CHAPTER XI.
_What happened to them while before the justice. A chapter very full oflearning._
Their fellow-travellers were so engaged in the hot dispute concerningthe division of the reward for apprehending these innocent people, thatthey attended very little to their discourse. They were now arrived atthe justice's house, and had sent one of his servants in to acquaint hisworship that they had taken two robbers and brought them before him. Thejustice, who was just returned from a fox-chase, and had not yetfinished his dinner, ordered them to carry the prisoners into thestable, whither they were attended by all the servants in the house, andall the people in the neighbourhood, who flocked together to see themwith as much curiosity as if there was something uncommon to be seen, orthat a rogue did not look like other people.
The justice, now being in the height of his mirth and his cups,bethought himself of the prisoners; and, telling his company he believedthey should have good sport in their examination, he ordered them intohis presence. They had no sooner entered the room than he began torevile them, saying, "That robberies on the highway were now grown sofrequent, that people could not sleep safely in their beds, and assuredthem they both should be made examples of at the ensuing assizes." Afterhe had gone on some time in this manner, he was reminded by his clerk,"That it would be proper to take the depositions of the witnessesagainst them." Which he bid him do, and he would light his pipe in themeantime. Whilst the clerk was employed in writing down the depositionof the fellow who had pretended to be robbed, the justice employedhimself in cracking jests on poor Fanny, in which he was seconded by allthe company at table. One asked, "Whether she was to be indicted for ahighwayman?" Another whispered in her ear, "If she had not providedherself a great belly, he was at her service." A third said, "Hewarranted she was a relation of Turpin." To which one of the company, agreat wit, shaking his head, and then his sides, answered, "He believedshe was nearer related to Turpis;" at which there was an universallaugh. They were proceeding thus with the poor girl, when somebody,smoking the cassock peeping forth from under the greatcoat of Adams,cried out, "What have we here, a parson?" "How, sirrah," says thejustice, "do you go robbing in the dress of a clergyman? let me tell youyour habit will not entitle you to the benefit of the clergy." "Yes,"said the witty fellow, "he will have one benefit of clergy, he will beexalted above the heads of the people;" at which there was a secondlaugh. And now the witty spark, seeing his jokes take, began to rise inspirits; and, turning to Adams, challenged him to cap verses, and,provoking him by giving the first blow, he repeated--
_"Molle meum levibus cord est vilebile telis."_
Upon which Adams, with a look full of ineffable contempt, told him, "Hedeserved scourging for his pronunciation." The witty fellow answered,"What do you deserve, doctor, for not being able to answer the firsttime? Why, I'll give one, you blockhead, with an S.
_"'Si licet, ut fulvum spectatur in ignibus haurum.'_
"What, canst not with an M neither? Thou art a pretty fellow for aparson! Why didst not steal some of the parson's Latin as well as hisgown?" Another at the table then answered, "If he had, you would havebeen too hard for him; I remember you at the college a very devil atthis sport; I have seen you catch a freshman, for nobody that knew youwould engage with you." "I have forgot those things now," cried the wit."I believe I could have done pretty well formerly. Let's see, what did Iend with?--an M again--aye--
_"'Mars, Bacchus, Apollo, virorum.'_
I could have done it once." "Ah! evil betide you, and so you can now,"said the other: "nobody in this country will undertake you." Adams couldhold no longer: "Friend," said he, "I have a boy not above eight yearsold who would instruct thee that the last verse runs thus:--
_"'Ut sunt Divorum, Mars, Bacchus, Apollo, virorum.'"_
"I'll hold thee a guinea of that," said the wit, throwing the money onthe table. "And I'll go your halves," cries the other. "Done," answeredAdams; but upon applying to his pocket he was forced to retract, and ownhe had no money about him; which set them all a-laughing, and confirmedthe triumph of his adversary, which was not moderate, any more than theapprobation he met with from the whole company, who told Adams he mustgo a little longer to school before he attempted to attack thatgentleman in Latin.
The clerk, having finished the depositions, as well of the fellowhimself, as of those who apprehended the prisoners, delivered them tothe justice; who, having sworn the several witnesses without reading asyllable, ordered his clerk to make the mittimus.
Adams then said, "He hoped he should not be condemned unheard." "No,no," cries the justice, "you will be asked what you have to say foryourself when you come on your trial: we are not trying you now; I shallonly commit you to gaol: if you can prove your innocence at size, youwill be found ignoramus, and so no harm done." "Is it no punishment,sir, for an innocent man to lie several months in gaol?" cries Adams: "Ibeg you would at least hear me before you sign the mittimus." "Whatsignifies all you can say?" says the justice: "is it not here in blackand white against you? I must tell you you are a very impertinent fellowto take up so much of my time. So make haste with his mittimus."
The clerk now acquainted the justice that among other suspicious things,as a penknife, &c., found in Adams's pocket, they had discovered a bookwritten, as he apprehended, in cyphers; for no one could read a word init. "Ay," says the justice, "the fellow may be more than a commonrobber, he may be in a plot against the Government. Produce the book."Upon which the poor manuscript of Aeschylus, which Adams had transcribedwith his own hand, was brought forth; and the justice, looking at it,shook his head, and, turning to the prisoner, asked the meaning of thosecyphers. "Cyphers?" answered Adams, "it is a manuscript of Aeschylus.""Who? who?" said the justice. Adams repeated, "Aeschylus." "That is anoutlandish name," cried the clerk. "A fictitious name rather, Ibelieve," said the justice. One of the company declared it looked verymuch like Greek. "Greek?" said the justice; "why, 'tis all writing.""No," says the other, "I don't positively say it is so; for it is a verylong time since I have seen any Greek." "There's one," says he, turningto the parson of the parish, who was present, "will tell usimmediately." The parson, taking up the book, and putting on hisspectacles and gravity together, muttered some words to himself, andthen pronounced aloud--"Ay, indeed, it is a Greek manuscript; a veryfine piece of antiquity. I make no doubt but it was stolen from the sameclergyman from whom the rogue took the cassock." "What did the rascalmean by his Aeschylus?" says the justice. "Pooh!" answered the doctor,with a contemptuous grin, "do you think that fellow knows anything ofthis book? Aeschylus! ho! ho! I see now what it is--a manuscript of oneof the fathers. I know a nobleman who would give a great deal of moneyfor such a piece of antiquity. Ay, ay, question and answer. Thebeginning is the catechism in Greek. Ay, ay, _Pollaki toi_: What's yourname?"--"Ay, what's your name?" says the justice to Adams; who answered,"It is Aeschylus, and I will maintain it."--"Oh! it is," says thejustice: "make Mr Aeschylus his mittimus. I will teach you to banter mewith a false name."
One of the company, having looked steadfastly at Adams, asked him, "Ifhe did not know Lady Booby?" Upon which Adams, presently calling him tomind, answered in a rapture, "O squire! are you there? I believe youwill inform his worship I am innocent."--"I can indeed say," replied thesquire, "that I am very much surprized to see you in this situation:"and then, addressing himself to the justice, he said, "Sir, I assureyou Mr Adams is a clergyman, as he appears, and a gentleman of a verygood character. I wish you would enquire a little farther into thisaffair; for I am convinced of his innocence."--"Nay," says the justice,"if he is a gentleman, and you are sure he is innocent, I don't desireto commit him, not I: I will commit the woman by herself, and take yourbail for the gentleman: look into the book, clerk, and see how it is totake bail--come--and make the mittimus for the woman as fast as youcan."--"Sir," cries Adams, "I assure you she is as innocent asmyself."--"Perhaps," said the squire, "there may be some mistake! praylet us hear Mr Adams's relation."--"With all my hear
t," answered thejustice; "and give the gentleman a glass to wet his whistle before hebegins. I know how to behave myself to gentlemen as well as another.Nobody can say I have committed a gentleman since I have been in thecommission." Adams then began the narrative, in which, though he wasvery prolix, he was uninterrupted, unless by several hums and hahs ofthe justice, and his desire to repeat those parts which seemed to himmost material. When he had finished, the justice, who, on what thesquire had said, believed every syllable of his story on his bareaffirmation, notwithstanding the depositions on oath to the contrary,began to let loose several rogues and rascals against the witness, whomhe ordered to stand forth, but in vain; the said witness, long sincefinding what turn matters were likely to take, had privily withdrawn,without attending the issue. The justice now flew into a violentpassion, and was hardly prevailed with not to commit the innocentfellows who had been imposed on as well as himself. He swore, "They hadbest find out the fellow who was guilty of perjury, and bring him beforehim within two days, or he would bind them all over to their goodbehaviour." They all promised to use their best endeavours to thatpurpose, and were dismissed. Then the justice insisted that Mr Adamsshould sit down and take a glass with him; and the parson of the parishdelivered him back the manuscript without saying a word; nor wouldAdams, who plainly discerned his ignorance, expose it. As for Fanny, shewas, at her own request, recommended to the care of a maid-servant ofthe house, who helped her to new dress and clean herself.
The company in the parlour had not been long seated before they werealarmed with a horrible uproar from without, where the persons who hadapprehended Adams and Fanny had been regaling, according to the customof the house, with the justice's strong beer. These were all fallentogether by the ears, and were cuffing each other without any mercy. Thejustice himself sallied out, and with the dignity of his presence soonput an end to the fray. On his return into the parlour, he reported,"That the occasion of the quarrel was no other than a dispute to whom,if Adams had been convicted, the greater share of the reward forapprehending him had belonged." All the company laughed at this, exceptAdams, who, taking his pipe from his mouth, fetched a deep groan, andsaid, "He was concerned to see so litigious a temper in men. That heremembered a story something like it in one of the parishes where hiscure lay:--There was," continued he, "a competition between three youngfellows for the place of the clerk, which I disposed of, to the best ofmy abilities, according to merit; that is, I gave it to him who had thehappiest knack at setting a psalm. The clerk was no sooner establishedin his place than a contention began between the two disappointedcandidates concerning their excellence; each contending on whom, hadthey two been the only competitors, my election would have fallen. Thisdispute frequently disturbed the congregation, and introduced a discordinto the psalmody, till I was forced to silence them both. But, alas!the litigious spirit could not be stifled; and, being no longer able tovent itself in singing, it now broke forth in fighting. It produced manybattles (for they were very near a match), and I believe would haveended fatally, had not the death of the clerk given me an opportunity topromote one of them to his place; which presently put an end to thedispute, and entirely reconciled the contending parties." Adams thenproceeded to make some philosophical observations on the folly ofgrowing warm in disputes in which neither party is interested. He thenapplied himself vigorously to smoaking; and a long silence ensued, whichwas at length broke by the justice, who began to sing forth his ownpraises, and to value himself exceedingly on his nice discernment in thecause which had lately been before him. He was quickly interrupted by MrAdams, between whom and his worship a dispute now arose, whether heought not, in strictness of law, to have committed him, the said Adams;in which the latter maintained he ought to have been committed, and thejustice as vehemently held he ought not. This had most probably produceda quarrel (for both were very violent and positive in their opinions),had not Fanny accidentally heard that a young fellow was going from thejustice's house to the very inn where the stage-coach in which Josephwas, put up. Upon this news, she immediately sent for the parson out ofthe parlour. Adams, when he found her resolute to go (though she wouldnot own the reason, but pretended she could not bear to see the faces ofthose who had suspected her of such a crime), was as fully determined togo with her; he accordingly took leave of the justice and company: andso ended a dispute in which the law seemed shamefully to intend to set amagistrate and a divine together by the ears.
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