by Raine Miller
But until then, Ben had a sex life to rekindle.
CHAPTER 3
Sex Manual
Desperate times call for desperate measures, and the ache in Ben’s balls told him he was desperate. Out of ideas, he finally broke down and bought his wife Fifty Shades of Grey. He hoped Rick Johnson was right and that it would revive their sex life.
It wasn’t as if Ben hadn’t tried seducing his wife over the past two years: romantic dinners, flowers, whispering sweet nothings, even a whole month of taking the trash out on time. He’d even upped the ante recently by unloading the dishwasher once a week, after hearing women got turned on by men who helped around the house.
Nothing had worked.
Perhaps this dictionary-sized tome would finally change things around for them. It had worked for the other guys. Maybe after reading it, Kate would get so hot and bothered that her headaches would become a thing of the past.
He could only hope.
When Ben gave the book to his wife that night, she smiled and thanked him for the gift, then placed it on her nightstand.
Night after night, the book lay there, untouched, while she finished her latest vampire trilogy.
Every evening, while pretending to read his manga comic books, he observed her from beneath his reading glasses. He was waiting for the moment when she would finally pick up the book, then turn to him and rip off his t-shirt and boxers.
Nights passed, and still it sat unopened on her nightstand.
Finally, one evening, she picked up the book and flipped to the first page.
Ben’s heart leapt.
He waited for her to turn to him, gasping in desire. Wasn’t that what Fifty Shades was supposed to do to women? Instead, she read a few pages with a stoic expression, then calmly turned out her bedside lamp and rolled over. Soon she was snoring as loudly as a hibernating grizzly bear, and Ben was left lying in the dark wondering if he’d bought the right book or some generic knockoff.
The next day, Rick Johnson tried to encourage him. “Don’t worry,” he assured Ben, “she probably hasn’t gotten to the sex scenes yet. When she does, it’s a game-changer.”
Over the next few nights, Ben continued to watch his wife for signs of sexual interest, but it never happened. Once in a while, she would let out a little sigh while flipping the pages, or her mouth would part in a way that looked as if she was enjoying what she read. One time, she even began to breathe hard and started turning the pages more rapidly. Ben moved closer to her, anticipation and hope pinging in his heart. She paused and gazed at him for a long moment, as if trying to make up her mind about him. He
grinned in a way that he hoped looked sexy while trying to suck in the tractor tire that had replaced his waistline in recent years and now bulged like pink slime over his favorite Muppet-print boxers.
“Sweetness,” he whispered, nuzzling her ear, “how ‘bout we get a little frisky?”
“No,” she replied. “I’ve got a headache.”
“Again?” He nuzzled her neck. “I bet the guy in your book wouldn’t buy that excuse. So why should I?”
“Darling,” she said, “you’re no Christian Grey.” Then she slammed the book closed and disappeared into the bathroom.
Ouch.
Ben lay there in the dark, fingering his disappointed willy and wondering what the hell had just happened.
If Fifty Shades couldn’t do it for them, nothing could.
They were doomed.
They couldn’t continue like this. Something had to change.
A midlife crisis was in order.
But it couldn’t be any ordinary midlife crisis. It had to be drastic, something big to get Kate’s attention.
If his wife wanted Christian Grey, Ben was going to give him to her.
CHAPTER 4
Swollen and Blue
After Ben showered and dressed for work the next morning, he crept to Kate’s nightstand and opened the side drawer. He surreptitiously slipped her copy of Fifty Shades into his briefcase. She had finished the book last night so likely wouldn’t miss it. He trotted down the stairs and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. She looked beautiful, sitting at the kitchen table with wisps of her shoulder-length brown hair framing her face and her wide blue eyes free of makeup. She could easily pass for a decade younger than her forty years. She was fit and healthy, with smooth skin and a radiant smile.
He still craved her after all these years. Nothing was going to change that. One of the guys at the office had suggested an affair, but Ben had no interest. Kate was the only woman he wanted, and he was going find a way to make her want him again, too. Even if he had to study her mommy-porn, taking notes with a pencil and a highlighter, to make it happen.
Kate handed him a cup of coffee and smiled at him in a way that gave him hope. She clearly still loved him despite their bedroom issues. They’d never discussed it, of course, but it was always between them, the elephant in their bedroom. An elephant with big, blue balls.
Over the next few days, Ben studied Fifty Shades of Grey during his lunch breaks, highlighting key passages. When finished, he decided to make a list of the things he planned to do with Kate, Christian-Grey-style. He was going to follow Christian Grey’s seduction pattern to a T, with one change . . . one major change. He was going to take each item on the list a step further, to improve the results. If Christian Grey had had success with these techniques, then Ben Weaver was going to knock them out of the park. For example, Christian Grey had only made out with Ana in the elevator (wimp). Ben was going to actually do the deed.
Take that, gigolos of the world!
All talk and no action, as far as Ben was concerned, meant one thing and one thing only: blue balls that swelled. And for Ben, it was all about the action: getting his wife to want him again. When he was finished with her, she would be delirious with desire for him. Soon, he would never want for sex again. Their romantic life would be better than it ever was in their younger days. She was going to claw at him
with desire.
He was going to make guys like Christian Grey and James Bond and STD-ridden Sal Rizzoli look like sex-starved dorks.
He couldn’t wait.
He pulled a pen from his blue-striped button-down shirt and wrote the following Fifty Shades list:
1. Have hot monkey-sex with Kate in an elevator (take that, grey-tie-man!)
2. Take her on a helicopter ride around downtown Los Angeles & land on the top of a skyscraper (bet you didn’t think of that, huh, Mr. Grey?)
3. Purchase a wide variety of BDSM toys and actually use each one on her (thumbing nose at the dude in the grey tie)
4. Have her sign his unique version of a dom/sub contract with amended items to improve both their lives (one-upping the mogul!)
5. Recreate virgin sex on both their parts (something Christian Grey could never do with his over-used dick)
6. Give her a unique lavish gift, not something boring like a laptop (try a little creativity, Christian!)
7. Spank her (if done right, the woman wouldn’t run)
8. Instead of belting her, whip her (see item above)
Ben perused his list, mostly satisfied. The last item filled him with some doubts, however. For some reason, he couldn’t picture Kate enjoying being whipped, no matter how it was done. In Fifty Shades, Anastasia had left Christian when he’d belted her. A whip was better than a belt, though. Wasn’t it? It seemed a little less . . . brutal. After all, whips could be thought of as debonair. Romantic. After all, Zorro had one. So did Indiana Jones. And didn’t they get the ladies?
Either way, Ben figured he’d have to ease into the whole whipping thing and somehow find a way to make it enjoyable for his wife.
But how?
He had no clue.
He’d probably have to wing that one.
During lunch, he spent the entire hour figuring out what he needed to order, buy, and do to become a proper Christian Grey. Emulating a billionaire on a working grunt’s salary was going to be
difficult, but after some internal debating, he picked up the phone and dialed his credit union. Wooing Kate would make a significant dent in his retirement account, but it was worth it to get her back.
Once all decisions were made, Ben had a spring in his step for the rest of the afternoon as he went about his work duties. He was excited about the upcoming evening and the opportunity to seduce his wife. Even Sal and Rick noticed, nudging him with telltale smirks. “Got a shit-eating grin on your face this afternoon, Weaver.” “Plan on getting some tonight?”
Ben just gave them a cat-got-the-canary smile. All a guy needed was a little direction and the right
tools. Fifty Shades provided the perfect blueprint. Now all he had to do was execute.
He called his wife from his desk and asked her to dress up.
“I’m taking you somewhere special tonight,” he said, trying to sound mysterious, sexy, by going an octave deeper. Unfortunately, his voice cracked in the wrong place and sent him off into a coughing fit.
“Are you okay, honey?” she asked. “You sound like you’re on the verge of a stroke. Is work stressing you out again?”
“No,” he said, taking a sip of water from the bottle on his desk. “I just want to do something romantic with you tonight.”
“Great idea, honey. We haven’t had a date-night in ages. Ooh, I hope we’re going out for dinner. You haven’t taken me anywhere special for so long. I’ve been in the mood for a good steak.”
“You’ll have to wait and see,” Ben said with a smile.
“Okay,” she said. “Now I’m intrigued.”
“Wear a short dress,” he said, now dropping his voice to a seductive, sex-phone-line-ish whisper.
“What did you say, honey? Your voice sounds muffled. Are you eating at your desk again?”
“Uh, no.” Ben cleared his throat. “I just said to wear a short dress.”
There was a pause on the end of the line. “Okay, if you say so. It’s a freezing outside, but if you want me to wear a dress, I will.”
“Great. I’ll pick you up at seven.”
Ben hung up with a satisfied feeling in his heart. If the tone in his wife’s voice was any indication, this plan was going to work. Fifty Shades, here I come! Yep, if all went well, Ben’s swollen blue-green nuts would be a size smaller in the morning.
CHAPTER 5
Going Down
His wife was wearing an above-the-knee red dress. She looked ravishing, her hair swept back from her face in an elegant bun. He kissed her exposed neck before opening the car door for her. She smiled at him in a way that sent flutters through his middle-aged, cholesterol-clogged heart.
“Where are we going?” she asked, settling into her seat.
“I’m not telling,” he said, giving her a wink. He was glad he’d gotten the car washed and vacuumed earlier in the week. Kate wouldn’t have been happy with his usual empty soda cans and fast food wrappers rolling around underfoot.
She assessed him. “Nice tie.”
He puffed his chest out. He was glad she’d noticed. He’d spent an hour after work picking out just the right grey silk tie from Macy’s sale bin. It was a glowing, deep-silver color, patterned with black swirls. Okay, maybe it was a little wide, and maybe it clashed with the brown suit he’d worn to work that morning, but so what? It was the tie itself that mattered. If a grey tie was what it took to get the job done, then a grey tie it was.
His wife ran a hand over her hair, smoothing it carefully. “I sure am in the mood for a good steak. I hope you’re taking me to that candlelit restaurant on Main.”
“What if I said we’re not going to eat until later on, if at all?”
Her face fell. “But I’m starving. I ate a small lunch today.”
“But I never said I was taking you to dinner.”
She frowned. “Great. Are we going straight to the movies, as usual? Red licorice, stale popcorn, and day-old hotdogs are not a meal, Ben, no matter how many times you’ve tried to convince me of that.”
“Just trust me. You’re going to like what I have in mind. We’re not going to the movies.”
“But Ben, I’d really like to go to dinner. I’m all dressed up.” Her voice had taken on an irritated note.
“Can’t you just go with the plan? You might like it.”
She frowned more deeply. “But—”
“Will you stop asking questions? We’ll be there soon.”
“You don’t need to get snappy.”
“You’re the one who’s in a bad mood. I’ve got a great surprise planned. Just give me a chance.” He took a deep breath, trying to calm the frustration climbing in his chest. “Do it for me.” Yes, do it, baby . . . Isn’t that what Christian Grey would say? It was good to practice the verbiage internally before actually saying it aloud.
She glanced over at him, her face softening. “Okay, sorry. I’ll go with it, Ben. I’m really glad you’re trying to surprise me with a special date-night. You know how I’ve been hoping you’d take control more.
It’s nice to see you taking charge for once.” She cast him a sideways glance. “I’m really looking forward to seeing what you have planned tonight, honey. I really am.” She settled into her seat and clasped her hands in her lap as if determined to enjoy the evening despite what disappointments might lay ahead.
Boy, she has no idea. She’s in for a walloping treat!
He pulled into the mall parking lot. He drove through the spiral winding parking structure, heading up toward the top level.
“Why are we here?” Kate asked, looking around at the dark parking structure dotted with cars.
“You’ll see.” He winked at her.
She cocked a brow, skepticism flooding her face.
The top level was deserted except for a few cars. It was a weeknight, after all. He parked next to an industrial-sized elevator.
“Are we going shopping?” asked Kate. “I could use some new clothes—”
“Shh.” Ben leaned over and placed a finger to her lips. “Stop asking so many questions.”
He got out and went around to her passenger-side door. He opened the door and gave her his hand. She smiled up at him in a way that made him warm and gooey inside.
He led her to the elevator and pressed the button. From deep down in the shaft, creaky gears squeaked—the sound of a weather-worn industrial elevator making its ascent.
He gazed at Kate, his heart rate picking up. She stared straight ahead, oblivious to what was in store for her. She was going to be so surprised. Ben pictured her throwing her head back against the elevator wall, gripping his waist, crying out in pleasure . . .
The thick metal door slid open. He gave her his hand and led her into the elevator as if it were Cinderella’s carriage. She gave him a curious look.
He pressed “Ground Level.”
They were alone, just the two of them. Unfortunately, the elevator reeked of something foul: vomit or possibly stale human urine. The floor was scuffed and sticky, and the walls were scratched. The thing was ancient. Not exactly a romantic place to seduce her. Ben’s heart sank.
For a moment, he thought about calling the whole thing off. But then he remembered the scene he’d read, where Christian Grey had pushed Ana against the elevator wall. It was a sexy scene, and Ana had been delirious with desire. That’s what women wanted, for men to take control. It wouldn’t matter which elevator they were in as long as things were done right. It was all in the execution.
He was going for it. He was determined recreate the hot scene from the book, except he was going to take it further than Christian Grey had. He was going to actually make love to his wife in an elevator. He was going to make her scream out in desire.
Just the thought of it made him hot—so turned on that his wood was already starting to stir in his pants.
He reached over and, without warning, yanked the red emergency stop button. A loud, ear-splitting
alarm rang out. The elevator jolted and came to a halt.
“W
hat’s wrong?” Kate cried out, looking frightened.
“I want you, baby,” he said, and pushed her against the back wall.
“What are you doing?” She shoved him away and covered her ears. The alarm continued to clang shrilly. “Do you want to get us arrested?”
“Good point.” Ben swiftly pressed the lever again, and the elevator resumed its slow descent. “Guess we’ll have to make this quick.” He lunged at her and pushed her against the wall once more. He pinned her hands above her head and kissed her hard on the mouth.
She pushed him away. “Ben, stop—!”
He grabbed her by the bun, Christian-Grey style, and yanked her back.
“Ouch!” she screamed. She wrenched away from him, staring at him as if he’d lost his mind. “What the hell has gotten into you?”
“I want you, Kate. You are so . . . sweet.” Those were the same words Christian Grey had said in the elevator scene. Perfect.
She squinted at him with a dubious expression.
He pinned her against the wall with his body, grinding his hips into hers. “Do you feel it?” He pressed his rock-hard girth against her.
“Have you lost your mind?” she said, yanking away. “This is not the time or place. People are going to come!”
“Come is the operative word here,” he murmured in her ear, nibbling on her ear lobe. His hand went up beneath her skirt and under her panties. He found her opening and eased his finger into its wetness. She gasped. Promising. He grabbed her wrists with his free hand and yanked her arms above her head again.
“Ben—!”
He kissed her hard on the lips, his tongue circling fiercely between her teeth. With his free hand, he moved his finger around her opening, which was now slick with lubrication. A very good sign. Her body relaxed against his.
“Wow, this was unexpected,” she murmured.
Good. Things were going as planned. His manhood throbbed in his pants as he moved his finger around her clitoris. She let out a small moan and moved slightly against his finger. Excellent.
