Chapter 3
THE WOOL SHED FOOTY CLUB
In the morning as they were all grabbing some breakfast Bluey told Nicky, Terry and Claudie that they had drawn the short straws and that he would be dropping them off for a spot of council work. He was to leave them along side of the main arterial motorway with a few plastic bags. They were to walk the whole length of the road picking up rubbish, while he and Ruhti were going to carry out some courier work in the city using the van. He went on to inform them that he would try and pick them up by early afternoon, so they could head out towards Toowoomba for the evenings band gig.
After dropping off the horse poo and leaving it stacked by the side of the back shed, and unloading the gear into the house, they all climbed into the van. Instantly they all started complaining about the smell. Bluey was quick to tell them that he had heard all of the jokes and complaints the night before and that it was not as bad as they all made out and that there was nothing that he could do about it. Anyway, it was he and Ruhti that was going to have to tolerate it more than them, as they would be in the van all day.
The street cleaners where left by the road side near the Wynnum turn off junction and the van sped off towards Stones Corner where they met up with a guy named Betont Auftkt, who ran a small courier business. Being very successful he was always over burdened with work and would always get in touch with Bluey whenever he wanted to sub contract some of his work out. By having the large transit van, the boys were able to pack a lot of gear inside to be delivered almost anywhere. It just so happened that on that particular day there was a few local deliveries. However there was one that needs to be delivered near Heliden and that was on their way to Toowoomba, where they were playing that evening. Therefore, Bluey explained that he would drop it off on his way to the gig later in the afternoon.
Ruhti loved driving through the City of Brisbane, with his right arm leaning on the rolled down window, just so he could look at all the young girls that seemed to congregate around almost every corner. To him they all looked so beautiful as they were dressed up in the scantiest of brightly coloured cloths. He would keep reminding Bluey that there was not an ugly one amongst them. However, Bluey was always a little apprehensive and hung on to the handle that was attached above his door. There was also a lot of traffic around the city, and there were many times that Ruhti had nearly ran into the back of another vehicle, while eyeing up a local beauty queens.
Their day consisted of driving around dropping off small parcels and packagers at their destinations. Ruhti who was driving would also be the one who had to enter the buildings and race around looking for the correct office. However, the biggest problem he had on this particular day was too explained to the office girls what the smell was, that had just accompanier him as he entered their offices. While Bluey remained in the van hanging out of his window talking the young girls as they walked past. For some reason on this particular day, he was having the same problem as Ruhti, with the smell. Whenever, he managed to call a girl over and she got within smelling distance of the van she would want to know what it was, before coming closer. In the end, all he could say was that it was not him, as they walked away holding their noses. Then in disgust he would call out to them that he would be proud of it, if in fact it was him.
Whenever Ruhti complained that he was doing all the work Bluey would tell him that he had to undertake all of the paper work and to find the next drop off point on the map he had on his lap. They swapped stories of the smell problem which they were both experiencing, leaving Bluey to remark that they were about as popular as a Daffodil sticking out the top of a manure heap. Manure heap now that’s very funny Bluey, Ruhti answered him.
As they drove past the Roma Street transit centre, Ruhti let out a loud cry, look at that half naked woman over there, to which Bluey asked him which half. Ruhti turned and looked at him with a blank expression on his face. However, Bluey shut him up quickly by telling him to shut his mouth and keep his eyes on the road before he killed them both. He then went on to tell him that she looked more like a real little Pit Bull and would bite his head off if given half a chance. Yeah and I don’t like dogs either, was all he could reply with.
Wow look at that one Bluey exclaimed as he pointed to one approaching them on his side of the road. No amount of Viagra would help you with that he continued. That’s cruel to say that Bluey, she’s not that bad, I’d go out with her. You would go out with anything if given the chance wouldn’t you? Bluey then continued to taunt him all the way down the road.
By midday, Bluey picked up the roadside cleaners and headed back to Wynnum to load up the gear for the evenings gig, and the band were on their way within the hour. The journey was to take a couple of hours and so they opened all of the windows to get a nice breeze blowing through the van. Only this time it was not so much to cool them down, now it was more to do with blowing the horse manure smell away that just seemed to cling to everything within the van. Then they settle back into their usual routine, of listening to Claudie and his silly trivia questions. The first one being, did they know that Barry White had just released his Ultimate Collection. Strewth, Bluey butted in, thank god for that, just the thought of another one makes my flesh crawl. Nicky’s contribution was to add that he did not think that it was released, more like it had escaped. With that, they all started laughing as more and more jokes were added on the subject.
Claudie’s next gem was to ask who knew what A-Cappella was, Terry was first to shout out that he did, in fact it was the first time that he had ever been first at anything. He went on to tell them that it was a long piece of land that juts out from South America. By then they were all rolling around giggling and holding their side in pain from the laughter as they made fun of his answer. Ruhti shouted back that even he knew that Archie Pelago did not live in South America, that he was an Italian from Lebanon. Nice one Spock, but he actually lives in Scotland and his real name is Arch McPelgo Bluey told him, keeping them laughing a little longer, by adding that he had no pockets in his trousers so whenever it was his round in the pub, he could not buy a round of drinks.
Claudie continued to tell them that Val Doonigan used to be a drummer in a band known as the Four Ramblers, to which Ruhti called back asking if he was the guy who used to sing Rwucky Ribs. No that was Cliff Richards, Bluey joined in, while adding that he also sang “Rwubbery Ball”, while trying to make fun of Ruhti. With that, they all jumped in telling Bluey that he was wrong, that it was Bobby Vee who sung Rubber ball. In order to get out of being wrong, he got the subject back to Val Doonigan, adding that he did not smoke or drink, but still called himself an Irishman. I’d like to see that he said adding that, he sounds like a bit of a wozz to me, and just for you Ruhti his birthday is in February.
After a time the boredom started to settle in and in order to keep himself awake Terry picked up the box that they were to deliver somewhere near Heliden. It measured about 200mm high by 100mm wide and felt quite heavy. First, he shook it and ascertained that it had some sort of rattle noise coming from within. When Nicky realised what he was doing he told him to leave it alone before he broke something. However, his curiosity was getting the better of him and noticing that he could open it quite easily without breaking any seals, he preceded to open the lid of the box. Looking inside he could see some sort of metal container that was all nice and shiny.
Slowly he opened the lid of the container having no idea what he was going to find. The next minute the whole van was completely full of dust and powder blowing everywhere, from the strong breeze that was blowing in from outside the vehicle. Whatever it was in the container, it was now circulating around in the van at great speed. It became so bad that Ruhti had to pull up, as he could not see out of the front windscreen and besides it had got into his eyes as it swirled about. Bluey jumped out, walked around the back of the van, and opened the doors. Immediately everybody jumped out, all coughing and spluttering and looking like the mud men from Papua New Guinea, trying to dust
themselves off. Bluey grabbed the box and took out the metal container to look at it. Within seconds, he was explaining to them all that it was a funeral urn that it should have been full of somebody’s ashes. However, because of Terry’s, nosey-ness it was now completely empty and they were covered in whoever it used to be. Leaving him wanting to know, what the hell were they going to do. Whatever it was they had to be quick because they were not far from where they had to deliver it.
For once Claudie was first with a suggestion that they all start smoking and fill it up with their cigarette ash. Everybody just stood and stared at him. Well we can't use your ash otherwise his relations will get high on the contents if ever they were to look inside and take a sniff, Bluey explained. Do you know how many fags we would have to smoke to fill this dam thing up, Bluey continued? Mind you, I guess there is not much else we can do, quick light up as many fags as we can, but we will have to keep driving or we will be late for the gig.
With that, they all climbed aboard the van and started smoking their lungs out in an effort that they might be able to refill the urn up. Bluey insisted that they close all of the windows up tight, not wanting a further calamity to overtake them, unfortunately the van heated up within just a few minutes, making it unbearable to everybody.
Bluey finished his first cigarette and having collected the ash in the palm of his hand, asked somebody to pass the urn up front so he could drop it in. Looking down inside of the urn at the very small amount of ash that he had just dropped in, he could not help thinking that they were once again on a losing streak and that it was going to end up being a costly day out.
Ruhti pulled the van up close to farm worker who was leaning on his gate with some cattle grazing behind him in the paddock. Bluey leaned out of the window and asked if they were on the right road to Heliden, the farmer nodded that they were. Then feeling a little thirsty, because of all of the dust and heavy smoking that he had just endured, he asked if there were any caffs, meaning Cafes up ahead. To which the farmer turned around to look at his livestock and said no mate there all cows. With that, Bluey shook his head in disbelief and told Ruhti to just drive on before he went insane.
Further, up the road, they came upon a little old lady and so they decided to stop and ask her where the property was where they had to deliver there now 9/10ths empty urn. Excuse me Mam could you direct us towards Major Penta’s farm please, we think it’s somewhere along this road. The little old lady explained to them that she knew exact ally where it was, and that if they headed up the road towards Undecided Mountain. They were to turn right where the church used to stand, and to carry on for a couple of kilometres, and then turn left where the Meteor landed way back in 1956, and that they couldn’t miss it, as it was straight ahead. You got that Ruhti, Bluey asked and with that, he thanked the woman and ordered him to drive on, while shaking his head in disbelief once again.
Somehow, they managed to find the farm, although it was more by luck than navigation or local directions. As Bluey walked up to the front door the rest of the band were all hanging out of the van windows watching his every move, as if he was being parade in front to of a firing squad. He still had no idea what he was going to say to whoever was to open the door and confront him. Because of the very small amount of ash that they had collected, it had been decided amongst them, that they would just leave it with whoever opened the door and then to do a runner. Hoping that the urn would not be opened for some time, and by then they would be long gone.
After just a couple of minutes, it became obvious that there was nobody at home. Most of those who had remained in the van started calling out to Bluey to just leave the parcel on the veranda, so that they could get out of the vicinity as fast as possible. However, he returned to the van still carrying the parcel and tossed it to Ruhti telling him to stow it in the van, and that he had an idea. He then ordered Ruhti to drive them to the booking.
It was a little harder to find than they had expected, having been told that the Old Wool shed was in Toowoomba itself. When in actual fact it was about ten miles out the other side of the town and standing on a crossroads, miles away from any houses. Once there they introduced themselves to Harold Segway, who had open up the hut and had been waiting for them for some time. Sorry we are late we took a couple of wrong turning and Ranji here doesn’t speak the language. Oh sorry to hear that Harold replied, maybe I can help him. Nobody can help him mate, he’s been like it since birth, Bluey explained. Harold keen to keep a conversation going, went on to tell them that he had something in common with them, I hope not said Bluey. Yes, he said, I’m in the music business myself. Strewth, not another bloody Rap singer, Bluey said under his breath, not wanting to hurt the guys feeling too much. I’m a piano tuner; he carried on telling them that he had always wanted to join a band. Nicky beat Bluey to the punch line and told him that he should try the Salvation Army, as they were always on the lookout for raw talent. However, he was caught off balance when Harold started asking him further questions on where he could find out about them. Blueys response was to tell Nicky that it served him right taking his regular punch line to such questions, but called out to Harold to try the yellow pages. With that, they all set about unloading the gear and setting it up for the gig while Bluey took a look around.
Eventually the organiser turned up introducing himself as Russell Sprout, adding that they could call him Brussel as most of his friends did. He then went on to describe himself as a Reversal Engineer, whatever that was, although Blueys brain was working overtime with jokes that he could have come out with, but decided to keep his mouth well and truly shut for the moment.
He took Bluey with him to the bar and together they started drinking as he told him what was expected of the band, and the times they were expected to play. Bluey took some of it in, while the rest he let pass right over his head. He was only interested in the free beer that was being past his way. At least it would help flush the dust from the back of his throat, in order that he might be able to get through the evenings singing. The thought of human dust clogging up his vocal chords did not bear thinking about. While inwardly he started thinking of asbestoses, and was there some kind of disease that he might get from the dust particles he had inhaled. Humanises came to mind although he wondered if there was such a complaint, anyway he would not be able to sue the owner of the dust as he was already dead.
After about thirty minutes, he approached the other members of the band that were still on the stage setting up their gear. Nicky was the first to talk by saying, No don’t tell me let me guess; I’ve got some good news and some bad news. That’s right Bluey replied, so which do you want to hear first. Well after the last gig’s little debarkle and so called good news, let's hear the bad first, Nicky told him. Well, Bluey went on, tonight we have to play some country and western stuff, as a request from the club committee. Jesus, Nicky said what the hell for, they know damn well we are a Rock and Roll outfit, how the hell are we going to play Rawhide and the Bonanza theme. Bluey interrupted him before he went any further. Well maybe you should hear the good news before you say too much more. We have to play the country and western music to back a stripper who has been hired as the cabaret act later in the evening. They all stopped what they were doing and just stared at Bluey with nobody knowing what to say next.
How the hell do you play country and western music while a girl is peeling off her clothes, I mean what sort of tune would be apt for the situation, Nicky asked. Bluey started singing, I keep a close watch on this part of mine, suddenly correcting himself to sing heart of mine. I know said Claudie what about the Folsom Prison Blues, Bluey turned around to him and asked what’s that got to do with the price a beef at the moment, killing whatever funny line Claudie was about to follow on with. I don’t know boys we will just have to make something up as we go along, but I don’t know about you but I’m looking forward to it, just think we will be nearer to her than the audience, if we want we will be able to reach out and touch her. To that all Ruhti
could contribute to the conversation was Yeah, and then adding that they could try, bury me on the lone prairie. Don’t tempt me Ruhti, I’d love to said Bluey. Nicky was still speechless and hadn’t a clue what to say. Bluey explained to them that for some reason the stripper always took her cloths of to the sound of country music. Apparently, it got her into the mood very easily. However, on no account were they to play the Devil came down from Georgia. She had tried it in the past and the music was too fast. On that particular occasion, she had got down to her gee string in thirty seconds flat, and for the remaining ten minutes, she did not know what to do next. Then some clown had got on the stage and tried to mess with her. What with his mates trying to join in and the officials trying to get them all off the stage, it looked a right mess to the paying public. No what she wanted is some very slow stuff so that she can drag it out and tease them a little, so that they get their money's worth, and anyway the violin player had almost poked her in a very funny and awkward place. Where the hell does he come into all of this Terry asked, Bluey shook his head, he was in the band stupid.
They walked out on stage at exactly 8pm, as was the custom, to be confronted by a full house of very rowdy football players. It was obvious that the word had been spread around the area about what was to follow later in the evening. It's funny but whenever you perform in front of a large audience and they are all in party mood dancing and sing, the band plays at their best, and this was no acceptation. That night the Fabulous Spwalszoff Brothers performed the best they had for a long time, and the crowd who egged them on with every number appreciated it. Somehow, the chemistry was right for the evening and their brand of rock and roll was just what the locals craved. Most of them worked hard for several weeks and at times like this, it was a chance for them to let their hair down and enjoy themselves. The Fabulous Spwalszoff had a reputation and they had been book with this in mind and now it was all paying off for the organisers and the band.
That is until the stripper was about to come on, from that moment on it seemed to go downhill drastically in the music stakes. With the curtains drawn, the band had to rearrange their equipment, so the rather large lady had room to swing herself around. It was arranged that the boys stood back as far as they could, almost on top of their gear, so that Miss Lulu as she wanted to be known had plenty of room to perform. Even though the curtains were drawn they could hear that all hell was being let loose on the other side as people were actually fighting to get a closer position nearer to the stage. It was left to their imagination as to wonder what was going to happen the minute the curtains were drawn back.
The hall was very limited with its facilities and so the washing up area of the kitchen had to double as a dressing room for the band and also Miss Lulu.
Meanwhile, Nicky had been up to some of his old tricks, while trying to spice up the evening and to give the audience a bit of a laugh. He had secretly brought along with him a particular virulent strain of fibreglass itching powder. It had been agreed beforehand that they would only change into their stage cloths for Miss Lulu’s part of the act. Then during a quiet moment while he was on his own Nicky had snuck into the dressing room and coated the crutch of Blueys stage trousers with a nice thick coating of the lethal mixture, and then while Bluey was getting changed Nicky had also coated the neck of his guitar.
As the curtains were slowly being pulled back, the band struck up with one of the few country instrumental numbers that they knew, it being Ghost Riders In The sky. This rocked along nicely helping to ease the crowd into a change of music style. They followed this with an old Johnny Cash number called Ring Of Fire, which seemed to fit in with what the crowd were expecting to see next. By the time they had ended the first verse the crowd was already stamping and clapping along with the song in anticipation of what was to follow.
Bluey suddenly stopped playing and started to rub his left hand down the side of his trousers quite violently, as Nicky started to laugh to himself in the belief that his little piece of sabotage was working. No matter what he tried to do Bluey did not seem to be able to string more than two notes together before he had to rub his hand once again. Somehow, he struggled through the song although it was lacking his usual thumping bass lines as they had gapping big holes in them. At one time, he leaned over to Nicky and told him that his hand was going numb, to which Nicky told him that he was imagining it and was not to be such a wimp. Now it feels like I’ve got pins and needles in the hand he shouted over. Somehow Bluey managed to get to the end of the song but not before time, as he started to scratch himself between the legs in a rather embarrassing location.
As Miss Lulu stepped out on stage the band started to play an old Jim Reeves classic Put Your Sweet Lips A Little Closer To The Phone, and Bluey took her hand to assist her through the tangle of twisted wires and leads that criss crossed their way across the stage floor. Once she was happy with her position at the front of the stage and that the sound of the music was to her liking, she started to move around to the beat of the music. She then proceeded to peel off a long white scarf that was neatly wound around her neck. By this time, the bass guitar sound was almost none existent as Bluey was rubbing his hand raw on the side of his trousers, while the other hand was scratching his groin. However, and unbeknown to him or Lulu, he had transferred some of the itching powder onto her hand as he helped her on to the stage.
It was part of Miss Lulu’s act to rub her bare body with her hands in order that she aroused the men of the audience, who were by now all eagerly watching her every move as if under a microscope. With this in mind, it did not take long for her to transfer some of the powder onto her bare flesh, and before long, she was scratching just like Bluey. However, not knowing what was happening to her she carried on not wanting to disappoint the eagerly cheering and by now clapping audience. Her constant rubbing of her body all looked part of the act and they started to cheer louder for more, although a few where ahead of her telling her to get em off. Which amazed Nicky who was also watching her every move, and the way he saw it, she did not have much more to remove.
From the front of the stage it must have looked very funny as first Miss Lulu would scratch some part of her anatomy, while closely being followed by Bluey who at the same time kept calling over to Nicky to ask what the hell was going on. Nicky just kept his head down trying not to give him eye contact, as he would have burst out laughing. Although he must have given away that he knew something, as he had a broad grin on his face, and was finding it hard not to laugh out loud.
Because Miss Lulu was taking her time in removing her cloths, the band had to keep repeating the same song over and over again. By the time she got down to the g-string she was wearing, she was constantly scratching one of her bare buttocks to such an extent that it became red raw, and a big red patch started to appear. As she stood directly in front of the drums, the large red patch was all that Nicky could look at, and inwardly he was laughing his head off, pointing it out to Terry and Claudie. However, they had not a clue what it was all about, not realising that there was a problem. All they were concerned with was would they get a closer look, and would she turn around. Because up to that point all they had seen was her two bare buttocks, and they were constantly wobbling.
By this time, Bluey was in so much irritation that he was trying to use the body of his guitar to massage his groin area, although he was not having a lot of luck in easing the itch. To the audience they must have thought that they were witnessing some sort of double act and got into the swing of things by also cat calling to Bluey to also get em off.
Very slowly Miss Lulu unclipped her scant looking brightly coloured bra and flung it high into the audience and it landed on the white hair of an older member of the crowd, who recon that he had only come to the venue for a quiet drink. He might have been seventy years old but it did not stop him from getting very excited, along with everybody else who was in the hall. Some young fellow grabbed hold of the bra in both hands and then proceeded to slowly rub it under the
old man's nose. While shouting who needs viagra when you're got a pair of these. It caused such a laugh that most of the prying eyes of the audience all started watching the old fellow instead of watching Miss Lulu on the stage. The Bra must have contained a few of the itching powder fibres as the old man suddenly started scratching his nose quite violently. Within seconds it became very red and looked like it was throbbing to all around him. Someone called him Rudoth, while someone else remarked that he should have kept his nose out it, as he was too old for this sort of thing. To which he replied that there might be snow on the mountain son, but there’s fire down below.
Somebody else then grabbed the bra and swung it around his head while letting out a rebel yell. He then released it and it shot through the air high above everybody’s head before finally ending up in the face of the barman at the other end of the hall. From there, it somehow dropped out of sight as everybody turned their focus back to the stage to continue watching Miss Lulu. Many that night must have gone home scratching themselves. While upon arriving home, their families must have thought that they had brought the plague or Black Death home with them, as they would have all been scratching by the end of the evening. Not to mention what would have happened if they had placed their clothes in the washing machine amongst the other families dirty washing the following day.
While all this was going on the band were very disappointed as all they could see, was Miss Lulu’s big backside and kept calling for her to turn around. However, Ruhti had found himself a nice spot to watch right up at the front of the stage, and his eyes and tongue were already hanging out. Although he was worried that he might be crushed during the heaving and shoving that the crowd where constantly involved in. Nicky managed to make eye contact with him and mouthed the words, you lucky bugger towards him. In return, Ruhti just licked his lips and smiled back.
Miss Lulu’s act lasted for almost twenty minutes and in that time the band must have repeated the same song seven or eight times, which was just as well as they did not know any other country number to play. Nicky reckoned that the audience must have known the words off by heart, by the time they finished.
As Miss Lulu left the stage, her body looked a funny colour red, as did Blueys hand and face as he had also rubbed it a couple of times. Nicky was starting to have second thoughts about his little prank, but it was too late now as the show was over. He let Bluey leave the stage first not wanting to talk to him just in case he gave away what he had done. He need not have worried because within seconds he chucked his guitar in the corner and disappeared off stage.
As Nicky strode into the dressing room, he was confronted by Bluey who had his private parts hanging in the sink amongst all the washing up, trying to wash off whatever he thought was on them, or at least to cool them down. It did not seem to matter to him that Miss Lulu could see everything he was doing, mind you she was also wiping her half naked body down with a wet dish cloth she had also found by the sink amongst the dirty grease coated washing. The band all nudged each other, with Claudie saying that at least now they could have a private viewing of her act. Bluey was not amused and was constantly asking everyone who would listen, what they hell was going on.
When he was happy that he had washed off whatever it was contaminating his body he made his way over to the kitchen door with his trousers around his ankles. After which he removed a revolving towel from a wooden roller that was fixed to the back of the kitchen door, and preceded to dry himself before putting on his old blue jeans. As for Miss Lulu, it was getting so personal now with her washing that she asked them all to leave the room. It did not seem to worry her that on the draining boards each side of the sink was a collection of pots, pans and glasses that had all been washed and were waiting to be stacked into the respective cupboards.
Outside of the kitchen and by the bar, Bluey continued to ask Nicky if he knew what the hell was going on. Strewth, he said never scratched so much in my life, he then asked if any of the others were having the same problem, to which they all shook their heads with a smirk on their faces. Must be crabs, Nicky said laughing back at him, at least by making a joke it, it allowed him to laugh out a loud, as he’d bottle it up all the time they had been on stage. It's no laughing matter; Bluey told them and added that if he found out that someone had done something to him he’d bloody well kill them. With those words in mind, Nicky realised that he had to keep his little secret to himself. To take the heat off of him further, he started making remarks about Miss Lulu and some of the antics that she had got up to during her performance, although he wasn’t sure if they had all been fully intended. Anyway as a finally it had all brought the house down and the patrons had gone home contended in the thought that they had got their money's worth for the evening.
When Brussel the organiser joined them, he was delighted and over the moon with the show offering them a drink. Telling them that it had all gone well and that their music had been just what the doctor ordered. On the strength of what people had told him during the evening he would be only too pleased to book them again in a couple of month's time. While they were talking a few of the club officials around them all started moving the tables and chairs to the sides of the hall in an effort to clean up the nights carnage before everybody left.
As Bluey watched a young girl cleaning a table in front of him, he noticed she was carrying a small metal tin under her arm, in which she was empting the ashtrays. He turned to Brussel and told him that it reminded him of the time his mother was cleaning out the attic in their house and she found a tin just like it. As she opened it, she found a couple of eggs and some money inside. Over dinner that night, she told my father what she had found and asked if he knew anything about it. Where upon he admitted it was his, and when asked what the eggs were doing in it. He told my mother that every time he had committed adultery he had placed an egg in the tin. That’s not too bad my mother thought, only twice in forty years. After a little while she then asked him what the money was for. My father then told her that every time he collected a dozen eggs, he would then sell them. Brussel burst out laughing adding that Bluey was pulling his leg and kidding him.
Suddenly Bluey jumped up and told Brussel that he would be back in a minute, as he had something very important to do. With that, he rushed out to the van and grabbed the urn from the front seat. Returning to the hall just in time to catch one of the cleaners emptying the very last ashtray into their small metal tin that they was carrying, as they wiped the tables over with a damp cloth. He then persuaded her to empty her tin in to his urn. Nicky walked over once he realised what Bluey was doing, and remarked to him that the urn was now full of cigarette buts, and that he could not leave them mixed in amongst all the ash. Bluey just told him that they could sort it all out later, on the way home. At least he had managed to almost fill the damn thing up, so it should stop its new owners asking embarrassing questions later. Nicky took another look inside the urn and remarked that whoever it was they had just put on a little weight. Bluey saw the funny side of the remark and added that they should really drop it off at Jenny Craig’s before delivering it to its new owners. With that, Bluey gave it to Nicky and told him to take it out to the van, so he could return to talk to Brussel and to try and get another drink out of him before they shut the place up.
While they were drinking, Brussel asked if they where appearing on the show that was being held at the Boondall Entertainment centre, just outside of Brisbane. He did not have to give the question any thought, as he knew they were not. After all the Entertainment centre was one of the biggest venues in Queensland and nobody would ever forget they were playing there. It was the ultimate venue, and Bluey would have given his right arm to be able to play there. Why what’s it all in aid of, he asked wanting to know a little more. Just the word Entertainment centre had awoken a desire in his heart, that to him, it would be the ultimate place to play. He had been performing for nearly twenty years and in that time he had been just like any other youngster with stars in his eye
s, looking for stardom around every corner. However, over the years he had come to realise that if he was going to make it in the music industry he would have made it long ago. Therefore he had settle himself into the belief that he was a good musician and that the public liked his brand of music, and further more he loved what he doing.
However, his interest grew in what Brussel was telling him, because to Bluey to play at the Entertainment centre would be the highlight and crowning glory to his long musical career. With this in mind, he pumped Brussel for a few more details on what it was all about, in order that he could learn more.
Apparently, several large companies in the Brisbane and surrounding area had over the years employed several workers who had formed bands within their respective companies. They had all been invited to show off this talent, by sponsoring then to perform on a show that was being organised at the centre. The companies were being asked to donate a small fee for each of the acts they allowed to play in the name of the company. The money was being collected and being given to a local charity. Further money was to be raised from other members of the company who would go to witness the whole event, while seated around the very large auditorium at tables that would be decked out to make the whole place look like a nightclub. At Blueys insistence Brussel gave him a contact number so that he could find out a few more details when he got back to Brisbane.
During the homeward journey Bluey was not in the least bit tired and wanting to go to sleep as was usual after playing late into the night. All he wanted to do was to talk about the possibility of the band playing at the Boondall Entertainment centre. While all of the others did not want to hear of Blueys dreams, because they knew that there was no way that he was going to allow them to nod off to sleep. He was constantly asking them for ideas, and to what they thought was the best way to find out what was required of them. What did they think and what numbers were they going to play if in fact they made it to the stage. Reminding everybody that they were one of the best bands in the area, and so they stood a good chance of winning the first prize.
However, now and again he changed the subject as he reminded them he was still feeling very uncomfortable between the legs and could not help scratching himself. Nicky told him that it was a good job he was sitting in the front, just in case it was catching, adding that he would not want to be Ruhti who was sitting beside him. You know they jump ten feet Ruhti, Nicky added as he tried to rub it in.
As the van was passing through Heliden, Bluey order Ruhti to return to the Farm so that they could leave the urn with its rightful owner. He was reminded by all of them that it was the early hours of the morning and there was no way that they could wake the farmer up just to deliver a silly parcel. Oh, don’t keep going on Bluey butted in, we’ll creep up and I’ll just leave it on the veranda so they can find it in the morning. He then told Ruhti to park a little way off the farm so that their headlight did not wake them up, which is what he did.
Nicky got out of the van with Bluey and together they both proceeded to climb over a fence into a paddock full of sheep and make their way quietly towards the farm house. Unfortunately, the sheep had other ideas and started to make a noise, as did a couple of dogs that seemed to be behind the farmhouse. Slowly they made their way ever closer to the house having to take care, as there was no moon that night and it was very dark.
Once they were near the house, Bluey went on alone and quietly left the package propped up by the front door, he then quietly tip toed back to where Nicky was waiting for him. Just then, the lights came on in the farmhouse and a figure suddenly appeared in the front door way. With the light behind him, it was very easy to see that he was carrying a shotgun.
Both Bluey and Nicky decided that it was not the right time to try and talk their way out of this funny predicament they now found themselves in. Instead they both high tailed it out of there, in an effort to get out of range from the shotgun as quick as possible. Halfway across the sheep paddock a shot rang out, that sounded like it past only a few inches above their heads and ricocheted off the roof of the van, leaving a small hole in its path. They both heard the farmer shout after the shot, and Bluey could not help himself, as he turned to Nicky and said, what does he mean Bullocks anybody can see that they are sheep.
By the time they got back to the van Ruhti already had the engine running and the wheels were turning as he slowly tried to pull away, there was no way he was going to hang around to be shot at a second time. They sped out of the farm driveway at break neck speed with Bluey still hanging out of the front door. A little further down the road, and once they had got their breath back, Bluey was first to remark that, some guys get medals for under taking missions like that one. However, once they had settled down Nicky was the next one to talk when he reminded Bluey that he had forgotten to remove the cigarette buts from the urn. A sudden hush fell on all aboard, and then after a few minutes Bluey told them that there was no way that he was going back, they would have to hope that nobody ever looked inside the damn thing. Maybe they’ll think he was a heavy chain smoker, Claudie added as he took another puff of a butt that was hanging in the corner of his mouth. Mind you, I hope they don’t look inside because the marijuana smell will just about knock them over. He went on to tell them that half the audience had been smoking the stuff all night.
Bluey proceeded to mention that for their troubles, they now had a hole in the roof of the van, and that it was going to cost them money to repair it. One of these days, we will make some money out of this very dangerous hobby that we have all choose to follow. However, I dread to think how we are going to do it. To which a couple of them managed some sort of a laugh before it went quiet and one by one they fell asleep.
The Fabulous Spawlszoff Brothers Page 3
