‘My what?’
‘Your chaplain, your own priest,’ he said brightly. ‘It’s my punishment.’
‘I don’t need a chaplain.’
‘I’m sure you don’t, lord. I’m unnecessary, I know. I am not needed, I am a mere blight on the eternal church. Cuthbert the Unnecessary.’ He smiled suddenly as an idea struck him. ‘If I’m ever made into a saint,’ he said, ‘I shall be Saint Cuthbert the Unnecessary! It would distinguish me from the other Saint Cuthbert, would it not? It would, indeed it would!’ He capered a few steps of gangling dance. ‘Saint Cuthbert the Unnecessary!’ he chanted. ‘Patron saint of all useless things. Nevertheless, lord,’ he composed his face into a serious expression, ‘I am your chaplain, a burden upon your purse, and I require food, silver, ale and especially cheese. I’m very fond of cheese. You say you don’t need me, lord, but I am here nonetheless, and at your humble service.’ He bowed again. ‘You wish to say confession? You want me to welcome you back into the bosom of Mother Church?’
‘Who says you’re my chaplain?’ I asked.
‘King Edward. I’m his gift to you.’ He smiled beatifically, then made a sign of the cross towards me. ‘Blessings on you, lord.’
‘Why did Edward send you?’ I asked.
‘I suspect, lord, because he has a sense of humour. Or,’ he frowned, thinking, ‘perhaps because he dislikes me. Except I don’t think he does, in fact he doesn’t dislike me at all, he’s very fond of me, though he believes I need to learn discretion.’
‘You’re indiscreet?’
‘Oh, lord, I am so many things! A scholar, a priest, an eater of cheese, and now I am chaplain to Lord Uhtred, the pagan who slaughters priests. That’s what they tell me. I’d be eternally grateful if you refrained from slaughtering me. May I have a servant, please?’
‘A servant?’
‘To wash things? To do things? To look after me? A maid would be a blessing. Something young with nice breasts?’
I was grinning by then. It was impossible not to like Saint Cuthbert the Unnecessary. ‘Nice breasts?’ I asked sternly.
‘If it pleases you, lord. I was warned you were more likely to slaughter me, to make me into a martyr, but I would much prefer breasts.’
‘Are you really a priest?’ I asked him.
‘Oh indeed, lord, I am. You can ask Bishop Swithwulf! He made me a priest! He laid his hands on me and said all the proper prayers.’
‘Swithwulf of Hrofeceastre?’ I asked.
‘The very same. He’s my father and he hates me!’
‘Your father?’
‘My spiritual father, yes, not my real father. My real father was a stonemason, bless his little hammer, but Bishop Swithwulf educated me and raised me, God bless him, and now he detests me.’
‘Why?’ I asked, already suspecting the answer.
‘I’m not allowed to say, lord.’
‘Say it anyway, you’re indiscreet.’
‘I married King Edward to Bishop Swithwulf’s daughter, lord.’
So the twins who were now in Æthelflaed’s care were legitimate, a fact that would upset Ealdorman Æthelhelm. Edward was pretending otherwise in case the Witan of Wessex decided to offer the throne elsewhere, and the evidence of his first marriage had been sent to my care.
‘God, you’re a fool,’ I said.
‘So the bishop tells me. Saint Cuthbert the Foolish? But I was a friend of Edward, and he begged me, and she was a delightful little thing. So pretty,’ he sighed.
‘She had nice breasts?’ I asked sarcastically.
‘They were like two young fawns, lord,’ he said earnestly.
I’m sure I gaped at him. ‘Two young fawns?’
‘The holy scriptures describe perfect breasts as being like two young fawns, lord. I have to say I’ve researched the matter thoroughly,’ he paused to consider what he had just said, then nodded approval, ‘very thoroughly! Yet still the similarity escapes me, and who am I to question the holy scriptures?’
‘And now,’ I said, ‘everyone is saying the marriage never happened.’
‘Which is why I can’t tell you that it did,’ Cuthbert said.
‘But it did,’ I said, and he nodded. ‘So the twin babies are legitimate,’ I went on, and he nodded again. ‘Didn’t you know Alfred would disapprove?’ I asked.
‘Edward wanted the marriage,’ he said simply and seriously.
‘And you’re sworn to silence?’
‘They threatened to send me to Frankia,’ he said, ‘to a monastery, but King Edward preferred I came to you.’
‘In hope that I’d kill you?’
‘In hope, lord, that you would protect me.’
‘Then for God’s sake don’t go around telling people that Edward was married.’
‘I shall keep silence,’ he promised, ‘I shall be Saint Cuthbert the Silent.’
The twins were with Æthelflaed, who was building her convent in Cirrenceastre, a town not far from my new estate. Cirrenceastre had been a great place when the Romans ruled in Britain and Æthelflaed lived in one of their houses, a fine building with large rooms enclosing a pillared courtyard. The house had once belonged to the older Æthelred, Ealdorman of Mercia and husband to my father’s sister, and I had known it as a child when I fled south from my other uncle’s usurpation of Bebbanburg. The older Æthelred had expanded it so that Saxon thatch was joined to Roman tile, but it was a comfortable house and well protected by Cirrenceastre’s walls. Æthelflaed had men pulling down some ruined Roman houses and was using the stone to make her convent. ‘Why bother?’ I asked her.
‘Because it was my father’s wish,’ she said, ‘and because I promised to do it. It will be dedicated to Saint Werburgh.’
‘She’s the woman who frightened the geese?’
‘Yes.’
Æthelflaed’s household was loud with children. There was her own daughter, Ælfwynn, and my two youngest, Stiorra and Osbert. My oldest, Uhtred, was still at school in Wintanceaster from where he wrote me dutiful letters that I did not bother to read because I knew they were filled with tedious pieties. The youngest children at Cirrenceastre were Edward’s twins who were just babies. I remember looking at Æthelstan in his swaddling clothes and thinking that so many problems could be solved with one plunge of Serpent-Breath. I was right in that, but wrong too, and little Æthelstan would grow into a young man I loved. ‘You know he’s legitimate?’ I asked Æthelflaed.
‘Not according to Edward,’ she said tartly.
‘I have the priest who married them in my household,’ I told her.
‘Then tell him to keep his mouth shut,’ she said, ‘or he’ll be buried with it open.’
We were in Cirrenceastre, which lay not that far from Gleawecestre where Æthelred had his hall. He hated Æthelflaed, and I worried he would send men to capture her, then either simply kill her or immure her in a nunnery. She no longer had the protection of her father, and I doubted Edward frightened Æthelred nearly as much as Alfred had, but Æthelflaed dismissed my fears. ‘He might not be worried by Edward,’ she said, ‘but he’s terrified of you.’
‘Will he make himself King of Mercia?’ I asked.
She watched a mason chip at a Roman statue of an eagle. The poor man was attempting to make it look like a goose, and so far had only managed to make it resemble an indignant chicken. ‘He won’t,’ Æthelflaed said.
‘Why not?’
‘Too many powerful men in southern Mercia want Wessex’s protection,’ she said, ‘and Æthelred really is not interested in power.’
‘He’s not?’
‘Not now. He used to be. But he falls ill every few months and he fears death. He wants to fill what time he has with women.’ She gave me a very tart look. ‘He’s like you in some ways.’
‘Nonsense, woman,’ I said, ‘Sigunn is my housekeeper.’
‘Housekeeper,’ Æthelflaed said scornfully.
‘And terrified of you.’
She liked that and laughed, then she sighed
as an unwise blow of the mason’s mallet knocked off the sad chicken’s beak. ‘All I asked for,’ she said, ‘was a statue of Werburgh and one goose.’
‘You want too much,’ I teased her.
‘I want what my father wanted,’ she said quietly, ‘England.’
In those days I was always surprised when I heard that name. I knew Mercia and Wessex, and I had been to East Anglia and reckoned Northumbria was my homeland, but England? It was a dream back then, a dream of Alfred’s, and now, after his death, that dream was as vague and faraway as ever. It seemed likely that if ever the four kingdoms were to be joined then they would be called Daneland rather than England, yet Æthelflaed and I shared Alfred’s dream. ‘Are we English?’ I asked her.
‘What else?’
‘I’m Northumbrian.’
‘You’re English,’ she said firmly, ‘and have a Danish bedwarmer.’ She prodded me hard in the ribs. ‘Tell Sigunn I wish her a good Christmas.’
I celebrated Yule with a feast at Fagranforda. We made a great wheel from timber, more than ten paces wide, and we wrapped it in straw and mounted it horizontally on an oak pillar and greased the spindle with fleece-oil so that the wheel could revolve. Then, after dark, we set fire to it. Men used rakes or spears to turn the wheel, which whirled about spewing sparks. My two youngest children were with me, and Stiorra held my hand and gazed wide-eyed at the huge burning wheel. ‘Why did you set fire to it?’ she asked.
‘It’s a sign to the gods,’ I said, ‘it tells them that we remember them, and it begs them to bring new life to the year.’
‘It’s a sign to Jesus?’ she asked, not quite comprehending.
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘and to the other gods.’
There was a cheer when the wheel collapsed and then men and women competed to jump over the flames. I held my two children in my arms and leaped with them, flying through the smoke and sparks. I watched those sparks fly into the cold night and I wondered how many other wheels were burning in the north where the Danes dreamed of Wessex.
Yet if they dreamed they did nothing about those dreams. That, of itself, was surprising. Alfred’s death, it seemed to me, should have been a signal to attack, but the Danes had no one leader to unite them. Sigurd was still sick, we heard Cnut was busy beating the Scots into submission, and Eohric did not know whether his loyalties were to the Christian south or to the Danish north and so did nothing. Haesten still lurked in Ceaster, but he was weak. Æthelwold remained in Eoferwic, but he was helpless to attack Wessex until Cnut allowed it and so we were left in peace, though I was sure that could not last.
I was tempted, so tempted, to go north and consult Ælfadell again, yet I knew that was stupid, and I knew it was not Ælfadell I wished to see, but Erce, that strange, silent beauty. I did not go, but I had news when Offa came to Fagranforda and I sat him in my new hall and piled the fire high to warm his old bones.
Offa was a Mercian who had once been a priest, but whose faith had weakened. He abandoned the priesthood and instead walked about Britain with a pack of trained terriers who amused folk at fairs by walking on their hind legs and dancing. The few coins those dogs collected would never have paid for Offa’s fine house in Liccelfeld, but his real talent, the skill that had made him wealthy, was his ability to learn about men’s hopes, dreams and intentions. His ludicrous dogs were welcome in every great hall, whether Dane or Saxon, and Offa was sharp-eared and sharp-minded, and he listened, he questioned, and then he sold what he had learned. Alfred had used him, but so did Sigurd and Cnut. It was Offa who told me what happened in the north. ‘Sigurd’s sickness doesn’t seem fatal,’ he told me, ‘just weakening. He has fevers, he recovers, then they come back.’
‘Cnut?’
‘He won’t attack south till he knows Sigurd will join him.’
‘Eohric?’
‘Pisses himself with worry.’
‘Æthelwold?’
‘Drinks and humps servant girls.’
‘Haesten?’
‘Hates you, smiles, dreams of revenge.’
‘Ælfadell?’
‘Ah,’ he said, and smiled. Offa was a lugubrious man who rarely smiled. His long, deep-lined face was guarded and shrewd. He cut a slice of the cheese made in my dairy. ‘I hear you’re building a mill?’
‘I am.’
‘Sensible, lord. A good place for a mill. Why pay a miller when you can grind your own wheat?’
‘Ælfadell?’ I asked again, placing a silver coin on the table.
‘I hear you visited her?’
‘You hear too much,’ I said.
‘You compliment me,’ Offa said, scooping up the coin. ‘So you met her granddaughter?’
‘Erce.’
‘So Ælfadell calls her,’ he said, ‘and I envy you.’
‘I thought you had a new young wife?’
‘I do,’ he said, ‘but old men shouldn’t take young wives.’
I laughed. ‘You’re tired?’
‘I’m getting too old to keep straying the roads of Britain.’
‘Then stay home in Liccelfeld,’ I said, ‘you don’t need the silver.’
‘I have a young wife,’ he said, amused, ‘so I need the peace of constant travel.’
‘Ælfadell?’ I asked yet again.
‘She was a whore in Eoferwic,’ he said, ‘years ago. That’s where Cnut found her. She told fortunes as well as whoring, and she must have told Cnut something that turned out to be true because he took her under his shield.’
‘He gave her the cave at Buchestanes?’
‘It’s his land, so yes.’
‘And she tells folk what he wants them to hear?’
Offa hesitated, always a sign that whatever answer was required needed a little more money. I sighed and placed another coin on the table. ‘She speaks his words,’ Offa confirmed.
‘So what’s she saying now?’ I asked, and he hesitated again. ‘Listen,’ I went on, ‘you wizened piece of goat gristle, I’ve paid enough. So tell me.’
‘She’s saying that a new king of the south will arise in the north.’
‘Æthelwold?’
‘They’ll use him,’ Offa said bleakly. ‘He is, after all, the rightful King of Wessex.’
‘He’s a drunken idiot.’
‘When did that make a man unfit to be king?’
‘So the Danes will use him to placate the Saxons,’ I said, ‘then kill him.’
‘Of course.’
‘Then why wait?’
‘Because Sigurd is sick, because the Scots are threatening Cnut’s land, because the stars aren’t aligned propitiously.’
‘So Ælfadell can only tell men to wait for the stars?’
‘She’s saying that Eohric will be King of the Sea, that Æthelwold will be King of Wessex, and that all the great lands of the south will be given to the Danes.’
‘King of the Sea?’
‘Just a fancy way of saying that Sigurd and Cnut won’t take Eohric’s throne. They worry that he’ll ally himself with Wessex.’
‘And Erce?’
‘Is she as beautiful as men say?’ he asked.
‘You haven’t seen her?’
‘Not in her cave.’
‘Where she’s naked,’ I said and Offa sighed. ‘She is more than beautiful,’ I said.
‘So I hear. But she’s a mute. She can’t speak. Her mind is touched. I don’t know if she’s mad, but she is like a child. A beautiful, dumb, half-mad child who drives men wholly mad.’
I thought about that. I could hear the sound of blades on blades outside the hall, the sound of steel hammering linden-wood shields. My men were practising. All day, every day, men rehearse warfare, using sword and shield, axe and shield, spear and shield, readying themselves for the day when they must face Danes who practise just as much. That day, it seemed, was being delayed by Sigurd’s bad health. We should attack instead, I thought, but to invade northern Mercia I needed troops from Wessex, and Edward had been advised by the Witan to keep Britain’
s fragile peace.
‘Ælfadell is dangerous,’ Offa interrupted my thoughts.
‘An old woman babbling her master’s words?’
‘And men believe her,’ he said, ‘and men who believe they know fate do not fear risk.’
I thought of Sigurd’s foolhardy attack on the bridge at Eanulfsbirig and knew Offa was right. The Danes might be waiting to attack, but all the time they were hearing magical prophecies that told them they would win. And rumours of those prophecies were spreading through the Saxon lands. Wyrd bi ful ræd. I had an idea, and opened my mouth to speak, then thought better of it. If a man wants to keep a secret then Offa was the last man to tell because he made his living betraying other men’s secrets. ‘You were about to speak, lord?’ he asked.
‘What do you hear about the Lady Ecgwynn?’ I asked.
He looked surprised. ‘I thought you knew more about her than I do.’
‘I know she died,’ I said.
‘She was frivolous,’ Offa said disapprovingly, ‘but very lovely. Elfin.’
‘And married?’
He shrugged. ‘I hear a priest performed a ceremony, but there was no contract between Edward and her father. Bishop Swithwulf’s no fool! He refused to allow it. So was the marriage legal?’
‘If a priest performed it.’
‘Marriage requires a contract,’ Offa said sternly. ‘They weren’t two peasants humping like pigs in a mud-floored hut, but a king and a bishop’s daughter. Of course there must be a contract, and a bride-price! Without those? It’s just a royal rut.’
‘So the children are illegitimate?’
‘That’s what the Witan of Wessex says, so it must be true.’
I smiled. ‘They’re sickly children,’ I lied, ‘and most unlikely to live.’
Offa could not hide his interest. ‘Truly?’
‘Æthelflaed can’t persuade the boy to suckle his wet nurse,’ I lied again, ‘and the girl is frail. Not that it matters if they die, they’re illegitimate.’
‘Their deaths would solve many problems,’ Offa said.
So I had done Edward one small service by spreading a rumour that would please Æthelhelm, his father-in-law. In truth the twins were healthy, squalling babies, and problems in the making, but problems that could wait, just as Cnut had decided that his invasion of southern Mercia and Wessex must wait.
Death of Kings Page 21
