by Lisa Shelby
"You really okay?" I say, glancing over the state of the patio with all the remnants of his smoking and drinking binge.
"Better with you here." There is no smile on his face, and if I didn't know better, I would say he was sincere.
"This isn't a social call, Ronan."
"Okay, well I'm alive and well so you can report back. I have no right to ask, but if you could not tell anyone where I am...it would mean a lot to me."
"On one condition."
"Name it, Miss Adams."
Oh, he thinks he's cute, doesn't he?
"Tell me why you were watching a video feed of my building and why have you been having me followed. How would London feel if she knew?"
"Olivia..." he trails off, not answering my question.
"Now!"
He smiles. "I've missed you so much."
His smile is breathtaking and infuriating all at once.
"Now!" I yell, like a maniac.
"I never wanted to leave you and I really haven't. When the time was right I was going to beg you to take me back. I was going to explain the whole thing."
"No need to beg, but no time like the present to start explaining yourself and this," I say, lifting the laptop in my hand up in the air just a bit to make clear exactly what I would like explained. Please tell me you haven't completely violated all of my privacy and don't have cameras in my apartment too."
He gets up from the couch and looks out over the balcony, looking up and down the street. He leaves me on the balcony and goes inside to check the window in the bathroom that overlooks the parking lot.
"What in the world is going on?"
"Please sit."
"No."
I'm being stubborn when all I really want to do is sit. Seeing him in this state pulls at my heart strings. Seeing him in only his loose sweats with so much of his body exposed makes me weak in the knees, and knowing I'm about to get the answers I've been looking for has me holding my breath. I really should sit down, but I am stubborn and stupid.
"First, let me assure you, there are no cameras in your apartment, but there are some in the hallway outside your door."
I'm starting to feel a little sick.
"When I left you that night and went to my mom's birthday dinner, London was there. Not anything out of the ordinary, she's around far too often."
"I don't need the commentary. Just the facts please."
"Fine." He glares at me out of the corner of his eye and continues. "London got me alone and said she had done some investigating, and she knew all about your past. I have no idea how she did it, but she did. She knew about your mom and what she was doing when you were taken into foster care. She knew how your dad died, all about Dickey, and she knew your birth name. She knows everything, Olivia."
I can feel my insides shaking, and I finally take a much-needed seat on the chair across from him. He looks miserable as he continues his story.
"She went off about how my actions as her ex reflected poorly on her. She said if I didn't leave you, she would expose it all. She showed me the press announcement her people had already created, and I couldn't risk it. I knew that just being with me had already exposed you to Dickey and his men, and I couldn't put you in further danger. I told you I would do anything for you, Olivia. Even if it meant not getting to be with you."
"Then why not tell me yourself? Why take off with London? I see her on your arm everywhere I turn. First you have Evelyn do your dirty work for you, and then I have to see you everywhere with her. Do you have any idea how badly both of those things hurt me?"
His head hangs low, and he speaks so quietly I can barely here him. "I never wanted to hurt you. I hated every moment my picture was being taken with her. I swear they were photo ops only. We weren't together, and she knows that I hate her more now than ever before. She knew if I went home to you, to end things, that I wouldn't be able to do it. She also had a new film coming out and me on her arm was the perfect accessory for all her red-carpet events. She needed the exposure and being with me brings her a lot of press."
I’m hearing everything he’s saying but my mind… My mind feels like a closet that has been stuffed full and somebody has opened the door, and all of the contents have spilled out onto the floor for all to see.
He lifts his eyes, and I can see the shame in them. "Olivia, she knew everything, and I know she would have followed through. I couldn't risk your privacy and your safety. There hasn't been a second that has passed that I haven't thought of you, that I haven't wanted to be with you. I had my lawyers drawing up papers to sue her and to insist she destroy the information she had on you when we started getting security breaches at EVC. I've also had a few strange phone calls, and it looks like Dickey has put things together and knows that Olivia Adams is Amber McCarthy. He knows your new name, Olivia. He knows you are in San Francisco, that you worked for EVC, and that we were together. I couldn't risk coming back to you too soon."
I can feel myself start to shake. Now, I think I might actually be sick.
He's found me.
Ronan rushes to my side and tries to take me in his arms to console me, but I push him off. I stand up and wrap my arms around my center, trying to hold myself together.
"Is this why you've hired bodyguards and keep doing drive-bys on your motorcycle?"
"Yes, to the security. There hasn't been a day I haven't seen you," he says, pointing to the laptop on the table, "or at the very least, been updated on your day. Being away from you was torture, but I was willing to endure it to keep you safe."
"Then why scare me to death buzzing by on that death trap all the time? That was seriously creepy, Ronan. Not. Cool."
"Gorgeous, I don't know what you're talking about."
As good as it feels to hear him call me that, I'm pissed that he's trying to deny his drive-bys. "Ronan, I saw the way you would watch me as you drove by."
Looking sheepish he finally confesses. "Olivia, I only drove by one time, but you were in the bar with Bryce, and I didn't think you saw me. I would never buzz by and purposely try to scare you."
I stomp to the bathroom connected to his bedroom and to the same window he checked mere moments ago. The window facing the parking lot. I pull back the curtain, and my world slowly starts crumbling all around me. His bike and helmet are silver not black. My blood turns cold, and I feel sick when I walk back into the bedroom.
"Oh, my God...it wasn't you. You're right. He found me."
I start to crumble, but before I hit the ground, he's there. He takes me in his arms, and he holds me. Where his hold used to comfort me, it now fills me with rage.
“No, Ronan! You don’t get to comfort me!” I try to twist out of his hold, but he doesn’t relent. Instead, his arms tighten around me, and we slowly slide down the wall and to the floor together.
“Shhh…let me be there for you.”
“But I hate you, Ronan,” I whisper, but I know he hears me because I can feel his body go stiff at the sound of my words. “You left me. You broke my heart. How can I ever trust you again?”
“Because you and I are meant to be, Olivia. I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I see how wrong I was. I should have been with you, and we could have figured it all out together, but I didn’t know what to do. I would have done anything to keep you protected from Dickey.”
All it takes is to hear his name again, and flashes from the day Dickey murdered my father keep playing in my mind, and Ronan's strong arms and sweet kisses to the top of my head are all that is keeping me together. Feeling his arms around me as he holds me tight so I don't break into a million little pieces again, I know I’m where I should be, rage be damned. I finally tell him about the day that changed my life forever.
Sitting on the ground against the bedroom wall, in his arms, I speak into his bare chest. "I can still see his disgusting smile. I can still smell his retched scent, and I can still feel his rough hands. He took me, Ronan. Right off the playground at school. Well, he didn't, but one o
f his men did. They took me to a big warehouse and used me to trap my dad. He videotaped me pleading for my dad to come save me, and of course, he came. He died trying to save me."
I push back from his chest and look in the crystal blue eyes I've missed so much. I see nothing but compassion and love shining back at me. "When my dad got there, they chained him to a chair and pulled me out dragging me on the ground by my hair. Dickey put his hands all over me and made my dad watch. He told him all the things he was going to do to me after he killed him. My dad ignored him and talked to me the entire time. Telling me he loved me and to be strong and that he was so sorry his mistakes brought us to this place. Dickey didn't appreciate the fact that my father was ignoring his antics and he hit me here"—I touch the scar above my eyebrow—"with his gun and threw me to the ground."
He kisses my scar and then rests his forehead against mine. "I am so sorry, baby. If I ever get the chance, I will tear him limb from limb, I promise."
I ignore how comforting it feels to hear him call me baby and carry on. "I was knocked out, lying on the ground, but I woke up just moments before they killed him. They shot him in the head, and then Dickey kicked over the chair he was chained to.” My dad lay on the ground, blood streaming from his head and his eyes still open, aimed right at me but he was already gone. “When I started crying they heard me, and they dragged me out of the warehouse and threw me into the back of a car and took me back to my mom. He tortured my mom for the rest of her life, and I've spent mine looking over my shoulder. I can't believe he's found me."
I gasp on a sob I can no longer keep at bay. Ronan holds me until I’ve calmed, and my breathing has found a soothing rhythm that nearly matches his.
"This is all my fault. I'm the one that took our relationship public without talking to you first. I cannot tell you how sorry I am for that, but I promise I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. And now that I have you back, I'm never letting you go."
"You're never letting me go?" I can't stop the fresh set of tears falling down my cheeks.
He holds his pinky finger up to me, and I link mine with his. Accepting his promise to never let me go. My tears have turned to sobs, and a pinky swear is almost more than I can muster.
This is not where I thought today was going to go. He's never letting me go, and even with all of the turmoil and Dickey back in my life, I'm happy. He may smell like cigarettes and clearly hasn't showered in a couple of days, but he's holding me in his arms again.
"I love you too much, too much to ever let you go again, Olivia."
"You didn't really leave me?"
"Never."
Smiling through my tears, I shift on his lap so my legs straddle his waist. This moment, here in his arms, is worth the weeks of pain that I've just left behind me.
His hand caresses my face and finds its way into my hair. He gently pulls me to him, and his lips meet mine in the softest kiss I've ever felt. He pulls back and looks at me with love and reverence. No words are necessary. There is something between us that works. That is unstoppable. He kisses me again, and I feel my life falling back into place. At the same time, I know we can't go forward just yet.
I pull back, sliding off his lap and kneeling in front of him. "Ronan, you need to think this through. I don't want my past to hurt you or your family, EVC, Eclipse, Luna Enterprises, not to mention your personal safety. You don't need my history and men like Dickey in your life. I want you to take your time and think about all that comes along with having me in your life."
"I have taken my time, too much time, and all it did was confirm what I already knew. I am miserable without you. I need you by my side, and I need to know you’re safe. You are all I want in this world. Being with you is more important than any amount of money or any one of my businesses."
"You had to hire bodyguards to watch over me. Do you really need that in your life?"
"Of course, I don't want to worry about you, but I'll hire a hundred men to watch you if that's what it takes."
"Ronan..."
"Speaking of your bodyguards...how did you get rid of them? How do you know you weren't followed?"
"Well, I knew I was coming to your secret lair, and I didn't want them to find you, so I took the stairs to the garage and out the back of the building. Rented a car and turned off the locator on my phone. Bellinger tried to reach me. He even had Callie call me, but I didn't give you up. Promise."
He pushes my hair behind my ear. "Who's Callie?"
"She's a new friend of mine and Bellinger's, but we'll talk about her later."
I rub his chin. "I like the stubble."
My comment brings him back to his senses, and he looks himself up and down. "Oh, Jesus. Look at me. Look at this place. I am not drunk right now. I know it looks like that with the empty bottle out there, but it took several days to polish off, and I haven't had anything since last night. I need you to know I am not drunk, nor was I passed out when you woke me up. My head phones were noise canceling..."
6
Ronan
Her fingers on my lips stop my words but don't do anything to stop my body from reacting to her.
"I like the scruff," she says again, rubbing her hands along my jawline. "You may smell like an ashtray, and you and your apartment are a mess, but you're my mess. I want you anyway you come."
Color. All the colors that were missing in my life, for the last month, are coming back. She's the only person who has ever wanted me, for me, and nothing else. I grab her and she lets out a little shriek and then a giggle when I stand up and take her to my mess of a bed. The bed I haven't been able to sleep in since I slept in it with the beautiful brunette in my arms.
I lay her on the bed gently. "Olivia Adams, I am in love with you. You are it for me, and these past weeks have been the hardest of my life." I take her shoes off her and as I pull her pants down I make my attentions clear. "If it's okay with you, I need to be inside of you, to feel you. I need to make love to the woman who brings all the color back to my life. The woman who makes me feel like a man who can do anything in this world as long as she's by my side. Are you okay with that?"
She nods her head, but I don't need her to say a word. She's biting her lower lip, and I know her well enough to know she wants what's in front of her. Her face breaks out into a sultry grin, and I feel like I could fly.
She is my favorite song, my not-so-guilty pleasure, and the elixir of my life.
She is my everything.
As I undress her, I tell myself to go slow, but once I touch her bare skin and my tongue circles her nipple and I take her into my mouth, I'm like a caged animal. Our kisses have turned from sweet and thoughtful, to ravenous. When I enter her, our love-making is rapid and rough. Our teeth clank together and her nails scratch a trail down my back, but none if it is in anger. It may be rough, but it is without a doubt love. It's desperate and possessive love. We tear at each other like we would both die without this moment. Without making love to each other. We are the air each other breathes and neither of us would have made it another moment on this earth without the other.
Right here.
Right now.
This desperate moment of ours is beautiful.
We are beautiful when we are together.
I feel her climax approaching. As she tightens around me, I join her, and the feeling overwhelms me. I may be the man in this relationship, but right now, I think I am the one full of emotions. As a man who has spent his life surrounded by cold, detached people, everything I have felt since the moment I met Olivia is overwhelming.
We fall over the edge together, and when we do, she throws her head back, and I feel her tighten and pulse around me. I swear nothing has ever felt so right. But when she says my name as if it is a prayer on her lips, everything falls into place. My name on her lips when she comes apart is a sound I have missed every second of every day we have been apart.
When I roll off her, I take her with me, and she tucks herself into my side. Her leg swings
over my waist, and she's drawing circles on my chest. She’s quiet. No doubt, processing everything that’s just happened.
"I thought I was doing the right thing by letting you go."
I kiss her forehead, and she all but purrs. "God, I missed those."
"Me too. Never again. You'll never have to miss them again."
"Why have you been hiding out here? Why take off without a trace?"
"That's right. There was a reason I was here. The minute I saw you standing above me outside, like the angel you are, I completely forgot the shit show that had me hiding away from the world."
"What happened? Was it Dickey?"
"No, baby. It turns out you aren't the only person with a fucked up history. It turns out my family and every one I ever counted on has been deceiving me my entire life."
"What in the world are you talking about?"
Shit. Does she really need to hear this right now? She’s been through enough these past weeks, and the last thing I want to do is hurt or embarrass her, but I also know I can’t keep anything from her, and I refuse to lie to her. But how do I tell her this without sounding like my life is anything but a God-damned soap opera?
Here goes nothing.
I let out a heavy sigh and give her my truth. My new truth that is. "Well, funny enough, it turns out my dad is my uncle and my uncle is my dad."
There, it's out.
"I'm sorry, what?" she asks, sitting up in the bed and pulling a pillow in front of her.
For a moment, I'm mesmerized by her long hair falling over her shoulders and her dark doe eyes looking at me like she's five, and I've just told her Santa Claus wasn't real.
"Crazy, right?"
"How did this new information come about? After all of these years, how did you find out?"
I really don't want to tell her, but I have lived enough of my life with secrets. I can't have anymore, even if it hurts her.
