stared at the partially snow-covered clearing—seeing but not seeing. No one dared come near her. Good. Death, that’s all I am. They should stay away. Gregory was right. They were all right to fear me.
A shadow crossed over her and stayed, shading her from the dapples of morning light coming through the tree branches above them.
No. Not just someone. Her soul sang in the presence of the Elf before her.
Linithion settled down beside her in the hollow between tree roots and took Zelia’s hand in hers. “You know, it’s really just another title. It doesn’t change anything, not between us or the rest of our kin. It doesn’t change that you are our kin. Nothing will ever change that.”
Zelia knew that. She’d accepted that long ago, but she couldn’t be a god. Because of that path of bodies she’d left in her wake, it didn’t matter how they worded it. If she was a god, she was a god of death. Even if that death led to so
me sort of rebirth, it was still death. It would always be death.
“I love you,” Linithion whispered and the desperation in her tone made Zelia shake herself from her daze.
“I love you, too.” Zelia squeezed Linithion’s hand and let her soulmate’s presence ground her. “Eleanor mentioned a counter strike.” In the midst of being told she was a god, she’d completely missed that Eleanor was talking about attacking the Fenari.
“She did. I don’t like the idea of it, but it may be the only way to get them to stop.”
“Or we might just make it worse.”
“Not if we…” Linithion let out a long breath.
Death. Again that word rang through her. She didn’t like the idea of wiping out an entire race, but that was exactly what the Fenari were doing, had been doing for thousands of years. Perhaps longer. It might be their only chance at ending this fight for good. Maybe they did need a new god of death, because perhaps death was the only way to end it all.
“Do we even know if they actually stay in that realm, on that world?”
“That’s… Fregnar is sending Nikolas with intel. I don’t know what Fregnar’s goal in all of this is, but I don’t see another option that ends with us surviving. The Fenari let us win in the Drakeon Empire, they could have taken us all then. I think they were testing those they took to see if we still work for what they need.” Linithion’s lips pursed. “It’s only a matter of time.”
“Then I’ll do what’s necessary to protect you and the others. I’ll always do what’s necessary.”
“Zelia…” Linithion’s hand was warm against Zelia’s face as she turned around and settled where they could stare into each other’s eyes. “I don’t want you to lose who you are in the process. I hate asking any of this of you.”
“I know you do.” Zelia searched Linithion’s eyes. They were the color of spring leaves, of life and growth, of everything that was good here and gone there. “You won’t lose me. I’ll find a way to be me and this god of rebirth that the Fenari’s world needs. I won’t go there to kill them, I’ll go there to...” Zelia searched for the right words, “wipe the slate clean, so their world can rebuild.”
Linithion nodded slightly. “Good.”
Their heads bowed until their foreheads touched. Zelia let her mind, body, and soul revel in Linithion’s presence. Let her soulmate be the thing to remind her she was not just death—that she was something more. She was a soulmate, a sister, kin, and so many other things.
They sat like that for a long while. Someone cleared their throat behind Linithion and the almost guilty smile she gave, made Zelia’s stomach flutter with butterflies.
“Yes, Starling?” Linithion said.
“Koin and Nikolas are back.”
“Perfect timing.” Sarcasm laced Linithion’s words and her gaze roved over Zelia’s face before she stood. “Come on, we’ll never hear the end of it if we don’t greet Koin.” Linithion pulled Zelia to her feet and they stood there, staring into each other’s eyes.
That’s until Starling began tapping his foot in the slushy snow, making little sloshing noises. “And you two said Loboran and I were bad.”
“Oh hush, you.” Linithion stuck her tongue out at Starling as she and Zelia headed for the docks.
“You know you’re encouraging him, right?” Zelia teased and Linithion just gave her one of those mischievous smiles. How she loved those smiles and the way her glow brightened with them.
“Is this the beauty I heard so much about? No wonder you were unswayed by my charm.” Luxly grinned at them, but his eyes gave away the pain he was in. He looked better than she’d last seen him, if not a bit haggard. At least he was on his feet, even if he swayed as though he still stood on the barge.
“You really shouldn’t be standing.”
Luxly waved Koin off. “Just don’t ask me to bow—or bend for that matter.”
“Mhm.” Jones grabbed his friend’s arm and gave them a tight-lipped smile. “Where can I take him before he hurts himself?”
“You didn’t tell me they were cute.” Linithion gave Zelia a glance that said she was definitely going to stir up trouble with these two.
“Hm.” Zelia appraised the pair before her. “Luxly’s cuter when he’s not about to double over in pain, or get his butt kicked by Jones. Here, we’ll show you to the house.”
Luxly gave Linithion a wry smile. “You can call me Lucky.”
“Yeah, lucky you’re too hurt for me to shove in the river,” Jones grumbled.
“Hey, Wulf is the one who gave me the nickname.”
“Only because you’d been good at avoiding getting killed. I think this last injury voids that.”
“I’m still kicking, so it holds.”
“For now,” Jones hissed.
“Oh, hush, you party pooper.”
Eadon wore a small smile when he met them in front of the house. “Only Koin would find troublemakers fit to match you two.” Eadon grabbed Lucky’s other arm. “You know, Luxly, you are not supposed to try to outdo Zelia, right?”
“Outdo Zelia?” Lucky asked.
“Someone here has a knack for getting herself hurt.” Linithion glared at Zelia.
“Hey! I haven’t gotten myself killed in,” Zelia paused to think back how long it had been since they’d killed Xander.
“Two months. It’s only been two months,” Linithion supplied, her voice sharp. “You should technically still be dead.”
“True.” Zelia shrugged. She had no argument for that. She should have still been a pile of ash after Xander made her explode.
“Um, I have questions. So, so many questions,” Jones said.
“We’ll explain later. Do you need anything, Eadon?” Linithion asked.
“No. Just go tackle Koin for me.”
“As though you need to ask.” Linithion flashed him a grin and they headed back towards the docks.
With each step, Zelia forced herself to think about Linithion and Koin—and all her other kin. She didn’t want to think about death and dying, or magic. There’d be time for that later.
16
Koin stood with arms crossed near the docks. He watched them with steely appraisal. “I wondered how long it would take you to come back.” Zelia and Linithion shared a glance that was both a question and an answer, then they tackled him in a hug. Koin stumbled a step and laughed. “Nice to know someone loves me.”
“We missed you, too.” Linithion sparkled as she craned her neck to look up at him.
“Speak for yourself. I’m not looking forward to all the training I have to make up now.”
“Oh, I’m not that bad. Though apparently I’ve been around those two too much.” Koin took a deep breath and relaxed as he let it out, as though settling into the fact that he was home. “We should go see Eleanor.”
“Of course we should.” Zelia sighed.
“What did she do this time?”
“Nothing, she was just playing messenger.” Linithion cut her one of those looks that demanded she cut Eleanor some slack.
“I see. Are either of you going to elaborate?”
Death. The word clanged through her and she let go of Koin. “Maybe later.” She began the trek back to the house. She’d barely made it a few steps before Linithion took up her hand again.
“It still doesn’t change anything.”
“I know. I still don’t want it though.”
Linithion huffed a laugh. “You know it doesn’t work like that. It would be like me saying I don’t want to be an Elf. We can’t change what we are. We can only accept it. You need to accept it, not because of the Fenari or anyone else, but for yourself.”
“Oh, so you want me to be selfish for a change?”
“Well, if that’s what it takes.”
Koin hummed a note as he stepped up to Linithion’s other side. “I never pegged you two as soulmates, but you make a good pair.”
“Awe, thanks. Love you too, Koin.” Linithion gave Koin a light jab with her elbow
.
The way Koin looked at Linithion, Zelia knew he too saw the cracking around the edges. The joking was just Linithion’s way of hiding the pain. She’d kept it together thus far, but she was far from alright. They both were. Zelia tightened her grip on Linithion’s hand and promised herself she’d get Linithion to talk that evening when they were alone. At the very least, Zelia would remind Linithion that she was there for her, too.
Nikolas was sitting in the chair across from Eleanor’s desk, whittling while he waited. “Nice of you to finally join us, pipsqueaks.”
“Nice to see you not looking so green.” Zelia appraised Nikolas. The dark circles that had haunted him even before the voyage to Dragon Island were gone and he seemed more relaxed and at peace with himself than he had been. “I take it Fregnar treated you well?”
“He did. He’s definitely not how the stories portray him. He cares about the souls he’s entrusted with, and his kin.” The way Nikolas looked at her then, was how Skylar had looked at her when he’d realized they were both raised by Eadon and thus were siblings of sorts. “Congratulations on your betrothal, Father sends his well wishes to both of you.”
“Thank you.” Linithion pulled Zelia to sit on her lap.
“Mother really should have made more chairs in this office,” Eleanor said when she finally looked up from whatever she was writing.
“I tried telling her,” Koin said.
“So, have you decided?” Nikolas stared at Zelia.
“I—Why does Fregnar care if I accept that I’m a god of…”
“Rebirth,” Nikolas supplied. “And Fregnar—”
“Wait, what?” Koin jolted from his relaxed stance and glared at Eleanor. “A god? When was someone going to tell me about this one?”
Nikolas cleared his throat. “As I was saying, Fregnar might be considered an old god of the dead, but the death of a body is just the releasing of its energy back into the world around it. Without death, nothing new would grow. In actuality, he is the god of souls. Fregnar has been keeping tabs on you, ever since you were freed from The Cave. He’d been looking for you since your first death, but Asenten was always careful to make sure anyone you killed had no idea where they were. The concealment spells they used hid you from even him.”
