I look away from him. “Well, thanks.”
“Tracey?” He grabs my hips and pulls me close. “Knowing some of what you know, will you stay?”
Before I can give him an answer, there’s still a lot more about him I need to understand. I slide back out of his hold. “Why does Scott make you out to be such a bad guy? I mean, if it’s something besides the obvious.”
His head falls forward as if he’s ashamed of the answer. “That is something I am ashamed of. I’ve spazzed out and lost control before. Not like today. That was one hundred percent controlled. I’ve definitely given guys a bad name for the way I’ve treated some chicks I’ve been with. And I might have a temper problem.” He shrugs. “He was likely referring to my loss of control. That hasn’t happened in years. They believe it could happen again, but I disagree.”
I tilt my head left. “How old are you?”
He leans against the wall, answering, “Fifty-three.”
I snort. “Oh, you age slowly. That’s odd. Scott’s always looked normal.” I take his hand and pinch the skin on its back. “Do you have some type of holy basil ability to adjust your looks?”
Nathan snatches his hand back, chuckling. “Can you not examine me? And yes. It’s a convenient feature.”
“Humph.” I stretch my neck back and stare at my white ceiling. It’s a lot to take in, and I do the best I can with what I’m given. Am I safe, or am I committing suicide? I place my hand over my heart. Its beats are quick, as if it’s excited and at ease. Unlike it has been the past few days.
Nathan says, “That’s because it’s not going through the separation withdrawals anymore. The day we met, and you had passed out, it was from your heart giving itself up. For a second, it had stopped beating for you so it could replicate for me. We pump life into each other, and it needs to be whole to do that. It splitting in half, what you had experienced that night and the days to follow, hurts like hell. But now that we’re together, side by side, it’s satisfied.”
“Uh-huh. . . So you’re saying I died, so I can live for you? And you somehow have my heart in your chest that’s now happy we’re together?”
He nods.
What type of supernatural shit is that! My heart’s racing, and I pant. What the hell does this even mean? I look away from him and wonder if my heart’s controlling my decisions. Is what I’m experiencing real? Are these my own feelings and thoughts? My skin crawls with a want for Nathan, my mind cares for the consequences if I gave in to this, and in my heart, there’s not even a second thought, even knowing there may be a cost of my life. I jump to my feet and pace the floor. “I. I. I don’t know how to respond.” It all seems right, but then it doesn’t. Is this a curse or a gift? “Why don’t I want to say no? If you could possibly kill me, why can’t I deny it. Why do I still want you? I don’t want to die, Nathan.”
“Tracey, listen.” He stops my pacing and grabs my hand, aligning our palms and lacing our fingers. All of my doubt, confusion, and insecurity fade. As if I never experienced them. “As long as we can do this . . .that will never happen. None of what I told you will ever happen.” He shifts, but I keep my gaze on the window to our left, watching the shadow of the trees. “Even if you couldn’t, I couldn’t hurt you, nor would I let anyone else hurt you.” His index finger presses to my jawline, and he turns my head until I face him.
I stare into his eyes as they swirl into a beautiful green and brown that make my stomach flutter and my heart stutter. They’re swirl does something to me. I just don’t know yet if that sensation is floating or plummeting.
He stares back for a moment. “I promise. You’ll be safe with me. Just as I can touch you and change your emotions, you can do the same to me. I can’t say there isn’t a risk because there is, and I won’t lie and say this will be easy. It won’t be.” He adjusts, grabbing both of my hands. “But I can say I’ll do everything—anything—to protect you even if it means keeping you safe from me. I have a lot of power, but my will to have you and my desire for you to be happy is greater.”
“What happens if I choose not to stay?”
He sits back, and his bottom lip slides between his teeth. Releasing his bite, he utters, “I honestly don’t know.”
I sit down beside him. “Has everyone who has confronted this situation chosen love, even if it means it could lead to death?”
“To choose love always leads to death, whether it’s with a Sephlem, demon, dragon, or human. You’re either going to be happy in love and give your life to someone else because giving up your life is death. You’re just replacing it with the other person’s. Like what has happened to us. Or . . . You’re miserable in love and you two kill each other. He kills her, she kills him, the jealous mistress or lover kills the mate they envy, or they both commit suicide because they can’t have each other.” He looks away from me. “Love stories are all the same, the people living them are what differs.”
“If I choose not to stay, do you think that’s what will happen? We’ll commit suicide because we can’t stand to not be around each other? The whole splitting heart thing may become unbearable?”
“If one of us dies, we both die,” he says in the calmest tone I’ve ever heard anyone speak. “For me anyway.”
My eyes go wide. Something tells me everything will be fine. I know what I want to do. Then something else screams you don’t know him. You don’t know anything about this! And that something is right, I don’t, but what makes this all so confusing is this reassurance I have deep in the pit of my stomach, so much of it I can ignore the flaws of this. I know that’s bad, to be so naïve and gullible because he’s drop dead gorgeous and has the greatest touch I’ve ever felt, and I take this touch as being my encouragement that my next choice is the right one. I know what he does to me and I . . . I believe I can trust him. And more so, every no turns to yes.
Nathan waits as I work through my thoughts. It must be three in the morning by now and staying up was worth finding out what I did. But, none of it changed my mind. If he asked again, I’d say the same thing I did on Andrew’s deck. So, I repeat, “I want you.” He faces me. “I trust you.” I expect a smile or some facial expression that shows his satisfaction in my decision, but he’s unfazed.
Quick as a snake, he strikes forward, getting so close I press my back onto the seat of the chaise. I write the speed off as his ability, which I plan to ask about.
Over me, he smiles. “I’ll tell you anything you want.”
I hitch a brow. “Reading my mind is off limits.”
His lips steal mine with a kiss that’s soft and thankful. His grip on the right side of my waist tightens as his eager kiss deepens.
My hand glides over his shoulder to the thick, weightless strands of silk. His chocolate locks slip through the spaces of my fingers; enough for me to grip and hesitate to release.
Nathan leans back and holds my gaze with eyes swirling ocean-blue. This new color is beautiful, mesmerizing even. He chews on his bottom lip.
I bite back my questions and pander in the sensation, letting my eyes close, and with a gentle tug to his neck, encouraging him to return. A kiss seizes my lips, and this one’s far more aggressive than the last.
Nathan’s hands glide to the small of my back and lifts me into an arch. His body’s nothing like the hardness I walked into the other day, but firm like a mattress. I breathe deep and become dizzy with lust. His soft, earthy scent mixed with his cologne sends my senses reeling. I trail hungry kisses from his lips to his neck, wrapping my arms around him, hoping for this sensation I can’t pinpoint to envelope me.
In a snap, calm rushes over me when our lips meet again. I can tell it’s coming from him. The ambition that makes me give into this lust-filled desire battles with a rushing tranquility. I sigh as one overpowers the other, but as if Nathan breathed in my air, taking hold of the aggression I’d released, his soft kiss intensifies. He abandons my lips and lathers my neck and collarbone in heated caresses, leaving soft kisses to linger far after his
lips have passed.
Met by his hardness when our hips meet, I sigh from the spasm racking my body.
Nathan draws back. The soft blue shine from his eyes illuminates the darkness behind my closed lids. I peel them open, and his swirl is enchanting. “Nope,” he says, backing further away. “It’s not time for us to do a lot of things yet, and this is leading to one of them. With you touching me like that and making those noises . . .” He sits at the edge of the chaise, grumbling. “We need to stop.”
I inch toward him. “Definitely your fault.”
“This is gonna be harder than I thought. Anger and going full demon, I have fully under control.” He takes a pause and runs his fingers through his hair. “My desire for you, not so much.”
Smiling, I croon, “Are you saying I can’t touch you?” It’s something in the way he smells that makes me . . .intoxicated; makes me crave him. I love it. I’ve never felt like this before, so much ambition and aggression. As if I’m high, and getting higher the more I breathe him in, wanting more of whatever he has. I inhale, making it to his front, satisfying the yearning that is enticing all of my senses.
He holds me back by my shoulders. “And that is something you have to control.”
“What?”
“Your desire.”
“No!” I blurt out, sitting on his lap.
His hand slips beneath my shirt and slides over the small of my back. My aggression fades. “Tracey, we can become overwhelmed by each other and give in to each other’s needs too soon. You need to control yourself before we end up doing something we aren’t ready for yet.”
Calmed, but still a bit overwhelmed, I say, “Okay.” He has to be on to something, I’d never been this forward. I rethink the last five minutes and consider what the next ten would have looked like had he not stopped. “I’m not usually that forward. I have, like, morals and stuff.”
“I know.” He chuckles. “I’m not judging you. It’s not your fault.” He stands, lifting me in his arms. “Let me put you to bed.”
“You’re leaving?” I ask.
He shakes his head. When he lays me down, my head hits the pillow, and I sink onto my mattress, sleep a blink away.
“Can I lay with you?”
“Yes,” I answer nervously. “Your cousin was wrong about you.”
“Sleep, Tracey.” He lays the comforter over me, lies on top of it, and scoops his arms around me. Nathan kisses my forehead and whispers in my ear something in a language I’ve heard but once in a dream.
I turn over and fall asleep to his scent that, now, oddly relaxes every muscle in my body.
denial
“Tracey.” A kiss presses to my temple and then repeats, “Tracey.” I’m kissed again. “Tracey, wake up.”
I peek through my lashes, seeing Nathan. “Your lips are really soft.” I yawn and add, “The eloquent way you say my name is nice too.”
“Someone’s at your window.”
My eyes shoot open, and I scramble to sit up. “What?” I screech.
“And if it’s a guy, the next time he throws a rock at a window, it’ll be with his feet.”
“Um, okay.” That’s harsh. The only guy who had done this was my ex-boyfriend, and there’s no way he’d be out here throwing rocks.
“Good. Because that’d be a bad start to his morning.”
I eye him as I slide out of bed, annoyed by him responding to my thoughts again. “Um. Could you stop doing that?”
He makes an inexpressive chuckle. “We’ll talk about that later. Check the window.” He sits up, his eyes swirling to the hazel-brown I’d seen the first time we met. I may never get used to his color changing eyes or him reading my mind.
I push the curtains aside. The sun has just barely brought the sky to life with its gentle hue erasing the stars from the dark blue abyss. Through tired eyes, I peer down at Scott pointing at my window as he avoids Glen’s reach.
See what they want.
I jump at the sound of Nathan’s voice in my head and bonk my head against the window. “Ow.” I groan, rubbing my forehead.
“Shit.” Nathan jumps up from my bed. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to startle you.”
Meeting his gaze, I say, “I’m going to need some time to warm up to all this. I understand you’re a packaged deal, but take it slow.” All of this is going to take some getting used to. I suck in a sharp breath and turn back to the window. Pushing it open, I poke my head outside. The icy morning breeze nips at my nose. “Hey, Scott. What’s up?”
“Tracey, let me in,” Glen says, shoving her hands up and down her arm. Scott flicks an annoyed gaze at Glen and then away to his left.
I tease him. “Scott, I saw you two sleeping together. You can cut the act.”
Glen blushing is the total opposite of Scott glowering. “Tracey, let Glen in so she can go back to sleep.”
I’m hesitant to part from Nathan. Glen’s going to want to chat about last night, and he’ll have to leave.
Like a whisper in my mind, Nathan says, Let her in, Tracey. She can sleep in the guest room.
Before I can respond to Nathan, Scott says, “Tracey, come on, it’s cold.”
“I’m worn out, Glen. Would you mind sleeping in the guest room?”
Scott, being extremely standoffish, pushes Glen’s hands away when she reaches for him and backs out of her reach when she tries to move in closer. When she’s finally able to grab his hand, Scott’s shoulders slacken, and suddenly, he’s all ears. They’re too far down to hear their whispers.
She wants Scott to come in with her.
I look back at Nathan, trying to figure out how I can communicate to him through his mind like he’s doing to me.
Just think it, he says.
Umm . . . Okay. I form the thought. How do you know she wants Scott to come in? Is this working?
Perfectly. And I can hear them. Scott doesn’t want to because of the hard time he gave you about me.
Bionic hearing? Now that’ll come in handy. So, Scott’s ashamed. He won’t be able to come in, but why don’t you show him you’re here, and it might make him feel better, I think to Nathan.
Nathan’s gaze shifts to the window. That may not be a good idea.
I look back out at them going back and forth, Glen begging and Scott shaking his head. This is ridiculous.
She’s trying to convince him you’ll understand.
Of course I’ll understand. Will she hurt if he doesn’t?
Probably.
Badly?
Depends on what they did last night. It may be worse than what we’ve been going through because they’ve allowed themselves to sleep through the night and wake up together. Not breaking contact for hours. Their bodies may violently fight the separation.
I lean my elbows on the window border, watching Scott and Glen bicker quietly. Doesn’t Scott know that? I ask.
Yes, but Scott’s stubborn.
More reason you should get over here and let him see it’s okay, that you gave in too.
I didn’t give in, he says with vigilance, balling his fists. I won, and the demon lost.
I flinch away from the harshness of his tone.
Nathan rubs his forearms, then biceps. I didn’t mean that as aggressively as it sounded. But I chose to fight against what they say we can’t have, not give into it. He crosses the floor, cups my cheeks in his warm hands, and places a feather-soft kiss to my forehead. “I’m sorry,” he says.
“Talk to Scott, please?”
He nods and turns with me for the window. We bend over and out of it.
Glen squeals and a shoulder-width smile spreads across her face. As quickly as it appears, a frown replaces it.
“Scott, let it go,” Nathan says coolly, shrugging once.
Pure shock holds Scott’s face hostage, but he doesn’t reply. The peace in Nathan’s expression makes it seem as if he’s in a deep conversation. They must be mind talking.
Nathan nods, confirming.
And he is multi-ta
lented. Nice! I smile to myself. Nathan pinches my thigh, and I swat his hand away, giggling.
Glen’s appalled glare cuts Scott open. She draws back and rams her fist against his arm. “Don’t be rude, Scott. Talk back.”
Scott cranes his neck, expression wide-eyed and slack-jawed. “What the hell, Glen?”
“He’s talking to you, and you’re just being rude,” she scolds.
“Oh gosh,” I mutter. She doesn’t know their secret. This is a good opportunity for payback on Scott. “Ooh, Scott. Shame on you,” I say with a mischievous smirk.
Glen bickers at him, taking his attention off my comment.
“Nathan, you come down,” Scott barks over Glen’s squabbles. “Glen, you go up. We need to talk. Now!”
“Would you keep it down, drill sergeant? My mom’s home.” Jeez!
“Hold on, Scott,” Nathan says in a deeper voice than the one he uses with me. We back away from the window, pulling it closed, followed by the curtains. “Don’t say anything. He didn’t tell Glen about anything I told you.”
“So Sephlems, and um, Burdened,” I say slowly, hoping I got it right, “and mind thinking are off limits?”
Nathan admires me with soft eyes and a grateful smile. “Yes. He knows you know though.”
I chew on my bottom lip, discomforted by the thought of keeping Glen out of this. “Why won’t Scott tell her?”
“That’s not my place to question or to judge. And if we were to step in, it could ruin them.”
“Oh.”
“Each of us handles our own situation in our own way. Scott can be in Glen’s head the same way I’m in yours, and she may not be the type to respond well to a situation like this. He may have to warm her up to it before he gives it all to her, unlike I had to do with you.”
“Did you tell me everything?”
“Honestly? No, not everything. Not yet.”
I scowl at him. “Why not? You said I can trust you!”
“I told you the things that are most important, Tracey. I haven’t lied to you. There’s so much to say it would take days to give you every facet about my life. I can feel you’re a little apprehensive, and I don’t want to run you away by loading so much on you.”
Plight: A Dark Paranormal Romance (The Sephlem Trials Book 1) Page 9
