We corner a landing that people haven’t crowded and exit the house through sliding glass doors that lead out to an oversized deck.
“Gosh, Andrew. Talk about the ultimate getaway in your backyard.” I stare in awe, taking in the cottage-sized deck and large yard. Sucking in a breath of fresh air, I savor it for a second. “Wow, and your house stinks with all those people in it.”
He laughs. “True. Didn’t notice it until we walked out here. In about an hour, I’ll make everybody come to the backyard so I can clean up. Now that I need to bleach the wood,” he says, grumbling. “We can move the music out here and everything, but you all won’t have access to the deck. Hopefully, that will keep this area untouched.” He points behind me. “There’s the fridge. Help yourself.” He sits on a stool pulled out in front of the bar attached to the deck.
“You want something?” I call, bent over in the fridge, scanning the options.
“Yeah, grab me a Coke.”
I grab a tea and a Coke and sit on the stool beside him.
I crack open my tea and take a gulp, happy my nerves have finally settled. Low mountains hang over the lake, making this the ultimate night view. It’s so beautiful the way they slice open the sky with the full moon just barely lifted from the mountain’s curved edges. “It’s nice out here.”
“Yeah, it is. How’s that graduation speech coming, Miss. Valedictorian? I bet it stoked your mom when she found out.” I appreciate how he’s avoiding the huge elephant in the room.
“She was,” I answer, smiling. “We found out last month. It’s coming along. One day it’s easier than I’d expect, but the next day it’s harder than I’d like it to be. But not as hard as figuring out what school I want to go to.”
He winces. “You had to bring up the S word. I’m in the same boat. Do I stay at home for Mom, or do I go away?”
“Oh wait!” I cheer as he sparks another idea for my speech. “I got another part. Faced with the challenges and life-changing choices, do we stay near what we know, what we are familiar with, what we view as home? Or do we venture out, take the raging bull by the horns, and put ourselves to the test? We’re needed here, for our families and our friends, sings a small voice in our heads. But are we?” I nod, wishing I had a pen. “What do you think?”
“I think you’re onto something because that’s exactly how I feel. Just keep it short. We’ll already be itching to get out of there.”
We laugh.
Andrew leans back on his stool, saying, “Before you head back to the party, can you wait until we’re finished with our drinks?” He grabs his hairless chin in his hand, sighing. “They’ve eaten me out of house and home. I’ll need to go to the store so my mom won’t suspect anything.”
“Waiting’s cool. I lost my party mood anyway. Where’s your mom?”
“She had a business trip. She’ll be back in two days. I think the entire house saw Scott’s cousin, Nathan, talking to you before he made a bloodbath out of that dick who grabbed your ass. You and him buddies?”
“We aren’t buddies.” I draw my eyebrows together. “I don’t even know him. Just a few short talks here and there.”
He smirks. “Not too many non-friends would nearly kill a guy for someone.”
“Yeah, I know, right?” I tilt my head back, looking up at the sky, confused about it all.
Andrew taps his empty bottle against the armrest of his stool. “I heard my mom say once ‘your mind can’t resist what your heart wants.’”
Eyes wide and brows high, his comment takes me off guard. “What makes you say that?” How could he know . . ?
“The looks you two give each other. It’s all over your faces.” He leans on his arms, holding his weight on the bar. “I’ve seen it before, on both of my parents when they were going to get divorced but worked things out, and then when my dad died, and my mom seemed to realize she’d wasted so much time when she could’ve been loving him.” Meeting my eyes, he says, “You may be young, but love has no restrictions. It’s not an easy thing to come by. And by the looks of it, he shares that attraction. Just in case his actions didn’t speak loud enough for you.” He chuckles, making me giggle. “There’s something between you. I don’t see why you two aren’t at least dating.”
“We don’t even know each other, Andrew.” I drink my tea, cooling the rising sting in my chest. “I guess, I―”
The sliding door opens, cutting me off.
“Hey, nobody can come out here. Party is only inside,” Andrew says, turning around to see who it is.
“Sorry, bro. I came out to talk to Tracey. I saw you walk out here with her.” There he is again, popping up at the most inopportune times. “And I’m sorry about the floor.”
“What do you say?” Andrew asks me. “Your call.”
My gaze flicks over at Nathan and back. Chuckling to myself, I say, “Yeah, it’s fine.” My declines are running low.
“Alright, I’m going back inside to make sure nothing’s broken. Let me know before you go,” Andrew says, jumping off the barstool.
“Okay. Thanks,” I shake my bottle, “for the tea.” Although, I mean for more than that. “Can you check on the girls for me? Make sure Rachel doesn’t drive. And Glen doesn’t have another half empty water bottle.”
“No problem, Cey. And, yeah, you and Scott owe me big time. I should’ve kicked your tall asses out, but you two are like my brothers,” he says to Nathan, passing him.
Nathan gives him a thankful pat on the back. Andrew pulls closed the sliding door behind him.
I admire the stars; fully aware Nathan is coming over. He sits on the barstool Andrew vacated. “I see you’ve changed?”
Nathen looks downward and pulls at his shirt. “Uh, yeah. I’m sorry about that.”
My brows rise high as I repeat, “Sorry about that? You almost killed a guy. And you have some weird jealousy issue.”
He nods, accepting my rant. “What can I say? Scott warned you.”
“Yeah. He did. But I was thinking some weirdness like warlocks and spells. Not that. Maybe even woman obsessions, but not . . .” I swallow hard. “That.”
Nathan gestures toward the house. “That in there was me teaching a lesson, though it had something to do with you, it was mainly about making sure these drunken college boys trying to take advantage of high school girls stop.”
Faltered, I lean back in the chair. “That guy was in college?”
Nathan shoves his hand through his hair and leans back. “Yeah, him and half the guys in there. Those guys who got kicked out earlier were slipping chicks roofies. The guy you were dancing with, he goes to V. Tech. Yes, I beat his ass for grabbing your ass and not stopping when you said, but he also tried to rape my cousin. So,” he lifts his shoulder in a half shrug, “he had it coming. We’ve been waiting to cross paths with him for a few days. There were other ways I might’ve been able to handle that, but sometimes, I just act.”
I nod, drawing my lips to the side. “Well, thanks.”
“Don’t thank me.” He breathes. “It was necessary to explain myself. See you around.”
I throw my hand out in front of him when he goes to stand. “That’s all you came out here to say?”
He stares at me, and I wait. We pander in silence for more time than I’d like to have spared just staring at this guy who’s a complete mystery and becoming more mysterious the longer he’s in my life. “No. There is more I could say,” he admits, and I’m hopeful for clarity when he speaks again. “I never asked Scott to talk to you. I wasn’t mad he did. He was trying to do what he thought was right, but you deserve better than that.”
“Is there some huge explanation at the end of that statement?” I ask.
“I can’t tell you all the details right now—here. But,” he looks me in my eyes, “I can tell you that you could risk our lives by being with me. But, if you’re willing to risk yours, I will risk mine.”
I shake my head. “I don’t understand.”
He grabs my hand restin
g on the bar and my breath catches as the familiar burning courses through me, making its way to my chest. I wince from the effects of the sting, but oddly, again, I welcome it.
With his free hand, he grasps my chin between his thumb and index finger, and he turns my head to face him from looking at our hands. “I know what you experience when I touch you. I know the pain in your chest attacks when I leave you. I also know you want me as bad as I want you. Regardless of what we say. But what you don’t know is, a life with me is not the happiness females dream of.”
I remove my chin from his grip. “I can’t be sure you’re what I want. And I need more than open-ended statements.” My words come out breathless as the fire works its way through my stomach. He lets my hand go, and it stops. I curl my arms around myself, combating the coolness of the night that’s chillier than before.
“I won’t do that to us, Tracey.”
Ugh! Nathan, stop with this. I look away from him when he squints, staring me down with a studious gaze. “What? You and Scott are killing me with all the secrets.” I sigh. “And you’re killing me with your being there one moment and gone the next. That, what you did in there, it speaks so loudly, but you’re so quiet. You pop up and gaze at me with those eyes, touch me with that simple yet powerful touch just when I’m thinking I’m managing this weird obsession for you. And I’m saying a lot more than I’m comfortable admitting, but it’s like you’re teasing me, knowing there’s something between us that you and I both crave. Like, I’m going window shopping, trying on an outfit I can’t buy. Is it not a waste of time, me trying on the outfit, knowing I cannot have it?”
“No. Maybe you wanted to see how you looked in it. So when you came back, you knew what to buy.”
I pinch my nose. “What?”
He stuffs his thumbs in his pockets and looks away from me. “You shouldn’t bother with me, but I’m not saying I don’t want you to be.” He stands and shrugs. “Try me on.”
“But you don’t want this,” I say low. His words from the other night rest heavily in my head―can’t. “So, why now?”
Again, he turns my head, and soul-filled eyes bore into mine. “For the pain accompanied by letting go of that one touch, I’ll risk that one touch just to feel you, or relieve you―temporarily―from whatever discomfort you’re experiencing. If I had to choose between one kiss and not kissing you, I’m taking that one.” He looks me over. “If I can only have one look, I’ll look for as long as I’m allowed, rather than avoid not seeing you at all. Even though it would hurt like hell when you’re not around, if I had the choice, I would have you once, and then suffer from not having you again.” He lifts me from the stool and sits me on the bar so we’re eye to eye. “I’m making that choice. I’m choosing you, Tracey. All the pain you have, I have. All the thoughts you think, I think. You stalk my mind and my dreams as I haunt yours. So, I’d prefer to risk the affliction from touching you once than to risk never touching you at all. I prefer to crave you, want you, and get enraptured by the desire to have you than to have no feelings toward you whatsoever. I can’t fight it, Tracey. I don’t want to. So, stop with me.” He removes his hands, but I grab his arms, forcing him to leave them on me. His touch is too calming and comfortable, and when he breaks away, the anxiety will return.
“You want me to get myself into something that I don’t know what I’m getting myself into?” I ask, searching his fierce brown eyes for some revelation.
Nathan clasps at the belt loops of my high-waist jeans and never breaks our eye contact. “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
“What’s the risk? I’m not interested in dying.”
“I won’t let that happen, but I’m not saying life with me will not be dangerous.”
“I’m also not interested in playing this tit for tat game with you.”
“I don’t tit or tat.” He throws his head back and sighs heavily. “I know what I’m doing. I just don’t know what I should do. Everything tells me to leave you alone. And I know I should, but shit, I don’t want to. I’m supposed to. I can’t have you, but I can’t stay away from you either. And that’s not on you, there’s just this whole thing and what I am that prevents me from . . .”
I throw up my hand, cutting him off. “Can you tell me what’s up? Can you tell me everything, no more secrets?”
“Can you just trust me?” he asks, removing his hands from my grasp and taking a single step out of my reach.
The world halts at his question. I replay the conversation, shocked he’d request that, and we’ve not yet earned that privilege from each other. My confusion whirls as I stare at him. I’ve never met anyone who felt so welcoming, whose voice comforted me and held confidence that no matter what happens, I’ll be protected. But I don’t know him. I do, however, know my body, heart, and mind believes there’s some kind of assurance settled between us that for some incredulous reason the risk is worth it. Though, I still don’t know the risk or what scares him about being with me. I don’t know what to expect from this or if it’s worth the danger he promises.
So, are these resilient feelings for this person I barely even know worth jeopardizing whatever it is I’m willing to risk? Is not going for it worth being without his touch and not being around him, never reliving this ecstasy? Pfft, being away from him feels like death anyway.
A simple yes or no, to such a daring question, seems like a major life decision.
But gravity’s light right now, lighter than it’s been over the last week. Honestly, for as long as I can remember. I’ve never felt so good.
Dammit, Tracey. What are you about to do?
Holding his eye contact, I take his hands in mine, welcoming the coursing burn they bring. It snakes up my arms, spreads throughout my neck, and slogs its way to my chest.
“Say it, Tracey,” Nathan commands, low and deep, seeming to know my answer.
“Say what, Nathan?” There’s a change over his skin as a chill prickles his flesh.
“Say you trust me. Say you want me,” he whispers.
“Do you?” I ask.
Our eyes lock, and I watch his swirl into that intriguing green-brown. “Damn right,” he says in a low, confirming tone. Whatever guard I had up melts against the warmth creeping through my body. Shudders rush over me as he keeps my gaze, awaiting my response. “I more than want you,” he continues, “and you’ll get to know me, no matter what I have to do.”
I let that sink in. And then, without question, I consent; nodding.
Nathan shakes his head. “I need to hear you say it out loud, Tracey.”
I breathe, “I want you,” meaning every syllable. Sealing the space between us, he grabs me by my hips and pulls me to the edge of the bar’s counter. “I trust you,” I add.
He takes me in his hand; palm on my neck, thumb brushing my jawline. Seconds turn into days as I wait, expecting his lips to touch mine. I search his face, landing on his eyes, and something in them reminds me of what he’d mentioned. He could be a risk toward my life. I’m unsure how he would be, and a drop in my stomach tells me it’s too late to turn back.
I retreat. “Whatever the risk, don’t murder us. I―”
Set afire by his consuming kiss, my body burns rampant. His raging fervor races through me like an IV placed in my arm, ice cold, charging through my veins. This, though, is hot. A scorching blaze claiming every inch of me. It hurts and is uncomfortable, but I require it, I need it, I want it.
Our tongues graze; a sweet savor straddles my palate as they move in sync with our lips. As he deepens the kiss, he claims me, and I give in.
The intensity fizzles out when he breaks our caress. “You ready to go back?” he asks, dragging his finger along my hairline to push my hair from my face.
Wow. I rub the nape of my neck, biting my tingling lip. Wrinkling my nose, I look away from him, saying, “Yeah, sure.” But I don’t mean it.
“Enjoy yourself. I’ll stop by your house later, and we can talk about some stuff.”
I rub my hands over each other before placing them beside me on the counter. “We’re going to leave now. Can you come by in like an hour and a half?” I don’t want to wait to discover this major secret. At least, I assume there is one. I’d also like a little more of his time.
I head for the patio doors, but he grabs my hand, pulling me back to him. “You don’t have to leave me now if you don’t want. I’m yours, have all of me if you want.”
I blush, fighting the flirty smile pinching my cheeks. “Let’s say I’m not ready to walk away yet.”
“Come on.” With my hand in his, we leave from the deck into Andrew’s yard, heading toward the lake. “Sure your friends won’t worry about you?”
“I doubt it. That’s why I have my friend checking on them. Andrew or Matt will yell for me if something’s up.”
“Humph,” he hums.
We stride by the waterside. The sweet smell of dampened forestry accompanies the gentle breeze brushing my nose. The alone time with Nathan is a little awkward. I’m uncertain if I should hold his hand or just stroll at his side. Maybe I should spark small talk or bombard him with my questions. The silence isn’t working for me, and I’m a little uncomfortable being so comfortable.
Nathan steps behind me, wraps an arm around my chest, and cuffs my shoulder. “Is this okay?” His hold is strong and protective, almost like he knew I was uncertain about making a move. He dives in and relieves me, and I could melt in his arms.
“Yeah. This is nice.” I clutch my hands around his arm that’s across my front and relax in our stance. Him touching me and me returning this touch without him pulling away relieves the drowning ache that has tortured me over the past few days.
We face the lake and watch the rising moon dance on the water.
“I won’t pull away from you anymore. I wasn’t sure before, but I think it’s better to have and to risk than to never have gained and not know,” he says as if he heard my thoughts.
Plight: A Dark Paranormal Romance (The Sephlem Trials Book 1) Page 7
