X
You believe in a palace of crystal that can never be destroyed--apalace at which one will not be able to put out one's tongue or make along nose on the sly. And perhaps that is just why I am afraid of thisedifice, that it is of crystal and can never be destroyed and that onecannot put one's tongue out at it even on the sly.
You see, if it were not a palace, but a hen-house, I might creep intoit to avoid getting wet, and yet I would not call the hen-house apalace out of gratitude to it for keeping me dry. You laugh and saythat in such circumstances a hen-house is as good as a mansion. Yes, Ianswer, if one had to live simply to keep out of the rain.
But what is to be done if I have taken it into my head that that is notthe only object in life, and that if one must live one had better livein a mansion? That is my choice, my desire. You will only eradicateit when you have changed my preference. Well, do change it, allure mewith something else, give me another ideal. But meanwhile I will nottake a hen-house for a mansion. The palace of crystal may be an idledream, it may be that it is inconsistent with the laws of nature andthat I have invented it only through my own stupidity, through theold-fashioned irrational habits of my generation. But what does itmatter to me that it is inconsistent? That makes no difference sinceit exists in my desires, or rather exists as long as my desires exist.Perhaps you are laughing again? Laugh away; I will put up with anymockery rather than pretend that I am satisfied when I am hungry. Iknow, anyway, that I will not be put off with a compromise, with arecurring zero, simply because it is consistent with the laws of natureand actually exists. I will not accept as the crown of my desires ablock of buildings with tenements for the poor on a lease of a thousandyears, and perhaps with a sign-board of a dentist hanging out. Destroymy desires, eradicate my ideals, show me something better, and I willfollow you. You will say, perhaps, that it is not worth your trouble;but in that case I can give you the same answer. We are discussingthings seriously; but if you won't deign to give me your attention, Iwill drop your acquaintance. I can retreat into my underground hole.
But while I am alive and have desires I would rather my hand werewithered off than bring one brick to such a building! Don't remind methat I have just rejected the palace of crystal for the sole reasonthat one cannot put out one's tongue at it. I did not say because I amso fond of putting my tongue out. Perhaps the thing I resented was,that of all your edifices there has not been one at which one could notput out one's tongue. On the contrary, I would let my tongue be cutoff out of gratitude if things could be so arranged that I should loseall desire to put it out. It is not my fault that things cannot be soarranged, and that one must be satisfied with model flats. Then why amI made with such desires? Can I have been constructed simply in orderto come to the conclusion that all my construction is a cheat? Canthis be my whole purpose? I do not believe it.
But do you know what: I am convinced that we underground folk ought tobe kept on a curb. Though we may sit forty years underground withoutspeaking, when we do come out into the light of day and break out wetalk and talk and talk....
Notes from the Underground Page 10
